The New Hokage: Chance of a Lifetime
by LuigiFreak
Summary: Tsunade can't go on and Konoha needs a new Hokage. Naruto finally has a chance at his life dream! Also, with Sakura in mad fury, can Naruto's relationship with Hinata work? Naruhina, slight Nejiten, humor, and major Sakura bashing!
1. Prologue: Surprise!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, yadda-yadda-whatever.

Note: This is my first fanfic, and please review :)

Feel free to skip to Chapter 6 if you just want to see the battles or romance (both start at around the same time :P)

Chap 2 is mainly to fill readers in with character statistics.

**Prologue: "Surprise!"**

* * *

Two months after the legendary, perverted sannin, Jiraiya, supposedly died in Pain's hands, the village seems like it's back to normal again, except that they were still struggling with the Akatsuki organization. Then, one night, when Tsunade, the Hokage, was overdosing on sake once again, a dark figure crashed through her window.

"Woo thuh hell is theere?" Tsunade replied drunkenly.

The figure turned on the light nearby and looked very familiar…It had one arm, long, spiky white hair, two lines beneath its eyes, and the eyes of the Rinnegan, whose swirls looked much like an archery target and was bloody yellow.

"Jiraiya?! I thought you died!" Tsunade said, shocked.

"I am not your filthy toad, miss. I am none other than God. I am Pain!" The Jiraiya-like figure shouted.

Thr Jiraiya-like Pain figure quickly took out a kunai knie and stabbed Tsunade in all of her vital points at ease, seeing as she was much too intoxicated with sake. Then, he was about to easily land a fatal blow, when Tsunade blindly leaped forward and kicked Jiraiya-Pain out of the window he crashed in from and she followed, moving very uncoordinatedly.

"You'll die for that!" Pain exclaimed and charged for her, charging a blue sphere of chakra none other than the Rasengan in his right hand.

"WAIT!!"

Jiraiya-Pain stopped in his tracks, just for that moment. If this was just some worthless small-talk, he was going to drive his knife through her brains and the Rasengan through her heart in a bloodthirsty manner.

Tsunade gathered up the last of her breath and said, "Jiraiya, can you not see me? The woman you've loved for more than forty years? The best of comrades? Fellow sannin? How will you feel, Jiraiya, if you kill me now? Don't you want to kiss me?"

"Um…eh…I'm Pain! Can you not see?" Jiraiya-Pain said in an awkward, Hinata-like manner, blushing a dark pink.

'Got him!' Tsunade thought, satisfied. 'However, I could fight better than this, even if I was drunk, only five years ago. Maybe I'm getting much too old for this damn job.'

Jiraiya-Pain continuously pondered what Tsunade last said in his mind and looked like he was about to fight with himself. Then, the infamous Rinnegan disappeared from Jiraiya's gaze and he was Pain no longer. Then, Jiraiya passed out from exhaustion and from embarrassment out of Tsunade's statement, once again, something that only Hinata would do.

'Sigh, that's one Pain down. I'll take this dobe to the hospital and send all the Leaf jonin and Naruto to my building tomorrow…We have something important to discuss.' Tsunade thought, recovering from her alcoholic side-effects.

* * *

CLIFFHANGER! (sorta)

So, please tell me how you thought, and there will be a tournament between the leaf ninja after a few chapters, so please give suggestions for matchups :P


	2. Ch 1: The MessedUp Meeting

Hey people, please review, this is my first fanfic, and I'm writing with a cast on my left arm, so you might find some spelling errors. :P

I need your feedback so that I know how I'm doing..

Disclaimer: I wish I was Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Messed-Up Meeting

Tsunade was still mildly surprised that she both defeated a Pain and a sannin at the same time. However, six Pains still exist and Jiraiya was being pushed by Tsunade to her office. Jiraiya was just beginning to stir and wake up.

"Wow, what the hell just happened? Why am I in a hospital bed? Why am I not dead from Pain? And…"

He stared up at the woman pushing his bed and saw two huge…Let's just say Jiraiya got his trademark pervy-face going on once again.

"Holy crap! That's you, right, Tsunade? No one else has a chest that…"

SMACK!!…Jiraiya fainted again.

"Serves you right, pervert! I'll explain everything at the office," Tsunade replied.

Once the duo of sannins arrived to the Hokage office, a few familiar faces were waiting, each specifically called by Tsunade.

"God…It can't be…Ero-Sannin!" Naruto, the blond-headed ninja said in a great burst of joy and shock. Then, Jiraiya finally woke up again.

"Hey, kid. Haven't seen you in a while. Wait…Are those two.."

"Don't make me knock you out again, you perverted baka." Tsunade said, bottling up her anger.

There were now a total of seven people in the room, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Hatake Kakashi, Sai, and a random drunk hobo with a mustache. Wait, what?!

"Get out of here, hobo-dude. This is a discreet jonin meeting!" Sakura suddenly shouted.

"Yeah, you probably have a tiny penis," Sai said.

"What's you and your obsession of penises?" Naruto said in annoyance. "You don't LIKE them, do you?"

Sai replied in cool confidence, "No, I only like my penis, considering it's probably ten times larger and manlier than yours. You can't be a man with a small penis."

Naruto started, "Oh, yeah?! As a matter of fact, mine's…" and got cut off by a shrill scream.

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET BACK ON TOPIC!!" Tsunade yelled in rage.

"Yeah, the whole you-know-what thing…just sickens me. Ugh!" Jiraiya said in disgust.

Tsunade finally started the story. "Alright, you all know that around two months ago, Jiraiya was tragically killed by Pain, correct? Only, he wasn't killed, he was harvested in a technique that would make him "Pain" also and would also give him the Rinnegan, the most powerful dojutsu known to man. This is said to be more powerful than the Sharingan and Byakugan combined. However, in research, and with Jiraiya's last documentary he sent before "dying", I learned that a person who suffered the effect of being killed then becoming Pain can be reversed."

"How?!" Naruto butted in.

"Just shut up and listen!" Sakura said.

Tsunade continued. "Well, Pain has or at least claims to have joined with the gods, and it's probably the evil ones, judging by his evil nature. The evil can be stopped in a few ways, one of which is to get to the true person inside of the "Pain" to feel very intense emotions, especially the ones that make them happy. Another way is to find one of the holy weapons contained in some sort of legendary scroll, but we don't have any. The last way is a medicine I'm currently coming up with, although it will take months and I don't seem like I can take on that responsibility and being Hokage at the same time."

"That's why…" multiple shocked stares "I quit."

Now, a bunch of "OMFG" shocked stares

Tsunade continued yet again. "That is why I have called you here. Jiraiya, you will be assisting me with my duties for the time being."

"Crap! Now I can't do my research!" Jiraiya responded.

"Riiight, "research" otherwise known as female anatomy and all that perverted stuff!" Naruto said.

"As I was saying, Jiraiya will do that, and the rest of you have been selected because you are all likely candidates." As she saw Naruto beaming, she said, "Yes, even you, Naruto. Now, all of you, round up some more likely candidates for Hokage, preferably Jonin. Move out!"

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" they all said dutifully and jumped out.

"Aw, not this! How troublesome!" Jiraiya now moped in a very Shikamaru-like manner.

"Hey, Jiraiya...I have a surprise for you. I think you WILL complete your "research" if you get my drift," Tsunade suprisingly said very flirtatiously.

Jiraiya thought about the words for around eleven seconds, did his trademark pervert-blush, except now it went a few red shades higher, and said, "Uh…Do you mean what I THINK you mean? Holy shit! I've been waiting for this moment for 48 years!" (Lemons! Cover your eyes, kids! They burn!)

* * *

…lol.

Please review this and stick around for Chapter 2, where the Konoha 11 meet and stuff..


	3. Ch 2: The Uber Long Chapter w Stats

Please review and suggest matchup requests for the tournament for Hokage. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. In fact, Naruto just owned me. The Rasengan really hurts…

Chapter 2: The Really Long Chapter with all the Stats

* * *

Kakashi, after mourning for four hours at Obito Uchiha's grave yet again, sped to the Ninja academy, where Gai normally trains, to Kurenai's house, and a few other places to round up fellow nin.

"Okay, people, normally I'd be five hours late, but I got lost on the road of life for a shorter amount of time. The real reason you are here…Is because you are all likely candidates for the title of Hokage."

Every Jonin there was then shocked. Kakashi then told the whole story from the office and continued, "Maito Gai, Yuhi Kurenai, Morino Ibiki, and Umino Iruka, you will all report to the Konoha Arena in one week. Understood?"

"Yes, Kakashi-san." Was heard from the four Jonin, and they moved back to their respective places to prepare. The same happened when Naruto, Sakura, and Sai gathered people, and in total, 18 people were informed and registered for the Hokage Competition.

Naruto's POV speaking to the audience

"Hey, people! Even I can't believe it! Believe it! (Dattebayo sounds so much better :P) I'm gonna be Hokage! Wait...First, I should introduce you guys to all the competition so you all know whose asses I'll be kicking!"

* * *

THE COMPETITORS:

Uzumaki Naruto

Age: 16

Rank: Genin (lolz)

Personality: Hyperactive, Goofball, Always seems to be happy.

Special moves: Rasengan, Wind: Rasenshuriken, Shadow Clone Jutsu, Kyuubi release, Toad Summon

"Wow, that's me! The best ninja in the whole village! Believe it! I'm pretty damn good in ninjutsu and not too bad in taijutsu, either! The thing is, I can't do anything about genjutsu to save my life, but that won't stop me from being Hokage! The moves I seem to use all the time are Rasengan and Shadow Clones, simply because…they kick ass! Believe it!"

* * *

Haruno Sakura

Age: 16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Somewhat confident, Short-tempered, a bit of an inferiority complex, and flirtatious around Sasuke (even if he's not here…yet.)

Special moves: Most B to A ranked healing jutsu and superhuman strength

"It's Sakura-chan! She's so pretty, it's not even funny! I wanna date her so badly…Oh, you want to know about her skills, right? Sakura's strength lies in genjutsu, healing jutsu, and slow, yet strong taijutsu. Her ninjutsu and stamina are only average, so you might think that she won't last long in a battle, but hell, she proved me wrong after she kicked Sasori's sorry ass! Oh, and whatever you do, DON'T get her mad! Unless you want to wake up tomorrow in a hospital bed, that is."

* * *

Sai

Age: 15-16

Rank: ??

Personality: Very little emotion, quiet, secluded, not quite sincere in some cases.

Special moves: Ink clone, Beast Drawing Attack (or whatever it's called :P)

"Ick! I don't even want to get near this guy! He has no emotions and can't get along with anyone! He's almost as emo as Sasuke! Also, all I hear whenever this guy does talk is "Penis, Penis, Penis!" Like we're supposed to obsess about these things at this age…And about his abilities, his are as weird as his personality! He's a great artist, really, and can manipulate drawings to make clones or to beat up enemies. I'm just lucky he isn't obsessed about drawing penises yet…Sick! Believe it!"

* * *

Aburame Shino

Age: 16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Quiet, Mysterious, Intelligent, Takes good leadership when he needs to.

Special moves: Insect manipulation, attacks, and chakra draining, Bug Clone

"This guy…He's pretty nice, but all too quiet and weird. I mean, he lets all these bugs inside his body! Now, how freaky is that?! The good thing is, he can do all these cool attacks with his bugs and make clones out of them as well. These things are so small that most enemies don't notice them entering their body and that's when they're screwed! Man, I gotta watch out for this guy!"

* * *

Inuzuka Kiba and Akamaru

Age: 16 and um…6 or around 42 in dog years.

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Loud, Brash yet Caring, Confident, Cocky

Special moves: Beast Human Clone, Fang-over-Fang spiral, Marking Technique, Wolf Fang

"This guy's still almost as loud as me…Geez! I thought I was supposed to be the loudmouthed nutcase! Whatever, this duo can turn into two Kibas, basically, both with animal qualities. Then, they can spiral up into a drill to shred enemies into pieces or dig into walls. Pretty kick-ass move, but nothing I can't beat! However, since I faced him in the Chunin Exams, he's improved and come up with a killer version of his normal attack- The Wolf Fang! He's also made it twice as strong as two years ago, so I gotta watch out!"

* * *

Hyuga Hinata

Age: 15 (or 16 maybe)

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Quiet, Shy, Has an inferiority complex and a severe obsession with Naruto

Special moves: Byakugan, Jyukken style, Protection of Sixty-Four Palms, Hakke Kaiten, Eight Trigrams, Sixty-Three Palms (hasn't quite reached 64 yet)

"Hinata…where have I heard that name? Oh yeah, now I remember! She's the heiress of the main branch of the Hyugas, and unlike most of them, she's really nice! But why does she always blush, turn scarlet, or faint around me? Like she HAPPENS to have a fever whenever I'm around! I mean, does she like me? Nah, can't be it. No girl's ever liked me anyway, they always go for the creepy emo-pretty boys like Sasuke…Oh, well. When she fights, she uses the Jyukken style and is quite adept at taijutsu, although nin- and gen- can still be worked on. With the Hyuga (Jyukken) style, she can detect chakra points and recently, she can stop chakra flow just like Neji could in our match. Basically, she can kick serious butt, except Neji can still probably beat her."

* * *

Hyuga Neji

Age: 16 or 17

Rank: Jonin

Personality: Quiet, yet somewhat arrogant, former Fatalist

Special moves: Byakugan, Jyukken style, Uber-Hakke Kaiten, Eight Trigrams, Ninety-Six Palms (He used 128 only in the anime, and im trying to make this fair :P), Eight Trigrams, Empty Palm

"Neji…Used to be quite an arrogant son-of-a bitch, but we're on good terms nowadays. At least he doesn't treat Hinata like crap anymore. Just to mention, this guy's a total genius! I mean, he's the only one of us Konoha 11 who made it to Jonin! If anyone's going to wipe my ass in the competition, it's either Neji or any of the other Jonin. He, like Hinata, also uses the Jyukken (Hyuga) style, and being from the side branch, he had to learn all these complicated moves such as Kaiten by himself! He also extended the normal 64 Palms technique into 96 Palms! What a genius…I'll still beat him like I did in the Chunin Exams!…I hope.

* * *

Tenten

Age: 16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Normal, and slightly feminist.

Special moves: 110 Weapon Accuracy (that's right, 110), Weapon scrolls, Dragon Scattering Destruction (basically, a weapon rain)

"Tenten's madly in love with Neji, I know it! Believe it! Other than that, I don't know much about her because she seems so normal, yet she's so mysterious, ya know? She doesn't even have a last name! However, if she was somehow a character from some manga of sorts, I'd change her name to TwentyTwenty, because that's how good her vision is! She can now hit a round target of 5cm diameter that's 50 feet away! Not only that, she can hit it with a kunai 10,000 out of 10,000 times! If she had a gun…(shudders) she'd be the new definition of "gangster."

* * *

Rock Lee

Age: 16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Hard-working, Passionate, Honorable

Special moves: Iron Fist, Taijutsu mastery, Konoha Typhoon, 7 out of 8 Gates, and the two Lotuses.

"Bushy-Brows…He's a weird one. He can go faster than sound, and once you take his weights off, he can go almost as fast as light! Einstein's gonna be wrong soon, and when he is, I'm gonna paint a mustache on him! Lee can do much without using nin- or genjutsu, such as making an enemy spin and crack their head on the ground (Lotus) or his new technique, Konoha Typhoon, which is like an invisible Chuck Norris roundhouse kick! If it hits, you die. If it misses, the slashing wind sends your body flying and rips skin like one of Temari's moves! I guess hard work really does pay off. Two things are for sure: He's not beating me and he's not taking Sakura's love!"

* * *

Nara Shikamaru

Age: 15-16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Laid-back, Lazy, Genius-like intelligence.

Special moves: Shadow Possession, Shadow Strangle, His brain, and Shadow Puppet

"Wow…what a lazy ass. He still hasn't got up from his bed and he's the only one left I have to tell about the Hokage competition! Shikamaru can't be bothered to do anything unless he or his teammates REALLY need it. Once he does, though, his plans succeed 99 of the time! He can also trap opponents and make them mimic his movements. Also, his new move, Shadow Puppet, makes a puppet out of a shadow and he has control of the shadow puppet with his fingers, much like Kankuro's specialty."

* * *

Yamanaka Ino

Age: 15-16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Confident, Competitive, Anorexic (XD)

Special moves: Mind-Body Switch, Mind-Body Disturbance, B to A ranked Medical Jutsu

"I think she's kind of a bitch, really. I mean, she's alright, but…yeah. I can use four words to describe her: Flirt, Fangirl, and Freakin' Scary! She's always on some kind of diet to get the hot guy before Sakura does, and really, I don't get this whole thing. Also, her main move, the Mind-Body Switch, makes her take control over someone else's body and she can do almost anything with them! Scary! I mean, Sakura might be scary, too, but she's pretty, and…I won't have any regrets beating up Ino in the Hokage competition. Heh. Believe it! (Datte-Bayo, pl0x)

* * *

Akimichi Choji

Age: 15-16

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Kind, Slightly unconfident, Hungry

Special moves: Partial Expansion, Bullet Tank, Porcupine Shield

"Unlike Ino, Choji's not even thinking about a diet! He can chomp down just about any food in his way! He is the best friend of Shikamaru Nara, and they help out each other a bunch of times, making even Shikamaru less lazy! Choji can attack with great force, expand his body parts, and he can roll into a ball to crush opposition. Also, now he made a new technique, Porcupine Shield, which can protect against almost any attack, like Gaara's sand shield.

* * *

Hatake Kakashi

Age: 29

Rank: Jonin

Personality: Mysterious, Calm, Relaxed, with a hint of silliness once in awhile

Special moves: a LOT. Chidori, Sharingan, Mangekyo Sharingan, Rasengan, Dog Summon

"Kakashi's my sensei, and he's a bit strange. He always seems to be late to everything for some weird reason, and always gives us the most crappy excuses! Also, he's the legendary Copy Ninja, and can copy any technique due to his Sharingan. In fact, he has around 2000 moves now, the most effective being his Chidori and his Mangekyo Sharingan. Kakashi might be my sensei, and he might know every jutsu in the book, but I'll still beat him!"

* * *

Maito Gai (or Might Guy)

Age: 29

Rank: Jonin

Personality: Passionate, Ecstatic, Hard-Working

Special moves: Iron Fist, Lotuses, 8 of 8 Gates, Morning Peacock, Konoha Cyclone (variant of Konoha Typhoon)

"Eh?! This guy…he's Guy, he's a guy and he's Guy! Might Guy! (or Maito Gai) And he's so WEIRD!! Well, being Lee's sensei, I wouldn't have expected anything more, but this guy is pretty much the master of all taijutsu and can bring most things down even without nin- or genjutsu. He's insanely fast like Lee and has one more move to his arsenal: The Morning Peacock, which hits so quickly that fire is produced! I mean, what the hell?! This guy's just so freaky!"

* * *

Yuhi Kurenai

Age: 30

Rank: Jonin

Personality: Caring, Honest

Special moves: Advanced genjutsu, Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death, Illusion: 4th Dimension

"Meh…I don't know much about her, and she's the genjutsu specialist, and genjutsu's my one weakness! Damn! Well, as long as I can get out of her new 4th Dimension Jutsu, I'm safe. Nobody knows what that does, though, but it's listed as an S-rank. A freaking S-Rank! I'm guessing anyone's screwed after that's used! Also, she's currently in the hospital, laboring, so she can definitely fight in a week! Don't worry, believe it!"

* * *

Morino Ibiki

Age: 30

Rank: Special Jonin

Personality: Sadistic, Thoughtful

Special moves: Some genjutsu, Exam of Death

"Don't know much about him either, but he was the guy who made the first test in the Chunin Exams…It seemed like a toughie, but in the end, it was just a big trick! Cheap! I heard this guy's a master of torture without even harming anyone physically! Impossible. Also, his special genjutsu move transports a person into an alternate dimension, where they must take the Exam of Death, and if they pass, they can come out, but if they fail, they get tortured with genjutsu slowly and they start to die until being released! Doesn't sound like a weak Chunin Exam anymore…"

* * *

Umino Iruka

Age: 25

Rank: Chunin

Personality: Strict, Caring

Special moves: Four Trap Seal, Rai-sengan

"Iruka's the man! He was my old strict teacher in the Academy, but he's a good guy. Iruka's actually one of the first people to actually give a damn about me, before that, it was the Third and some weird-looking indigo-haired girl who I never got to see the face of. Kinda seems like Hinata, now that I think about it. He just made a new technique, which is a cross between the Rasengan and the Chidori. He controls chakra to rotate around his palm, but its element is lightning, which is why it's called the Rai-sengan. I just hope I won't have to beat Iruka up, he's a good person and a good sensei."

* * *

Konohamaru

Age: 12

Rank: Genin

Personality: Loud and Hyperactive

Special moves: Variations of Sexy and Harem Jutsus, Shadow Clones, Katon: Fire Bullets

"You're kidding me…This midget signed up also?! Heh, I'll show what's coming to him. And if he even tries a Sexy technique, I'll just close my eyes and it'll be over with! He's learned just one new major technique after this time, but it's even stronger than Sasuke's old Fireball Jutsu! It's Katon: Fire Bullets and Konohamaru spits out tiny balls of scorching flame everywhere! I just better hope to get dissed and not burned…"


	4. Ch 3: Just Two More Days

Disclaimer: I would kill to own Naruto. However, I ain't no ninja, so I can't kill. :P

After this one, the next will have to wait a bit, I have a stupid math project :

Chapter 3: Just Two More Days…

* * *

Naruto was just flat-out on the floor, about to pass out. 'Dammit, I'm out of chakra for the day! And I still haven't found a way to use my Rasenshuriken without hurting myself! This sucks!' he thought in the recesses of his mind, as he slowly picked himself up. Then, a black blur passed, and it said, "Penis!"

'Lemme guess, it's Sai, right?' Naruto thought tiredly, tired of Sai always yelling "Penis!" randomly.

"Get back here, forehead-bitch!" yelled a blonde girl in a purple tank top.

"No wai, Ino-Pig! Sai's my guy!" Sakura screamed back as the two kunoichi trampled over Naruto right after he stood up.

"WE LOVE PENISES TOO, SAI!!" they both said in an orchestrated chorus, not noticing Naruto, who was flattened like a pancake.

"Ouch…What the hell?! First the Sasuke obsession, now this?! Why won't any girl go near me, no matter what I do? What's missing, goddamit? Looks? Skill? The only guys that girls seem to like are gay emos who obsess about penises! Shit!" Naruto cursed loudly.

"U-um…Naruto-kun? I…l-like…" said a quiet, yet familiar voice.

"Hinata? Is that you? What were you gonna say? That you like something? Lemme guess, first, it's Sasuke for you too, then it's Sai, right?" Naruto asked in a sarcastic tone.

"N-no, not at all, Naruto-kun! I…um…like…y-you," Hinata said until she was cut off by Naruto yet again.

"You like Youtube? Uranium? Yu-Gi-Oh? Which was a pretty dumb anime in my opinion anyway," Naruto replied.

"W-what I'm t-trying to say is that I love…"

Naruto cut her off again, saying, "You love Kiba? Shino? Shika?"

"I…I can't take it anymore! S-see you later, N-Naruto-kun," the indigo-haired girl said before running off to the Hyuga Mansion, hiding her tears.

"Smooth, Very smooth indeed, Mr. James Bond," Kiba mocked while taking a break and walking his dog, Akamaru.

"What'd I do now?" Naruto said in surprise.

"It's nothing. Nothing." Kiba said, before he, too, walked to his house to train more with Akamaru.

Naruto was all alone. He was still pondering on the last few statements and said "Something's not right, I must deduce this situation logically! I must…Hey, it's Ichiraku's! I love ramen!" before running off to get his 21 bowls of ramen.

* * *

-Around 4 hours later:-

At nightfall, everyone was wiped out eventually from training to be the next Hokage. Everyone except Shikamaru, who was still watching reruns of South Park on his TV after finally getting up from bed…at 7:40 PM. As night came, the Konoha 11 began saying their good-byes.

Lee and Gai cried in front of an impromptu sunset background as they were saying good bye.

"Good-bye, my youthful student!" Gai said emotionally.

"I don't wan't to leave you, Sensei! I want to train with you forever! With the power of youth!" Lee replied, also in emotion.

"Waaaaa!" they both cried, streaming out tears.

'Man, what screwballs!' Naruto thought.

After that, Naruto saw Tenten and Neji hugging before saying good-bye.

Choji was slapping Shikamaru's back and bidding him farewell after he FINALLY got out to train…for 56 seconds.

Kiba and Akamaru were shaking Shino's hand after their training, and Sakura and Ino were yelling statements of "Forehead!" and "Ino-Pig!" before they, too, said "bye."

Little did Naruto know, someone was waiting behind a tree, wanting to say "Good-bye" too and wanting to give feelings of affection, except she was too shy to. Naruto was desperately seeking attention, then he saw his childhood crush, Sakura, slowly leaving, her short pink hair slowly waving.

"Sakura-chan! Sayonara! Have a good…" Naruto started before being uppercut in the bottom of his jaw, and Sakura yelled, "SHUTUP, BAKA!"

This left Naruto on the ground, feeling rejected, and having hurt feelings, both physically and emotionally.

The normally shy, nice, and reserved Byakugan-user behind that tree mentioned earlier was thinking evil and sadistic thoughts such as:

'How dare you do that to Naruto-kun, Sakura? You filthy bitch!' or

'I wish the devil guts you, spears you, then roasts you like you deserve, you fucking whore!'

Sai then was riding his ink bicycle down the lane, saying, "PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!" before riding right next to the tree the Byakugan user was and yelled, "Hi, Hinata! Why are you and Naruto here? Looks like you're spying on him!" while she was desperately trying to cover Sai's mouth.

'Shit!' she thought. "S-Sai! Stop! Please!"

Both of them thought by now that Naruto heard everything loud and clear. However, a bug flew out of his ear and he said, "Geez, that was gross! Wait…I feel a presence."

Hinata was pink in the face by now and said, "G-Gomen, Sai! Later! D-don't tell Naruto-kun about t-this, please." As she ran off even faster than even Lee does at full speed.

"Wait! I just remembered! Tomorrow's the day they release the matchups for the tournament! I'm so excited! Two more days until I'm finally Hokage! Believe it!" Naruto suddenly said.

"Whatever, just don't get your hopes up too high. Night, Naruto. PENIS!" Sai said as he walked off.

Naruto gave a glare and said, "…Jerk. Weird jerk."

* * *

Next chapter has the matchups! Please give suggestions based on the entrants from Chapter 2! This is the last chance to do so! And once again, I probably can't get another one in until I finish my stupid math project!


	5. Ch 4: Hinata: Less Innocent than Normal

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, then Sasuke would be PWNED.

Also, matchup suggestions have ended, only one was submitted, and it will be there :P

* * *

Chapter 4: Hinata: Not as Innocent as You Think( matchups listed)

An indigo-haired girl just woke up inside the fancy Hyuga residence and picked up her trademark jacket before going outside and smelling the fresh air. Once she did, she quickly said, "H-Hi, Neji-nii-san." and started to leave before Neji said,

"Hinata-sama, aren't you forgetting something?"

She replied, "W-What? Is it anything important?"

"We must look at the tournament brackets to see who we are up against," he replied.

"H-Hai!" she said as they both ran off to the Konoha Arena to check who they were fighting tomorrow.

Once they arrived, a few other Konoha 11, such as Choji, Kiba, and a very tired Shikamaru were there.

"YAWN…How troublesome. Rock Lee on the first round. The pinnacle of hard work. Man, I'm screwed. No strategy will get me out of this. I hate this tournament now."

"Stop whining, it's not like my matchup was any better," Choji said, pissed, as he was against Kurenai in the first round.

"At least none of us have Kakashi. He'd kill us in three seconds!" Shikamaru replied.

"Or maybe three-millionths of a second! Haven't you seen his Chidori?!" Kiba said.

"I feel sorry for whoever gets pounded by the legendary Copy Ninja! I'll feel so sorry that I might actually have to share my chips. Which I never do." Choji said.

It was then that Hinata peered really closely to the tournament brackets and she almost fainted. However, it wasn't because of Naruto.

"Hinata-sama! What is it?" Neji said in slight concern.

* * *

ANNOUNCEMENT!

BRACKETS FOR THE OFFICIAL HOKAGE TOURNAMENT!

ONLY 1 DAY LEFT!:

(The numbers before the shinobi's name represents their seed number.)

**First Grouping:**

(1)Kakashi vs (18)Hinata, winner of 1 vs. 18 fights winner of 2 vs 17

(2)Guy vs (17)Sakura

(3)Neji vs (16)Konohamaru--(15)Naruto, winner of 3,16, or 15 fights winner of 4 vs 14

(4)Kurenai vs (14)Choji

**Second Grouping:**

(5)Ibiki vs (13) Kiba--(10)Sai, winner of 5,13, or 10 fights winner of 6 vs 12

(6)Iruka vs (12)Ino

(7)Rock Lee vs (11)Shikamaru, winner of 7 vs 11 fights winner of 8 vs 9

(8)Shino vs (9)Tenten

(Note: The winner of Neji vs. Konohamaru will face Naruto in the next round, then that person will go on to face the winner of Kurenai vs. Choji, same goes for Sai.)

* * *

"K-Kakashi…sensei…I c-can't…I'll never beat him! Ever! And N-Naruto-kun will look at me as a weakling who doesn't deserve someone like him forever!…B-because I am," Hinata said while holding back tears.

"No. You are wrong in two things. First, you CAN change your destiny, no matter how much of a failure you are, no matter how the odds are stacked against you. Naruto himself taught me that. Naruto Uzumaki. Second of all, I know that Naruto does not look down on anyone, or think of them as a failure. Besides, he may not show it too often, but he thinks of you as a good friend," Neji said in a long reply.

"W-Well, maybe y-you can say that, considering you're a genius and Naruto-kun's not a f-failure," she said, still holding back tears.

"Hinata-sama…Naruto used to be even worse than you. He's not a failure because he gave it his all. Like you did when you faced me, remember? I beat you down like you were nothing, but you had the heart to keep going. I know you can beat Kakashi, I believe in you. So does Naruto. Just remember that," Neji said again.

"N-Neji nii-san…Thank you. I will do my best! If you see N-Naruto-kun, tell him I said good luck!" she said as she walked away to spy on Naruto like she did since she was only five. (lol)

THUMP!!

Unfortunately for Hinata, she went off to the wrong place, as Naruto popped in just as she left, landing on his head after his "surprise" appearance from the air.

"Ahh!! God, that hurt! What's up, guys? Who am I up against?" Naruto said enthusiastically.

"You lucky moron, you get a bye for the first round because there were 18 competitors!" Shikamaru said.

"What do you mean? Oh, well, as long as it's good to me, it's ok! Believe it!"

"I mean that since the numbers are uneven, you get to skip ahead a round. Basically, you win the first without even lifting a finger," Shikamaru replied lazily.

"Cool!" Naruto said in delight.

"Don't get your hopes up too high, though," Kiba said.

"Godammit, that's the second time I heard that in the last ten hours! Will people stop underestimating me? I WILL become Hokage, believe it!" Naruto said, slightly angered.

"No, it's just that you'll probably face Neji in your round, as Konohamaru doesn't stand too much of a chance," Kiba said.

'Shit! That's one of the only guys I didn't want to face in this damn tournament! I probably can't beat him like last time!' Naruto thought.

"Piece of cake! Neji's a total wimp! I'm not guaranteeing anything, but I still did wipe his ass in the Chunin Exams! Believe it!" Naruto said before realizing that Neji was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

Neji started giving the cold-blooded Hyuga glare to Naruto, and Naruto started sweatdropping. 'Oh, crap!' he thought. As Neji got closer and closer to him, and activated the Byakugan. Then, Neji looked ready to kill until he suddenly smiled and said,

"Hinata-sama told me that she wishes you good luck. If we fight, may the better man win," Neji said simply and honorably, although Naruto had no idea why Neji turned his Byakugan on.

It was because Neji wanted to see what Naruto's true feelings toward Hinata are. Neji scanned Naruto's facial features slowly, as Naruto said, "I wish the best to Hinata, too. She's a good person, after all, and she's definitely not a bitch like some people."

Neji saw a sincere friendship from Naruto towards his cousin with his Byakugan, but he saw no hints of love. He was slightly disappointed, knowing Hinata may eventually go heartbroken.

That was when Sai, again with his ink bicycle, appeared out of nowhere. He then stared at the tournament brackets.

"Here we go again," Naruto said in a bothered tone.

"My, my…Ibiki or Kiba and his mutt…I either get a tiny human penis AND a dog penis, or I will get a scarred and tortured penis! Either way, though, PENIS! PENIS! I GET PENIS!" he said as he likewise disappeared into nowhere.

"Hey, who's penis are you calling tiny, you bastard! And no one calls Akamaru a mutt!" Kiba yelled angrily.

"Freak," the four guys all said, as they too departed for last-minute training. All but Shikamaru, who went back to sleep at his house.

"Suit yourselves, then, more penis for me! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!" Sai yelled, which attracted the attention of fangirls, such as Sakura and Ino.

"Wait up, Sai! We can get a sex change and give you all the penis you want! WE LOVE YOU, SAI!!" Ino and Sakura both screamed.

"Sigh…At least you're not like that either, Hinata. And I thought I was the only sane girl in town!" Tenten said, as the two were dodging the crowd of stampeding fangirls.

"Y-yeah…Actually, Tenten, I do kind of trust you, so I m-must tell you something," Hinata said shyly.

"Is this about Naruto?" Tenten said curiously. Then Hinata started turning red.

"S-sorta, it's actually about S-Sakura."

"Wait, you're a lesbian now?" Tenten said.

"N-No, not at all!" Hinata said in shock. Then, her face turned grim and evil. She said in a very devilish manner, "I w-want…to rip her head off…or to chop all h-her limbs, b-basically…TO KILL HER."

"Wow! Never knew you had that kind of feeling in you, you're a shy and kind girl!" Tenten said. "Wait, I have an idea." She said again, as she looked at the tournament brackets.

"Ok, first, you must beat Kakashi, I know it's hard, but you might pull it off. Then, I will help you rig Gai-Sensei's match so that Sakura wins. Then is the opportunity for you to give the pounding that damn bitch deserved since she was born!"

"S-So you hate Sakura too?" Hinata said.

"No, duh, every non-fangirl has hated her after she was such a little crybaby when Sasuke ran off. It's not like he was even straight, so she had no chance. But she insisted on being a bitch to everyone ever since. Not to mention…She was always a bitch to…Naruto. I'll say it again just in case you didn't hear. Sakura was always a bitch to NARUTO-KUN," Tenten said.

In that moment, instead of Hinata's face going red, her eyes started flaming red and she was angry. Very angry. With an actual intention to kill. Her pupils kept turning bloodshot-red until no purple remained, then she unconsciously screamed, " MANGEKYO BYAKU-SHARINGAN!"

"Whoa…What the hell…your Byakugan now has traits of the Sharingan, I guess… But still, what the hell is going on today? I feel weird," Tenten said as Hinata continued her glare of fury toward Sakura.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Rock Lee's training ground, at 8:40 PM:

"I must get ready and in full shape for the Hokage tournament tomorrow! I might be facing the lazy Shikamaru tomorrow, but I cannot underestimate my opponents! If I cannot do 500 pushups, I will run 1000 laps! If I cannot run 1000 laps, I will do 2000 kicks! If I cannot do 2000 kicks, then I will do 3000 squats!" Lee said in excitement while he started his pushups.

"That's the spirit, Lee! We will both try our hardest and we will both make it to the finals! Then we must partake in the greatest fight of YOUTH!! We must, Lee! Keep it up, my youthful student!" Gai said with a passion.

"Yes, Sensei!" Lee said, and he did 499 pushups, then 999 laps, then 1999 kicks, then finally, 3000 squats to finish his exercises… at midnight.

Then, Gai said, "We are done for today, you cannot wear yourself out too much for such an important day, Lee!"

Lee replied loudly, "Yes, Sensei! Wait, I must ask a few questions."

"Go ahead, my inquisitive, youthful student!" Gai said.

Lee said, "Alright…What is a penis?" Gai started looking very nervous. "And what is sex? And why does it have to do with putting this so-called "penis" into someone's "vagina"? And how do you put it in? What is an "orgasm"? I am so curious, Sensei!"

Gai just froze. Then, he awkwardly asked, "Who have you heard these things from?"

Lee said, "None other than the lovely Sakura-chan and not-as-lovely Ino-chan! They have been talking about how they want someone, like Sasuke or Sai, to stick a so-called "penis" into their "vaginas" and they call this thing "sex". Also, I hear Sai-san saying "Penis" all the time, Sensei! How do you do this "sex" thing, Gai-sensei? Is it another form of jutsu? Or is it a training exercise? Please, I must learn, Sensei!"

Gai froze again and thought, 'So I was right! Unlike my youthful Tenten and Kurenai's innocent Hinata, (who he might find not-so-innocent later, but only in the sense that she and Tenten will rig Gai's match.) those two girls ARE bitchy whores! I knew it! But, I cannot tell Lee such sensitive information until he is 18! He must practice abstinence to be a better youthful man!'

"Well, Lee, sex, like ninjutsu and genjutsu, are things that you don't have the ability to do, and therefore shouldn't even try learning. I can't do it either. We can talk about this when we are older, my youthful student, until then, you cannot mention the word "sex." Understood, Lee?"

"Yes, Sensei! I bid you good night!" Lee said, as he went to his house.

"Goodbye, my youthful student, and good luck," Gai said.

* * *

Meanwhile, 12:05 AM in the night at Kakashi's:

"Sigh, I'm done with Jiraiya's new Icha Icha Paradise story today…That was some damn good stuff. Now, about tomorrow, how can I take down Hinata without using the Chidori? I would use it on most people, but she seems different…More innocent. (And he will too find that wrong, as Hinata will blow Sakura to bits in a few chapters)"

"I got it!" he said, as the tall, silver-haired shinobi turned off the light in his room and went back to sleep.


	6. Ch 5: The Day has Arrived!

Disclaimer: If I were to "own" Naruto, I would need a technique stronger than the Rasenshuriken. And the only one that exists is Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick.

I'm not Chuck Norris. Therefore, I don't have his roundhouse kick. Therefore, I don't own Naruto.

Btw, please review and enjoy, people. I'm writing multiple chapters a day because it's the weekend and the chapters are so short :P

* * *

Chapter 5: The Day Has Arrived!

Once again at the fancy Hyuga Residence; 6:50 AM

The somewhat-innocent, Naruto loving, indigo-haired girl who we all know and love, the one known as Hinata, started getting up like it was a normal day, then suddenly, something hit her.

SMACK!! The next thing that happened was that Hinata formed a bowling-ball shaped lump on top of her head.

"Ah! W-Why did I put a bowling ball on top of the shelf? I'm such an idiot…"

Then, something else hit her. Not literally, however.

'Crap! I just remembered…I must face Kakashi-sensei in the tournament today, and I'm first! Neji's wrong…Naruto-kun will hate me after this! What do I do?' she thought hopelessly.

"I see you still feel like a hopeless loser," a sudden voice said. "I can see your eye movements and know what you're feeling, remember? And you have a bowling-ball sized lump on top of your head."

The voice revealed itself to be Neji, Hinata's cousin.

"Sigh…I told you that you can escape your destiny. Still not willing to listen?" Neji said.

"N-Neji-nii-san, I'm willing to do anything, please, can you help?" Hinata replied desperately.

"Well, if it's a new technique you're talking about, then can you please show me your Eight Trigrams, 64 Palms, Hinata-sama?"

She nervously said, "I-I'll try." And yelled "T-Two-Palm! Four-Palm! Eight-Palm! Sixteen-Palm! Thirty-Two Palm! Sixty-Four Palm!"

As she uttered the last statement, Neji could see that her movements were 0.04 seconds slower than they should be to keep up with the technique's movement, therefore, Hinata could only launch sixty-three palms.

"Here…Bend your right leg lower in the stance, don't make unnecessary upper-body movements, and don't divert from the starting chakra point too far, if you want to cause major damage to one system. The overall result should be a somewhat faster and more concentrated attack," Neji said.

Hinata listened to all those suggestions and made some adjustments before going into a deeper stance and starting the attack. "Two! Four! Eight! Sixteen! Thirty-Two! Sixty-Four!" and counted the attacks she made without blinking. 'Sixty-three…sixty-four…I did it! Wait…sixty-five…sixty-six…' and kept counting until she ended up at eighty-eight palms.

"See? Your technique is now almost as good as mine!" Neji said proudly.

"B-But…why? Why did you help me so much?" Hinata wondered.

"Well, I don't want to face a failure, right? You called yourself a failure, so I decided to do something about it. And maybe you too realized…That a failure can change their destiny, no matter how hard it seems. You just did it less than a minute," Neji said before departing.

'N-Neji…thank you for all your help. I would date you if we weren't cousins…You have turned out to be so kind and caring.' she thought. (0.o lol, Hyugacest. Hope not.)

* * *

At the Ichiraku Ramen Bar:

SLURP!! "Wow, this ramen never tastes bad! It's so awesome!" Naruto said loudly after finishing his 14th bowl of ramen.

"But wait…Isn't there something I should be doing right now? Oh, yeah! I gotta watch Kakashi-sensei and Hinata's fight! But this ramen is so irresistible! I'll take one more." Naruto said, as he was soon handed another bowl of ramen. He quickly downed it, left the money, and ran off to the Konoha Arena.

* * *

At the Konoha Arena:

Naruto ran as fast as he could, remembering last time that it took 500 of his shadow clones plus a bunch of random pit bulls to get past the guards. He didn't want to be so late this time, until he noticed the guards at the door again, and he quickly uttered, "Damn!" before saying, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! (Shadow Clone)".

Around twenty Narutos came out and trampled over the guards to get to the front entrance, where they were greeted by Team 7 and Team 8. Naruto dissipated all the shadow clones for convenience. Then, he said, "Hey, guys!"

Kiba, Hinata, Shino, and Sai all greeted Naruto with a "Hi", while Akamaru barked cheerfully.

Then, Sakura said, "Well, at least you're not as late as Kakashi again."

Once again, Hinata sliently wished for Sakura to die a painful death, although she never said anything about it. Then, Naruto started talking, actually sharing negative feelings.

"Oh, so NOW you care, eh, you Sasuke-whore," Naruto said fiercely.

"Naruto…" Sakura retorted.

"Screw you! I just realized something yesterday! That I shouldn't be falling for girls who treat me like utter shit, and that I'd actually rather date someone who's really nice but is too shy for her own good! Like maybe Hina--OW!!" Naruto said angrily, emotionally, then in a shocked manner.

"Sorry I'm late, guys, and sorry I landed right on top of you right when you would've said the word "_Hinata_."" Kakashi said lazily.

The last few actions just caused Hinata to excessively blush, seeing as Sakura just got called a whore and Naruto almost said that he would date her until her future opponent landed right on top of him.

Kakashi continued, "Well, seeing as my student wants to go on a date with my next opponent, I think it's best if I didn't kill her, would you agree?"

Naruto felt confused, as he didn't want to go on a date with Hinata THAT badly, and was blissfully unaware that she loved him, but just nodded for Hinata's safety.

Then, Kakashi talked to Hinata alone, and he said,

"Hey, you, would you like for me to throw the match for you? I know about everything, and I also know that you want to impress Naruto and have a chance to beat Sakura to a bloody pulp. It may benefit both of us, you know? I was always thinking that Sakura was getting too out of hand these days, and that she should be disciplined, but I don't want to be imprisoned for child abuse either. So what do you say? Want me to throw the match?"

"N-no, Kakashi-sensei. I need to prove my true worth to N-Naruto-kun, not get out with such a simple shortcut. If I want Naruto-kun's respect and if I want to b-beat up Sakura, then I think I should earn those rights. P-please, fight me with all you've got!" Hinata said somewhat boldly.

"Well, you have guts for a shy kid, I'll give you that. And you also have honor. But you're also looking at this wrong. Oh, well, it's your choice."

Suddenly, a loud squeak was heard over the intercom, and Tsunade started saying,

"Everyone, welcome to the Hokage Tournament! The rules are simple, you get thirty minutes to fight, although the fights will last much less than that. Also, you may kill, but the proctor, Jiraiya, may stop the match at any time. One more thing, this may be a tournament, but the winner isn't necessarily the Hokage. The one who fought the best overall is. The first match is #1 ranked Hatake Kakashi versus the last-ranked Hyuga Hinata! Competitors, please come down!"

"Good luck, Hinata-chan!" Naruto said cheerfully before embracing her in a quick hug. Hinata started turning red, and this was everything she wanted. Naruto never hugged her before, or called her Hinata-chan. She just felt wonderful and didn't want to let go, but when she opened her eyes, Naruto was long-gone into his audience seat and Hinata was falling forward. 'Oh, great, I'm fainting again.' She thought. A blond boy appeared to be running towards her saying, "Hinata-chan! Are you okay?! Are yo..." before everything faded to a black color.

* * *

-7 Minutes, 45 Seconds later-

Hinata woke up right in the middle of the dirt floor of the Konoha Arena, around a couple of medics reporting that she regained consciousness, wondering what she was doing here, until she remembered the hug. She was smiling lightly, blushing, and kept repeating the sweet memory until there was a sudden yelling of, "FIGHT!"

'Crap!'

* * *

Sorry for the cliffhanger, but next time, you guys get to see the first match, Hinata vs. Kakashi!

After Monday, I probably will be able to do one chapter every two days, maybe more.


	7. Ch 6: First Round! Hinata vs Kakashi

**Disclaimer: I can't own Naruto because the US abolished slavery.**

**Reviews are always welcome!**

**Warning: Naruto will do some serious Kakashi bashing here, therefore, Kakashi fans will get pissed. :)**

* * *

Chapter 6: Hinata vs Kakashi

_Naruto, as a wish of good luck, hugged Hinata. Then, you know it! She fainted. 7 minutes and 15 seconds later, Hinata woke up right in the middle of the dirt floor of the Konoha Arena, around a couple of medics reporting that she regained consciousness, wondering what she was doing here, until she remembered the hug. She was smiling lightly, blushing, and kept repeating the sweet memory until there was a sudden yelling of, "FIGHT!"_

'Crap!' she thought, as she rolled and dodged Kakashi's first punch. Then, Kakashi threw around 10 kunai, which she dodged gracefully with much flexibility. Then, Kakashi got out one single kunai with an explosive tag on it and threw it right at Hinata, then formed hand signs and said, "Kunai Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

After that jutsu, 100 kunai with explosives were flying right at Hinata, ready to kill. But she was prepared. "KAITEN!" Hinata spun at an amazing speed like a fast-forward video of an ice skater, seemingly disappeared into a swirl of chakra, and all 100 kunai were flying in the opposite direction, some of them toward Kakashi. He took off part of his mask and headband covering his other eye and dodged them using his Sharingan. They all blew up and bombarded the arena. Shizune's pet pig, Tonton, was set ablaze, and would eventually be healed, but for now, Choji couldn't let go of his instincts. He yelled, "ROAST PORK!! YUM!" and randomly ran around the area chasing Tonton, who was on fire. 0o

After that, Hinata realized that she forgot to activate the Byakugan, and she finally did activate it. Now she could see all of Kakashi's chakra points and took note of what Neji taught her this morning. She went into a deeper stance and yelled, "Eight Trigrams, Eighty-Eight Palms!" and bombarded Kakashi with Jyukken blows. Most of them missed, but around 14 of them hit, and Kakashi was unable to mold chakra in either of his arms.

'Got him!' Hinata thought. 'Kakashi-sensei is famed for his Chidori, but without use of his arms, he won't have it!'

Naruto stared at the battle and said, "Did Hinata-chan just…"

Neji replied, "Yes, she has disabled Kakashi's arms so he cannot use his Chidori, Raikiri, Rasengan, or any of his other arm-based jutsu. Also, he cannot make hand signs. This means that he has less means to attack for awhile."

"So, she came up with that? The strategy is something that even I would've taken a long time to come up with. The next few minutes for Kakashi will be…troublesome," Shikamaru added.

"Sweet! She'll definitely win! Believe it!" Naruto said excitedly.

Hinata, gathering up courage after hearing Naruto's short conversation, dashed toward Kakashi, but then she stopped.

"Tsukyomi!" Kakashi yelled, as his Mangekyo Sharingan eye spiraled into a different shape.

"B-but…how? I thought you never had the Tsukyomi!" Hinata said in fright.

"Three years chasing after Itachi can change your jutsu quite a bit. Now, if you'll excuse me, you will suffer three seconds of mental torture, which will seem like 48 hours. I really didn't want to do this, but your Jyukken style has improved quite a lot. So much that I'm forced to use this. Here we go…"

"N-No…please…"

Then, all Hinata saw was a weird red background and a yellow moon, and the depressing figure of Kakashi was standing with a katana and a taser he somehow got from the year 2002. She was wondering if he was going to shock her with it, but instead, he went over to Naruto, who was on the ground, and Kakashi first stabbed his student in the eyes, heart, and head with the katana, then electrocuted him with the taser.

In the midst of torture, Naruto said, "Hinata-chan…I love you…please save yourself."

Then, Hinata tried breaking through the invisible wall between her and Kakashi and Naruto, then tried various jutsu to get past the wall, but nothing worked. Then, when her eyes were red and sore from tears, when she tried turning around to stop seeing the torture, a painful force made her watch again.

"N-Naruto-kun! No!" she said as Kakashi finally stepped on Naruto's head, which burst into skin, skull, and brains, violently splattering his blood. In what seemed like hours, that scene lasted a total of…2 minutes. And so, Kakashi forced Hinata to watch a different scene of Naruto getting murdered gruesomely every time, or sometimes scenes of Naruto and Sakura having sex to add some sick humor (in Kakashi's mind), Hinata was forced to watch 1440 evil scenes, all involving evils done to Naruto. When she came out of the Tsukyomi (which actually lasted just 3 seconds), she just collapsed. (Not unconscious, just really disturbed)

Jiraiya said, "Hinata is in critical mental condition, the winner is…"

"Wait!" came a familiar voice.

"Naruto?" Jiraiya said. "What are you trying to do, kid?"

"Please, Ero-Sannin, you can't stop the match like this! Hinata-chan always wanted to prove herself! Give her a chance, please!" Naruto said loudly.

"Alright, kid, I'll give her three minutes, Kakashi, don't attack her until she gets up. If she doesn't get up in three minutes, it is a forefit!" Jiraiya replied.

Then, a minute later, Hinata was still face-down in the dirt, bawling. Naruto couldn't take this anymore, so he said very loudly, "Hinata-chan! I'm not dead! I'm right here and I know you can win! The REAL Naruto wouldn't give up so easily, even to Kakashi-sensei! All those images were fake! You can't give up so easily either! I know you're better than that!"

Then, although nobody saw it, Hinata stopped crying, then whispered, "You're right, Naruto-kun. Those were fakes. I…I c-can do it!" as she got up 2 minutes and 59 seconds after falling.

Kakashi put away his X-rated Icha-Icha Paradise book and said, "Aw, and I was getting to the fun part!"

Then, Naruto started shouting again, even when his friends Neji and Shikamaru were trying to restrain him.

"And you, Kakashi-sensei! How could you torture someone like Hinata-chan so horribly? I thought you were better than that! Just because your life was hard doesn't mean you can do it to other innocent people! I didn't know you were a freaking COWARD!"

"Naruto, you don't know what you're talking about…my childhood…Besides, at least I didn't use my Chidori and try to kill her," Kakashi said.

"It doesn't matter, you still tortured a nice girl! For some time between 3 seconds to 48 hours! The whole reason for my goal, to become Hokage, was so that I could stop innocent people from all the abuse they received! And now, you're doing it too! You're no longer my sensei because of that!" Naruto said.

Hinata just stood very awkwardly and said, "N-Naruto-kun…He's defending me... Thank you, Naruto-kun."

"Well, who will be your sensei then, Naruto?" Kakashi said.

"This weirdo," Naruto said, as he pointed to where Gai-sensei used to be, but now there was a drunken hobo with a mustache in his place. "Wait, wha?! Where's Gai-sensei?!"

Sakura just got mad, remembering this hobo before, and yelled, "Will...Will you get the hell out of here?!"

The hobo left, hanging his head down.

"Okay, then Ero-Sannin! He taught me for three years while you refused to teach me!" Naruto said.

"Kid, I can't teach too much anymore with one damn arm. You know that," Jiraiya responded. "Thanks, anyway though. And please stop the drama, just keep fighting. Yawn…"

"Kick his sorry ass, Hinata-chan! You can't let him do that to you!" Naruto yelled one final time.

"Relax, Naruto. You're being too troublesome, she'll be fine because of you," Shikamaru butted in.

Then, Kakashi, who appeared to be able to use his arms again, said, "I have no choice but this now!" and charged a Chidori. Naruto looked in pure horror. So did her teammates Kiba and Shino. And Jiraiya. And Tsunade. And the mustachioed hobo. And Gai was coming back from tha bathroom! More importantly, Kakashi was going to kill Hinata. Like. Really. Kill. Her. (Naruto said, "Oh my fucking god, He. Will. Kill. Her. Like. Neji. Tried. Three. Years. Ago. Kami!!") Kakashi was speeding towards her now, when she said, "N-Naruto-kun taught me this one." Then, she formed a simple hand sign and said, "Kage Bunshin no jutsu! (Shadow Clones)" as three Hinatas were now on the battlefield.

Then, one of them ran in very quick circles around Kakashi, almost to the point of being invisible and she said, "L-Lee-san taught me this one a year ago!" as she kicked Kakashi (who still has a Chidori) into the air. Hinata then followed, but Kakashi jabbed a Chidori in her heart. Naruto then said, "HINATA! NO! YOU CAN'T DIE! KAKASHI, YOU BASTARD!" and was about to get up, when Hinata disappeared in midair. "Oh, nevermind, it's just a shadow clone. Heh."

Then, another Hinata jumped in the air and bear-hugged Kakashi, while the second also jumped and said, "Jyukken Lotus!" and struck a strong Jyukken (Gentle Fist) palm strike into Kakashi's legs, sending the strike into his whole chakra network. Because of the acceleration and the angle Hinata hit her palm, Kakashi was now speeding downward, trapped by the other Hinata, and was spiraling. ("Beautiful!" Lee said, while Naruto replied, "Back off...") Kakashi now hit the ground in a huge smoke cloud, and everyone actually thought Hinata won, but Kakashi just stood up again, saying, "I made a chakra shield around my head and it didn't hit the ground at all."

Naruto and a few other friends just groaned. It was then that Hinata had a smile on her face and said, "The intent of the t-technique wasn't to kill. It was…this." as she held up a book filled with random porn credited to Jiraiya. It was then that Kakashi started blushing in front of the audience and Jiraiya leaned right next to Hinata to see some of his own art. XD

"My Icha-Icha Paradise! NO!! Give it back!" Kakashi ordered.

"Not a chance! At the end of the book, the girl takes off her clothes in front of the guy and says..."

"NO! Fine! I give, you win!" Kakashi yelled, as the crowd murmured confusedly.

"Naruto used the same strategy on me, he tried revealing the end, which is my one true weakness! And it seems you were spying on him that day, as I could sense a presence."

Hinata blushed at this, even though she knew that she spied on Naruto every chance she got.

Naruto jumped from the crowd and caught Hinata as she fell down, then said, "Hinata-chan! That was amazing!" which was greeted with her turning completely red, then fainting again.

Then, Naruto faced Kakashi and said, "Shame on you," then started twiddling his fingers as to decide whether he should do the thumbs-down or the middle finger. 'I can't decide! Damn!' he thought.

Some random guy in the crowd said, "The dead-last beat the first seed, and a Jonin? Wow, I never thought that would happen!"

"Yeah, I lost 300 dollars betting for Kakashi!" another guy said.

"That strategy…Pure genius. I probably couldn't think of that! No wonder Hinata's not a fangirl. She's actually smart, unlike most troublesome girls," Shikamaru tiredly said.

Naruto beamed a large smile and said, "See, nobody should underestimate anyone, even the dead last! But I'll still be Hokage, believe it!"

Kakashi stood in defeat and said, "Crap, I just got beaten AND my rep's ruined. Now everyone thinks I'm a crazy asshole. Oh, well. I can get the rep back eventually, but I gotta finish my Icha-Icha,"

* * *

**LOL, Naruto thinks Kakashi's an asshole now! XD**

**However, let's not forget, everyone seemingly thinks Hinata's innocent and Tenten's normal, but they'll see otherwise when Hinata eventually fights Sakura. X:) (Reminder: They both wanted revenge against Sakura)**

**Just in case people actually care, I'll hold a poll. Who would you rather see winning for the following rounds:**

**Neji or Konohamaru? (Naruto will beat either of them in the next round fyi, sorry, storyline problems.)**

**Kurenai or Choji?**

**Ibiki or Kiba? The winner of that or Sai?**

**Iruka or Ino?**

**Rock Lee or Shikamaru?**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**And remember to review/post votes! )**


	8. Ch 7: Rigged! Sakura vs Gai

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto…wait, if I owned Naruto, then Sakura would always punch both of our faces off, Hinata would always stalk us (meh, good or bad depending on your viewpoint) , and the Akatsuki would try to kill us every damn day. No thanks. :P**

**Please review and vote on the poll on the bottom if you have the time :)**

**Chapter 7: Sakura vs. Gai! Rigged!**

* * *

_In the previous chapter, Kakashi went all evil, somehow knew the Tsukyomi, and Naruto gave a long lecture to protect Hinata, then she somehow wiped the floor with Kakashi. In the end, Hinata pwned Kakashi. Go to Chapter 6 if you want more details._

The Hokage who would soon give her title to someone else, Tsunade, announced over the loudspeaker, "And the winner is Hinata Hyuga!…Shit, I lost my bet again!"

And so did the rest of the crowd, seemingly. Everyone bet all their money on the legendary Copy Ninja, Kakashi, and they all lost. The crowd booed loudly except Hinata's friends and one Hiashi Hyuga going completely insane and cheering loudly, as he expected her daughter to have her guts ripped off by Kakashi. Hiashi, who bet 2 cents on Hinata, plus Naruto, who bet thirty five dollars and forty cents on her (which was all his money at the time) ended up getting 84 dollars and 148680 dollars respectively. (The payout for betting on Hinata was a X 4200 multiplier.)

"Aw, sweet, now I can buy ramen everyday!" Naruto said, proudly carrying off his 148680 dollars and Hinata in his arms, who's still unconscious. Then, Naruto looked down and saw a cute, knocked-out girl with indigo hair. Then, Naruto just remembered something and thought, 'Hinata-chan looks almost exactly like that girl who helped me eleven years ago!'

-Flashback-

_A five-year old Naruto was standing in one of the streets in Konoha, where suddenly, a random hobo came and spat at him. Then, an adult from the Hyuga clan started attacking him with Jyukken strikes and a bunch of Chunin threw kunai at him. Also, some random civilians charged at him with knives and pitchforks. This is the eleventh time something like this happened this week._

_"Get the hell out of this world, you demon!" a random villager said._

_"Just please do all of us a favor and die!" another said._

_"Hey, do you guys have any more chocolate? I'm all out," a third replied._

_"Why do you people do this to me all the time! People always make fun of me, always try to attack me, and I have no home to live in! Will you please leave me alone?!" Naruto said in depression._

_"Never!" a villager said._

_"Yeah, we'll kill you here and now!" one said, revealing himself to be an Uchiha. Then, all of the villagers charged at Naruto angrily, yelling random curses and stabbing him, even though his wounds all heal up very quickly. One of them got out an explosive tag and put it on a knife, where he aimed for Naruto's heart, when a sudden voice yelled, "S-Stop!"_

_"Hm? And why should we stop, little girl? We're ridding this village of a terrible demon! It's only fair that we kill him!" a villager screamed._

_"B-because, that's only a little boy, and I don't know w-why you're attacking him...He has no home, people are always mean to him, yet he keeps enduring. And t-through it all, he's so kind! Please leave h-him alone!" the indigo-haired girl said._

_"Who'll listen to you, little brat?! Step out of the way or you die also!" the villager shouted back._

_"Y-you have to listen. Besides, I'm a Hyuga and I'm also the heiress, so if you kill me, you'll have my father to d-deal with. And I am not moving from this s-spot!" the little Hyuga yelled back._

_"Fine, let's do this tomorrow," another villager said and they all left._

_"You...why are you different from the others? Why aren't you treating me like trash like everyone else does?" Naruto said._

_"B-because you deserve b-better. Here, take this," the girl said as she took out a wad of bills worth 1000 dollars and a set of the highest quality kunai. "I m-might not be able to help you every day, but I want to make sure you l-live," the Hyuga girl said again._

_"You really don't need to, you know. That must be your family's entire savings!" Naruto said._

_"N-no, my clan's very rich, trust me. This is n-nothing to them, but it might help you. G-good luck, Naruto-kun!" she said as she hurried back, blushing very much._

_"Wait! I still need your name!" Naruto said. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" he said, as he put his hand out for a handshake._

_"I-I'm...(Naruto's brain went fuzzy, so he never remembered this so far.)." as she shook his hand, then realized, 'I'm holding his hand!' as she fainted for the first time._

_"Are you okay?! I'm so sorry...I have some injuries too, so I guess I'll carry you to the hospital!" Naruto said as he picked up the girl and..._

-Flashback end-

'Now, who was that girl? It can't be Sakura because she's a total bitch, it can't be Ino or Tenten because their hair's different...Aha! Hinata looks exactly like her...That must be her!' Naruto thought.

Naruto, being thankful, was whispering to a knocked-out Hinata, "Thank you…unlike everyone else in this village, you always help me out, whether it's on purpose or on accident. Now, one more favor while you're asleep, my angel," he said, while he leaned toward her.

In the meantime, Neji had his Byakugan on the whole time and was watching Naruto, who in his facial expressions, started having feelings of love toward Hinata although he didn't realize it that much. He was then watching Naruto trying to kiss a sleeping Hinata, which just shocked him.

As Naruto's lips touched Hinata's forehead (which was much smaller in comparison to Sakura's :P), Tenten inconveniently called, "HINATA! Wake up, we have to sabotage…Oops."

Then, Hinata started waking up and feeling something wet on her forehead, like maybe a kiss. When she looked up and saw Naruto, she fainted again.

"Crap! Now I have to sabotage Gai's match by myself!" Tenten said in anger.

"Why would you want to do that, Tenten?" Naruto asked.

"Why? Because, if Gai loses, that means Sakura goes up, right? And did you see how Hinata fought against Kakashi? That's nothing compared to what she'll do to Sakura. Trust me, even shy girls have bloodlust…Plus, I want that bitch Sakura to have her ass kicked!" Tenten explained.

"Oh, okay, want me to help?" Naruto said.

"Well, since it was your fault you decided to go Prince Charming at the worst possible time, sure!" Tenten replied, and after Naruto quickly set down Hinata, who was now red and unconscious, on a chair, they both ran off below the arena, hidden. After a few minutes, when Tsunade announced something not heard by them, but probably something like, "Gai and Sakura, you're up!", they went to action.

"Ok, so what are you gonna do to make sure Gai loses?" Naruto asked.

"Here's a picture of Lee getting slashed in the head with a sword, drawn by Sai," Tenten explained while Naruto winced at the name "Sai", as he thought that Sai was one of the most disgusting people in Konoha. Then, Naruto continually tried to shrug off the horrid thought of Sai saying, "Penis! Penis! Penis!"

Tenten continued, "This was painted so it blends in right with the bottom of the arena and it looks life-like, and Gai will look at poor little Lee and start being all goofy and crying, you know? Then, that bitch Sakura will do one of her famous earth-shattering punches at Gai, and since he's mourning about his "student", he won't notice, and will likely be unconscious."

"Wow, you girls sure had a lot of time to think about this. Well, the picture better be life-like!" Naruto said, surprised.

Maybe it was too late for this plan, though. Sakura was flying up into the air like a bullet and Gai did a multitude of punches and kicks, calling out, "Morning Peacock!", while Sakura's body was literally on fire from the lightning-quick movements of Gai. Naruto and Tenten had to act quickly, otherwise, Hinata will have to face Gai instead of Sakura. And they both knew that a bawling Sakura was better than a sniffling Gai.

"Ok, Naruto, put it up now! And do the transformation jutsu!" Tenten called.

"Gotcha!" He said as he put the picture up. "Transformation Jutsu!" they both yelled as Tenten turned into a kunai and Naruto turned into…a bowl of ramen.

"You idiot! He'd better not catch that!" Tenten the Kunai angrily called.

Gai was about to finish off Sakura when he noticed the picture under one of the arena's stands. He looked closely. "Hey, look, there's a kunai, a bowl of ramen, and Lee's getting stabbed in the head. Wait, LEE'S GETTING STABBED IN THE HEAD?! NOOOOOOOO!!" Gai said a little too dramatically, as he started crying and going toward his "student".

"Lee! Why…Why did you have to die at such a young age? You still had all your youth…And a life to live! You can't go now! LEEEEEE!!" as he broke out into sobs.

"Gai-sensei, I'm right here!" the real Lee said right above the stands, on a seat.

"Wait, if this Lee's talking and that Lee's dead, then…" Gai started, but was rudely interrupted with a bone-shattering uppercut from Sakura, dislocating Gai's jaw and making him unconscious. Sakura then smiled, as Lee angrily said,

"Sakura-chan! You are beautiful, but you have no right to strike so dishonorably as my awesome Gai-sensei was distracted!"

"Shut up, Lee!" Sakura rudely backlashed.

As Naruto and Tenten broke their transformation jutsus when no one was looking and went back up to the stands, Jiraiya said, "Maito Gai has a broken jaw and is unconscious!"

Tsunade angrily rebuked, "Another upset?! I lost another bet! I hate my life! I'm already in debt! SHIT!! Wait, sorry about that, folks! The winner is Sakura!…damn you."

The crowd booed again, as they all expected Gai, the Leaf's Green Devil to sweep this one clean, and they were losing their money. Tenten, however, was screaming in joy, as she's the one who rigged the match, so she put up 4600 dollars, her life savings, up to bet. The payout was a X 31 multiplier. Tenten therefore won 142600 dollars, almost as much as Naruto won in the first match.

"Alright! CHA! Now, Sai-kun will definitely love me! All I need to do is get a penis!" Sakura said cheerfully.

Then, Hinata finally got up from her deep sleep, turned red (again) and said, "N-Naruto-kun…You…you kissed me."

Naruto then said, "Yeah…sorry about that, but you were just so beautiful! Wait, did I say beautiful? I meant…um...uh…My booty's full and I have to go to the bathroom! Yeah, that's it! See ya, Hinata-chan!"

'Whew, that was a close one! I just hope Hinata-chan doesn't hate me after I was such an awkward freak...' he thought.

"Wait! Naruto-kun! I..I…" she said although he already left.

Neji then came up next to Hinata and said, "He finally loves you. Naruto, I mean. And I mean true love, not like the childish crush he had on Sakura. (Hinata beamed at this) He doesn't realize it yet, but these feelings will be understood by him soon. I could sense it with my Byakugan, which is, by the way, THA BOMB! Oops, sorry if I sounded like a braggart. Point is, maybe you should admit your love to him now, it sounds like the perfect time."

Hinaa blushed for what was probably the nineteenth time this day, then she need to get Naruto off her mind to not faint again, so she said, "T-Tenten…Did it…" before Tenten cut her off and said, "Yup. Mission accomplished. You get to kick Sakura's little petite wannabe butt.

Hinata then went from her cute-girl look to her evil-sadistic look and said, "Heh, heh! T-The time is near! Sakura, you will pay for what you did to Naruto-kun! PAY!!"

Sakura apparently heard some part of the conversation, and it shocked Hinata and Tenten to near-death, right there. Sakura then came up and said, "What? Why do I have to pay? I already paid at the mall for my new skimpy, revealing, provocative clothes that I'll wear to impress Sai-kun!" and showed a fishnet top and fishnet bottom, which would intentionally flat-out reveal her private parts.

"Okay…" Tenten said, as the two girls thought, 'Dirty whore.'

* * *

**Sorry for all the Sakura-bashing, people, but it had to be done. It was part of the storyline if I want a Naruhina, plus, I simply love bashing Sakura! Aren't I evil? :)**

**Please review or take the poll...again :P**

* * *

**The current standings:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1)Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai**

**Next: (3)Neji vs. (16)Konohamaru, then winner vs. (15)Naruto**

* * *

**Just in case people still care, I'll continue my poll. Who would you rather see winning for the following rounds:**

**Neji or Konohamaru? (Naruto will beat either of them in the next round fyi, sorry, storyline problems.)**

**(1 for Konohamaru, vote wasn't clear, but signified that Konohamaru was wanted to win.)**

**Kurenai or Choji?**

**(No votes)**

**Ibiki or Kiba? The winner of that or Sai?**

**(1 vote for Ibiki, then Sai.)**

**Iruka or Ino?**

**(No votes)**

**Rock Lee or Shikamaru?**

**(1 vote for Lee)**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(1 vote for Tenten)**

**And remember to review/post votes! )**


	9. Ch 8: Three Way! The Sexiest Battle Ever

Disclaimer: I couldn't think of a funny phrase about owning Naruto this time, so let's just say that I don't own Naruto.

Please R&R and vote on the poll :P

I really should be studying for a test :D

Chapter 8: Konohamaru vs. Neji vs. Naruto! The Sexiest Battle Ever!

* * *

_Last chapter: Tenten's plan worked, as Gai fell for the trap and Sakura ended up breaking Gai's jaw. For full details, see chapter 7._

**Neji vs. Konohamaru**

Everybody was anxious for the next match to be called, even though they knew it was all over anyway. The Hyugas' genius, Neji, was sure to beat up the little genin, Konohamaru. Or so they thought. Tsunade called over the microphone,

"Neji and Konohamaru! You're up next!…I better not lose my bet this time, even though I definitely will. I hate being in goddamn debt…"

Hinata then got up from her seat and said, "G-Good luck, Neji nii-san."

"Thank you, Hinata-sama." Neji called back.

"Actually, y-you don't have to call me that, it's not like I'm any better than you or anything," she answered.

"In some ways, you are, Hinata-sama. And I feel obliged to call you that in the first place," Neji said as he finally walked down.

Konohamaru then went up to Naruto and said, "I won't let you down, Boss!"

"Well, this is Neji Hyuga you're talking about, you gotta be careful!" Naruto replied.

"Hey, you said yourself, right? There's no shortcuts if I wanna be Hokage, and I can't go around the fact that I have to be better than Neji!" he said back.

"Alright then, I'm countin' on ya, Konohamaru!" Naruto said before Konohamaru, too, ran down to face his adversary.

Jiraiya was reading the latest edition of the Playboy magazine, imported from the US, and was giggling like a pervert would, when Tsunade yelled, "PUT THAT SMUT DOWN AND OFFICIATE ALREADY!"

"Ok, fine…The third match is Neji versus Konohamaru…START!" he yelled, as Konohamaru dashed towards the genius of the Hyuga, and before Konohamaru even came within 150 meters of him, Neji yelled, "Byakugan! Uber-Kaiten!" as he spinned like a top, and as his whirlpool of chakra reached farther than a whole football field.

Poor Konohamaru was swept off his feet and sent spiraling with the chakra, before splattering against the wall at a deadly velocity. Normally, that would've killed him, but he used the Replacement Jutsu at the last possible moment and instead flew straight into a conveniently placed bag of marshmallows.

"Aw…damn, that's such a strong jutsu!" Konohamaru said as he made a mental note: 'Don't get within 150 meters of this guy! My fire jutsu has a 165-meter range anyway!', as he went through a few hand signs and said, "Katon, Fire Bullets!", and spit out a spray of fast-flying, burning pieces of stone. Every single one of them hit Neji so hard that his heart came out the other side. Even Naruto couldn't believe it! Then, as Neji was falling and Konohamaru was thinking, 'Oh crap, I killed him!', a marshmallow behind him spoke. It said,

"Neji sure doesn't look good anymore, does he?", as the marshmallow turned into Neji and the fake, dead Neji puffed away.

"I don't like believing in destiny and fate anymore, but I still say that you're destined to hate this attack," Neji said as he went into the Hyuga attacking stance and yelled, "Eight Trigrams, Ninety-Six Palms! Two Palms! Four Palms! Eight Palms! Sixteen Palms! Thirty-Two Palms! Sixty-Four Palms! Ninety-Six Palms!" Konohamaru, due to the lack of experience, got hit by every single palm strike and was now down on the ground. 'Yup, I hated that attack very much.' Konohamaru thought.

Naruto suddenly called out from the crowd, "Konohamaru, don't forget, your special jutsu!", as Neji thought, 'Too late for that, the only jutsu Konohamaru can do now with his blocked chakra is a simple Transformation Jutsu.'

Then, Konohamaru yelled, "Gotcha, Boss! I'll be facing ya next round!" and then said, "Sexy no Jutsu!" and turned into a mostly nude woman with all the right curves, but with clouds covering her. However, because of the Byakugan, Neji could see through the clouds and kept having perverted thoughts.

"AAAUGH!! Curse you, Byakugan, and your ability to see through objects! Unfair! Shit!" Neji yelled as his eyes were fixated on the mostly naked woman and as he got a nosebleed.

Konohamaru then proceeded to attempt punching Neji although he blindly swatted Jyukken strikes back while being focused on the naked woman. (Konohamaru used a Shadow Clone Jutsu while no one was looking)

Then, Konohamaru realized something about a "blind spot" in the Byakugan after reading through his grandfather's archives and said, "Katon, Fire Stream Jutsu!". He launched a burning stream right into Neji's blind spot, which would barbecue Neji, who was STILL staring at the nude woman, and which would end the match…or not.

Jiraiya was also hallucinated by thoughts of perversion after looking at Konohamaru's "art", and Tsunade said, "You people are pathetic! Konohamaru wins the round! Damn, none of the favorites win! I lost 4000 dollars on this crappy tournament already! MY LUCK IS SO CRAPPY AND MOTHERFU...! Oh…sorry, folks! Heh…"

Naruto then remarked, "Wow, Neji might even be worse than Ero-sannin!", then noticed Jiraiya, who had dinner plates for eyes. "Never mind," he said.

Neji came back up, ashamed and embarrassed. He went up to Tenten, looking very guilty, then apologized, "I'm sorry, Tenten. I just couldn't help it...My Byakugan was on and..." while Tenten interrupted and said, "It's okay, Neji. I still love you!" and she started hugging Neji, who was blushing all over again.

Then, while Hinata and all of his other friends were right next to him, he commented, "Well, at least I'm not perverted like Neji, the only girl I need in my life is Hinat…uh…I mean…Hey, look, there's a cow! And it's eating Hinata! Quick, save her while I go to the bathroom!" and ran off to the "bathroom" once again. 'Wow, I really need to shut up sometimes' he thought.

Tenten started, "Do you think…"

Ino continued, "Seriously?"

Shino said, "Naruto loves…"

Shikamaru mumbled, "This may be a troublesome relationship."

Kiba jealously cried, "That bastard!"

Choji remarked, "I wanna eat a cow!"

Sai yelped, "Penis! Wait…wrong timing. Oh, well. Penis! Hey, Hinata, I hope you like your new _boyfriend_'s tiny excuse for a penis! Penis!"

Hinata then started turning red to the point that she looked like a fire hydrant and Akamaru had to resist the urge to go on her.

Then, as Naruto came back from the "bathroom", he passed Konohamaru and he said, "Hey, we're up next, boss!" as Naruto replied back, "Yeah, good job! Kinda cheap, but it did the trick." Then, Konohamaru gave Naruto a toothy smile before heading back up. When Naruto was back in his crowd of friends, he was greeted with many smirks, one pissed-off Kiba, and a scarlet-colored Hinata.

"We found out, Naruto!" Ino said.

"Eh? Found out what?" Naruto said, trying to act more stupid than he already is.

"Who you are deeply in love with, Naruto-san!" Lee said.

"Love? Oh, yeah, I love ramen! Yeah, that's…I'm doomed," Naruto sheepishly replied, and then said, "Fine, I kinda, sorta, maybe, probably, definitely, REALLY like you, Hinata-chan! Will you go out to Ichiraku's with me for ramen? Then, I'll be with the two that I love the most, you and ramen! C'mon! Is it a date? Please?"

Hinata just fell face-flat on the ground, fainting again. Yes, again.

"Is that a no?" Naruto asked.

"Nah, it's a yes. Definitely," Tenten replied.

"Alright, then! Hinata, once you wake up, I'll make sure that you have the time of your life! Believe it!" Naruto yelled, as Tsunade made an announcement.

* * *

**Naruto vs. Konohamaru**

"Next match! Naruto versus Konohamaru! Please come out! …Naruto, you better win this one, or else I'm sending you back to the Academy! I bet 2500 dollars on you!" she yelled.

"Wish me luck, guys! I'm gonna be the next Hokage! Believe it! (once again, dattebayo is so much better)" Naruto said joyously and jumped onto the arena.

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't make this fight too troublesome, Naruto," Shikamaru said as he was about to take a nap.

The two competitors marched onwards, and Konohamaru greeted Naruto, "I'll finally beat you, Boss!", while Naruto replied, "Don't count much on it! I'm the next Hokage, you know?"

Then, Jiraiya and Tsunade yelled, "Start!" and the two guys each said, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!", while emitting a giant puff of smoke. When it cleared, there were six Konohamarus and 1500 Narutos. 'Heh, I got him on this one,' Naruto thought, while Konohamaru said, "Sexy no Jutsu!"

One of the Konohamarus turned into a very curvaceous woman, even more attractive than the one he showed to Neji. However, all the Narutos just stood there and said, "I would've fell for that three years ago, but being with Jiraiya all this time...yeah, that woman sucks. ("What?! I thought Naruto was straight three minutes ago!" a drooling Choji yelled out.)

Konohamaru then said, "Tsk, tsk...you should've given up right then, I was eavesdropping on your conversation a few minutes ago...and...you're screwed!" while giving another toothy grin.

'Oh, shit!' Naruto just gave a look of shock, saying, "You...you wouldn't!"

Konohamaru then said, "Transformation! Sexy Jutsu!"

Then, at that moment, the entire world fell upside-down. The 2,500 Narutos just stared blankly where Konohamaru used to be...and saw Hinata...without any clothes on...and you get the message. Every Naruto in the vicinity got nosebleeds in both nostrils, and they were all screaming, blushing madly, and running in circles. Narutos bumped into other Narutos, and the other four Konohamarus said, "Katon, Fire Bullet Jutsu!" and sprayed flaming bullets at the Narutos. Eventually, only 100 Narutos remained, and none of them could bring themselves to hit "Hinata", so one of them went up and channeled his chakra through "Hinata's" head, trying not to faint. Then, he said, "Outer Transformation Jutsu!" and "Hinata" turned into a bullfrog. The Narutos stopped blushing and went toward Konohamaru, ready to strike.

The rest of the 99 Narutos split into four groups and they all kicked the Konohamarus upward, then one of the Narutos from each group jumped and wrapped Konohamaru in scotch tape while four more from each group jumped up and yelled, "Naruto Uzumaki Barrage, Lotus Style!". Then, three of them from each group gave fierce drop kicks, while the fourth one latched onto each Konohamaru and fell to the ground, full-force. ("Hey, everyone's stealing my technique! No fair!" Lee pouted.) Three of the Konohamarus disappeared, and the fourth one…was actually a bowl of ramen.

"What?! The Replacement Jutsu?! Why I oughta…Cool, ramen!" Naruto said as he started eating. When he finished the bowl and sighed of relief, Konohamaru appeared right next to him and started laughing like a four-year old did at Christmas.

"What's so funny, kid?" Naruto asked.

"That ramen has poison in it, Boss! And farting gas!" Konohamaru giggled.

"Shit…Why, you little brat!" Naruto said, as he ran, then clutched his stomach. He wanted the pain to go away so badly, and he actually NEEDED to go to the bathroom this time! Naruto then started to excrete a cloud of noxious gas which went out of the arena and all the way to Ichiraku's, where the old man said, "Sigh…Naruto ate one of our special Fart-Ramens, didn't he?"

Back at the arena, Naruto was pooped. Literally. Naruto then started to release Kyuubi's red demon chakra, but not for the reason he does most of the time. Everyone was screaming and getting freaked-out about Kyuubi, although Naruto would make this quick. He charged his chakra and then yelled, "Ultimate Foxy Sexy Jutsu!" and transformed into a foxy fox-lady, who had THE perfect curves that any man would die for, complete with fox ears and a tail. Every man above the age of 14 (except Shikamaru, for a peculiar reason) fell over because of all the feminine madness.

However, Konohamaru was barely 13 at the time. "Uh, Boss…adult sexiness doesn't affect me yet, I'm barely a teenager!" Konohamaru said, confusedly.

"Ok, fine, you win for now, but lemme try this one first," Naruto said as he said, "Kage no Bunshin Jutsu!" again and turned into 250 Narutos. Then, as Konohamaru was about to spit fire again, Naruto said, "Harem no Jutsu!" and turned into 250 exact copies of Hanabi Hyuga wearing a nurse's apron. (Konohamaru oddly had a nurse fetish, as he blushed every time he went to the hospital.)

Konohamaru turned as red as Hinata normally does, and proceeded to faint. "Ha-ha, I know who you like!" Naruto excitedly said as Ino butted in and said, "That makes TWO goofballs that like Hyugas!" and Naruto blushed. Ino then proceeded to get a pounding from Tenten as she said, "THREE! THREE goofballs like Hyugas, get it right!", as Ino said, "Oh, yeah, Neji. Well, he isn't important like Sai, Neji's a freaking creep!" Ino said proudly. Then, Tenten yelled with a voice that would put a nuclear explosion to shame, "WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU BITCH?! NEJI COMPLETELY BLOWS SAI OUT OF THE WATER! YOU DUMB FANGIRL!"

As all of the ridiculous commotion went on, Jiraiya was revealed to be unconscious like all of the men in the arena, with a red blush. Tsunade sighed and said, "Wow, you all disgust me. Since Konohamaru cannot continue and our proctor fainted, Naruto wins! YES! I finally won a bet!" as she motioned the person who takes bets to give her the money.

"Yeah! I'll be Hokage!" Naruto said, as Kiba replied,

"So you beat a midget. Don't get too cocky! And stay away from Hinata!"

Naruto furiously said, "At least I HAVE a cock, you dog! And I already know, you only want Hinata-chan for her rich clan, not because of the wonderful person she is! Stop being so freaking greedy, you son of a bitch!" as all of the verbal fighting continued on.

Then, Hinata woke up. What will she do? Will she have the guts to (officially) say yes to Naruto?

* * *

**Cliffhanger! Major Sakura-bashing after the Shino-Tenten fight!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai**

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

* * *

**If someone cares, I'll continue my poll. Who would you rather see winning for the following rounds:**

**Kurenai or Choji?**

**Choji and Kurenai tied, I'll decide if it stays tied.**

**Ibiki or Kiba? The winner of that or Sai?**

**(1 vote for Ibiki, then Sai.)**

**Iruka or Ino?**

**(No votes)**

**Rock Lee or Shikamaru?**

**(1 vote for Lee)**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(1 vote for Tenten)**

**And remember to review/post votes! )**


	10. Ch 9: 4th Dimension! Choji vs Kurenai

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto. Ok, I'm lying. I own a very bizzare fanfic about Naruto. :)**

**R&R and vote for the remainder of the poll, please!**

**I have science mid-finals Monday, which means mad studying, so I might only release 1-2 more chapters by Monday.**

* * *

Chapter 9: The 4th Dimension! Choji vs. Kurenai

_Konohamaru beat Neji, Naruto beat Konohamaru, and Naruto admitted his feelings for Hinata…and asked her out! …then she fainted. All in chapter 8! But now, it's 9! w00t!_

Hinata, right after waking up, tried to buy some time to think of how she would accept Naruto's invitation without completely embarrassing herself in front of the boy she loved for…11 years. Unfortunately, a concerned Naruto was right in front of her, watching her every move and he said,

"Hey Hinata-chan…about the date…will you go?"

Hinata felt blood rushing to her cheeks and her head for the umpteenth time in the past hour and she really felt like she needed more time. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she mumbled, "Um…N-Naruto-kun…I…I…"

Tenten then approached the two and decided to help out. "I see you don't understand the language of Hinata-ese…Let me translate. She's basically saying, 'Oh my god, yes! I've been waiting for this moment my entire freaking life! I love you, Naruto-kun!' Am I right, Hinata?"

Hinata quietly nodded, as she couldn't find a better way to put it.

"Ok, awesome! So, can we go now?...Hinata-tenshi?" ("Tenshi" means "angel" in Japanese, and Naruto will be calling Hinata that from time to time.)

"Hinata…tenshi? N-Naruto-kun…you're such a…Thank you, N-naruto-kun," Hinata said.

"Hey, don't mention it! You're the best person I ever met, now that I think about it! You're different from all the other girls! You...you really are an angel, Hinata-chan. And I never lie." Naruto said as he gently grabbed Hinata's waist and pulled him towards her. Then, his lips tried to find hers, as Hinata turned red again and said, "What…is Naruto-kun doing?"

Then, Tenten said cheerfully, "It's a kiss, stupid! Take it!"

For what seemed like hours, Naruto and Hinata's lips would stick together like Crazy Glue would stick to your hand if you were clumsy. As they let go, Hinata said, "I think this is the best day of my entire life."

Naruto said back, "The best day of mine…was when you were born, Hinata-chan,"

Tenten giggled, Lee gave one of his "shiny-tooth" smiles, and Kiba was angrily growling at the new couple. Neji was feeling proud of his cousin, even if she was weaker than he is, Choji said, "Grats, guys!" while munching on his barbecue-pork flavored chips, Shino gave the thumbs-up to Hinata, Shikamaru lazily looked at the two, but with a faint smile, Kurenai was at peace because her least confident student was finally happy, and Sakura and Ino didn't give a damn because they were staring at Sai, who was singing, "Old MacPenis has a farm, P-E-N-I-S!"

Tsunade managed to break all the commotion by saying over the speakers, "Kurenai and Choji, you are next! Please come down!"

Hinata then proceeded saying, "N-Naruto-kun, if we may, let's go to Ichiraku's n-next battle, I s-still have to see Kurenai-sensei's fight."

"I'm alright with that! Besides, it's okay to skip that jerk Kiba's match, anyway!" Naruto happily replied.

"But K-Kiba isn't really that bad once you know him," Hinata said, defending her teammate.

"Hinata-chan, Kiba said that he would steal me away from you and have you for himself! And he admitted that he only wants you for your rich clan!" Naruto said ferociously.

"H-he wouldn't! Would h-he?" Hinata asked as Kurenai and Choji were walking on stage.

Shikamaru said to Choji, "Good luck, buddy. And Kurenai has genjutsu, so try to finish her off as fast as possible if you don't want things to be troublesome, alright?"

"Okay, thanks, Shikamaru!" Choji said gratefully, still munching on his 2-pound bag of chips.

Naruto then said, "You just don't know how much of an asshole Kiba-teme is, do you, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata didn't want to betray her teammate, so she said nothing, but she also wanted to find out if Kiba actually said those things about her (which he did, sometime in this story, but it wasn't mentioned). Then, Jiraiya said, "Oh, my god, these girls are so hot! Wait…Sorry about that, folks!" as he put down his Playboy magazine (again) and continued, "This match is Choji versus Kurenai…Go!"

Kurenai already activated her genjutsu, and the more she already knew about her opponent, the better. First, Choji's bag of chips disappeared. "No, barbecue's my favorite flavor! No one steals my chips! NOBODY!" he said, and then yelled, "Partial Expansion Jutsu!" and made his middle finger the size of Shaq O' Neal. He then proceeded to slamming his middle finger in an attempt to smash Kurenai with a giant flick-off. She dodged every blow, as Choji's giant finger wasn't too fast.

Kurenai dropped a vial on the ground, and thought 'Genjutsu! Illusion Transformation!' as Choji saw the arena turning into a banquet hall. In the middle of the hall, he could see a giant barbeque steak. A tiny voice in Choji's head that seemed to be Shikamaru said, "Don't, Choji! It's a trap!", but Choji was too obsessed in food to listen. He took the declicious, tender "steak" and downed it in four bites. Then, Choji saw the room blurring and turning back into the arena. He felt a bitter, horrible taste in his mouth and said, "Huh?! What happened!"

"Aw, I told you not to fall for the genjutsu, Choji! Troublesome…" Shikamaru replied in despair.

"What you think you just ate is steak. However, what you really just drank is a vial of chakra restrainer. You cannot use more than 1 percent of your chakra for the next thirty minutes! I think you're finished," Kurenai said.

"Curse me and my tendency to eat! Oh, well," Choji said as he took out a case of pills and ate a green spinach one, increasing his current chakra to 4 percent. Even this was a low amount, as he could probably do one A-ranked jutsu and be finished. However, he had to take the risk. "Super Earthquake Attack!" Choji said, as he increased his dimensions tenfold and jumped up pretty high for a fat guy. He then smashed down and literally caused earthquakes, making the whole arena rumble, and making the spectators jump out of their seats.

Kurenai, though, saw this coming and wrapped herself in a genjutsu and lifted herself up. Choji had little chakra left, so he took the yellow curry pill and increased his chakra to 11 percent. He then prepared a defense to increase his chakra reserve. "Porcupine Shield!" Choji yelled out as his hair covered his whole body and knife-shaped spikes of hair came out.

"You can't physically protect from some genjutsu, even if you can't see it!" Kurenai said. She then formed around 33 hand signs before focusing and saying, "I want to end this quickly…so this is my most powerful technique! Fourth Dimension!"

Choji saw everything change. Everything was screwed up. He then knew the rules for this bizarre jutsu. He had to find a way out. 'Only if I was Shikamaru…' he thought, and wandered the four-dimension hall, left, right, up, down, forward, backward, and he couldn't even find the fourth dimension, which was needed to get out. Choji then realized that the genjutsu was stabbing at his chakra, and soon, he'd be entirely dried out. The Fourth Dimension is not without enemies, also. Many four-dimensional gnomes that looked more like inside-out leprechauns, started attacking him in every possible direction, including the ones Choji could not comprehend. Choji did his Porcupine Shield jutsu again, and it protected Choji from the first three dimensions, but the gnomes that were jumping from the invisible fourth dimension got to Choji and pierced his skin. Choji had a large, bleeding cut in his stomach, and he was now entirely out of chakra. This was it. He was done for.

"Release!" Kurenai said, as Choji came out of his trance with a slash in his midsection, and Jiraiya called, "Choji is out of chakra, Kurenai wins!"

Choji just went up to the stands, depressed, as first aid medics finished putting a bandage on his stomach. Shikamaru came up to Choji and said, "Hey, you did the best you could. Other than the tactical mistake of killing your chakra reserves, I couldn't have fought any better,"

Choji said, "Thanks, but I still feel crappy for losing…"

Ino said, "Too bad Kurenai didn't cut deeper into your stomach and cut some of the fat out…"

Shikamaru looked a little pissed-off and said, "Will you just shut up? Girls like you make it so troublesome these days…You're anorexic for crying out loud!"

Ino gave a quick "Hmph!" and left.

Meanwhile, Kurenai came back up and Hinata said, "C-congratulations, Kurenai-sensei!"

"Thanks, Hinata! Don't forget, you did well, too! And against one of the highest jonin! And good luck on your date." Kurenai said back.

"Hey, Hinata-chan, this means we can get our ramen now, right?" as Naruto's stomach made a loud, grumbling noise. "Eh…I'm starved!"

A miracle happened then, Hinata burst out laughing for the first time in about thirteen years, something she never did either because of her shyness or her father's strict nature.

"Y-yeah, let's go, Naruto-kun," she said very happily as the two leaped up and left the building.

* * *

**Will Ibiki or Kiba win? Will Sai take it all? How will Naruto and Hinata's first date turn out? And is the hobo from a few chapters ago making another appearance? Find out at Chapter 10! And remember: Only 5 to 7 chapters left until Sakura has her ass handed to her! Just a warning to Sakura fans and a notice to haters :)**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura (mwa ha ha)  
**

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: Vote if you care :)**

**Ibiki or Kiba? The winner of that or Sai?**

**(3 votes for Ibiki, 1 vote for Kiba, 2 for Sai after, and 0 for anyone else after.)  
**

**Iruka or Ino?**

**(3 for Iruka, 0 for Ino)**

**Rock Lee or Shikamaru?**

**(2 for Lee, 1 for Shika)**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(4 for Tenten, 0 for Shino (lawl, everyone likes Tenten in this story) )**

* * *

**New Poll: Sasuke will come back to Konoha soon...(Fangirl: OMFG SASUKE!! YAY!!) When he does, which Sakura-bashing song parody would you like to see him and his band sing? (This is part of the plot, the purpose is to piss Sakura off before she fights Hinata so she's more furious :P)  
**

**Sakura Pica El Culo ("Mi Pica El Culo" by Raruto, a parody of Naruto)**

**Sakura's a Bitch ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" from South Park, originally, this was someone else's idea, but i forgot who :( )**

**Sakura has a Big Butt ("I like Big Butts" or something similar by MC Hammer)**

**Sakura's Too Fat: The Polka ("Too Fat Polka" by Arther Godfrey)**

**Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura! ("I'm too Sexy" by ??)**

**Any other choice**

**And remember to review/post votes! :)  
**


	11. Ch 10: The Date! And Sai's Sick Mind!

**Disclaimer: I think disclaimers suck! Also, I don't own Naruto. As of the moment, Hinata owns Naruto.**

**R&R please! And please vote in the two polls :P**

**Still studying for science mid-finals, so sorry if this seems rushed. And sorry if the date doesn't seem too romantic (or too emotional), I'm still only used to doing comedy, the next one will be better, I guarantee it :D**

* * *

Chapter 10: The Date Hinata Waited 11 Years For! And Sai vs. Someone

The new couple was smiling brightly as they jumped around the streets of Konoha, going to Ichiraku's, and skipping Kiba's match against Ibiki. There might've been crys of "The rich brat's with the demon?! How pathetic!", but Naruto and Hinata were so happy each other that they ignored everything. Naruto, especially, felt relieved because he knew what genuine love felt like for the first time in his life, for his parents were gone and Sakura's…a bitch.

After they landed, the two pulled each other into a quick hug, and they both blushed, especially Hinata. Then, they marched right into Ichiraku's, when Naruto said, "Hey, old man! What's up?"

The old man, Teuchi, said, "Nothing much, Naruto. Who's your pretty friend?"

Hinata responded right away, "I'm Hinata H-Hyuga. Pleased to meet you." and Naruto followed up, "We're going out! Right, Hinata?"

She answered, "Yes. I've never been on a date before…B-but you're the only person I ever wanted."

"Hell, I can't say that. Can't believe I actually fell for that Sakura. Pfft. You hate her too, don't you, Hinata?" Naruto said. "I heard Tenten saying you were gonna smash the living soul outta her!"

Teuchi came back, and gave Naruto around 15 different bowls of ramen. "The usual for you, right? I already have it. What would you like, Hinata?" he said.

"One chicken, please," she answered. When Teuchi started making ramen again and Naruto was already gulping down his fourth bowl, Hinata asked apprehensively, "S-sakura…she's on your team. Is it okay with you if I…b-beat her up a little?"

"Go for it! It'll teach the bitch to shut up! And she deserves a beating for being so mean to me! Wait, I just remembered…Weren't you that girl about 11 years ago who defended me? I gotta make sure," Naruto said.

"Y-yes, Naruto-kun. That's…why I wanted to defend you in the first place. I always gave up in everything, and I accepted being a failure. Until I saw you. People were treating you…so b-badly, and you still stood up with that bright smile every day, s-still having hope. That's why I defended you. That's why…I loved you, Naruto-kun."

"It was nothing, actually, ya get used to not having parents and being treated like shit after a while," Naruto happily said.

"N-Naruto-kun…I still want to make up for everything bad that's happened in your life. You…deserved none of it. I k-know that even if you look happy, you still have sadness in your heart and I want to cure it! I know you're a good person, and I'll do anything to help you. I'll even…protect you with my life if I have to!" Hinata said somewhat bravely, while starting to cry a bit.

"Hey, you know none of this is your fault, Hinata-chan! You don't have to make up for anything. Besides, what are we doing on a date, talking about how bad my life is? How about we talk about more positive stuff? And I thought I was the one who would protect you!" Naruto said. "And seeing you cry is even worse than all I've been through, I'll make sure you never cry again!"

As Hinata got her ramen and said, "Thank you," to Teuchi, she placed her head on Naruto's (quite muscular) chest, also proposed, "H-How about we make a promise?"

"What do you mean?" a confused Naruto said, lightly hugging Hinata now.

"L-Let's promise to protect each other and always be together until the end," she suggested.

"No problem! I swear on my life! And I never go back on my word! That's my ninja way! I promised that whore Sakura that I'll get Sasuke back…and I'll still do it even if she doesn't give a shit anymore! Because that's my nindo! Besides, you're the only girl for me." Naruto said.

"S-Same here, Naruto-kun. I will always be with you no matter what! Because that is also my nindo!" Hinata said, as a limping figure walked through Ichiraku's. He revealed himself to be Kiba.

"Hey, Hinata. Lovely hair today. And you, ya bastard. I just came to say that you're missing Penis Boy, or Sai's fight right now and maybe you should hurry back," Kiba moaned.

"Cut it, teme. I know you just want to break us up! And it's not happening, so Da-Tte-Ba-Yo!" Naruto said angrily.

"Alright, suit yourselves," Kiba responded as he limped back.

"Ibiki beat the crap outta you, didn't he?" Naruto said mockingly, as Kiba just gave him the middle finger and ran off.

After sipping a bit more ramen, Hinata decided to break the silence and make the date a bit more cheerful, saying, "Hey N-Naruto-kun, do you know why Sakura was naked at Sasuke's 12th birthday party?"

"Uh…I don't know. Because she "did it" with Sasuke?" Naruto confusedly replied.

Hinata let out a few giggles and said, "No, silly, it's because Sakura thought s-she had to show up in her…birthday suit!" and Naruto started laughing uncontrollably. Hinata joined him, but then said, "You're still laughing?! It was such a c-corny joke!"

"Not the way you said it!" Naruto laughed as he was crying from all the giggles. "I got one! What do Shikamaru and Choji always do?"

"Um…I d-don't know," Hinata said.

Naruto answered, "Choji thinks Shikamaru's head is a pineapple and eats him…then Shikamaru keeps saying "Troublesome" because he can't see the clouds in Choji's belly!"

"Eh…I g-give it a 6 out of 10," Hinata sheepishly said, as Naruto replied, "Are you crazy? That was definitely 8-out of 10 material and you know it!" as they finished their ramen and kept laughing at very lame jokes.

"I'll pay the bill!" Naruto said, but Hinata said, "N-No, I'll pay it. I insist," she said as she took out her wallet stuffed with 100-dollar bills, trying to hide it from Naruto (because she didn't want to look spoiled, which she really isn't)

The couple then went out to the street and kissed, feeling ramen-flavored tongues in their mouths. After they finally let go, Naruto said, "You know what? I thought you were always so quiet and weird, but you're a pretty fun person, actually." as he smiled.

Hinata said, "So, w-will we go out again?"

"Absolutely, as soon as I become Hokage!" Naruto said.

"I think I'll b-be Hokage, you know," Hinata told Naruto.

"Well, maybe... But you can always be the Hokage's wife!" Naruto said as Hinata blushed and the couple headed back to the arena.

* * *

They headed in, as Tenten and Neji immediately asked, "How did the date go, guys?"

Naruto said, "It was pretty great, actually!" and Hinata blushed again.

"Hey guys, Ibiki's about to finish Sai off!" Choji said as Naruto went up to look at the sadistic Ibiki and his penis-obsessed teammate, Sai. Sai was obviously in some kind of trance, as he didn't move much and looked like he's writing something invisible down.

"Passed it," Sai said, as Ibiki was forced to release his "Super-Written Exam of Death" genjutsu. Then, Ibiki threw a few shuriken at Sai, who deflected them with ink ropes. The ink ropes then tried wrapping around Ibiki, who dodged almost all of them except one, which started making his left leg lose circulation and turn blue.

"Oh, shit!" Ibiki said, as Sai started forming hand signs. He then bit his thumb and placed the blood on a giant canvas.

"Chinpoko Summoning Jutsu!" yelled Sai as he summoned a cloud, which revealed to be…

"A PENIS?!" Naruto said as the guys all rushed to the trash can and threw up. All except Shikamaru, for another peculiar reason. 0.o (If you haven't noticed yet, Shika's gay in this story.)

"Super Penis Attack! Penis!" Sai said madly as…well, the penis squirted something out, no further comments. Ibiki was drenched in chakra-absorbing…goo and was further trapped.

Then, Sai made a couple of ink sais (daggers) and raced toward Ibiki, and made a few deep cuts in his arm and midsection as Jiraiya called, " STOP! Ibiki is in no condition to continue, Sai wins! Very…freaking…disgustingly. Ugh!" he said as he threw up in a bag.

"Jeez!…That was so sick!" Neji said, as most of the guys continued to puke their guts out.

Tenten reassured him, "It wasn't _that _bad, Neji-kun!" as Neji said back, "Are you kidding?! Mine's five times that size!"

Then, Tenten said again, "Alright, you're getting a bit _too _detailed there, mister!"

Sakura then simply trampled over Naruto and Hinata, who were holding hands at the moment, and directly ran to Sai. She yelled, "That was amazing, Sai! I love you!" as Ino called, "Shut up, Forehead! I love Sai more!"

In the midst of their argument, Naruto and Hinata, who were pancakes right now, got up and Naruto the Pancake said, "I think I'll get my revenge on Sakura now."

"N-No, I think I'll take the honor, Naruto-kun," Hinata the Pancake said as evil thoughts, very evil ones about Sakura ran through her mind.

* * *

**Super-Sakura bashing is almost imminent now! Next chapter: A Clash between Iruka and Ino!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura (mwa ha ha)**

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: Vote if you care :)**

**Iruka or Ino?**

**(4 for Iruka, 0 for Ino)**

**Rock Lee or Shikamaru?**

**(3 for Lee, 1 for Shika)**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(5 for Tenten, 0 for Shino )**

* * *

**New Poll: Sasuke will come back to Konoha soon...(Fangirl: OMFG SASUKE!! YAY!!) When he does, which Sakura-bashing song parody would you like to see him and his band sing? (This is part of the plot, the purpose is to piss Sakura off before she fights Hinata so she's more furious :P)  
**

**Sakura Pica El Culo ("Mi Pica El Culo" by Raruto, a parody of Naruto)**

**Sakura's a Bitch ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" from South Park, originally, this was someone else's idea, but i forgot who :( )**

**(2 votes; Leader)**

**Sakura has a Big Butt ("I like Big Butts" or something similar by MC Hammer)**

**Sakura's Too Fat: The Polka ("Too Fat Polka" by Arther Godfrey)**

**Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura! ("I'm too Sexy" by ??)**

**Any other choice**

**And remember to review/post votes! :)**


	12. Ch 11: Sakura's Plan! And Iruka vs Ino!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I will totally own Sakura in about 3 more chapters. Mwa ha haa!**

**R&R, please, keep voting if you haven't yet, and Sasuke will come back with Hebi in about 3 chapters! (Sasu Fangirl: YAY!!)**

**Now I have TWO Science tests early next week, so this might be the last one for the weekend. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Chapter 11: C-7! Sakura's Evil Plan! Also, Ino vs. Iruka; Academy Clash

_The happy couple, Naruto and Hinata, have recently been flattened like pancakes. All thanks to Sakura, who'll be getting due revenge sooner or later. Also, all of the males (except Shika) have recently puked because of Sai's revolting antics. For more detail, see Chapter 10! But for now…_

"That Naruto bastard…he almost made me cry! I am NOT a fangirl-whore!" Sakura said.

"Eh…you kind of are, Forehead," Ino replied.

"Shut up, Ino-pig! And that bitch Hinata, acting all nice and shit, it was all HER fault I'm pissed right now! Ugh! That spoiled brat! She deserves nothing!" Sakura yelled back.

"Uh…Sakura, Hinata actually IS nice. For the most part, she has a pure heart, unlike you or me. Trust me, my Mind-Body Transfer Jutsu figured that out. Oh, and Hinata's not spoiled at all, she may come from a rich family, but she's always abused by her dad or her peers and never given anything, not even love." Ino said.

"Damn you, Ino! Can't you be on my side for once?!" Sakura angrily replied.

"Well, you are practically my only friend because Shika-gay and Choji-fat are always together, so fine," Ino said, with slightly hurt pride.

"Alright, then. I really want to make that Naruto miserable and I'll kill that little whore, Hinata…" Sakura threatened as Ino interrupted,

"She's NOT a whore for the last time, I admit that we're probably ten times the whore she is! And you and I both know that Hinata has more curves than either of us, and that any guy would fall for her, but there's a REASON she wears that conservative jacket! Jeez! Stop ripping on people if you don't have facts!"

"Alright, alright, as long as you listen, Ino-pig. Naruto and Hinata are madly in love now, right?" Sakura asked.

"Yep," Ino weakly replied.

"Okay, then here's Plan C-7," Sakura said as she whispered the plan.

Ino replied, "Eh, I dunno, Sakura. Sounds kinda cruel. And it'll rip up Hinata so much emotionally that she'll probably end up in the insane asylum. And once again, she hasn't done anything wrong!"

"Exactly. And what do you mean she hasn't done anything wrong?! She pissed me off! No one pisses me off! I should get everything I want! By the way, we'll execute Plan S-12 after C-7, you know, the one where we get Sai laid. With us," Sakura replied.

"Now THAT sounds like a good plan!" Ino said, as Tsunade called over the speakers, "Ino and Iruka, you are up next!"

"Alright, gotta battle!" Ino said as Sakura replied, "Got the plan, right? C-7, then S-12. Whore Fangirls Out!"

Ino replied with some regret, "Right. C-7 and S-12…Out," as she ran to the arena and thought, 'Hinata doesn't deserve that! She's too nice! I need to find a way to stop this before Sakura totally, like, scars her for life!'

Meanwhile, Naruto saw Iruka walking down and said, "Good luck, Iruka-sensei! And you better win, I wanna face you for old times sake!"

"Don't worry, Naruto! And thanks!" Iruka replied as he, too, got ready to battle.

The two shinobi came down and got in their fighting stances as Jiraiya called out, "The battle is between Iruka and Ino, you al know all the rules and yadda-yadda…Fight!"

'He's an academy teacher and because of that, he has basic fundamental knowledge of almost every topic and jutsu type, but probably doesn't excel in anything! Time for my specialty!' Ino thought as she closed in and threw three kunai.

Iruka got out a kunai also and deflected the three and said, "Negative Charge Jutsu!" as he infused his kunai with an electric element. He then rushed toward Ino and said, "Clone Jutsu!" as four Irukas now appeared. Ino knew the trick to this one, it was so basic! Find the one with the shadow!

Wait…they all have shadows! 'What the hell?! He didn't even make Shadow Clones!' she thought as Iruka got to her and tried to slash her with his electric kunai.

"I did a Transformation Jutsu at the same time so my clones aren't solid, but I made them to still have shadows!" Iruka explained as one of the Irukas went toward Ino and took another slash.

"Then I'll have to guess!" she said as she punched the first one with full force. It disappeared. Then, Ino made a medical chakra blade and inserted it within Iruka's arm, making the muscles cease to move. Only it, too, disappeared. The two Irukas that were left charged forward, then one jumped over Ino and they attacked from opposite sides. Ino slashed her chakra blade in a rotational pattern and got one of the Irukas!

…Another fake. The last one ran in, and Ino finally got a solid hit. The only thing being…she got solid wood.

"Damn, a Substitution Jutsu!" Ino said as she finally got shocked by the electric kunai and Iruka said, "A ninja should master all the basics before learning expert jutsu!"

"Yeah, I know that!" Ino replied, as she said, "You shoulda thought of that too!"

"What do you mean?" Iruka replied, then he stared down at his feet. Chakra strings were wrapped around it.

"Now I remember! The Yamanakas' special technique!" he said in shock as Ino said, "Too late! Mind-Body Disturbance!"

Iruka then punched himself, even though he tried to stop, and his legs were wobbly. They were being taken over by Ino, as Iruka the human puppet now ran himself into a wall.

"Wha?! What the hell's happening?!" Naruto said, surprised, as his old sensei was being beaten to a pulp...by himself.

"N-Naruto-kun...It's the Mind-Body Disturbance jutsu! It's sending disruptive chakra signals to Iruka-sensei's head and making him move involuntarily..." Hinata expained while having her Byakugan on.

Iruka kept beating himself up, until he was almost out of chakra and ready to give up. Then, he realized something.

'Wait, doesn't the human brain work by sending small electric signals through neurons that then go through the spinal cord to make movements? If so, then Ino must be charging slight amounts of electric signals to my head to disrupt and control it! I have an idea!' he thought.

Iruka took some final bits of chakra and molded it into a sphere in his palm with difficulty, as he was being controlled. He then mixed an electric element into it, and he said, "Rai-sengan! ("Electric Rasengan")

"That powerful chakra...Its is half of Kakashi's powerful Chidori and Naruto's spinning Rasengan!" Neji said, also scanning the field with his Byakugan.

"That's useless now! I can make you hit yourself with it!" Ino said confidently.

"That is my intention," Iruka replied back.

"What?!" the blonde kunoichi yelled as Iruka took the ball of lightning-mixed chakra and moved it along his cranium and temple. He then started having free control of his body parts because his neurons were righting themselves and dispelling Ino's disruptive signals.

"Hm...making electric chakra signals to disrupt Ino's control...Pretty smart. Ino's gonna feel troublesome," Shikamaru said, analyzing the battle.

"Aw, shit! Not many people get out of that!" Ino said. "But you still have almost no chakra, and therefore move very slowly! Now's the time! Mind-body Transfer Jutsu!" she yelled, as her soul went crawling forwards. She then took over what appeared to be Iruka, but then, Iruka-Ino yelled, "What?! I'm in the brain of a log! And it's very perverted! Ew, I don't wanna do a log!"

Ino realized that she made herself fall into a Replacement Jutsu, as the real Iruka reappeared and was holding Ino's unattended body. "Release!" Ino the log said, and she went back into her old body, but she already had another electrified kunai right to her neck. "Checkmate," Iruka said.

"Ino is in a position of inescapable death! Therefore, Iruka wins!" Jiraiya called, as both competitors went back up and Iruka was congratulated by a few of his old Academy students, especially Naruto, who gave him instant ramen as a treat. Hinata just smiled warmly at Naruto's good ethics, as she was blissfully unaware that Sakura was about to make her life very, very miserable.

Ino went back up too, where Sakura was hiding out, and said, "Aw, I lost!"

Sakura rudely said, "Never mind that, just initiate Plan C-7 before Bug Boy and that ugly panda, Tenten, fight."

"Dammit, Sakura, can you stop being a bitch to all the other girls behind their backs for just 10 minutes?!" Ino said.

Tenten was right near them at the time, when she heard the hurtful words and thought 'That bitch, no one calls me a panda! Especially not an ugly one! I REALLY hope Hinata kills her soon! But wait, what's Plan C-7? It's not about me, Hinata, or Naruto, is it? Because she's been bitchy to us three lately!'

* * *

**Looks like Ino has a heart after all. Well, see what Plan C-7 is a few episodes later, as drama will be created and Sakura will still be bashed. :D**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura (mwa ha ha)**

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: Vote if you care :)**

**Rock Lee or Shikamaru?**

**(3 for Lee, 1 for Shika)**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(5 for Tenten, 0 for Shino )**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? (New poll!)**

**(0 to 0)**

* * *

**New Poll: Sasuke's coming back, and when he does, which Sakura-bashing song parody would you like to see him and his band sing? (This is part of the plot, the purpose is to piss Sakura off before she fights Hinata so she's more furious :P)  
**

**Sakura Pica El Culo ("Mi Pica El Culo" by Raruto, a parody of Naruto)**

**Sakura's a Bitch ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" from South Park, originally, this was someone else's idea, but i forgot who :( )**

**(2 votes; Leader)**

**Sakura has a Big Butt ("I like Big Butts" or something similar by MC Hammer)**

**Sakura's Too Fat: The Polka ("Too Fat Polka" by Arther Godfrey)**

**Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura! ("I'm too Sexy" by ??)**

**Any other choice**

**And remember to review/post votes! :)**


	13. Ch 12: Youth and Lazy! Lee vs Shikamaru

**Disclaimer: I really don't want to own Naruto. I mean, he eats around 70 ramens a day! That adds up to around 250 or more dollars a day! No way!**

**Sasuke's coming back, R&R and vote before he does or else he'll use the Chidori on you! (lolz)**

**By now, I should've studied for my dumb test enough, which is why I'm writing this :P**

* * *

Chapter 12: The Value of Hard Work? Shikamaru vs. Rock Lee

_Sakura, and reluctantly, Ino, are about to unleash a plan that might shatter Naruto and Hinata's relationship! The "C-7"! Also, Ino just got pounded by Iruka. However, Ino is having regrets about the evil C-7 plan, so what will she do?_

"So, Ino-pig, are you ready to initiate the plan and make that filthy little Hinata cry? Hm? Hm?" Sakura poked.

"Sakura…I've thought a long time about this…so please leave me out of it. I just don't think I can do it...I'm sorry," Ino said, walking away.

"WHAT?! Get back here…you bitch! We have to make the other bitch's life miserable!" Sakura yelled, and apparently, something's happening, but we'll direct our attention back to the rest of the guys.

"You're kidding…Rock Lee…I should just quit now," Shikamaru moped, as the rest of the Konoha 11 (minus Sakura and Ino) stood over him.

"Aw, c'mon! I had to face a Jonin, Shikamaru! You can do it!" Choji enthusiastically said.

"Yeah, you have so much you can do, but you slack off! Don't give up now!" Naruto encouraged.

"Shikamaru-san! An honorable shinobi always fights until the end and works as hard as he can! You can do it too!" Lee told him.

"Man…how troublesome is this?" he said as Tsunade announced once more,

"Brock O-Lee a…nd Cheeka Marooh…you're down! I mean left! I mea…nt up!" with a drowsy slur to her voice.

"Baa-chan's drunk on sake again?! What an old geezer…" Naruto said, as Shikamaru and Rock Lee made their way down.

"Good luck, Shikamaru!" his friend Choji called, as he replied, "Eh…I'm gonna give up anyway…"

"Lee! My youthful student! Show him your extensive training of blooming youth!" Gai said as Rock Lee said back, "I will, Gai-sensei!" and the two started crying emotionally again.

"You're kidding…Why can't you be emotional like that, Neji?" Tenten asked as Neji didn't give a reply, but glanced in her direction, looking slightly disappointed.

Jiraiya, down at the arena, had a pair of binoculars and was staring at a pair of D-cup breasts somewhere in the audience, when Tsunade yelled, "PUT THOSE DAMN BINOCULARS DOWN AND START THE MATCH, YOU PERVERT!"

Jiraiya proceeded to blush as the woman in the audience was now hiding from Jiraiya's gaze.

"Alright…Rock Lee and Shikamaru, fight!" Jiraiya called, then he put up his binoculars again until he saw a pair of even bigger breasts…He stared at them until a giant rock hit his head and Tsunade yelled, "THOSE ARE MINE, YOU DUMBASS!!"

Lee already was at Shikamaru's back, as he was thinking of a strategy, and Lee kicked Shikamaru in the sides at lightning speed, until he was kicked a final time hard in the head, sending him flying and his mouth biting the dust. 'Lee's strength and speed…Out of everyone, why him? Troublesome…' he thought.

Then, Shikamaru created a whip of shadow under his feet, as Lee came for him again. Shika's shadow speed has improved, but nowhere near enough to catch Lee. Lee was running in circles around Shika, making him almost invisible, then after Shika got dizzy, Lee went under him and kicked him up. Then, he wrapped Shika in bandages and proceeded to yell, "Primary Lotus! The Original!" as Lee quickly spun Shikamaru and they both landed with maximum force and made a giant crater.

Shikamaru looked done for, as he had a bump in his head and swirls in his eyes. Rock Lee moved to use another taijutsu technique…but he didn't budge! "What…how did this happen?!" Lee said, shocked.

"Heh…I just waited for you to use your Lotus, which is the technique for you that takes the longest to execute. Also, the Lotus makes your body contact a lot of mine. Using that to my advantage, I used the giant shadow your body made that overlapped with mine and trapped you in my Shadow Possession Jutsu," he said.

"I have made a mistake…I cannot make extended moves anymore!" Lee said as he struggled to get out, but unfortunately, he was more speed-based than muscle-based.

"Shadow Strangle Jutsu!" Shika proceeded saying, as shadow hands started moving up Lee, but once Shikamaru realized that his shadow touched a sensitive part of Lee, he started blushing. Then, a hand moved up to Lee's neck, and Lee was still trying to get out. 'My strength has to match his to get out! So I will work harder!' Lee thought.

Lee gathered up all of his strength on one burst, saying "Second Gate…Open!" and he finally had enough strength, not to fully escape, but to move his arms and torso. Shikamaru started looking nervous, as Lee reached down slowly, overcoming the shadow, and unlatched his ankle weights, which produced a large sound. Such as "CRASH!!" or "BOOM!" Maybe even, "PLOINK!" Whatever it was, Lee was freed from 2.6 tons of weight on him and his legs' strength was finally enough to escape Shikamaru's jutsu.

"You escaped…No matter…This will be troublesome, but I'll get it done with…Three-Dimensional Shadow Jutsu!" Shikamaru lazily said as the shadows now had the dimension of height.

"Whoa, when did he learn that?!" Naruto said.

Ino ran back to the rest of the group and said, "Ever since Shika became a Chunin, he started being even more lazy and falling behind everyone...He envied Neji for getting to Chunin, then Jonin while he didn't even make a move. Hell, he was even jealous of you, Naruto, when he saw your new Rasengan! So...he trained for 3 more minutes a day...making it four...and learned how to make shadows three-dimensional! That's just it!"

Lee tried charging around Shikamaru and landed five brutal kicks on him until he aimed an axe kick at Shikamaru's head, when Shikamaru caught Lee's foot with the shadow.

"Got you again…and this time, you're not getting away. Shadow Lotus!" Shikamaru yelled, as Lee thought, 'Oh, no, not another Lotus spin-off…'

Lee got lifted into the air, around 50 meters high, then got wrapped by some more shadow arms, then got thrown down by them as the main shadow still held on to Lee. He also fell with force, but Lee managed to twist the shadow at the last second, and landed with his legs.

"The Lotus has become a popular jutsu! However, the Lotus also cannot be mastered without years of hard work! I have worked hours every day, without sleeping, to overcome the best geniuses of Konoha! Shikamaru, no offense to you, but you sit around watching television all day! Who will win, the lazy genius of the Leaf, or the hard-working idiot of the Leaf? We shall find out!"

Then, Lee, slightly fatigued, unleashed more power, as he yelled, "Third Gate…Open!" and attacked Shikamaru with ten different kicks in the time that Shikamaru could move a finger. As he was getting pounded to near-defeat, Shikamaru had one more strategy up his sleeve.

"Shadow Puppet!" he said, as a shadow was taking the form of a human. The shadow was taking on Rock Lee's properties, and it started to quickly block every move directed at Shikamaru with equal speed, as the shadow of a person moves as fast as the person itself.

Lee's shadow puppet came at the real Lee and started bringing a mad frenzy of punches. When Lee blocked all of them, Shikamaru formed a hand sign and said, "Change Form!" as the shadow puppet lost the bowl-cut hair and started turning into a figure with long hair. It was a Hyuga, but Shikamaru had a hard time deciding between Neji and Hinata, so he just left the form nameless.

The Hyuga puppet ran toward Lee, now at a slower pace, while Lee said, "Neji!…Or Fake Neji…or Hinata! I cannot let you defeat me!" as Lee delievered a few roundhouse kicks and a Konoha Whirlwind at the Hyuga. It took the first few, then went into a defensive stance and spun at a very fast rate, blowing Lee away. Lee came running back in a flash, and the Hyuga started aiming two…four…eight…sixteen…thirty-two…sixty four…ninety palms at Lee. Lee blocked every one of them except the very last one, which sent him flying into a wall.

Lee got up, and realized his left foot stopped working. 'No matter, I only need my right leg for the next few jutsus! Wait…The Hyuga puppet is slower than me…Now is my chance! All I have to do is stay out of the range of its Kaiten!' Lee thought.

He ran, saying "Fourth Gate…Open!", then didn't even need to dodge the Hyuga shadow, as Lee's velocity just pierced through it like tissue paper. Then, Lee backed up his foot, charging up his new, powerful jutsu.

"Konoha Typhoon!"

Shikamaru somehow managed to dodge the move by an inch, but the powerful wind backlash of the roundhouse kick made cuts and gashes in Shikamaru's chest, and he was sent flying up again.

"How unlucky…This move feels like that troublesome Temari's fan attack…ouch…" Shikamaru uttered, as he readied himself for a painful crash.

But Lee would make sure it wasn't a painful crash…it would be more like an excruciating one. Rock Lee jumped up, caught Shikamaru, and went flying down so fast that the two were invisible.

"Reverse Lotus!"

Another crater was formed next to the first, this one being three times the size.

Shikamaru landed in a really awkward position, as his leg was twisted over his head. He felt great pain, something he never felt before because he was too lazy to go this far. Shikamaru was about to raise his hand in defeat, when a thought came to his head.

-Flashback-

_A few months ago, Shikamaru and Asuma were playing a game of shogi (Something similar to chess), and Asuma actually caught Shikamaru in a difficult position._

_"Dammit! There's no way I can win now! I think I'll just give up," Shikamaru said._

_"Shikamaru...every shinobi knows this, so you should too- that no matter what the circumstance, you never give up in a mission. Because if you do, you'll just be giving up your life right then and there, and letting your village down," Asuma replied._

_"But...this isn't a mission, it's a game," Shikamaru replied._

_"Still...to become a truly great person at anything, you never give up. You already have the brains...Now why not give it everything you have?"_

_"Whatever you say, Asuma-sensei, but there's still no winning combina-...wait a minute! I got it! Checkmate!" Shikamaru said in excitement as he found the solution._

_"See, Shikamaru? That's what I'm talking about! No matter what happens, there's still a way out! Now, will you apply that in real life?" Asuma asked._

_"I...dunno," Shikamaru replied._

-End Flashback-

'Asuma-sensei...I see what you're talking about now. It's painful situations like these where I still shouldn't give up...Thank you,' Shikamaru thought to the clouds, where Asuma was now at (he's dead)

Then, Shikamaru, riddled with bruises and a couple of broken bones, got up very slowly, and Lee said, "You have gotten up? I would have expected you to give up...Now I will see if you are worthy! YOUTH!!" as Lee charged full steam at Shikamaru again.

This time, however, Shikamaru directed his three-dimensional shadow around his body, wrapping it in a layer, as he took a harsh hit from Lee. And another. And another. The plan was to obviously catch Lee with the shadow shield, but it was failing so far. Shikamaru somehow kept taking the kicks without doing anything, making the bruises burn even more. However, Lee's movements got slower until he actually noticed and said, "Why...am I so slow today?"

Shikamaru answered, "Look on your body," and Lee saw a bunch of tiny black dots on his green jumpsuit, realizing that they were shadows, hindering his movement and sucking up his chakra.

"But...how?!" he answered.

"Another one of my new tricks...I made my shadows into a mist, giving the initial distraction that I was 'protecting' myself from your attacks with a shadow. Then, the mist trapped you like one of my normal jutsus do. Now, your movement speed barely matches mine," he said.

"Aha! I see! Then, I must exceed your speed with even more strength! Fifth Gate...Open!" Lee said, as Shikamaru thought, 'Shit! I forgot...He has a way of instantaneously raising his power and speed!'

Lee then gave Shikamaru a hard uppercut in the chin, then they both flew into the air, and Lee was hitting Shikamaru so fast that the two looked like they were laser beams. Shikamaru tried defending, but failed as his taijutsu skills lack. Then, Lee prepared his fists, and unleashed a barrage of punches, so fast that his fists and Shikamaru were on fire.

"Evening Peacock!" he said, as it was revealed to be a similar version of Gai's jutsu. Shikamaru fell to the ground, surrounded by third-degree flames, and many medic-nin were running at him, spraying fire extinguishers.

"Mind if I join with my Penis no Jutsu? I know that Shikamaru loves the spraying," Sai said enthusiastically as the rest of the ninja fiercely said, "HELL NO!"

After the burns were treated, Shikamaru was unconscious on the ground, and his eyes were in swirls. "Shikamaru is unconscious, Rock Lee wins!" Jiraiya called.

'Despite being lazy, Shikamaru has given every effort he had…He is not a disgrace after all," Lee said, as he went back up and Shikamaru was carried away on a stretcher.

Now that Lee and Shikamaru's match was over and there was a 15-minute break, Sakura started getting to work.

"I don't care if EVERYONE'S a bitch to me, or if EVERYONE'S against me! I WILL make Hinata pay!" Sakura said fiercely, as she smiled evilly. "First you'll cry…Then you'll leave your guy…and when you face me, you'll die, bitch!"

* * *

**Whoa, some serious hate there! Only another reason to bash Sakura! Watch what happens next time , as the drama gets totally screwed up!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura (mwa ha ha)**

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: Vote if you care :)**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(5 for Tenten, 0 for Shino )**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? (New poll! Tenten hasn't officially won, but there's too many votes, so I can't do anything about it :P)**

**(0 to 0)**

* * *

**New Poll: Sasuke's coming back, and when he does, which Sakura-bashing song parody would you like to see him and his band sing? (This is part of the plot, the purpose is to piss Sakura off before she fights Hinata so she's more furious :P)  
**

**Sakura Pica El Culo ("Mi Pica El Culo" by Raruto, a parody of Naruto)**

**Sakura's a Bitch ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" from South Park, originally, this was someone else's idea, but i forgot who :( )**

**(3 votes; Leader)**

**Sakura has a Big Butt ("I like Big Butts" or something similar by MC Hammer)**

**Sakura's Too Fat: The Polka ("Too Fat Polka" by Arther Godfrey)**

**Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura! ("I'm too Sexy" by ??)**

**Any other choice**

**And remember to review/post votes! :)**


	14. Ch 13: Broken Pieces of Hinata's Heart

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto and all of its characters…in my dreams.**

**Fangirl: OMFG Sasuke's coming back soon! Yay! I love you, Sasuke!**

**Me: Okay…Please read, review, and stay away from rabid fangirls, as they have a disease that will make you chase after emo boys. :)**

**Warning to the Wimps: This chapter might make you cry. Or not.**

**Oh, and thanks to my readers for 5,000 hits and 30 reviews! Keep R&R'ing :D**

* * *

Chapter 13: C-7! Broken Pieces of Hinata's Heart

_Last Chapter: Lee kicked Shikamaru's ass, even though Shikamaru decided to stop being so lazy. He was carried off and is now in Konoha Hospital. Also, Sakura will initiate her plan soon and nobody knows! Except Ino…_

The next competitors, Tenten and Shino, were taking advantage of the 15-minute break; Tenten threw a kunai at every period mark on an essay to improve her aim and Shino was making a plan with his bugs.

Ino, meanwhile, was fighting with Inner Ino and deciding what to do about Sakura's evil plan.

'We have to help Naruto and Hinata! It's the right thing to do!'

_'But you'll surely lose the respect of all the fangirls!'_

'I don't care, I can't let someone be hurt that much!'

_'You've been hurt, too, when Sasuke left!'_

'It's not the same thing! Fangirl love and actual love are different!'

_'Let's just leave everyone alone and not get involved!'_

'But…I really don't know!'

Then, Sakura finally returned from her hideout to where the Konoha 11 were hanging out. She looked pretty pissed off, and no one dared approach her.

Naruto said, "Hey Hinata-chan…look at those clouds. They're so beautiful right now…like you! Ha, too bad Shikamaru can't see them…Poor Shika, he loves clouds."

"N-Naruto-kun…" she said while blushing. "We have to t-talk. In the men's bathroom."

"Uh…okay. I just hope you're not implying…you know. I mean, why the men's bathroom?" the Naruto said, as the couple walked in.

'Man, I gotta do something…and fast!' Ino thought.

As soon as the couple got to the bathroom, Hinata grabbed Naruto and started kissing him…Naruto was blushing until…

"Wait! You're not Hinata! You don't smell anything like her!" Naruto said in surprise as Hinata slapped duct tape on Naruto's mouth.

"Shut it, Naruto. You'll spoil the_ romantic _moment!" 'Hinata' said as she disappeared in a puff of smoke and revealed herself to be…**Sakura!**

'I thought she was just outside a moment ago!' Naruto thought, unable to talk.

"I know what you're thinking, Naruto, and that was a simple clone jutsu. Can't believe everyone fell for it! Now kiss me, Naruto!" Sakura said, faking passion, as she took off the duct tape from Naruto's mouth and she tried to enter Naruto's mouth, but he wouldn't let her.

"I don't love you! Now let me go, Sakura, before I have to hurt you!" Naruto said.

Sakura proceeded to mold her hand into a medical chakra blade and cut through all of Naruto's tendons in his limbs, to make sure he didn't move. She also cut Naruto's voice box so his voice couldn't reach above a whisper. She then took off Naruto's jumpsuit, t-shirt, and pants, leaving him wearing only his headband and his Ichiraku Ramen boxers.

"Sakura…stop…please." Naruto whispered.

Sakura then took off her top and bottom and was barely clad. She then said, "Voice Imitation Jutsu!" and started mumbling a bit, and sounded exactly like Naruto!

Then, Sakura yelled with Naruto's voice loudly, "Sakura! That feels so good!"

Meanwhile, the Konoha 11 were still outside, when Kiba said, "Akamaru heard something! Naruto's cheatin' on you! And he's in the men's bathroom! Ha, I knew he was a two-faced bastard!"

"H-he...can't be! We promised! He w-wouldn't do something like that!" Hinata said, worried, as she ran to the men's bathroom.

She was too alarmed to think of using the Byakugan, but Neji activated his and peered in the men's bathroom, where Naruto was held against his will and Sakura was using his voice.

"Sakura, that bitch! Hinata-sama, Wait!" Neji said, as he ran for the bathroom also.

Ino was feeling even more dread and guilt as the plan went further, and she also ran in.

'I know Naruto-kun would never do anything to hurt me. He's not that kind of person!' Hinata thought worriedly, as she kept going in the men's bathroom.

Then, she heard Naruto's voice (which is actually Sakura) saying loudly, "That Hinata's just a bitch! She's only good for her money! I only want to be with you, Sakura!"

Hinata's fear was confirmed. Apparently.

In the bathroom, Sakura had to execute the final part of her plan. She laid down on her back and dragged Naruto on top of her, and she placed Naruto's hands on her breasts, even though he resisted with all of his power. The medical jutsu was just too effective. Then, Sakura pulled Naruto's head and said, "You know you like it."

'What are you talking about, you bitch? Stop raping me!' Naruto thought, as Hinata ran in, and everyone was in deep shock. Except Sakura, who was smiling smugly. 'Mission complete!'

Neji and Ino then ran in and said, "Hinata, it's not what you think, Sakura…" but stopped and were completely stunned by what they saw. Naruto was on top of Sakura and they were both almost naked, and…you don't wanna know.

Sakura said in a fake voice, "Oops, they found us,_ Naruto-kun!_"

Naruto was shocked, angry, and scared as he saw Hinata and as he realized what just happened. Sakura drew him in…and…

-More awkward silence. For 3 whole minutes-

As Naruto started regaining his voice, he said, "Listen, Hinata-chan, it's not what it looked like. Sakura…" as Hinata interrupted,

"W-What, you love your dear Sakura? Go ahead…keep doing your business, I d-don't care…I thought I could trust you, Naruto-kun. You were the boy I've watched for over t-ten years! I thought you had a pure heart! I thought you were d-different from the others! I was so s-stupid! P-please…just don't come near me again."

Naruto began to regain control of his limbs, too, and he said, "Hinata-chan…it's a complete misunderstanding! You have to believe me!"

"W-well…Maybe I misunderstood…that I'm just a bitch…or I'm j-just good for my money. Is that misunderstanding to you?" she said, tears now streaming out of her eyes.

"Honestly, Sakura used her Voice-Imitating Jutsu and…"

"I d-don't want to hear it…Have fun with Sakura…I k-know you think of me as trash, like everyone else does, but I want you to know…I'll still love you forever no matter what, N-Naruto-kun. I just can't trust you. Good-bye, N-Naruto-kun," Hinata said as she hid her flood of tears in her long, indigo hair and she ran out of the bathroom.

She thought, 'Good bye forever. Take care of yourself, Naruto-kun.'

"Hinata-chan…" Naruto said as he ran out also and Neji, with Ino, said, "Wait for us! We have proof, Naruto!" and ran out with him.

Neji said, "Byakugan!" and tried finding Hinata. He finally did, but his face twisted and he started forming tears in his eyes.

"Where's Hinata-chan? And what's wrong, Neji?" Naruto asked.

Neji pointed right and said, "That way…and we have to hurry!"

The trio ran at full speed, now, and they discovered a indigo-haired figure under them. However, the indigo-haired figure had a rope around her neck and Naruto yelled, "HINATA!"

Neji used a Jyukken strike to cut the rope around Hinata's neck and Ino quickly made medical chakra and focused it on an unconscious Hinata's broken neck.

"Please…live...Kami, make her live already!" Naruto yelled as Sai came in and said,

"PENIS! Wait…suicide scene…crying Naruto and Neji…Ino using all of her healing chakra…completely inappropriate timing. Anything I can do to help?"

Neji wiped away his tears and said, "Yes, actually. Make some stitches with your ink jutsu and stitch Hinata's neck bones together for faster healing…Hopefully, she'll live. I will get Tsunade-sama," as he jumped off.

"Please…snap out of it! I'll die without you, Hinata-chan!" Naruto said, still crying, as he held on to her unconscious body for dear life.

* * *

**Cliffhanger! Wow, this has got to be the most damn serious chapter I've ever made…I almost managed to cry reading this, which is why I put Sai in there in the first place.**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura (This applies if Hinata doesn't die...What tragedy.) **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Shino or Tenten?**

**(5 for Tenten, 0 for Shino )**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(2 to 0; Tenten)**

* * *

**New Poll: Sasuke's coming back, and when he does, which Sakura-bashing song parody would you like to see him and his band sing? (This is part of the plot, the purpose is to piss Sakura off before she fights Hinata so she's more furious :P)  
**

**Sakura Pica El Culo ("Mi Pica El Culo" by Raruto, a parody of Naruto)**

**Sakura's a Bitch ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" from South Park, originally, this was someone else's idea, but i forgot who :( )**

**(3 votes; Leader)**

**Sakura has a Big Butt ("I like Big Butts" or something similar by MC Hammer)**

**Sakura's Too Fat: The Polka ("Too Fat Polka" by Arther Godfrey)**

**Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura! ("I'm too Sexy" by ??)**

**Any other choice**

**And remember to review/post votes! :)**


	15. Ch 14: The End of Tears! Shino vs Tenten

**Disclaimer: Kisame just ate sushi. And I don't own Naruto.**

**Just so you know, I'll say what goes on in the next 3 chaps: (no spoilers though :P)**

**14 (this one): Shino vs. Tenten**

**15: Sasuke Returns**

**16. Hinata vs. Sakura (yay, bloodiness!)**

**Please R&R and give constructive thoughts, I need to know what I need to do to make this even better! :)**

* * *

Chapter 14: The End of Tears! Shino vs. Tenten

_In the last chapter, Sakura's evil plan worked, she made it look as if Naruto was consensually "doing it" with her in the bathroom, and Hinata just couldn't take it. She killed herself. Or tried. Naruto, Neji, and Ino to the rescue! For more details, see Chapter 13_

'I must get to Tsunade quickly and save my cousin! She knows how to heal everything!' Neji desperately thought, as he madly dashed to Tsunade.

"Yes…Neji Hyuga. What do you want? Make it quick, I have to start Shino and Tenten's match soon." Tsunade said.

"Tsunade-sama! I beg your pardon, but there is a medical emergency! Hinata Hyuga…kind of broke her neck," Neji said, trying to cover up the fact that it was attempted suicide.

Tsunade grabbed the microphone and said, "The next match is postponed for 30 minutes!"

Then, the two ran back in Hinata's direction and Tsunade said, "I'm guessing that someone made it look like Naruto was dating them because of jealousy, Hinata fell for it, and the poor girl tried killing herself."

"Holy…how did you know that? You're a genius!" Neji remarked as the two finally got to the destination, as they saw an unconscious, indigo-haired girl in a jacket, a blond-haired boy in an orange jumpsuit crying over her, a blond medical ninja in a purple top healing the girl, and a penis-obsessed emo.

"Sai! Did the stitches work?" Neji said.

"Yup, without further healing, Hinata has a 75 percent chance of living," Sai replied.

"Then I'll make it 100! External Creation Rebirth!" Tsunade yelled, as the diamond-shaped mark on her forehead grew and her chakra entered Hinata's, making new bone marrow, chakra network, and blood vessels to replace the broken or missing ones. Blood could circulate again, and Hinata turned less pale…although still pale.

"Hinata-chan, can you hear me? Hinata-chan!" Naruto yelled, still crying, when Hinata slowly opened her eyes and saw Naruto sobbing right on top of her.

"W-What?… Why? I thought…And Naruto-kun...you h-hate me...why did you all save me?"

"No, Naruto didn't cheat on you, nor does he hate you. I know he would never do that. In fact, if I hadn't seen Sakura taking over Naruto with my Byakugan, we might've not known about it at all," Neji said, then he told her everything that happened.

"Guys…N-Naruto-kun…is this true?" she said.

Ino replied, "Yup. Sakura told me her plan, trusting me with it, and I should've told you earlier…I'm really sorry, Hinata."

"I'm sorry too, Hinata-chan…I should've been more powerful so that I could get outta that mess and this would've never happened anyway. I mean, Sakura's a sick bitch, of course I wanted to get outta there! But I would never cheat on you, you know that! We promised!" Naruto said.

"N-Naruto-kun…I'm so sorry for ever suspecting you in the first place and f-for…worrying you guys so much. I just thought t-that you didn't care anymore, Naruto-kun." Hinata said.

"I do care. And please,_ never_ worry me like that, alright? I can't take life without you, Hinata-chan!" Naruto replied.

"Hell, I'm sorry for saying "Penis" all the time! I mean, it's a habit, but I'll do it less. Penis! Wait...shit!" Sai said.

Then, Shino, Kiba, a patched-up Shikamaru, Lee, Choji, and Tenten arrived, glad to see that Hinata was okay.

"Hinata…as your teammate, I am sorry for not being more alert and protecting you," Shino said.

Kiba apologized, "Hey, Naruto, I'm sorry too. For being such a jerk to you about Hinata. And Hinata, I'm also sorry that I was trying to use you to get rich. So, we're all cool, right?"

"Meh…kinda. You're better than that bitch, Sakura, at least," Naruto replied.

Shikamaru then said, "I'm sorry for being so lazy, I'll try to do it less…"

Lee said, "I am sorry for hurting you so much in our match, Shikamaru-san. And also for actually falling in love with that lovely whore, Sakura!"

"I'm sorry for being so plain," Neji said, and Tenten said, "I'm sorry for asking you to not be as plain, that's just the way I love you, Neji-kun!"

"And I'm sorry for trying the Atkins diet! It doesn't work at all!" Choji said as everyone laughed cheerfully.

"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to Shino next round!" Tenten replied energetically.

"Don't count on it yet," Shino replied quietly.

Naruto then said, "Yay for feeling sorry!"

However, Sakura wasn't as fond of the idea of joining in the apologies, although she needed to repent the most. Sakura was hiding behind a wall, watching the whole ordeal, and said, "Hinata, you little...you just had to live because of your stupid friends! I hope you're happy with all of your buddies, you popularity-whore, because I'll kill you myself when we fight! No one overthrows my plans! NOBODY!! And I'll make sure I take away your dear _N-N-Naruto-kun!_", mocking her stuttering.

Then, Neji explained everything that happened to Tsunade and she said, "My own student…going through such lengths to shatter the heart of a sweet girl…Despicable. I think I'll disqulify Sakura for the next round…"

"Wait, Tsunade-sama! Please don't! The next match is the perfect time for Hinata to get her revenge, right, Hinata?" Tenten said, as Hinata, still getting over the shock and holding Naruto, nodded.

"Alright, I'll let it slide. But Tenten...wait, you don't have a last name. From now on, though, you are Gai's student only part-time! Sakura is no longer worthy to be my student, instead, you will be working with Ino as my student, Tenten!"

"Seriously…Me…being trained by the one of the greatest female ninja in history…Thank you, Tsunade-sama! This was my dream!" Tenten said happily, as she said, "Let's go, Shino, we have to fight!"

The two competitors finally went down the stairs, and Tenten and Shino were about to rev it up.

"Sorry, folks, a major medical emergency was in order…But now, the next match is between Tenten and Shino! Fight!" Tsunade announced over the intercom.

Shino immediately formed an insect shield around him, but Tenten took out a small scroll and summoned 150 kunai. She threw all of them at each individual insect, killing 150 of them.

Shino said, "Thick Insect Armor!"

His bugs started developing metallic shells and Tenten threw a few more kunai at them. No good.

Then, Tenten summoned many explosive tags with kunai, and threw them all at Shino to try to bomb the bugs off. The tags exploded and Shino's body got knocked back, but it dispersed into many insects, and only a few more were dead on the ground. Shino summoned many bugs forward, charging towards Tenten, and she said, "Dagger Summon!"

The bugs neared her now, and as they came within range, she said, "The years of training with Neji-kun have paid off, after all. Eight Trigrams, Sixty-Four Stabs!"

Then, Tenten delivered two, four, eight, sixteen, thirty-two, and sixty-four stabs at the surrounding insects. They all got cut in half. But then, instead of dying, they dispersed. "What? Insect shadow clones?!" Tenten said.

Shino merely nodded, then charged forward himself, forming insects in his hand. He molded them into a straight shape and said, "Insect spear!"

Tenten summoned a katana next, and swung at Shino. It was sword versus lance, as Shino made jabs and Tenten made slashes, trying to hit each other. Finally, Tenten barely got Shino on his chin and Shino scraped Tenten's arm. Both injuries were negligible, and Shino formed his bugs back to normal.

Shino said, "I believe I have the advantage," as Tenten replied, "Why? We have the same injuries,"

He explained, "You see, while we were slashing at each other, I turned my insects into the same color as your sword. Then, a few of them at a time crawled, and they are now sucking the chakra out of your body."

"Ugh! Man, I gotta wipe all these bugs off me!" as Tenten lifted up her shirt, and bugs were indeed crawling over her skin. As Neji saw Tenten reveal that much of her skin, he activated his Byakugan and started turning red and he started involuntarily drooling.

"Heh…pervert," Naruto said, then, Neji smashed Naruto over the head with a frying pan that he retrieved randomly.

'I have to end this match quickly, or else he'll take over my body with those bugs! And bugs sucking off my chakra is kinda sick!' Tenten thought, and she finally threw down the giant scroll on her back and flew into the air.

Tenten yelled, "Dragon Scattering Destruction!"

Hundreds of random weapons were falling on Shino, and he appeared to be stabbed by all of them. After the dust cleared, around 50 weapons, some through vital parts, impaled Shino. However, he turned into a swarm of bugs and the real Shino reappeared with only a few scratches and a kunai in his back.

'Shit! Alright, alright, calm down. I need a powerful weapon to even have a chance. Wait, if I combined an exploding tag and a kunai, having the explosive tag propel it, the kunai would move at a very quick rate! That's it!' she thought as she grabbed a long pipe and stuffed a kunai and an explosive tag in there.

After a few seconds, the explosive tag was about to go off, Shino was creating a thick insect shield, and Tenten aimed her new contraption at Shino.

Tenten has just invented the world's first gun. Tenten's new "gun" fired with a blast, and the kunai was so fast, it was invisible.

The kunai went at such speed that it made a hole in his thick wall of bugs and still proceeded to pierce right through his arm and out the other side.

"Shino has a serious injury, Tenten wins!" Jiraiya said.

"Shino! You okay? I never tested that contraption out before...but it's quite deadly," Tenten said, concerned.

"I am fine. Thank you for your concern," Shino said as a medic-nin was replacing the blasted-off bone in his arm.

Back at the audience, Naruto and Hinata were still hugging each other and being emotional. But heck, something as shocking as attempted suicide is bound to be emotional! Everyone else was just minding their own business, while Sakura was still hiding from the others, afraid that she'd be killed, and simultaneously planning the demise of Hinata.

What's unknown to them, though, is that Sasuke Uchiha, who has just killed Itachi and escaped from Madara, is now on his way back to Konoha with Hebi (his team), and is planning something special for the residents. Will it be evil slaughter or Battle of the Bands?

* * *

**(Sasuke and Hebi, returning to Konoha)**

"You all know the plan, right?" Sasuke asked.

"Way ahead of you!" Suigetsu said arrogantly, as he got out a giant wedge-shaped object wrapped in bandages. "We're gonna rock Konoha until everyone screams!"

"Sasuke! I can't believe you're doing this! You're so manly! I love you! Now Suigetsu, Jugo, get the hell outta here. Me and Sasuke need to discuss the plan_ alone," _Karin said in her flirtatious voice.

"Shut up, you bitch, me and Jugo are stayin'!" Suigetsu said.

"What?! Bitch?! You're gonna die, shithead!" Karin angrily replied.

"You two. Fangirl and Sword Freak. Shut the hell up now before I have to kill both of you," Sasuke said commandingly.

Jugo then said, "No...No! It's happening again!", then, he said in a darker voice, "If I see a girl, then I kill everyone in Konoha! If I see a boy, I stay on plan! Wait, if I see a boy, then I kill everyone! No, no! Snap out of it!...Never! Actually, I'll fucking kill everyone! Ha!"

"Jugo, I command you to keep yourself under control and not kill anyone unless I give an order to. Got it?" Sasuke commanded. "And whatever you do, unless you want your life to be shredded, you will _not _harm Uzumaki Naruto or Hyuga Hinata. Understood?"

"Yes...Thank you, Sasuke," Jugo said, as the four kept jumping on to Konoha.

* * *

**What?! What will happen? Will Sasuke and Hebi kill anyone or will this be peaceful? How will Naruto, Sakura, and the rest of Konoha react when they see Sasuke and three weirdos after three long years without him? And why did Sasuke ask for Hinata to be protected? OMG, I see drama! Find out next chapter!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(2 to 0; Tenten)**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(0 to 0)**

* * *

**New Poll: Sasuke's coming back, and when he does, which Sakura-bashing song parody would you like to see him and his band sing? (This is part of the plot, the purpose is to piss Sakura off before she fights Hinata so she's more furious :P)  
**

**Sakura Pica El Culo ("Mi Pica El Culo" by Raruto, a parody of Naruto)**

**Sakura's a Bitch ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" from South Park, originally, this was someone else's idea, but i forgot who :( )**

**(3 votes; Leader)**

**Sakura has a Big Butt ("I like Big Butts" or something similar by MC Hammer)**

**Sakura's Too Fat: The Polka ("Too Fat Polka" by Arther Godfrey)**

**Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura! ("I'm too Sexy" by ??)**

**Any other choice**

**And remember to review/post votes! :)**


	16. Ch 15: Battle of Bands, Sasuke's Return!

**Disclaimer: I own Hinata. (Naruto chases after Hinata) …Now I own Naruto and Hinata…(Sasuke chases after Naruto) Aw crap, now I own Hinata, Naruto, and Sasuke! Man, Sasuke really loves Naruto…**

**Fangirl: OMGOMGOMG Sasuke's back, pinch me, I'm dreaming!**

**Me: Pinch? I think a punch would be better. :P**

**R&R and give ideas or constructive criticism if possible :)**

**And just so you know, for the song vote, "Sakura's a Bitch" won with 3 votes and 2nd place is "Keep Your Shirt on, Sakura" with 1 vote. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 15: Battle of the Bands! Sasuke's Return

_Last chapter: Hinata was saved, Sakura was pissed, and Tenten beat Shino. Also, Sasuke and his gang, Hebi, had a plan to totally "rock" Konoha. What do they mean by that? And why does Sasuke want to spare Hinata's life so badly if Hebi does kill people?_

Sasuke has finally come back. Him and his group, Hebi, enter the unguarded building gates, surprised that the city is so deserted. The reason being that almost every resident of Konoha was in the Konoha Arena, watching the fights.

Tsunade was about to call the next fight, the one that would settle it all, Hinata vs. Sakura.

Only one thing. Neji's Byakugan, as he himself proclaims, "pwns."

Neji got up and said, "Wait…I see something unusual…4 unknown intruders! One giant, one woman with tidy, short hair on one side and long, unkempt hair on the other, a freaky water person with a giant blade-like object…and…what?! Sasuke!"

Tsunade heard Neji and called out, "Stop the matches! Everyone prepare for defense! This is a powerful missing-nin with three likely powerful candidates we're talking about! The Last Uchiha! Prepare defenses! All jonin and chunin except the competitors, get ready to battle!"

"Hinata-chan! Do you remember? Sasuke…We were once best friends," Naruto said in surprise.

"Y-yes…He was almost as quiet as I used to be. I was the only girl who didn't chase h-him and make his life suck, after all," she replied.

Sakura then rudely trampled the two again and yelled while running, "Sasuke-kun?! Forget Sai, I LOVE YOU!!" and headed toward the front gates.

"Ow…Hinata-chan…I promise I will rid you of that bitch someday," Naruto said.

Hinata joked(somewhat), "N-No way you're doing that, she's my target!" and the couple started laughing.

"I'll gladly throw a kunai or two at her head!" Tenten said, as they realized the one thing that made them so close. Their passionate hate for Sakura.

Then, Neji saw Sasuke talking with some of the Jonin from a distance, and said, "It appears he means no harm, even in his body language. He comes in peace unless someone attacks him."

"Good, I should welcome him, then make him realize what a baka he is for leaving!" Naruto said, but Sasuke was already in the arena. He unfolded a compact stage that he summoned from a scroll, and he, Suigetsu, Karin, and Jugo jumped on top.

"I wonder what they are doing…" Lee said, then, lights started to appear on the stage and Suigetsu revealed his blade-like object, wrapped in bandages, that took everyone in shock. It was…a giant guitar!

"Sasuke-kun…Playing in a band…I'm gonna love this!" Ino squeaked, as everyone gave her the "Shut up, fangirl!" stare.

Naruto simply jumped down and went up to Sasuke. After they stared at each other for a minute, Naruto said, "Welcome back, idiot. So, you finally realize that having friends is a good thing?"

"Hn…Kind of. It's not like I need friends, I need power. However, if my friends can bring me power, I'm all for it. And you can bring me power…Who am I kidding, I missed you, dobe!" he said, and that was probably the most emotional saying Sasuke said in his life, and even that's not much!

After they gave each other a high-five, Sasuke agreed to talk to Naruto after the tournament, but he would bring Karin along just for the purpose that he doesn't look gay. (Which is what many, many people accuse him of)

Then, Sakura ran over and flattened Naruto for the third time and yelled, "SASUKESASUKESASUKE!! ILOVEYOU!! GOOUTWITHMENOW!!" and panted.

"Hn…Get the hell out, fangirl. I've been hearing scouting reports…And you've been nothing but useless and a bunch of trouble for Naruto-dobe and his friends. Not to mention you make their lives miserable. Also, what's this about you making Hyuga Hinata so depressed that she tried killing herself? ('What?! Where the hell does Sasuke-kun get this news?!') Why don't you do something useful and make yourself piranha food?…Piece of trash," Sasuke said disdainfully.

"Sasuke…kun…" she said as she looked ready to cry and ran up the stairs, burying her face, and thinking evil thoughts again.

'Sasuke-kun, too?! Why does everyone care about that little blue-haired bitch anyway?! I mean, blue isn't even a good color! It's too overrated! I'll make sure that idiot Hinata suffers a PAINFUL death! CHA!"

Sasuke finally started talking over the microphone, "Welcome, citizens of Konoha. I have missed a few of you, the rest of you I hold hate, or at least apathy toward. However, I will hold a concert here, for the sole purpose of gaining power. POWER! YEAH! Oh wait…Sorry, folks. Anyway, my band is called Hebi (Snake), and the members are me singing and playing the electric guitar, Suigetsu here will be playing the bass, Karin will be singing the background music, and Jugo, the big guy, will be on the drums. ARE YOU READY?!"

"YEAH!!" was the response from most Konoha citizens, plus a few, "WE LOVE YOU, SASUKE!" from fangirls.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, HE'S MY BOY!" Karin said over her microphone, as Sasuke got out a dead chicken and smacked her over the head with it.

Sasuke continued, "This song is dedicated to Haruno Sakura," as Sakura beamed and said, "REALLY?! I LOVE YOU!"

Sasuke then yelled, "READY TO ROCK?! LET'S HIT IT!!"

**Sakura's a Bitch** (Original lyrics from "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch", this idea was originally from another person on this site, but I don't know who, so my apologies.)

_...  
_

_Weeelllll, Sakura's a bitch,_

_She's a big fat bitch,_

_She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, (Sakura's already crying, lol)_

_She's a stupid bitch,_

_If there ever was a bitch,_

_She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!_

_ ...  
_

_On Monday she's a bitch,_

_On Tuesday she's a bitch,_

_On Wednesday through Saturday, she's a bitch,_

_Then on Sunday, just to be different,_

_She's a super kingkong kameha-meha bia-tch!_

_...  
_

_Have you ever met that Sakura?_

_She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,_

_She's a dumb fangirl_

_And she has dumb pink hair, she's a bitch,_

_Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

_...  
_

_bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,_

_bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,_

_she's a stupid bitch,_

_Sakura's a bitch and she's such a dirty bitch!_

_...  
_

_Talk to kids around the world it might go a little bit somethin' like this:_

_-Karin as a French girl talking very fast, saying "Sakura's a bitch"-_

_-Suigetsu as a Japanese boy talking very fast, saying "Sakura's a bitch"-_

_-Jugo as an African boy talking very fast, saying "Sakura's a bitch"-_

_...  
_

_Have you ever met that Sakura,_

_She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,_

_She's a dumb fangirl _

_And she has stupid hair, she's a bitch,_

_bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

...

_bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,_

_bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,_

_She's a stupid bitch,_

_Sakura's a bitch and shes such a dirty bitch._

_...  
_

**_(Sasuke's original solo, with the beat of the chorus)_**

_...  
_

_She gives head injuries to Naruto_

_When he's already a freaking retard ("Hey!", Naruto said.)_

_And she has no friends,_

_Almost killed Hinata, 'cuz she's a_

_fangirl, fangirl, fangirl, Fuck!_

_...  
_

_Bitch and slutty,_

_Dumb-ass fangirl,_

_She's a stupid whore!_

_Sakura's a bitch and she follows me around!_

_...  
_

_I Really mean it, Sakura,_

_Shes a big fat, stinkin' bitch!_

_a big fat fangirl bitch, Sakura, yeaaaaaaaahhhh!_

...

Everyone in Konoha, aware by sometime or another, that Sakura actually is a bitch, started cheering and applauding so loudly that if you were there, you wouldn't be able to hear again for a week!

The Konoha 11, including a crying Sakura, ran up to Sasuke and started congratulating and complimenting him. (Except Sakura)

Sakura was crying very noticeably and loudly, then smashed a wall so it broke. Then, she said, "Why, why, why?! Why does he hate me so much? Why doesn't anyone like me?!"

Rock Lee then surprisingly said, "Sakura-san, (notice the ending) I am sorry to say this, but you have had this coming to you and you do deserve this…bitch."

"Wow, ROCK LEE saying "bitch"?! This must've pissed him off a lot!" Kiba said.

"Shut up…Go away! You all hate me anyway, and I hate you back! I don't deserve this! What have I done?!…You all _adore _Hinata, all of this is her fucking fault! I deserve to be treated like royalty! Screw you guys, I'm out of here! And Hinata Hyuga…you're DEAD!!" Sakura bursted back.

"Anger management, pinkie. How troublesome," Shikamaru said.

"And you won't lay a finger on Hinata-chan, got that?!" Naruto said fiercely, as Sakura was red with anger now.

Sasuke, her 'beloved', came up to her now and said, "Weren't…weren't you just leaving? I prefer quiet. And power. Hn. And as Naruto-dobe's friend, if you touch Hinata, you will be dead a second time, hear? (But this isn't the only reason :P)"

"Hmph!" she said in a very bitch-like manner, and started leaving, when suddenly, a random Spaniard came up to Sakura and held her hand.

"Pfft…Finally, someone who's on my side," she said.

The Spaniard then let go and said, "Es sucia puta!" and ran away laughing.

"Eh? Me no comprende," Naruto said, then Shikamaru, the smartest of the group, said, "The Spanish guy said, 'You're a dirty bitch." Everyone started laughing. (Except Sakura, of course. Even Sasuke let out a smirk.)

Sakura just went in a rage again and said, "You know what?! I think Hinata just has so many fans because she tries acting all sweet, then tried killing herself! And you know what else?! I'm gonna try to kill myself now! And you're gonna all come up to me and give me attention like you did to that…BITCH!"

Then, the Konoha 11 and Sasuke huddled together, and after they split, Tenten said, "All in favor of not caring, and all in favor of thinking that Hinata's not a bitch, say 'I'."

All 11 of the ninja said, "I!" except Naruto, who said, "J! I mean…'Q'! Wait…'Eleven'? No, it's 'Cow!"

"Dobe…" Sasuke remarked.

Naruto asked, "Neji, what's that big, white thing in your face?"

"It's an eye," he replied, confused.

"Oh, I got it now! Eye!" Naruto replied energetically, as Hinata giggled at Naruto's silly antics. Tenten then smiled bluntly and said, "That makes eleven of us that don't care! Well, good luck killing yourself, Sakura! Hope it works!"

Sakura then let out the biggest scream of her life, then blindly charged toward Hinata, putting all of her chakra in one hand. Then, she prepared to punch and unleashed her fist, but then was stopped by a giant toad.

"Ero-sennin!" Naruto greeted.

"Hey, kid. And you, no fighting until the match starts, you got that?" Jiraiya said, as he got back to writing his latest Icha-Icha book, now with 37 perverted scenes.

He said again, "Now you two, come down here, and settle this catfight like real women!" as everyone looked at Jiraiya weirdly, and then, he said, "Ugh, no, not like that! I'm not a stinkin' pedophile! A girl needs to be over 18 in my book to be hot, anyway!"

Hinata and Sakura went down the stairs, and they gave each other the fiercest glares since…Wait, these are the fiercest glares!

"You can do it, Hinata-chan! You gotta…Believe it!" Naruto said loudly, as the rest of the Konoha 11 yelled in unison, "Yeah! Go, Hinata!", and right after that, Sakura just gave the middle finger to everyone. Then, a giant CRASH could be heard in the arena, and Sakura said, "Is my middle finger that strong?"

A mysterious emo-like figure that appeared to have two heads said, "No, dumbass. We just crashed the wall. Us. The Sound Five!"

"Sound...Five? I thought we killed you off...Troublesome," Shikamaru replied.

Then, a pink-haired girl with a Viking hat said, "Look, shithead, we're not here to cause any fucking trouble, got that? We just wanna play for the goddamn Battle of the Bands!"

Naruto said, "Battle...of the bands?"

A guy with tan skin and six arms said, "Yeah, it's where bands perform at any place, and we chose here. We're trying to beat Sasuke's band."

Finally, a fat guy with orange hair said, "You know where the hot dog stand is?"

The pink-haired girl said, "Over there, fatass."

Finally, a white-haired young man that was hiding behind the four came out and said, "Pathetic pieces of trash...Sorry for their insolent behaviors. Let me introduce us. The emo Siamese twins are Sakon and Ukon, the profanity-cannon there is Tayuya, the fat one is Jirobo, and the one with too many arms is Kidomaru. And I am..." and he unleashed a bone and bent it so it spelled out "Kimimaro."

"Stop acting so cool, bone-boy," Sakon said, as they exchanged glares.

"Wait...I thought you all died!" Choji said, and Kimimaro explained even more.

"The paramedics used Jirobo's excess fat to conduct electricity through his heart to shock him back alive. After Big-Eyes struck down Kidomaru, medic-nin came and accelerated his chakra flow, as his clogged chakra was part of the reason he was temporarily dead. Ukon and Sakon were dead because of multiple stabbing injuries, so they simply had to be revived by Orochimaru-sama's Forbidden Resurrection jutsu. I had a bone disease with made me terminally ill, so medics took my bone marrow and engineered it so that the disease was gone, then cloned me from the stem cells in my bone marrow. Also, my Kekkei Genkai makes my bones be able to move freely and repair themselves, so the medics took some of that and injected it into Tayuya, whose bones were crushed by trees, to fix the bones. And that is why we are all alive."

"Interesting," Neji remarked, and then, the five members made their way down to play a song.

Sakon yelled over the microphone, "ARE YOU READY TO ROLL, PEOPLE?!"

The people answered, "YEAH!!"

"Okay, then! I'll be playing the electric guitar, my Siamese bro, Ukon, here, will sing, Tayuya will play the flute, Jirobo will play the drums, Kidomaru, with his many arms, will play bass, keyboard, triangle, and 2 more random instruments, and Kimimaro here will play the xylophone!" Ukon explained, as Kimimaro removed his entire ribcage ("Ew!" was heard from Sakura and a few other girls) and his arm bone, and made an impromptu bone xylophone.

"ALRIGHT, LET'S DO THIS THANG!" Sakon yelled.

**Konoha Idiot **(Original song "American Idiot" by Green Day...bad song, i know :P)

_Don't want to be a Konoha idiot.  
Don't want a nation under the new Hokage  
And can you hear the sound of ninjas?  
The subliminal kunai-fuck Konoha. _(lol)

_Welcome to a new kind of mission,  
All across the Naruto nation. _("Sweet, I'm famous!" Naruto said.)_  
Where Sasuke isn't meant to be gay. _("Hell, yeah, I'm not!" Sasuke answered)_  
Ichiraku's dreams of tomorrow.  
You're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
Sakura's enough to argue. _("Screw you!" Sakura said.)

_Well maybe I'm the faggot Konoha.  
I'm not a part of a ninja agenda.  
Now everybody do the Shika-Shake! _("Troublesome," a certain someone said.)_  
And welcome, Hinata, to the age of paranoia._

_Welcome to a new kind of mission,  
All across the Naruto nation.  
Where Sasuke isn't meant to be gay.  
Ichiraku's dreams of tomorrow,  
You're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
Sakura's enough to argue._

_Don't want to be a Konoha idiot.  
One nation controlled by Tsunade.  
Espionage day of hysteria.  
It's calling out to idiot Konoha._

_Welcome to a new kind of mission,  
All across the Naruto nation.  
Where Sasuke isn't meant to be gay!  
Ichiraku's dreams of tomorrow,  
You're not the ones who're meant to follow!  
Sakura's that's enough to argue!_

The crowd cheered, but not as loudly as when Sasuke played. However, the judging will be up to Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru, who will be heard with a microphone stuck down Sasuke's throat. ("This sucks...I have to hear that Michael Jackson-wannabe?" Sasuke remarked.)

* * *

**See who wins the Battle of the Bands next chapter. Also, Hinata fights Sakura! Yay!!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(2 to 1; Tenten)**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(3 to 0; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)  
**

**-New Poll!- I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(0 to 0)**


	17. Ch 16:Hina and Saku, Jyukken vs Bitchin'

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto has to drag along a boy in an orange jumpsuit all day while he complains about ramen. Obviously, I don't own or even feeling like owning Naruto.**

**One of my fans (which are rare :P): OMG Hinata's gonna totally kill Sakura! YAY!**

**Me: She's not gonna kill her off, she's giving her a huge beating, there's a subtle difference, you know?**

**R&R and give constructive criticism or vote in the polls, please :)**

* * *

Chapter 16: Hinata and Sakura; Jyukken vs Bitchin'

_Last chapter, Sasuke and Hebi were rockin' on, and making Sakura…let's say really, really angry. When Hinata and Sakura were ready to tear each other to pieces, the Sound Five turned out to be alive, and the two groups fought in the Battle of the Bands! Now see who won the rock-fest and who wins the long-awaited slugfest of Hinata vs. Sakura!_

Sakon and Ukon joined together again as the Sound Five were making their way down the stage and ready to be judged. (By the three Sannin, and Orochimaru was inside of Sasuke.)

"Jirobo, you goddamn fatass idiot, you fucking missed the b-flat and d-sharp on verse 11! Shithead!" Tayuya yelled.

"Shut up, you pink-headed bimbo, your flute couldn't even be heard!" Jirobo said back.

"Both of you pieces of trash, stop this instant, or I'll cut you into pieces when we get back," Kimimaro remarked.

The two exchanged glares before getting back in their seats.

Meanwhile, Neji could sense something else with his Byakugan. "Not again…" Neji said, as he spotted three intruders. Only, he realized that the intruders were…

"Well, looks like we'll have to arrange a welcome-back party!" Neji said as Shikamaru said, "What's going on now? Better not be troublesome…"

Then, the wall that was just being repaired got smashed again. "Damn you!" said the repairman, as the Konoha 11 and a few other people were glancing at the new visitors.

They saw a blonde-headed young woman with four bundles of hair, a black outfit, a giant fan, and a confident look. Next to her, they saw a large figure with purple face paint, shrouded by a black hoodie, and with a giant body-like structure on his back, sneering a bit. Finally, a guy with spiky red hair, a sand gourd on his back, eye liner (lol), and a tattoo with the word "love" (in kanji) engraved on his forehead. They were the Suna siblings. Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara.

"Hey, Shika-kun! What's up?" Temari asked brightly, as Shikamaru replied lazily, "Nothing. You?"

"You're even more unenthusiastic then usual, Shika-kun! As if that's possible," Temari commented.

"So, why're you guys here?" Kiba asked.

"Well, we can't miss a good fight, can we? And I've been getting reports that the pink bimbo, Sakura, was about to fight the overly shy one, Hinata. Sounda like a good match, no?" Kankuro said.

"So, you know too, huh? That Sakura's a bitch," Tenten said.

"Yup!" the thirteen shinobi now replied, as Sakura was overhearing the conversation and was going madly insane in her mind.

"And I heard you and Naruto-san were going out, Hinata. Good kid, if it weren't for him, I'd be a heartless demon by now. Good luck and show that pink idiot the meaning of love. If she has any left," an encouraging Gaara said.

"Y-Yes! I will, Kazekage-sama. T-Thanks!" Hinata replied, inspired by Gaara's words.

"You know I'm not a thousand years old! Just call me Gaara, or Gaara-san at best," Gaara said.

"G-Gomen, Gaara-san," Hinata replied as another call was being placed on the speakers.

"Hinata and Sakura's match will be starting shortly! And Konoha citizens, make sure to buy the latest 'We love Hinata' good luck charms to cheer her on against the biggest eyesore of Konoha! (Sakura was now fuming at her old sensei) But before that slaughter…I mean battle happens, we will announce the results of the Battle of the Bands! You first, Jiraiya!" Tsunade said.

"Alright, thanks! Now, none of the music was hot enough to contribute to my 'research' (Naruto slapped his head), but I will have to say that the singer (Karin) in Hebi was hotter than the flutist in the Sound Five! (Tayuya, who was red in anger) Therefore, I vote Hebi!" Jiraiya announced.

Then, Tsunade said, "Thank you for your…subpar analysis, Jiraiya. Now, let's see what Orochimaru has to say about this!" as she shoved a microphone down Sasuke's throat.

Orochimaru's voice could be heard, saying, "I need to screw Sasuke! I need to screw Sasuke! I need to…Wait, is this a microphone? In that case, Sasuke may be my boy-toy, but my Sound Five had much more variety than him! So, I vote Sound Five!"

Tsunade started, "Alright…thanks for your better-than-Jiraiya, but child molester-like analysis, Orochimaru. Now, it's my turn! And I think…that the song "Konoha Idiot"…was a total insult to Konoha! What, are you shittin' me?! And what's this about you thinking I'm not a good Hokage in your song? You guys are imbeciles, you hear?! You should be glad you haven't been ass-kicked and kicked out by now! Hebi wins!"

The Sound Five angrily stormed out of the Konoha Arena, and everybody cheered until they got tired of it. Also, the 'We love Hinata' charms (Which had a picture of Hinata hitting Sakura with a Jyukken strike and Sakura coughing up blood) sold out faster than hotcakes. Tsunade said, "Yes, I'm rich!" as a person next to her gave a glare and she said, "Fine, I'll pay you back".

Sasuke smirked and said to Hebi, "Well, I'll be seeing you later, but you are all formerly Orochimaru's subjects that aren't from Konoha, so you must go to Ibiki now for interrogation," Sasuke said.

Karin replied, "No, I want to stay here, Sasuke-kun! Don't leave me!" as Sasuke replied, "You girls are all the same, aren't you? Bitching about your life and going on about the best-looking guy day after day! You're all alike…with the exception of Hinata-chan…I mean Hinata….I coughed. Hn."

Karin gave a flaming glare, but Sasuke literally spat a flame at her and she ran, trampling over Suigetsu and Jugo. Then, Suigetsu chased after her and yelled, "Come back here, bitch!", while Jugo sadly followed.

Tsunade finally announced, "The moment you've all been waiting for has come! The epic fight against Hinata and Sakura!"

The crowd, and Hinata's thirteen friends behind her, gave chants of, "C'mon, you can win, Hinata!", and she was smiling, as Sakura was turning redder by the second. Neji was peering with his Byakugan, saying, "Shit! She looks about ready to blow at any time! Watch out, Hinata-sama!"

Hinata replied back, "N-Neji-niisan, don't worry! I'll be fine!" as she cheerfully walked downstage after giving Naruto a hug, then got ready to battle.

Apparently, the Sannin had a plan, too, as Tsunade and Jiraiya were talking to Sasuke's throat and discussing a plan.

"Jiraiya, whatever you do, don't end this match until Sakura is in critical condition, got it? We have to teach the brat a lesson she'll never forget! " Tsunade asked.

"Fine, fine," he answered. Then, he turned back and said, "Fight!"

The thought, 'I have to kill that bitch!' ran through both of their heads in some form, then Sakura was the first to charge at Hinata, having all of her chakra, again, in one hand. Then, right as Sakura was about to strike, Hinata formed a defensive stance and said, "Kaiten!"

At the end of the whirlwind, Sakura was thrown and she looked ready to be hospitalized at any moment, even though it's only been ten seconds.

"Y-You really shouldn't have done that, Sakura. My Kaiten jutsu s-spins chakra at such high revolutions, that regardless of chakra control, your chakra is b-blown away!" Hinata said, as Sakura looked very puzzled, now that her chakra reserves are down to 1 percent.

"I'm not finished with you yet!" as Sakura charged at Hinata with a very small medical chakra blade, which was all she had left.

When Sakura was about to strike (and do very little, if any, damage), Hinata said, "B-Big mistake. I will now shut off any remaining chakra you h-have. I will not kill you, but N-Naruto-kun doesn't need people like you in the world. You s-should stop treating others like trash, and see who the r-real trash is!"

Then, in anger, Hinata's eyes started turning bloodshot-red and adopting the qualities of the Mangekyo Sharingan. With this new type of dojutsu, she can unlock a variety of jutsu and increasing the effectiveness of her old ones.

Hinata easily knocked away Sakura's attempt of an attack and yelled, "Eight Trigrams, One-Hundred and Ninety-Two Palms! Two! Four! Eight! Sixteen! Thirty-Two! Sixty-Four! One Hundred and Twenty-Eight! One Hundred and Ninety-Six!" as said amounts of powerful Jyukken blows went in Sakura, who was bleeding internally and looked ready to die.

"Wow…What a…genius!" Neji said of his own cousin, unaware of her special dojutsu that only activates when she's very disturbed.

"You…little…bitch…" Sakura muttered under her breath and still elected to charge at her. In all of her blurry vision, she threw two kunai and two shuriken, and all four weapons went past Hinata, except for one kunai, which was thrown so horribly that the back end hit Hinata's nose, and it didn't hurt at all.

Sakura seemed to be motioning to someone else, then kept feeling weary and ready to keel over. Hinata decided to finish this off and send Sakura to the hospitai.

"Eight Trigrams, Empty Palm Wall!"

Hinata jabbed a heavy strike in thin air and it made a wall of thin chakra that rushed in Sakura's direction at an unimaginable velocity. However, as Sakura braced herself for attack, many pieces of paper appeared out of nowhere and the wall of chakra made a piercing noise with the paper and missed Sakura.

'What?! What's going on?' Hinata thought, but the papers rearranged themselves to form another figure entirely.

A woman with black hair and Akatsuki robes emerged from the piles of paper, and Jiraiya yelled out, "Konan! Why the hell are you here?!"

She replied, "This pink-haired girl paid me…She told me to show up and kill this blue-haired girl if she could not herself…And it looks like she is outmatched. I must do my job, Jiraiya, please leave me in peace," as Naruto jumped up from the crowd and said, "Hold it!"

"What do you think you're doing?! Why do you listen to Sakura?! You Akatsuki need to be taken down this instant! And don't you dare touch Hinata-chan!" Naruto yelled.

"Kid, it's business. Now leave me alone, or you die too. I only came here for one kill."

Naruto answered, "Well…how much did the pink-haired bitch pay you? I bet I can pay you more to go away and leave Hinata-chan alone!"

"She paid me…half a million dollars." Konan answered.

"WHAT?! I only have 140,000 dollars! Tsunade-sama! Jiraiya! You must have money, right?" Naruto said.

"Sorry, kid, I had to pay all of my cash to do research," Jiraiya explained as Naruto's face turned sour, and Tsunade said, "Sorry, but I'm still in debt."

"Alright, then, I guess I'll have to take you out! Rasenshuriken!" Naruto yelled while charging toward Konan, and the attack hit her squarely in the chest. "That was easy!" Naruto said, but the pieces of crumpled paper now on the ground rearranged themselves to remake Konan. She then knocked Naruto away with a sledgehammer made of paper and shot many paper-shurikens at Hinata.

Hinata said, "S-Scissors beat paper! Eight Trigrams, Protection of Sixty-Four Palms!" and shot lasers of chakra into many directions, making a barrier around her, and indeed cutting all of the paper up. Then, Naruto grabbed the paper and Sasuke, who just came down, said, "Katon: Great Fireball Jutsu!" and incinerated the paper, and Konan was no more.

For three seconds, actually. The ash started forming Konan again and Sasuke said, "What?! She can rise from ashes?!"

Neji then jumped down to help his cousin, and said, "Eight Trigrams, Pervert's Palms!" and hit Konan in all of the wrong places. ("Wow, you're the next Jiraiya, believe it!" Naruto said.)

After the perverted jutsu, Konan wasn't aroused a bit. In fact, she looked ready to kill both of the big-eyed Hyugas now.

Meanwhile, Tsunade had Sakura in a headlock, and Jiraiya summoned a house-sized toad just in case.

* * *

**What a plot twist…What will happen now?**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(3 to 2; Tenten)**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(5 to 0; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)  
**

**-New Poll!- I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(3 to 0; Finals)**


	18. Ch 17: Dawn of the Akatsuki

**Disclaimer: Why do I even make disclaimers? All they say is that I don't own Naruto. So? 6.6 billion other people don't own Naruto, either, so that doesn't make me unique at all :P**

**Aww…Hinata didn't kill Sakura, though we all know she could've. But please R&R and send me some constructive comments, I guess.**

**Me: Now, Hinata, listen. Are you ready?**

**Hinata: U-Um…**

**Me: Alright! Now, you and Naruto are having a lemon together!**

**(Hinata goes completely red and faints.)**

**Me: Eh…I meant you two could share the lemonade I just made. Not that…kind of lemon. Jesus, I'm not even old enough to drive!**

* * *

Chapter 17: Dawn of the Akatsuki

_Last chapter, Akatsuki member Konan, who can transform into paper and attack with paper, has been sent on a hitman…hitwoman (w/e) request by Sakura to kill Hinata because she was too weak to even touch her. Now, she has Naruto and her friends' help, but will that be nearly enough?_

Naruto, Sasuke, and Neji were barely holding back Konan from a now-fatigued Hinata, until Naruto decided the battle was going too far.

"Everyone, come down here! We need your help!" Naruto said. Then, the rest of the Konoha 11, the Sand Siblings, and a few Jonin would come down and join the battle, but in the meantime…

A cashier at Office Depot said, "That'll be 25 dollars and 4 cents, ma'am." Then, a figure none other than Konan gave the cashier her money and picked up many huge piles of paper.

Now, back at the Arena:

Kiba and Akamaru noticed a disturbance and said, "Where the hell did the paper-woman go?! Me and Akamaru can rip paper to shreds, ya know!"

"She told me she was going to the Office Depot to buy paper," Naruto said, as some of his friends said, "YOU IDIOT!"

"What?" Naruto replied, but then, Konan came back and she had ten paper clones. Shikamaru was the first to jump into action and he caught three Konans in his Shadow Possession Jutsu.

The trapped Konans weren't for long, however. They all split into pieces of paper and flew into the air, then, Sasuke said, "Maximum Chidori Current!" and a current of deadly static electricity passed through the eleven Konans and blasted all of them.

However, not one had a scratch on them.

"Boy, haven't you learned anything in science class? Wood isn't a good electrical conductor, and is therefore good protection against lightning!" Konan said, as everyone grumbled.

This is anime, people! No one pays attention to science in anime!

"Man, how troublesome! She's practically invincible, unless, possibly, if something eats and digests her! Wait a minute…Shino! Do you have any termites?" Shikamaru said and asked.

Shino replied meekly, "Only a few, but I will give it a shot. Bug swarm!"

Many black, non-termite insects were flying out of Shino, as Shikamaru was shaking his head. Obviously, Shino didn't listen when he said, "termites".

Konan made a paper dagger and fiercely cut the army of black bugs with her blade. It appeared as if she cut all of them. But then, all eleven Konans started deteriorating.

"W-What?! Termites? You have discovered my one weakness?!" Konan said in surprise.

Shikamaru thought, 'Well, maybe Shino's smarter than he lets out…' as he said, "Obviously. Paper's made of wood, and the one real weakness wood has is not cold, electricity, or fire, but termites. They eat wood like Choji eats barbecue steaks in a buffet! And that's a lot!" as Choji started giving Shikamaru a pissed-off look.

Shikamaru continued, "Now, Naruto! Her body's defected enough that it can't recover itself now! Use your Rasengan!"

Naruto nodded and said, "This is for you, Hinata-chan! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" as he made twelve shadow clones, all holding a Rasengan in their left hand, displaying his increase in chakra control.

"N-Naruto-kun!" Hinata said worriedly, as Naruto got ready to attack.

"Wait…Dobe, why twelve? We have only eleven opponents," Sasuke said, as Naruto answered, "You'll see."

Naruto charged to each Konan and threw a Rasengan at one. Ten of the Konan clones shredded into microscopic pieces of paper and dispersed. The remaining Konan couldn't recover and started escaping.

"You are formidable opponents…But you still cannot defeat the Akatsuki, not with Pein-sama! Also, we will be capturing you, Uzumaki Naruto. And the money isn't the only reason I am trying to capture Hyuga Hinata. But you will know our reasons soon. Farewell." Konan said as Choji was running at her, saying, "Ultimate Body Bullet Jutsu!, but she just dispersed into thousands of papers and disappeared.

The remaining Naruto with a Rasengan now dashed toward Sakura, who was in Tsunade's vicegrip, and a second Naruto came to spin wind chakra into the sphere.

An angry Naruto now said, "If you value your life, leave Hinata-chan alone! You bitch!"

Then, he formed the sphere into a shuriken-like shape and yelled, "Wind-Release! Rasenshuriken!" and started to bash his palm at Sakura's direction and he hit something. But it wasn't Sakura.

Tsunade was grabbing Naruto in the arm and she said, "Naruto, that's enough. Your technique could kill her, you know?"

"But Tsunade baa-chan…Don't you see what this wench did to Hinata-chan? Twice?" Naruto asked, still having the spiraling Rasenshuriken in his hand, inches away from Sakura's face.

"Yes, but it is up to the Konoha Court and Council to decide what her punishment is, not you, Naruto…I'm sorry," she answered.

Normally, in one of these situations, Naruto would give one of his soul-changing speeches like he did on Neji and Gaara, but this time…he felt like the stubborn Sakura wasn't even worth talking to anymore. He could not change her for who she was. A heartless monster inside of the body of a pink-haired girl.

He decided to make her feel the most painful punishment: Loneliness.

Naruto walked back up to the audience area, but not before picking up Hinata, and Shikamaru, Neji, and Sasuke followed. Nobody said a word. Sakura's actions spoke loud enough.

Sakura, meanwhile, were struggling under the Anbus' grips as they were taking her away. More and more Anbu came stop her mad rampage. "NO! WHY ME?! I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG! YOU WILL DIE, YOU STUPID, SLUTTY, FAT…BLUEBERRY!"

Sakura finally got carried off and Kiba said, "Wow…Blue…berry? That bitch should be sent to the insane asylum!"

Naruto replied, "At least it's all over and Sakura can't lay a hand on Hinata-chan anymore…", then, Naruto pulled Hinata into a hug, and everyone was feeling happy until Sai said, "Well, now that every male hates Sakura, she won't be getting any penis! Wait, did I say penis? Crap…PENIS!"

Tenten proceeded to sweep Neji off the ground and hit Sai in the head, saying, "You're more perverted than Neji-kun! Get over the penis thing!" as she chased Sai around the audience, smashing him with Neji, and they both yelled, "Stop! I'm sorry! Ouch!"

Kankuro broke the silence and said, "You Konoha are a weird bunch, aren't ya?" as Choji said back, "Nah, just a few of them. Wait…"

Then, Choji's stomach could be heard grumbling so loud that an earthquake knocked a few people off their seats, and he, too, was chased by an angry mob.

"Stop! I need to get my potato chips! Aaaugh!" he said, as he was mobbed to a distance, and the rest of the ninjas sweatdropped.

* * *

**So, Sakura was dealt with for now, and Konan was forced back, but the Akatsuki need Hinata? What's going on? Find out later, but next chapter, it's Naruto vs. Kurenai!**

**Sorry for such a short chapter, but I just had two projects. I promise around 2000 words next time :P**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(3 to 2; Tenten)**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(5 to 1; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(4 to 1; Finals)**

* * *


	19. Ch 18: Lemon Aid! And Naruto vs Kurenai!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. You don't own Naruto. Nobody owns Naruto. Except Kishimoto, but why would he be reading this?**

**The tournament, the Akatsuki, Sakura, so much to deal with, and all while doing a math project :P**

**Fangirl 1: Can Naruto please break up with Hinata and can Sasuke date her?**

**Fangirl 2: No, I want a Sasunaru!**

**Fangirl 3: I want Orochimaru to molest everyone!**

**Me: NO. NO. and HELL NO. But please R&R and vote for the new poll on the bottom.**

**(Note: No actual lemons in this chapter, the "Lemon" thing is a joke. Everything will be kept at a 'T' rating.)**

* * *

Chapter 18: Lemon Overload! And Naruto vs. Kurenai!

Last chapter: Konan flew back to the Akatsuki, the bitchy Sakura was taken away to Konoha Court, and everything is in peace. Or is it? And why would the Akatsuki need Hinata?

Warning: This chapter contains many, many lemons. Ok, fine, I mean literal lemons. No sex. :P

When Choji was being chased by an angry crowd for causing an earthquake, he ran faster than he ever did in his whole life. And even that's slow! As Choji was being beat up, he mistakenly trampled on top of Ino, who screamed, "Aaah! What the…hell…get off me, Choji! You're crushing me!"

"Sorry," Choji said apologetically.

**('Lemon'!)**

Ino told him, "Nah, it's all right. Now, Choji-kun, do you want to suck on my mounds?"

Choji's face contorted in shock, then he said, "All right!", then, Choji closed his eyes and he took hers. Then, he started licking her mounds and the small lumps in them. Choji was enjoying the moment, and he said, "You are one pretty chick! Man, these taste good, Ino!" until he felt something VERY sour.

"Waah! What are you trying to do, Ino?!" he said, then he opened his eyes, and realized that he wasn't sucking Ino's breasts, but he was, indeed, sucking two halves of a lemon.

Ino said in shame, "What, do you actually think I'd let someone as non-Sasuke as you suck those? Forget it! I gave you a lemon to suck on, but it must've been too sour!"

**(Told ya it's a lemon!)**

Meanwhile, Naruto was stretching to get ready for his match, and Tenten was complaining about how her eyes didn't work properly.

"Come in here," Neji said, as he pointed to a small room next to where Naruto and Hinata were sitting, so that they weren't visible, but they could be heard.

Then, Neji grabbed a liquid and stepped in with Tenten, and the two sat down. Naruto and Hinata listened in to the conversation, as they were tired and couldn't do much.

**(Another 'Lemon'!)**

"Neji-kun…Please put it in slowly," Tenten could be heard saying.

"As you wish, Tenten-chan," he said back, then, Naruto and Hinata looked at each other and blushed.

"No…wait…not that! Neji, you're doing it wrong! Ow!" Tenten said.

Neji replied, "Sorry, is it not going in?' he said, and Tenten started replying, but Naruto and Hinata walked somewhere else, blushing madly.

"Wow…don't you think they're a bit early for that stuff?" Naruto asked. "Hey, Hinata-chan, when do you think we should do that?"

Hinata blushed some more, then fainted.

However, the two heard completely wrong, and in Neji and Tenten's perspective, here's what happened.

_After walking in the room with Tenten, Neji activated his Byakugan and peered into Tenten's eyes._

_"Tenten-chan, you have an eye infection. Let me get eyedrops," he said, and went out to get some._

_Then, Neji swiped a liquid and noticed Naruto and Hinata, but he didn't bother to say "Hi", as they looked too distracted._

_"Neji-kun…Please put it in slowly," Tenten said. Then, she whispered, "I was always scared of things going into my eye."_

_"As you wish, Tenten-chan," he said, then, he dropped the liquid into Tenten's eye in an awkward direction._

_"No…wait…not that! Neji, you're doing it wrong! Ow!" Tenten said, feeling a sting in her eye._

_Neji replied, "Sorry, is it not going in?' he said. "I've never had to apply eyedrops before, as the Byakugan repairs all eye ailments."_

_"Yes…here, I'll do it myself," Tenten said, as she took the liquid from Neji's hand and dropped some in her eye, but it began to burn._

_"What the…Neji-kun, you baka! You got lemon juice instead of eyedrops!" she yelled, smacking him on the head with a random watermelon._

**(End 'Lemon'…literally.)**

After about ten minutes of Naruto calling her name loudly, Hinata finally woke up and wondered why she was floating in the air. Then, she saw a pair of orange arms, and as she looked up, she also saw a boy with bright, blue eyes smiling at her warmly, making her blush like always.

Then, Sasuke came to the couple and said, "Hey dobe and Hinata…"

The two said, "Hi" to Sasuke, and then, he asked,

"Hinata…I need you for a moment. Do you mind coming to the printer room with me?"

She replied, "S-Sure…Naruto-kun trusts you, why shouldn't I? See you soon, N-Naruto-kun."

They both went in, and lookie, another "lemon"!

**('Lemon' again…and again.)**

Naruto did trust Sasuke, but he always looked fishy around Hinata. So, he decided to eavesdrop on their conversation. Then, Naruto started hearing some talking.

"Hn…Everyone else I asked declined…so Hinata, could you help me reproduce?" Sasuke was heard asking.

"Um…S-Sure," she replied. Then, when Naruto was angry and about to charge in, she said to Sasuke, "T-This…is really big. I'm n-not sure if I can handle it."

"Don't worry, you'll do fine," Sasuke said, reassuringly, to Hinata. Then, Naruto was royally pissed off when he heard a large scream from Hinata.

Naruto heard Sasuke saying something, then he heard Hinata say, "T-Thank you…this feels g-good."

Naruto was charging a Rasengan at the moment, when one of his shadow clones, which he didn't know about, said, "Wait! Me! I heard the whole thing, and you understood it wrong! I think I'll have to transfer my memory."

_Then, the shadow clone disappeared, and he was stuck in a memory._

_Hinata and Sasuke were in the printing room, with the printers and copiers._

_Sasuke then said to Hinata, "I need to present my prison record to the Konoha Court in my case, and the jury needs copies of my records. Hn…Everyone else I asked declined…so Hinata, could you help me reproduce copies? I have no knowledge of devices such as a copier."_

_"Um…S-Sure. I think I know the controls," she said as she pressed a few buttons on the copier, then, twelve copies of a fifty-page document sputtered out. Hinata was shocked at the amount, and Sasuke asked, "Can you carry some of these?"_

_Hinata replied worriedly, "This…is really big. I'm n-not sure if I can handle it."_

_Sasuke reassured, "Don't worry, you'll do fine."_

_Hinata then took some of the papers, and started walking with difficulty, until she fell over, hit her knee to the ground, and screamed._

_"Hinata! Are you okay?! Here, I have some lemon-flavored medicine," Sasuke said with concern. She took some of the lemon-flavored medicine, and said, "T-Thank you…this feels g-good," as she started walking out, searching for first aid just in case she broke anything._

**(End 'lemon' :D)**

Naruto then forgave Sasuke in his mind, thought that he went crazy, being defensive about Hinata, then rushed to Hinata's aid.

"Hinata-chan! Are you all right?! Does your knee still hurt?" Naruto asked, worried, then she said back, "I'm f-fine, Naruto-kun. Thank you. But…H-How do you know my knee's hurt?"

Naruto then started fidgeting, not wanting to tell her that he was eavesdropping, and said, "That red scrape mark, that's what. Here, I think this will make it better!"

Then, the blond ninja bent down and kissed the Hyuga heiress' knee, then, he stood up and started kissing Hinata in the lips, refusing to let go until Tsunade said over the loudspeaker, "Next match! Naruto and Kurenai! Come up!"

Hinata still wanted to cling on to her dear Naruto-kun for life, but time would not allow it. Naruto tried to let go, then found it slightly difficult before he said, "See ya soon, Hinata-chan! Gotta fight!" and jumped down to meet Kurenai, Hinata's jet black-haired sensei, in battle.

"So, Naruto…I heard you were going out with Hinata and that you're really good to her…So you can make her happy, but will you be able to protect her with your life? As she is my precious student, I will need to find out, so get ready!" Kurenai said.

Naruto replied confidently, "You can count on me protecting Hinata-chan…and becoming Hokage! Believe it!" (Dattebayo pwns :( )

"Alright, the battle has begun, fight!" Jiraiya said, while looking at Kurenai and drooling until a giant ham, thrown by Tsunade, hit his head and knocked him out.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! (Shadow Clone)" Naruto yelled, making the first move. One hundred Narutos showed up, but then, Kurenai sprang into action.

"Illusion! Tree Binding Death!" she screamed, as the Narutos' worlds changed. Naruto and his shadow clones soon got wrapped into the trunk of one, gigantic tree, where Kurenai said, "Summoning! Giant Scythe!"

The scythe belonging to Death appeared, having a silver blade with engraved diamond skulls. It began cutting all of Naruto's shadow clones, and all 100 of them were cut. But all 100 of them disappeared!

"Where did he go?" Kurenai wondered.

Meanwhile, Naruto finished his ninth bowl of ramen and said, "Sorry, old man, gotta get back!"

"Alright, see you later, Naruto!" Teuchi replied.

Back at the arena, Kurenai kept searching for Naruto, when suddenly, a foot was on her head. Naruto appeared from the sky and drop-kicked her.

Unfortunately for Naruto, it was only a genjutsu and Kurenai turned into a vine, wrapping him to the ground. Right above him, the real Kurenai appeared, holding a kunai to his face.

'What do I do?! I know that Hinata-chan learned how to release genjutsu months ago…How did she do it?!…I got it!' Naruto thought, as he made a hand sign in his trap and channeled chakra through his entire system, cleaning out the genjutsu. Then, he said, "Release!", and all of it was gone. Naruto was back on two feet again, where he caught the thrown kunai in midair.

"So you finally learned the release technique…Not bad, but no release technique works on this jutsu! Fourth Dimension!" Kurenai said, and Naruto was teleported to the same place Choji was, unable to find the one way out.

From all four dimensions, again, something charged at him. Only in Naruto's case, it wasn't evil gnomes. Many, many illusions of Hinata were rushing towards him, ready to kill.

'Ok, calm down! You can hit them! They aren't the real Hinata-chan! They're fakes!' Naruto thought, as he traded blows with the first Hinata, who was using basic Jyukken blows, managing to block four of Naruto's chakra points before she dispersed. The next Hinata ran toward him, but she took advantage of the 4th dimension, disappearing completely before reappearing and hitting Naruto in the legs, disabling all chakra points there, before he kicked her and she dispersed also.

Then, after all of the illusions were defeated, Kurenai decided to try out something else. Naruto saw Kurenai in the dimensional warp, along with Hinata and Sasuke.

Kurenai said, "Hinata and Sasuke are having a lemon together!"

Then, Hinata and Sasuke did indeed share a sour lemon with a spoon. Naruto replied, "Nooo!!…Wait, the rule for genjutsu is that you need to cause a disturbance to get out of a disturbance! And I have the perfect solution!"

Naruto ran towards Sasuke, swiping his lemon, then drinking the rest of its sour juice. "Ha, I'm allergic to lemons!" Naruto said, as he started swelling comedically and developing rashes that looked like whirlpools.

"So, you even figured a way out of my 4th Dimension Jutsu, right? No matter, I still have a solution!" a surprised Kurenai said, but she was only at 35 percent chakra after the complicated jutsu.

Naruto said confidentally, "You can't confuse all of us! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" and created 1200 more shadow clones. Around 200 of them got caught in Kurenai's tree genjutsu, but the rest made Rasengans and ran towards her. Some Narutos accidentally bumped into other Narutos and Kurenai dodged most of the Rasengans, but around 15 of them hit, sending her whirling into a wall.

She was almost down, but said, "That's impressive…But I still have enough chakra for one more jutsu. And this time, I'm not putting in any lemons! 4th Dimension Jutsu!"

This time, though, before Naruto was sucked into an alternate-dimension portal, he said, "Fox, I need your strength!"

**"And why should I do that?" **Kyuubi replied.

"Because if you don't, I'll tell Konoha that it wasn't you that caused mass destruction 16 years ago, but instead, a hobo did it! I'll also tell them that you were watching the Barney marathon the whole day that the destruction happened! You'll be the ultimate pussy! You don't want that on your rep, huh?" Naruto threatened.

**"Okay, fine…You might even be more evil than me, goddamit!"** Kyuubi replied, and his chakra flew out to Naruto's body, and its special red brand of chakra was canceling Kurenai's powerful 4th Dimension jutsu as if it were a regular genjutsu.

Then, with Kurenai nearly drained of chakra, Naruto made two shadow clones, and one threw her up, while the other did a headbutt at the top of her flight. The real Naruto waited at the bottom, delivering a drop kick.

Jiraiya, who finally woke up, said, "Kurenai has injuries and ran out of chakra! Naruto wins!"

Naruto looked somewhat worried and asked, "Are you all right? I'm sorry…but I needed to prove to you that I can protect Hinata-chan and everyone precious to me. You don't have any serious injuries, right?"

Kurenai responded, "No, I am fine. I'll recover in an hour or so. And you are indeed worthy of protecting Hinata and maybe even being Hokage. I apologize for any doubt I had earlier." before she was carried off into the first-aid area.

Tenten, up in the stands, asked Hinata as Naruto was coming back up, "Hey Hinata, do you think Naruto and you can have a lemon?"

Hinata fainted again, and Tenten said, "Geez, I meant having the lemon popsicle I just bought now! They only had one left…Man, people read too many fanfics!"

Naruto poked a red Hinata in the arm, then asked, "What did you do to her now? Were you talking about lemons?"

Tenten just sweatdropped.

* * *

**Whoa, so many lemons in this chapter! Well, check out the fight against Iruka and Sai, and see who comes out on top…By the way, new poll!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata vs. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto vs. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka vs. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Hinata vs. Sakura already decided :P**

**Naruto vs. Kurenai already decided**

**Iruka or Sai? **

**(3 to 0; Iruka )**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(3 to 2; Tenten)**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(5 to 1; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(4 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**New Poll!**

**What fate should Sakura have??**

**-Life sentence in prison (This means Sakura never appears in this fic again)**

**-Sentenced to prison...then escaping, and thinking of a diabolical plot to kill Hinata again**

**-Being admitted to Akatsuki, and trying to capture Naruto and Hinata, and doing all the evil crap Akatsuki does**

**-Having a change of heart, dating Sasuke, all that good yadda-yadda**

**-Death (And specify the way you want her killed if you choose this)**

**-Other**


	20. Ch 19:ROOT of the problem, Iruka vs Sai

**Disclaimer: Sai doesn't own a penis. Also, I don't own Naruto.**

**Still have my math essay (0-o) due tomorrow…Man, I hate writing for something I have no enthusiasm about, I'd much rather write another chapter of this fic :P  
**

**(Hypothetical conversation)**

**Sakura fan: Why did you make Sakura so mean and stupid?! Sakura's a much more complicated character than that!**

**Me: Yeah, yeah. She has two loving parents, good friends (that she still treats like crap) and the only (major) loss she suffered was Sasuke…and I've been in a similar situation before and it's not like I'm still bitching about it :D**

**Sakura fan: …You suck!**

**Me: Hey, it's part of the job :)…I'll make a not-so anti-Sakura fanfic next time.**

**Please R&R, vote for the polls, and give me an insight of what I'm doing wrong (constructive criticism), if any :P**

**Hey guys, I recently got 10,000 hits and 69 reviews! (lol 69) And even if most of 'em were votes, I'm still glad my first fanfic was at least appreciated :)**

**Thanks for your support, and keep reading for more plot twists and fights! :P**

* * *

Chapter 19: Getting to the ROOT of the problem…Sai vs. Iruka!

_Last chapter, you should've see Hinata! I mean, she's red like she just got completely sunburned! All because of fake 'lemons' and bogus sexual references that turn out to be innocent! Also, Naruto edged out Kurenai for a win! For more details, see Ch. 18_

Tsunade, up in the Hokage viewing area and not wanting to waste time, said, "Iruka and Sai, you are up!"

Then, she motioned Jiraiya up, and he asked, "Is this about the Akatsuki?"

"Yes…We must end this as soon as possible and find the new Hokage so that he/she can destroy Akatsuki before Pein causes anything major! They're after Naruto's Nine-Tailed Kyuubi and Hinata's…" she could be heard saying before the attention was directed back to Sai, who was giving a butt-slap to everyone, followed with a fake smile.

This was his habit since not being able to say "Penis" anymore.

When Sai got to Shikamaru and slapped his butt, he blushed (he's gay in this story until he eventually gets kissed by Temari), and when he did it to Kiba, he simply tried to bite him in the arm.

When Sai was slapping even more butts and approaching Naruto and a fainted Hinata, who was conveniently lying on her stomach, Sai was eyeing her and Naruto threatened, "Don't you even think about it."

Sai then remembered that Tsunade just called him down and said, "Gotta go, guys!" while running down the stairs, while Naruto was smirking and Hinata was slowly waking up.

However, Naruto didn't notice this and walked up to Hinata with a smile, thinking she's still asleep.

He hugged her in her 'sleep' and said, "I'd probably be too nervous to say this if you were awake, but…I truly love you, Hinata-chan. I realized…you're the only person that was nice to me, and the only one that believed in me this whole time. Even Iruka-sensei or Sarutobi-Hokage had their doubts sometimes, but you were always there for me, even if I didn't notice it at the time. After looking in the past, it was you that helped me this whole time, little by little, when everyone else hated me and shunned me. I really hope you'll…accept my hand in marriage soon."

Hinata, hearing all of this, was much too excited to remain 'asleep' and yelled energetically, "I will! I love you also, Naruto-kun!", while noticing that she didn't stutter for once.

Naruto sweatdropped, blushed, and said, "Eh…you weren't supposed to be awake. Did you hear everything?"

She nodded and said, "N-Naruto-kun…How did you know I helped you? It was supposed to be a secret…"

"Sarutobi-Hokage's fortune-telling sphere, or whatever it's called! A couple of hours ago, I went to where Konohamaru hid all of his belongings when no one was looking, and I found the sphere. Then, I looked into it and asked what happened in the past, why everyone used to hate me so much. It was because of the Kyuubi. But more than that, I realized…"

**-Flashback-**

_Two nine-year old boys at the Academy, Mizu and Yashi, were planning something behind the walls of the Academy._

_"Hey Mizu, I have an idea!" Yashi started._

_"What's it about?" Mizu replied._

_"It's about fox-boy. I got an idea to kill him!" Yashi said happily._

_"How mean and cruel…Let's do it! Wait…Sasuke, do you wanna join?" Mizu asked._

_"Nah…the dobe has no family. Leave him alone. Don't you have better things to do than to pick on people with no parents?" Sasuke asked, with empathy. (It's been two years since his clan was massacred)  
_

_"Alright, but we're still gonna kill him, no matter what you say!" Yashi said proudly._

_"Hn…Your choice," Sasuke said, as he walked away._

_Nine-year old Naruto was playing in the sandbox, having nothing to do because no one was friendly enough to befriend him, and Hiashi simply said to Hinata, "If you help that demon, I'll make sure both of you suffer."_

_Mizu and Yashi set up the trap and put out a bowl of ramen in the open. Naruto suddenly sniffed something familiar and realized it was his favorite food! He charged at the ramen, while Yashi and Mizu were waiting, and as soon as Naruto took his first sip, Mizu ran at Naruto and smashed his head into the ramen bowl, trying to make him drown, and Yashi pulled a trigger that brought down a wooden cage._

_Naruto struggled to get out, and Mizu looked like he was winning, with Naruto almost at his lung capacity._

_"S-Stop doing that to Naruto-kun! NOW!" a voice said, and the two bullies turned around to see a small girl with blue hair in an Anbu mask and an Anbu jacket. Now, obviously, the girl was too young to be in the Anbu, but still, the two plus Naruto, who couldn't even see her, wondered who she was._

_The two mischievous boys were now terrified of the unknown girl's (surprisingly) loud voice and let Naruto go. Then, she broke the wooden cage with a Jyukken strike and prepared to attack the two boys._

_"W-Wait! Don't let us kill you, too!" the frightened boys said, but the girl yelled, "Eight Trigrams, Sixteen Palms!" and gave a number of attacks to each boy's chest, aiming for their lungs. Then, she said, "H-How do you like it, n-not being able to breathe at all? Y-You…deserve it." (The boys lived, but were expelled two days later for putting an exploding tag in Naruto's lunch that didn't go off.)_

_Naruto, looking grateful, said, "Thank you, Anbu-person!", being unaware that the girl had no way of being an Anbu at this age. Then, Naruto gave the girl a quick hug and said, "Bye! You won't have to help me next time…because I'll be stronger! I'll even be Hokage later! Believe it!"_

_The little girl in an Anbu outfit ran to the nearest tree, hiding behind it, and took off her mask. She was, in fact, a nine-year old Hinata, who was beet-red and smiling because Naruto had just hugged her._

**-End Flashback-**

"And that's how I knew that you helped me so many times! If it weren't for you, Hinata-chan, I'd be dead by now!" Naruto said, smiling.

Hinata was about to say something, but was rudely interrupted by Sasuke, who said, "Hn…Shouldn't you two be watching the match instead of being so lovey? I mean, they're both almost halfway through…"

The couple, kind of pissed off, directed their attention to the match, and Sai looked like he had the advantage.

Sasuke, meanwhile, thought in his head, 'Hn…my plan is working. To make Hinata-chan pay attention to Naruto-dobe less so I can date her! But don't worry, dobe, I can hook you up with Sakura…I'm sure you still have some feelings for that bitch, after all. (How wrong Sasuke is…sad.)'

Iruka threw three kunai at Sai, but he made an ink wall and captured all three with it. Then, Sai created an ink sai (dagger) and charged at Iruka, full-speed. Sai beheaded Iruka, but it was a Replacement Jutsu and the real Iruka was never there at all.

"Wh…Where the hell is he?" Sai asked himself. Then, he looked at a bag of marshmallows that protected Konohamaru in Match 3 and saw a blue light. He ran toward it, but Iruka said, "Rai-Sengan!" and jabbed his electric spiral of chakra at Sai, who blocked it with his sai, and Sai's sai got dissipated into thin air.

"Not bad…but not good enough! Penis Summon Jutsu!" Sai said, and the giant penis appeared again.

A cry of, "Oh shit…I'm straight!" came from Iruka, and all the males got ready to throw up again.

However, Iruka noticed something last battle. 'Sai's Penis Summon…it only goes for guys! It's a homosexual penis! Hm…Maybe Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu is useful, after all! But…how did he do it? A Transformation Jutsu and the hottest girl I can think of…'

Then, Iruka said, "Sexy no Jutsu!" and Naruto said, "Finally! That's the way to go, Iruka-sensei!"

When the clouds of the jutsu went away, everyone saw a naked version of…Anko! They all looked at Iruka with a twisted face, and he said, "What? I was supposed to think of the hottest girl I know!" Once again, most of the males in the audience got near a trash can and started throwing up. However, Anko was enough for Sai's giant penis, and it started cowering in fear. Then, Sai's penis tracked the nearest male it could find…its master, Sai!

As the penis neared Sai, he said, "N…No, what are you doing?! Attack the enemy! I don't care if it's a girl, do it!"

Then, the penis smacked Sai on the head, knocking him out, and Jiraiya, who had a barf bag, said, "Iruka…Urgh!…is the…Urgh!…winner!" he said, between expulsions of vomit.

Naruto went up to Iruka and said, "Eh…you like Anko, huh?"

He replied, "Well, why not?"

Naruto just sweatdropped. Again.

* * *

**Sorry for the slight Anko-bashing, she's really not ugly at all, I just wanted Konoha to think so for some reason. :P The next chapter is epic! Lee vs. Tenten! Youthful comrades! Weapons vs. Feet! Who will prevail?**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee or (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Votes for who wins:  
**

**Lee or Tenten? **

**(3 to 3; Tied, This will be epic! If you haven't voted yet...Vote!)**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(5 to 1; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(4 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**New Poll!**

**What fate should Sakura have??**

**-Life sentence in prison (This means Sakura never appears in this fic again)**

**(0 votes)**

**-Sentenced to prison...then escaping, and thinking of a diabolical plot to kill Hinata again**

**(3 votes)**

**-Being admitted to Akatsuki, and trying to capture Naruto and Hinata, and doing all the evil crap Akatsuki does (idea from Rafiki20)**

**(2 votes)**

**-Having a change of heart, dating Sasuke, all that good yadda-yadda**

**(0 votes)**

**-Death (And specify the way you want her killed if you choose this)**

**(5 votes, 1 for guillotine, 1 for tickle torture, 1 for disembowelment, 1 for sex-change/suicide, 1 no preference)**

**-Other**

**(0 votes, although Ella Clavek had a variation for Choice 2, I might use that if Choice 2 wins)**


	21. Ch 20: Tenten and Lee: Rifle vs Youth!

**Disclaimer: Eight sad years ago, I had a choice. I could either pick a manga series named Naruto or Yu-Gi-Oh to own. Being the idiot I am, I chose Yu-Gi-Oh, and it was popular for three years, after that, it pretty much died. I should've picked Naruto :(**

**Disclaimer to the Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, either. It's part of the joke. 0.o**

**Aw, crap, some magician turned me into Hinata Hyuga for the n-next t-three h-hours. W-Why do I feel s-so unconfident? Like I'm t-the worst at everything? And w-why do I h-have a fetish for guys w-with blond hair and w-whiskers n-named N-Naruto-kun? (A/N: This makes no sense because I'm actually a guy who's stuck-up and overconfident in real life :P)**

**Lol, 17 reviews in one chapter?! Most of them may be vote reviews, but still! Thanks for all the reviews and adds, and I hope you like my future chapters, where the action gets bloodier and the romance gets juicier, even though there's no lemons. :(…:P**

* * *

Chapter 20: Lee and Tenten: Youth vs. the Rifle

_Last chapter, everyone went in a whirling rage because Iruka thought Anko was sexy! And I know she's not half-bad looking, but the Konoha citizens think so :P Also, Iruka edged out Sai because of one of Naruto's old pranks! For the full story, see Ch 19!_

Gai was going insane, knowing his two students would face each other. He was scrambling around Lee and Tenten madly, saying, "Lee! Give Tenten all you've got! Tenten! Please don't beat Lee, but give him all you've got also! Show each other the true meaning of youth! YOUTH! YOUTH! YOUTH!"

"Uh, Gai-sensei…are you alright?" a bewildered Tenten responded.

"Do not worry, he is fine! Right, Gai-sensei? Youth! YOUTH! YOUTH! YOUTH!"

"Oh, boy," Neji and Tenten said sarcastically, as they sweatdropped.

Tsunade called, "Lee and Tenten, please come down! Wait…that's the ninth '22' in a row! I HATE Blackjack!" she screamed, as she was gambling some random people and having the money sucked out of her.

"Good luck, my youthful students!" Gai said passionately, as Lee and Gai cried under a sunset and gave good-guy poses, and Neji and Tenten were hugging, then looking at each other, conveying a message through a simple stare. 'Those guys are nutcases.'

When the match was going to start, Jiraiya called out, "After this match, the time will be 9:15 PM and you will all have to return at December 28th to finish the tournament, which is four days from now! The reason is because tomorrow is Christmas and because the Jews are in Suna! ("Insensitive jerks…" Gaara the Jew said.) So everyone celebrates! And I'm gonna get a hooker! Yaaay!"

Tsunade managed to throw another rock at Jiraiya, knocking him out before he called, "Begin…"

Lee moved the instant he called it out and yelled joyfully, "I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD, GAI-SENSEI! YOUTH!!"

Seemingly, as Lee was about to hit Tenten, he disappeared, then smashed her on the head with his foot and punched her, making her fly straight into a wall, head-on. It would be a deadly crash. But after the smoke disappeared…only dispersed weapons were on the ground!

"Darn…her new Weapon Clone Jutsu! I must act faster! Primary Lotus!" he yelled, as he circled around the real Tenten and kicked her up. Then, he got her in his bandages and was about to crash her down, but she was gone! She had a hidden senbon in her hand to cut through the bandages!

"Katon! Weapon Armageddon Jutsu!" Tenten yelled, opening her large scroll and setting all of her weapons on fire before launching them at Lee. He dodged all of them, except one, which he had to catch in his hand.

"Atch! Hot! Hot!" he yelled, as Gai said, "It's a good thing, Lee! You're burning with the passion of youth!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei! YOUTH!" Lee yelled, as Tenten just fell flat on the ground at their silliness.

"Here, Lee! Take this bottle of water!" Gai said, as he tossed Lee a bottle that looked oddly like Tsunade's sake bottle.

"Thank you, Gai-sensei!" Lee replied. Then, he gulped down the 'water', and his eye pupils disappeared. Then, he started shutting his eyes and went to sleep.

'Oh, shit…It's Drunken Fist again! Gotta take him down while he's sleeping!' Tenten thought as she charged towards Lee with a mace. Then, she slammed the spiked mace on the ground, but Lee moved slightly, and the mace barely missed. She pummeled the mace again, but Lee just kept on dodging conveniently. Then, Lee slowly got up, carried Tenten, then flew in the air. After that, he grabbed one of her hair buns and tossed her down, then flew down himself, doing a completely blind body slam.

"DRUNKEN LOTUS!" Lee yelled, not noticing something wrong. When they both smashed to the ground and the sake's effects on Lee started wearing off, he felt something weird in his stomach. A kunai was implanted into it, along with an exploding tag. He quickly ripped the tag off, crumpled it, and threw it in Tenten's direction, where it burst into flames.

"Second Gate…Open! Third Gate…Open! Fourth Gate…OPEN!" Lee shouted, as the surge of massive chakra completely healed the wound and popped out the kunai that stabbed him. Lee ran towards Tenten, then completely disappeared again, only to pop up right above her head and give a drop kick, trapping her in the ground.

Then, Lee smashed the ground with his left fist, bringing Tenten back up, but trapped in a rock, and Lee said, "Konoha Typhoon!" and kicked the rock-and Tenten. Normally, this technique would be fatal, but it hit the rock first, so Tenten flew head-first into another wall, where she held out a scroll to absorb the impact.

Then, she opened the scroll and said, "AK-47 Summoning Jutsu!" and a rifle popped open.

"Wait…your gun contraption was medieval last time! What has happened?" Lee asked.

"I went to the United Flakes of Hysteria…or something like that, and bought futuristic, more powerful versions of these "guns" while no one was looking and mastered these weapons! If I'm gonna be the weapons mistress, I might as well learn the most dangerous weapon, right?" she answered.

Lee nodded, amazed at the device, until Tenten blew a shot and Lee barely dodged its bullet, which went 2000 mph. But his shirt ripped and he was bleeding anyway! 'This new machine is stronger than I have suspected! I must dodge every shot of it!' Lee thought, and said, "Fifth Gate…Open!" for the extra speed.

Tenten tried firing at the newly red-shaded Lee again, but every time she tried, Lee teleported somewhere else because of his immense speed. She tried firing it 360 degrees, all around her. The only result was that she wasted bullets, as Lee jumped up. After that, no one recalled what happened that well.

Lee was gone. Tenten was gone. There was an eerie silence in the blowing winds. Suddenly, the audience could see green and white laser beams, which was really Lee beating the living crap out of Tenten, to put it simply. Tenten got out kunais and tried making a quick armor defense with it, but Lee broke every single kunai with one kick. The two figures disappeared again..."REVERSE LOTUS!" A second later, Tenten was slammed on the ground with swirls in her eyes, and said, "Lee…I can't keep up…I'll work harder like you next time, but for now…does anyone have bandages?"

"Tenten forefits, Lee wins!" Jiraiya yelled.

Lee walked up to his comrade and said, "Did you need bandages? Do not worry, my bandages of youth will cure you!" and started taking off the bandages in his arm and wrapping them around Tenten's broken limbs. But that wasn't even the bad part.

Naruto and Hinata both fainted as they looked into Lee's arms. One arm had a mutated, green blob on it and a tattoo of a fat boy. The other arm had a tattoo with some crossed-out words. It literally read, 'I want to f-- Sakura' because Lee didn't want to swear. The new writing under it said, 'YOOTH!' Apparently, Naruto and Hinata fainted because of the horrible spelling. No wonder Lee kept his arms in bandages! Supposedly, everyone thought it was because of the wear caused by painful training, but they were wrong.

* * *

**Sorry for the extremely short chapter, everyone...The Christmas Special (and if you didn't know, Hinata's birthday, on Dec 27) will span three chapters, even though it's nowhere near Christmas! Just another convenient way to make a love scene...Heh heh...0.o**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee vs. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(5 to 1; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(4 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**New Poll! ****(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**What fate should Sakura have??**

**-Life sentence in prison (This means Sakura never appears in this fic again)**

**(0 votes)**

**-Sentenced to prison...then escaping, and thinking of a diabolical plot to kill Hinata again**

**(4 votes)**

**-Being admitted to Akatsuki, and trying to capture Naruto and Hinata, and doing all the evil crap Akatsuki does (idea from Rafiki20)**

**(3 votes)**

**-Having a change of heart, dating Sasuke, all that good yadda-yadda**

**(0 votes)**

**-Death (And specify the way you want her killed if you choose this)**

**(9 votes, 1 for guillotine, 3 for tickle torture, 1 for disembowelment, 1 for ramen force-feeding, 1 for sex-change/suicide, 1 for Penis no Jutsu 0.o, 1 no preference)**

**-Other**

**(1 vote, Sakura should be turned into a vegetable, then a training bag for the Hyugas and for shuriken.)**

**I think Death will win, but if it does, just so you know, it'll be a while until Sakura dies because I want to make some kind of plot twist with her. Also, she has to go down in a bitchy bang, trying to kill Hinata again, right? But she will be killed off regardless if the votes stand. :)**


	22. Ch 21:XMas Special: Santa Doesn't Exist!

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto! -Gets shot by police-…That's why you should never say you own Naruto.**

**Lee: Yosh! If you are a Jew like Gaara here, (Gaara: Hey!) then please take caution when reading this chapter! It will not mention Christianity anywhere, but it will mention the holiday of Christmas! Even though it is April! Happy Holidays! YOUTH!!**

**Me: O…kee…thanks, Lee. 0.o**

**Orochimaru: I have come to rape you! I love the fresh behinds of 15-year old boys! For I am Michael Jackson!**

**Me:……………..Take Sasuke.**

**Sasuke: Hn! Hell no, I've already done this for three years! It's your turn, godammit!**

* * *

Chapter 21: Santa Claus Doesn't Exist! (Christmas Special)

_Last chapter: the youthful Lee beat Tenten, even though she somehow went to the United States and back in ten minutes to get guns. For the fight details, see chapter 20._

The tournament has ended for the day, and the new Konoha 11 (minus Sakura, plus Sasuke) was walking out of Konoha Arena, at the end of a long and confusing day. Then, Lee saw a red-and-white flash running past them.

"YOSH! Santa Claus!!" Lee said, and he chased the blur as fast as possible. When Lee eventually reached the red and white blur and started hugging him, saying, "I love you, Santa Claus! It's been my dream to talk to you!", everybody just gave him a wide-eyed look.

Naruto said, "Uh…Lee? That isn't Santa…that's Ero-sennin, he wears red and his "beard" is actually his hair."

"Nonsense! This is the real Santa Claus!" Lee replied. Jiraiya got up from the attack and said, "Listen…I'm not Santa…he doesn't exist, kid! Now let me go to the womens' spa and do research, alright?"

The Konoha 11 gave Jiraiya an even bigger look, and Sai butted in, saying, "Why female genitalia when you can go for…PENIS!" before everyone beat him up and Neji hit his left jaw with a Jyukken strike so he couldn't say "Penis".

Jiraiya walked away to do some of his spying and Lee said, "Santa Claus is definitely real! Gai-sensei told me so and whatever Gai-sensei says is always right!"

"Eh…don't you mean WRONG?" Tenten asked Lee, who was turning a steamy red at what she said, prepared to defend his sensei.

"Gai-Sensei! I know you are never wrong! Let us show my fellow ninja the spirit of Christmas!" Lee said.

Gai suddenly bolted for Lee and said, "Yes, my youthful student! We cannot let anyone disbelieve the holiday of ultimate youth! Let's hit it, Lee!"

"Okay, Gai-sensei!" Lee said as he got out his drums and everyone sweatdropped.

**"We Wish You a Youthful Christmas" by Gai and Lee, sung in D-minor and very horribly  
**

_We wish you a youthful Christmas,_

_We wish you a youthful Christmas,_

_We wish you a youthful Christmas,_

_And a youthful New Year!_

Neji's ears fell off. Hinata was crying in Naruto's shoulder, who was also crying. Tenten stuck up kunais in her ears, making them bleed further, and Kiba and Akamaru's ultra-sensitive ears were inflating. Sai was upchucking ink and Sasuke was smashing himself in the head with a Chidori to get rid of the insanely horrible noise.

"Yay, everyone loved it!" Lee said, as the pandemonium continued and Gai went off to his house.

**-Meanwhile, at Konoha Supreme Court, because everyone's recovering-**

Tsunade walked up to the judge's podium and thought, 'Damn! I lost so much money today…but at least I'll make Sakura's life miserable.'

Then, the Konoha Council, serving as the jury, and Sakura walked in with her attorney, Fred Flintstone.

"Now, Fred! I need to give Hinata-teme what she deserves, so don't fuck this up! If you do, I'll fuck you up, got it?!" Sakura threatened with a glare.

"Yabba-Dabba-Doo!" Fred replied.

"…Good enough for now," Sakura said, as she took her seat and Tsunade announced, "Today, at Christmas Eve, we will be serving the case of the attempted hired murder and an indirect murder attempt of Hyuga Hinata, and the culprit…I mean prisoner…sorry, suspect is Haruno Sakura. Prosecutor, please present your case."

"Well, I am Hyuga Hiashi, prosecutor, and I hate my daughter, so Haruno Sakura is innocent. Case closed, bye!" Hiashi said evilly.

"Hold it!" a familiar voice said.

A tiny figure, with long hair and the white eyes of a Hyuga was walking in, with a hardened look on her face and with a lawyer's suit. She was a prodigy, not only at fighting, but also at law. She was…

"Hyuga Hanabi, lawyer-in-training! I wish to present my case, as I would at least like to protect my failure of a sister instead of giving her such a cold life and no recognition at all. And in my first case, Haruno Sakura, where were you at 2:54 PM today, on December 24, when you were to be present in the Konoha Arena for Konohamaru-kun's match? Were you involved with a certain Konan of the Akatsuki?" Hanabi started.

"No!…I…how the hell did you find out?!" Sakura asked before realizing that she already gave herself away.

"Byakugan," Hanabi simply answered.

"And what were you doing with Uzumaki Naruto at 4:50 PM today, and why did you replace yourself with a clone outside. Also, why is it that Hyuga Hinata was in your immediate area four minutes later, at 4:54 PM, and why did she attempt to commit suicide three minutes later? Were you involved in a forcible sexual act with this Uzumaki Naruto?" Hanabi asked again.

'Shit! Why does that little runt know so much?!' Sakura thought, as she said, "Lawyer, please speak in my bow-half."

"It's 'behalf', you mentally deficient ignoramus," Hanabi said as she sighed at Sakura's stupidity.

"What?! Shut up, you little bitch! I was always the smartest one in class!" Sakura defended as Tsunade intervened, saying, "Defense, please do not utter unneeded profanities. Sakura's lawyer, please continue."

Fred Flintstone said, "Yabba-dabba…Eh…Sakura…Naruto…rape."

Sakura was literally angrily bursting in flames, saying, "You're supposed to defend me, moron!"

Tsunade said, "Well, I think that's enough hard evidence to prove that Sakura has indeed attempted murder. Not to mention, I was a freaking witness. Now, Council, who votes that Haruno Sakura is guilty?"

Eight of the eleven Council members raised their hands.

"Then it is settled. Haruno Sakura, you are guilty of two counts of attempted murder and will be in Konoha Prison for nine years! Case closed!" Tsunade said, slamming her hammer.

Two bodyguards locked Sakura's handcuffs and pulled her away, as she was clawing at the floor and uttering curses and death wishes at Hinata, who was happily walking with Naruto.

**-Back at the Konoha 11, now at Ichiraku's-**

Lee saw another figure with a red outfit and a white beard. "Santa!" he yelled.

"Um…sorry, Lee, but I'm not an obese pedophile disguised as a jolly old elf that gives kids presents," Ayame, who was wearing the costume, said.

"Aww…" Lee replied, as Neji and Tenten rolled their eyes, then, as they were sharing ramen, slurped up a noodle, and Neji's lips somehow met Tenten's, as they were sharing the same noodle. Then, they started making out joyously for what seemed like an hour until Naruto said, "This reminds me of Lady and the Tramp…you're dogs!" before earning smacks on the head from Neji, Tenten, and Kiba.

"Hey, no one insults dogs!" Kiba angrily remarked.

"N-Naruto-kun…are you okay?" Hinata said, because Naruto now had three bowling ball-sized lumps on top of his head.

Naruto said back, "As long as you're with me, I'll always be okay."

Then, everyone in the vicinity said, "Aww…" emotionally until Sai said, "Penis!" and Tenten replied in fury, "What did I say about talking about male genitalia?! I'm not gonna hear another word of it until I see Neji-kun in bed three years from now!"

Neji started blushing madly and Naruto said, "But…I thought you guys already 'did it' from two hours ago, when Konoha had a Lemon invasion!"

Neji replied, "No, that was a complete misunderstanding," as Tenten started looking disappointed.

In the next moments, Naruto and Choji were in a ramen-off, seeing who can down the most. Naruto somehow won by half a bowl, and Choji had to pay for all of it! After a few minutes and twelve more bowls of ramen for Naruto, Shikamaru got up and said, "It's been great and all, but guys, things might get troublesome if my mom doesn't see me at home soon, so bye."

Everyone said their goodbyes, then got up to go home also. Naruto and Hinata stayed the longest, then held hands and walked up Konoha's mountain, lined with the faces of the Hokage. Naruto ran up the face of the Fourth and started picking his nose, reminding him of his prankster days.

"Um…N-Naruto-kun, you're p-picking your father's nose…I mean…Oops! Never mind, f-forget what I said!" Hinata said in a panic.

"Yondaime Hokage…was my dad? I mean, we look similar, but…seriously?!" Naruto asked.

"P-Please…don't tell anyone you k-know this, it was supposed to be t-top secret, but I still wanted to tell you someday, N-Naruto-kun. But maybe not today…" Hinata said in shock.

Naruto asked, "Wait…who would want to keep my family a secret?"

Hinata responded, "W-Well…the Hyuga are a respected clan, s-so they were at the meeting after Yondaime Hokage's death…and the clan leaders voted t-to not let you know about your history, f-fearing it may hurt you more, N-Naruto-kun. B-But…I thought you would be ready for it sometime s-soon, Naruto-kun. Then, it slipped out."

"I see…I guess I was always so ignorant and oblivious to so many things…like how you always loved me and how I never noticed. It must've pained you all these years…to see me hitting on that bitch, Sakura, or because I was so stupid that I couldn't see true love…I'm sorry, Hinata-chan," Naruto said in grief.

Hinata smiled lightly and said, "Please…d-don't be. I should've been braver anyway. But here we are, anyway. I'm happy now, because you're also happy and I have what I always wanted…you."

The couple ended up kissing, then they lost their footing and started tumbling down the face of the Third Hokage. But the witnesses say that the two were so immersed in their undying love that they never stopped kissing until they flew into the ground, about to romantically die, slamming into…a bag of marshmallows. When Naruto finally let go of Hinata, he said, "Thank Kami for these conveniently-placed marshmallows!" as Hinata started giggling.

The two got up from the marshmallows and started walking home. When Hinata could see Naruto's apartment, she hugged him again, and Naruto said, "Well…see ya tomorrow. Merry Christmas, Hinata-chan!"

"Merry Christmas, N-Naruto-kun!" Hinata said happily as she skipped home with a wide smile on her face, never being this happy before. This was the best day of her life, and she didn't care if she had to relive it a thousand times. Well, except for the part where she almost kills herself.

The next day, no one woke up because a certain fat, old pedophile with a white beard, dressed in red, put a giant genjutsu on Konoha, even knocking Kurenai out. Then, he indulged in milk and cookies before sneaking to the Hyugas', where he went to Hanabi's room. The jolly pedophile thought, 'Hee hee…Hanabi, you're on the Naughty list! Time for some 'punishment'!'

He was walking toward the sleeping Hanabi, ready to defile her, until she disappeared and a bewildered Santa Claus saw Hanabi behind him, wide awake and in the Jyukken stance.

"Don't mess with Hanabi Hyuga…the master of genjutsu!" she said before pummeling him with 64 palms and sending Santa Claus out of the window and on the street, where he ran for his life.

With the exception of Hanabi Hyuga, who didn't get raped, everyone in Konoha remained asleep until December 27, when they all missed Christmas because of the person that symbolized it.

* * *

**Sorry for any Santa-lovers, for making him such a creepy pedophile :D Well, hope you liked it, and next time, it's Hinata's birthday! What will Naruto get her, now that he won 140,000 dollars? Will he even remember?**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(6 to 2; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**What fate should Sakura have??**

**-Life sentence in prison (This means Sakura never appears in this fic again)**

**(0 votes)**

**-Sentenced to prison...then escaping, and thinking of a diabolical plot to kill Hinata again**

**(5 votes)**

**-Being admitted to Akatsuki, and trying to capture Naruto and Hinata, and doing all the evil crap Akatsuki does (idea from Rafiki20)**

**(3 votes)**

**-Having a change of heart, dating Sasuke, all that good yadda-yadda**

**(0 votes)**

**-Death (And specify the way you want her killed if you choose this)**

**(11 votes, see below)  
**

**-Other**

**(2 votes, Sakura should be turned into a vegetable, then a training bag for the Hyugas and for shuriken, or Majin Buu should turn her into candy and eat her :P)**

**I think Death will win, but if it does, just so you know, it'll be a while until Sakura dies because I want to make some kind of plot twist with her. Also, she has to go down in a bitchy bang, trying to kill Hinata again, right? But she will be killed off regardless if the votes stand. :)**

**New Poll! About the Death (If you've already voted for 'Death' and voted for preferences, DON'T vote for this)**

**Well, Sakura's probably gonna die because of your votes, so how do you want her to die?**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (3 votes)**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (1 vote)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (1 vote)**

**Other**


	23. Ch 22: Hinata's Birthday Gone Wrong Pt 1

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto! Don't bother suing me because you all know that's a load of bull :P**

**Choji: How much do you weigh?**

**Me: 215 pounds…**

**Choji: Ha, I weigh 214 pounds! Now Ino can't make fun of me for being the biggest fatass in Konoha!**

**Me: -sits in a corner and cries- :(**

* * *

Chapter 22: Hinata's Birthday and an Unexpected Comeback!

Last chapter was completely wild, Sakura got sentenced to prison time, Naruto/Hinata had another date, where he figured out he was Minato's son, and Santa Claus tried to rape Hanabi! (and failed :P) For more details, see Chapter 21

Sasuke Uchiha. Heartless. Avenger. Murderer. And now, a failure at the game of Love. As he stirred awake from Santa Claus' genjutsu, he thought only one thing:

'It's Hinata-chan's birthday! I must have a worthy present at hand and make Naruto-dobe go out with someone else! For the sake of my clan and for the sake of not being married to a complete fangirl-bitch!'

He literally ran out of his bed, going to the mall, spotting Ino, then knocking her in the head with a giant ham before she could spazz out and use a Fangirl no Jutsu on him. He then grabbed his present of choice, then was noticed by around a thousand fangirls, who were chasing him. Sasuke was still in line, waiting to buy his present out before the rabid fangirls could murder him.

'Damn it all! Why is this cashier so slow?!' he thought, as he said out loud, "Hn…don't let me use my Chidori on you, pathetic fools."

This only made the girls love him more, as one loudmouth yelled, "Sasuke using Chidori?! So…KAWAII!!"

The cashier, who was actually Ebisu the closet pervert, with his shiny glasses, thought that he would make Sasuke's life miserable today and that Sasuke should be raped by the fangirls.

Sasuke sweatdropped and said to Ebisu the cashier, "Make this quick before these fangirls screw me over and make me lose my virginity a thousand times! It's even worse than Tsukyomi!"

The cashier, smirking, made sure to scan Sasuke's gift for his dear Hinata (who, in turn, only loved Naruto) very, very slowly. For the first time, Sasuke was very nervous, about to crack down. Then, he noticed something.

'Wait…does one of the fangirls have pink hair?! Sakura? Can't be…she just went to prison! Nah, probably not.' he thought, grabbing his gift and bolting off, as thousands of fangirls lost sight of Sasuke and tumbled into the cashier, losing momentum. Ebisu, who should've died by now, due the impact force, felt many soft objects in his face and said, _"BOOBIES!_! Lucky Sasuke…" as he spontaneously produced fountains of blood out of his nose.

Meanwhile, at the Hyugas' Residence:

Hiashi Hyuga, cold-blooded leader of the Hyugas' main branch, was walking down with a stern expression on his face, and he said, "Why…do we waste our valuable money for a birthday party for that useless…thing I call a daughter?

Once again, Hanabi, who still couldn't get over her father's betrayal of Hinata yesterday, said, "Because, we flaunt our wealth everywhere else in the most useless ways, why not do it today? Besides, if you were even paying attention to Hinata nii-san's match with Sakura, you could see that she performed the hidden technique of the Hyuga. Can you attack with 192 palms?"

"Alright, as long as I can have my silence. Just don't end up too soft and compassionate like the trash you call a sister. That's an order." Hiashi sternly replied.

"I'm afraid I must formally decline, father, for I have learned something today. Even the kindest person can gather power in an instant, if they keep their goals in check," Hanabi said before leaving a bewildered Hiashi behind.

**At Training Ground 11**

"No! No! No! I will not believe it! Santa came to town and I was asleep for two days?! NO!!" Lee said, while delivering his 1,824th kick onto a wooden post.

"Now…calm down, my youthful student! Everybody else fell asleep too! Maybe next year…" Gai replied, trying to comfort Lee.

"Then I must become more youthful to Santa so he can visit me, hug me, and give me presents!" Lee ecstatically said, as Lee and Gai both flashed a thumbs-up, while Tenten still couldn't get used to their silliness.

"Uh…Lee? Sorry to interrupt your…fantasy, but Hinata's birthday party's today. Wanna join me and Neji?" Tenten asked.

"Absolutely! For I can see the flames of youth inside of Hinata's shy exterior! We will march! Seishun!" Lee replied, running to the Hyugas' before Neji (accidentally) grabbed Lee's spandex suit…in the butt. After Neji ran around in circles, screaming madly, he informed, "The party's not until 8:30 PM tonight, Lee."

"Then I must train harder to match Hinata-san and Naruto-san's newfound youth! Two thousand more squats! One! Two! Three!" Lee yelled before his team left him be. Even Gai fell asleep after a while.

**At Training Ground 69**

Jiraiya, with only one arm, was training to make the best of his remaining arm and to make a new fighting style. But, he would only do this for the next thirty minutes, then, he would go to the womens' bathhouse…for a peculiar reason. That was before Naruto ran in, saying, "Ero-Sennin! Ero-Sennin!"

Jiraiya responded, "What, kid? You know I can't train you right now, I can barely train myself!"

"No, not that! It's Hinata-chan's birthday today and you know all about girls, right? What should I get her?!" Naruto asked with curiosity.

"Well, kid, your girlfriend isn't like most girls. You might've noticed that when she strayed from the Fangirl path since she was, maybe, ten years old. See, this is when girls start developing a bitchy side…not to mention…" Jiraiya said while blushing, and Naruto said, "What, are you being pervy with ten-year olds now?

"Hell no, I'm just talking about the mental and physical development that will finish at age 18…when I can do things with them!" he said while smiling evilly. "But, Hinata isn't like that at all, mentally. See, she's shy, unconfident, kind, and has traits you'll never see in most girls. That's why you need something different."

"I know that, Ero-Sennin! I just need to know exactly what present! Now! C'mon, hurry!" Naruto said.

"Geez, kid, relax! I'll tell you as soon as you're completely calm!" an irritated Jiraiya now said.

Naruto took the time to be relaxed, and when he finally was, Jiraiya whispered something into Naruto's ear, where he flashed a smile.

"Thanks, Ero-Sennin!" he said loudly, leaving the training ground.

**Timeskip to 8:25 PM, at the Hyuga residence**

Hinata was welcoming guests at the front door until she saw a certain someone, with blond hair and a tuxedo that made him look very not-Naruto-like. Wait just a moment, it is Naruto!

"N-Naruto-kun! You remembered!" Hinata said joyously, as Naruto gave a wide grin and said, "Of course! How could I forget my Hina-chan's birthday? Even I'm not that dumb!" as Hinata giggled, and they both walked in, leaving an array of forgotten guests. As everyone pounded on the door to get in, Shikamaru said, "Fine…I'll get it. Why must I do all of these troublesome tasks…"

Sasuke was the first to barge in, and he quickly said, "What's up, dobe? Hello, Hinata-chan…I mean Hinata. You look pretty nice…I guess. Hn," while not being able to suppress his emotions in front of Naruto and Hinata. Sasuke blushed for the first time in his cold, heartless life and he felt completely awkward around a female for once. The Strongest and Last Uchiha. The Avenger. The Ladies' Man. Feeling completely helpless around one female. Hinata Hyuga.

"Um…Sasuke? Are you okay?" Naruto asked. "You got a fever?"

Hinata explained, "Nah, he's just blushing, N-Naruto-kun. I used to do that all the time when I see…you, and I still do it. He m-must have feelings for you, Naruto-kun. Sorry, S-Sasuke, but I'm already with N-Naruto-kun."

"I'm not gay…I was just blushing at…that book over there…Hn," Sasuke 'admitted', pointing to a small, orange book titled, 'Icha Icha Paradise 34', thinking it's a good excuse.

"Alright then, have fun making out with that book! We can hang out later if you want," Naruto said as he held Hinata's hand and went to dance, leaving Sasuke deep down in the dumps.

'Dobe…why did such an angel, the one girl who isn't a bitchface, other than maybe Tenten, and the one girl I loved…why did she have to go to you, dobe? I…hate my life,' Sasuke thought. But his thoughts were about to be much worse. Much, much worse.

**-Meanwhile, in Konoha Prison-**

Mizuki (You know, the weird blue-haired guy from the 1st episode who turned into a tiger later) and the bulky Idiot Brothers were standing in front of a completely obliterated jail cell and were utterly confused.

"How the hell…I mean, it's understandable for you two to bend the bars, but how did…I mean, the bars broke and security didn't notice! How did it happen?!" a bewildered Mizuki asked.

"Durr…I think she had blue hair and she wanted to get Mercedes-Benz on someone called…Tinaja Lechuga." The Idiot Brothers said in unison.

"I told you for the nineteenth time, her hair was _pink _and she wanted to get _revenge _on _Hinata Hyuga_! Get it right, idiots!" Mizuki answered. "By the way…this Hinata…seems familiar. Oh, yeah! She was one of my idiot students in that shitty Academy! And the pink bitch is…"

TO BE CONTINUED

* * *

**Okay, so what the heck just happened?! I think you know, but if you're as stupid as the Idiot Brothers, I'll leave you in your idiocy :) But you should know…Well, there's definitely gonna be something wrong at Hinata's party, so see what it is next chapter! (and the finishing part of this two-part chapter thingy)**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(6 to 2; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (3 votes)**

**Other**


	24. Ch 23: Hinata's Birthday Gone Wrong Pt 2

**Disclaimer: You all know what this says. I don't own Naruto. Pretty obvious, if you ask me.**

**Kimimaro: Oh, look, it's a little orange book. Icha Icha Paradise…I wonder what's in it.**

**-5 minutes later-**

**Kimimaro: Oh…my…god. Wow.**

**Tayuya: Ha! Kimimaro has a fucking boner! Get it? Eh…shitty joke, right?**

**Kimimaro: I'll kill you, worthless trash!**

**Me: Alright, break it up, ladies, we have a fanfic to start! Thanks for 15,000 hits and keep up the reviews! Constructive criticism, votes, and compliments always welcome :)**

**By the way, I have a 1-week vacation and I'm grounded because of a B- (lol), so I can write tons of chapters, maybe 10 over the week, but I'm still releasing them at a daily basis, or every other day.**

* * *

Chapter 23: Hinata's Birthday gone Wrong, Part 2

_Last chapter, Mizuki and the Idiot brothers were wondering what happened as a certain pink-haired bitch escaped from prison. I wonder who it is…_

Back at the Hyuga residence, the Konoha 11, Konohamaru and Hanabi, and all the other guests were dancing to random music and having the time of their lives! Except for Sasuke…

"Sasuke-kun, what's the matter?" Ino asked as she sat next to him.

"Go away, fangirl, now's not a good time," Sasuke replied coldly.

"Hey, cheer up! C'mon, you know I'm at least better than Forehead!" Ino defended.

"Hn," Sasuke said, keeping a blank expression and ignoring Ino until she finally decided to leave him alone.

As everyone still danced to the slow-moving music, Hinata, Tenten, and Shikamaru said in succession,

"I love you, Naruto-kun,"

"I love you, Neji-kun,"

"I don't love you, Temari. C'mon, this is troublesome…Wait…where do you think you're touching?!"

As Temari let go of Shikamaru's face, he said, "Sorry…you're nice and all, but I'm…gay."

"I bet I can change that with one kiss," a slightly hurt-looking Temari said as she leaned toward Shikamaru's face, which was shocking Shikamaru.

"Whoa, whoa. Troublesome. Life's like a game of shogi and I'm like a game piece. There's some things certain game pieces can't do and there's something I can't do. I can't kiss you," Shikamaru explained, as Temari completely ignored him and Shikamaru started to scream for his life.

Temari had just kissed him. On the lips.

Shikamaru tried to wrench out of Temari's grapple for what seemed like a whole day. After a while, he just seemed to give up and take whatever's coming to him.

When Temari finally decided to let go of a suffocated Shikamaru, he started coughing from a lack of air and Temari asked the pineapple-head, "So, how did it feel, Shika-kun?"

As Shikamaru started wiping his wet lips, he said, "How troublesome…I just realized something…I'm bi."

Everyone that heard this on the dance floor cheered on as the new couple kept on dancing, and everything seemed to be fine. After all the fast music, especially after a few tunes from Dragonforce came on, Hinata seemed a bit tired and said, "N-Naruto-kun…Do you think I should open presents now?"

Naruto replied, "Anything you want, Hinata-chan."

They both smiled and walked toward the giant pile of presents and most of the Konoha 11, plus Konohamaru and Hanabi, who were holding hands now, came. Everyone looked overly delighted, especially Sasuke. 'Hn! I shall get the attention of my beautiful Hinata-chan and Naruto-dobe can kiss someone else! POWER!' he thought in his head, which seemingly retained at least a bit of evil.

Hinata first opened a present from her teammate, Kiba, and it was a book titled 'The Ultimate Guide for Dog Care'.

Kiba said, "Well, if you're a dog person and get your own dog, it might help you with caring for it. It certainly helped me and Akamaru!" as Akamaru happily barked on his side.

"Thank you, Kiba," she said, as she put the book away. Hinata was more of a cat person, but she decided to read the book anyway to know more about Akamaru.

Next, she opened Shino's present, and it contained a case with the Bikochu bug they retrieved earlier as a team.

"I had difficulty locating this specimen, but I finally found it, and remember that it only follows Naruto around for his scent? I think this is a satisfactory means to locate Naruto if there is ever any worry," Shino said as Hinata smiled warmly and said, "Thanks, Shino! I guess I will always know where Naruto-kun is." as she started opening her other presents.

After opening her team's presents, she decided to open everything that wasn't from Naruto first.

Tenten gave her a small pistol to protect her in battle just in case Jyukken stopped working or she needed something long-range.

Neji gave her scrolls he made himself, demonstrating the most complex of Hyuga jutsu, hoping she can become as strong as him, with effort.

Lee also gave her a scroll, with instructions on how to unlock the Eight Gates, plus some leg weights weighing 400 pounds each (which may be too much).

Ino gave her a large book on fashion and seduction, because she was much too conservative and might seem a bit 'boring' to Naruto. However, this wasn't the case as Naruto liked Hinata just the way she was.

Shikamaru also gave Hinata a book, called 'How to Manage Your Time' because Hinata would be spending more time with Naruto, and the amount of time she has left may be troublesome.

Choji gave Hinata another book, titled '100 Greatest Akimichi Clan Recipes', but warned her to only eat these foods once a week, otherwise, she may end up addicted to them and gaining weight.

Sai gave her a poster hand-made by him, which had Naruto smiling and holding Hinata's hand, while Gai and Lee were crying under a giant sunset. It might've had silliness, but at least there weren't any penises.

Kurenai, her sensei, gave her something that might seem a bit early. Wedding forms and legal documents with Naruto's name already signed.

Gaara and Kankuro gave Hinata a sand figure of Naruto and a small puppet of him, also. Temari gave Hinata a fan embedded with sapphires because she might get 'a bit too hot' near Naruto.

When Hinata was tearing open Sasuke's present, he was thinking, 'Oh boy! She'll love this! Hn!' (sorry for the slight OOC)

Sasuke gave her a year-long free coupon to…Maki's, the fanciest restaurant in Konoha, hoping that she goes there every day so she wouldn't go to Naruto's favorite place, Ichiraku's anymore, and Sasuke already knew that Naruto would never eat anything other than ramen.

Hinata took a look at the coupon, then realized, 'Wait, Naruto-kun would never go here! Besides, whether it's ramen or steak, it's still just food', then said, "Thank you, Sasuke…I think Hanabi nee-chan would love this!" and handed the coupon to a grinning Hanabi, and 'Inner Sasuke' started smashing his own head.

Finally, Hinata started opening Naruto's present for her. He gave her…well, many things. To start off, Naruto knew that Yondaime Hokage's chakra blade and his version of the Body Flicker Jutsu that got him the title of "Yellow Flash" was long dead. However, Naruto did manage to find a chakra knife of his, which could still cut through anything and was engraved with topaz and rubies.

"Well, Hinata-chan, if you used the knife with your Kaiten, it would be much stronger, right?" Naruto said, as she nodded and looked at the next object.

They were a few papers, one of which said, "By Order and Decree of the 5th Hokage (Tsunade), Hyuga Hiashi is banned from serving as the Hyuga head. Instead, Hyuga Neji will do so, and his Caged Bird Seal will be removed."

After hearing that, Neji said, "Now that I have power of the clan…Unlike what Hiashi has done, I will make sure you are treated with due respect, Hinata-sama…I mean Hinata-san. Man, this will take long to get used to…"

The second paper said, "By order of the 6th Hokage, no one is to intervene with Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuga Hinata's marriage, after this document is signed by the aformentioned."

Hinata smiled, but asked, "By order of the…6th Hokage? We don't have one yet…"

Naruto said, "Nonsense! It'll either be you or me, Hinata-chan! And I'm sure that even if it was Iruka-sensei or Lee that won, they would all pass this document. Knowing this, Tsunade baa-chan decided to pass this under the next Hokage!"

Hinata took the third paper, which showed a record of Sakura Haruno's court trial and the verdict. This brought a wide grin on Hinata's face, seeing that justice has finally been served.

The fourth paper was a photograph of a 7-year old Naruto picking his nose, and a young Hinata watching and blushing at him. "I should've noticed," he said, smiling.

Hinata took the last paper out of the wrapping, and it was simply a sheet of paper with the letters "I.O.U" scribbled on them. Hinata wondered and said, "I.O.U? W-What's this for?"

Naruto answered, "Simple! I owe you…this!", then started kissing Hinata until she fainted again. Everyone smiled at the scene, except Sasuke, who said, "Hn," and left the crowd to mope some more. After Hinata woke up, she found that Naruto was gone, but then, she noticed that he was just outside, looking at the stars.

Hinata went outside and called, "Naruto-kun!" and tried hugging him.

But Naruto shoved Hinata back and said, "Time to die…Heh heh." And he started trying to punch her.

"N-Naruto-kun? Is that…you?" she said.

Then, a giant shuriken flew in and impaled Naruto in the arm, and Hinata was cringing from shock. A recognizable figure with blue hair, Mizuki, came in and said, "Finally! I got you, demon piece of shit!"

"No! Naruto-kun! I…I won't let you get away with this!" Hinata said, going into a Jyukken stance before someone came out of the building. It was…

"Hi, Hinata-chan, Mizuki, me! Wait…why are Mizuki and a clone of me outside?" Naruto, who just came out, asked.

"W-Wait…That isn't you, Naruto-kun?" a crying Hinata now said as she grabbed onto Naruto's shoulder.

"No, I was just in the bathroom," Naruto explained.

"Well, t-then who…"

The fake Naruto now poofed into smoke, and in its place was an injured figure with a giant shuriken in its arm. It had pink hair, a red outfit, and looked very bitchy. It was…

"Sakura! You…bitch!" Naruto and Hinata said at the same time, as Mizuki said, "Wha?! I didn't kill demon-teme? What the hell?!"

"MIZUKI, YOU BAKA! I TOLD YOU TO KILL NARUTO, NOT ME! I WAS NARUTO IN DISGUISE, YOU LITTLE FUCKHEAD!" Sakura yelled at the top of her lungs, clearly very, very pissed off at everyone.

"And you two…being so smug, ruining my life! YOU should've been arrested, not ME! Die!" Sakura said as she charged toward Hinata again and did some strange hand signs never seen before.

"You think Orochimaru only affected Sasuke-kun?! I collected some of Sasuke's blood and made a curse seal for myself! Watch!" she said as lines went across her vast forehead and as she got plumper in the stomach. If Sakura could be any uglier, this was it. Now, she was even heftier than Choji and had dark skin.

"Curse Seal Level 2!" she said, as her skin got darker and she got fatter. Then, she stepped on Hinata, getting her whole body and clearly cracking pretty much every bone she had, creating a pool of internal organs and blood. Thing is, she disappeared.

"I guess you don't know that Hinata-chan can make Kage Bunshins now! But let me do my version! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto said as around 4000 Narutos appeared and all of them kicked Sakura, but to no avail as she was so heavy. Then, Naruto charged a few Rasengans and tried shredding through Sakura's thick skin, but not one could even make her bleed. Sakura then made a gigantic chakra blade and cut through most of the Narutos, hitting their hearts and making them disappear.

Naruto had just about enough of this and said, "Futon! Rasen-katana!" and started his new technique. One Naruto formed a Rasengan, another fused a wind element into it, and the third molded it into the shape of a sword, allowing greater reach. Then, Naruto ran up the plumpy body of Sakura, avoiding her medical blade, and keeping his Rasen-katana as low as possible, cutting through Sakura's cellular flesh as he went up. Finally, Naruto ruptured Sakura's left lung with his Rasen-katana, malfunctioning most of the cells there, leaving her with only half of her normal oxygen supply.

Sakura tried forming another jutsu, but ran out of breath quickly, turning back into the normal Sakura, because half of her normal oxygen couldn't support her giant figure. Then, she ran away, leaving Mizuki to soon be sent back to Konoha Prison by Tsunade.

"Don't worry, Hinata-chan, everything's fine now," Naruto said, hugging her as everyone came out and saw the mess. Neji asked, "Naruto! What happened? Is Hinata alright?" Naruto explained everything and they all nodded, being forced to leave the party early, in case of any other disturbances.

* * *

**So everything's alright and everyone's going to sleep. But what will happen to the evil-converted Sakura? She was much more dangerous than last time…Akatsuki, anyone? And back to the tournament! Will Iruka beat Hinata? Or not? That's all next chapter!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(6 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (3 votes)**

**Other**


	25. Ch 24:Miscarriage? The Sarutobis' Return

**Disclaimer: Are you kidding me?! Santa Claus IS real! However, Naruto is a fictional character and all of his adventures and whatnot were created by Kishimoto. Happy? You better not sue me this time, lawyers! 0.o**

**Naruto: I'm gonna be Hokage!**

**Hooker: And I'll be the Hoekage!**

**Naruto: What's a Hoekage?**

**Hooker: It's like the master of all the whores in the world. I think the current one is...Sakura? I think.**

**Naruto: Oh, that makes sense! Dattebayo! (Yay, he finally used 'dattebayo')**

**A/N to the readers: Sorry for the delay, but I had to make a trip to Connecticut and my parents also almost found out that I was writing violent and horrendously weird fanfics, which I claimed my demented friend made. So, I had to lay off for a couple of days. )**

* * *

Chapter 24: Miscarriage?! Kurenai's Results

_Last chapter, Hinata got a bunch of gifts, Shikamaru became a bisexual, Sasuke got even more emo, and Sakura turned even fatter than Choji after her Level 2 Curse Seal (who knew?). For more detail, see Ch 23_

**-Sakura's POV-**

Sakura, who failed to kill Naruto and Hinata 5 minutes ago, was running, trying to find Itachi Uchiha out in the open. She had only one method. The Fangirl Tracking Chip she installed into Itachi nine years earlier.

'He's...200 MILES FROM HERE?! My damn legs hurt from being fat five minutes ago! And to think I dissed Choji all those times...Ow...' she thought, jumping in the grass, hoping no one would find her. Sakura's ruptured lung just began healing and she was coughing up some blood. But that wasn't the matter then. She had to kill Hinata as soon as possible! She had to...

'I have to find the Akatsuki! And have sex with them! Even Konan and Fish Boy!' Sakura thought, as being an impromptu hooker would be more than enough payment for admission.

**-Everyone else's POV-**

As the party had to come to an early close because of Sakura's interruption, Shikamaru was walking out, holding hands with _both _of his new dates. Temari and...Sai!

Sai was joyfully walking and explained, "Well, this is convenient. Temari's straight, I like penis, and you like everything! Penis!"

Shikamaru replied, "Well, thanks for the Jiraiya-like commentary, Mr. Troublesome."

"Don't you mean Mr. _Nara?" _Sai said flirtatiously as Shikamaru replied, "Knock it off...we're not even married yet. Troublesome..."

"How about _both _of you knock it off before I have to shove my fan up your..." Temari said before she stopped, seeing Shikamaru blushing and Sai getting double nosebleeds.

"Sigh...I forgot. Never mind." Temari said resentfully as she wondered what troubles a triple-relationship would bring.

Just nearby, Naruto heard a ringing sound from Kurenai's dress, and she took out a cell phone, running to answer it. Naruto, with all curiosity, followed before a tree branch knocked him on the head. 'Genjutsu!' he thought before fainting from the dull pain in his numb head.

Naruto saw ramen. Pools of ramen. Mountains of ramen!

'I must be dreaming! Ramen! Yay!' Naruto said as he took a huge scoop and slurped up the noodles before he started to choke.

"Ack! This ramen tastes like badly made medicine!" Naruto said before he started to see three blurry figures.

"Hinata-chan? Kurenai-sensei? And...that hobo from Chapter 1! Why are you still in this fanfic?!" Naruto yelled.

"Um...W-What's a fanfic?" Hinata asked Naruto, as he said, "Eh...Nothing."

"O-Okay. But Kurenai-sensei's baby just came off of life s-support. N-Naruto-kun, do you want to visit him?" Hinata asked hopefully.

"Sure! Wait, life support?!" Naruto asked, as Kurenai answered, "My baby was born premature, so the medics had to take him and make sure he wasn't in critical condition. That's why I even showed up to the tournament...because they wouldn't let me see my baby. But now I can! Let's go!"

Kurenai was unusually cheerful and hyperactive as she ran to the hospital as fast as possible and Hinata barely managed to follow. Naruto wasn't even close, he was picking up take-out ramen from Ichiraku's, and was eating the whole nine bowls. When they arrived, a medic with a bald head said, "You may see your baby now...wait, who are those two?"

"Hinata Uzumaki and Naruto Hyuga...wait, that's not right! Just let me see my boy!" Kurenai said in panic, and Hinata was blushing pink from the misstatement.

"Okay, first, you have to fill out these 157 forms for release and security, and..." the medic started saying before Kurenai trampled him over, yelling, "MY BABY!"

Naruto gave a blank look at the flattened medic, with four broken teeth, on the ground and Hinata said, "G-Gomen...my sensei's not like this normally. Bye!" as they both ran off from the pissed-off medic.

Kurenai then bodyslammed the next two unfortunate medics blocking her path as Hinata followed, saying, "Gomen" again and Naruto ran slowly after, sipping the rest of his ramen and accidentally stepping on the poor medics' heads. Kurenai rammed a door open and in it were many infants, who were all crying from the sudden interlude. All except one.

He was slightly chubby and already had black hair. He also had some kind of a headstrong expression on his face as he reached up for his mother, who was already hugging him.

"He's...so cute!" Hinata commented, as Naruto was sitting on the sidelines, glad she didn't say 'KAWAII!!' like most other girls would've.

"So, what's his name?" Naruto asked, throwing his ramen cup away.

"I thought about it for awhile...and I think I'll name him in regard to Asuma-kun...His name is Kafushi. (A/N: "Knuckle Dagger", please comment if "Fushika" sounds better)"

"Congratulations, Kurenai-sensei! I guess I'll be getting some sleep...or ramen, whichever comes first," Naruto said, being the first to walk out.

"Good night!" Kurenai and Hinata said, while Naruto gave Hinata a quick hug before walking off into the darkness. Then, Kiba and Shino ran in the hospital, running over the unlucky medics again, as they screamed in agony. Ignoring them, Kiba and Shino made their way to Kurenai, then smiled, seeing her new baby, Kafushi Sarutobi.

That night, after Naruto slipped into his sheets and started to slumber, he had nightmares. Horrible nightmares.

Naruto started to wake up...but his entire 4-year supply of instant ramen noodles were gone! Naruto yelled, "NOOOO!!" before running outside to tell the terrible news to Hinata, but she was kissing his friend, Sasuke, for some odd reason. Then, in the sidelines, Sai said, "Penis no Jutsu!"

What happened next...is a mystery.

"WHY?!" Naruto yelled, experiencing the second-worst scenario in his whole life, other than the time Kyuubi was forced in his body. "WHY ME?!"

Then...he woke up. Again.

"Whew...It's just a dream! I knew Hinata-chan wouldn't do that to me!" Naruto said with relief as he walked down the stairs to check his e-mail on his terribly old computer with Windows 95 software. As slow as it was, it had no viruses. Naruto walked in to find a white-haired figure typing into the screen and downloading images of naked women.

"Ero-sennin?!...NOOOOOOO!! MY COMPUTER HAS VIRUSES!" Naruto yelled, experiencing even more trauma as Jiraiya said back, "Sorry, kid. I have to use your computer because mine has too many viruses from my research."

Naruto started to scream and cry until he woke up. In the real Konoha this time. Then, he saw Rock Lee and Gaara outside his window, hugging while cosplaying (dressed up) as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley.

"Please tell me I'm still in a dream," Naruto said sarcastically, knowing this one was actually in real life. He jumped out of bed, ran to Ichiraku's, and got some freshly made ramen before heading off to the Hyugas for a particular reason. Then, as he walked the streets of Konoha, he saw a blanket and three figures under it, being Temari, Shikamaru, and Sai. All of them appeared to have no clothes on.

As Shikamaru woke up, he was shocked to see Naruto right in front of him and more shocked to see who he was sleeping next to. Most of all, he had no clothes!

"Aah! Naruto...This isn't what it looks like!" Shikamaru said, as Naruto said, "I don't wanna know...enough nightmares for one day." and ran off.

Soon, Sai and Temari were almost waking up, and Sai started touching something very hard and long, and Sai said, "Mm...Shika-kun..."

Then, Temari woke up completely and stepped on Sai's head, yelling, "That's my fan you're fantasizing about, baka!" as Sai woke up also, saw what he had his hand on, and said, "Eep! Not a penis! Penis!"

Shikamaru started wincing afterward and said, "Okay..."

Then, the random hobo from earlier walked on to the plain with the three and he said, "Uh...can I join you?"

That was enough to cause Temari, Shikamaru, and Sai to scurry for their lives. "Sigh...I hate being a hobo," the hobo said, disappointed.

**-Meanwhile, at Hyuga Residence-**

Many branch members were crowded around the royal seat, that Hiashi was booted off of three hours earlier and was now replaced by a more fit Hyuga.

"Thank you for removing my Caged Bird seal, Neji-sama."

"Here's your breakfast, Neji-sama."

"May I please get a raise, Neji-sama?"

"Stop calling me Neji-sama! I mean, really! I don't smell and I don't live in a retirement home! It's not even my destiny to!" Neji, the new Head of the Hyugas, said angrily.

"I think you need some anger management classes, Neji-_sama."_ Hanabi said. If there's one passion she had, it was pissing off her older cousin.

"WHY ME?!" Neji yelled loudly.

"Um...s-so, are you ready to go, Neji-sama? I mean...nii-san..." Hinata said, afraid she'd get her head screamed off by Neji.

Before Neji could react, Tenten and Naruto came out of a random bush and yelled, "Ready, Neji-sama?!"

"AAAAAAAUGH!!" Neji said, unable to take it anymore. He took a dead chicken and smacked everyone in the head with it before running furiously out of the Hyuga residence.

Then, as Naruto, Hinata, and Tenten started to join him, an emo popped out of nowhere, and he had a duck's butt on his head.

"Sasuke!" Naruto reacted, seeing his pal still intact. "So, how did your trial go yesterday?"

"Well, Lady Tsunade wanted to imprison me for 9 years, but the Council decided on 47 minutes, so I get 47 minutes," Sasuke happily explained, then, he said, "Hello, Hinata. Tenten. You look quite good today."

Then, Naruto interrupted Sasuke's flirting and said, "Yeah...but I'm with Hinata and everyone knew Neji would be with Tenten the whole time, so you better not be flirting with them."

Sasuke started blushing, but used a Chidori to cover it, making everyone somewhat suspicious.

"Well, then...I guess we should all go to the arena now. Uh...Hinata, that looks heavy, should I carry it?" Sasuke asked awkwardly.

'Heavy? I doubt my purse weighs 1 pound!' Hinata thought as she shook her head, and Sasuke sweatdropped. 'This is gonna be harder than I thought.'

Naruto and Hinata decided to run away from this new, peculiar Sasuke, as he seemed weirder than his old, silent self. Tenten followed, and Sasuke started crying again, thinking, 'Is it my fate to end up with a bitchy fangirl?'

When Naruto and Hinata finally arrived to the arena for the second day of fighting, a green guy's fist smacked Naruto right in the temple, and he started to wobble before falling down, and Hinata ran to get a first-aid kit before the green guy, who was Rock Lee, said, "You are late, Naruto-san! Truancy is not a sign of youth! Santa Claus is disappointed at you! YOUTH!" before Naruto rolled his eyes at Lee.

Hinata, who just came back, grabbed a shovel and started smacking Rock Lee in the head also. He dodged the next three shots and ate the shovel.

"H-How is that possible?! And N-Naruto-kun...are you okay?" Hinata said with concern before Naruto nodded.

Lee replied, "I consume healthy minerals five times a day! That is why they call me _Rock _Lee!" before everyone in the vicinity fell down, anime-style, except Naruto, who fell up because he was already down.

Before long, everyone settled down into their seats or areas, and Tsunade called, "Alright, it's the second day of the Hokage Competition and the next round is.." before she was interrupted by a call of, "BOOBIES!!"

Tsunade continued, "Jiraiya, you baka...looks like _you're _drunk this time! Sorry for that, folks, the next round is Hinata versus Iruka!"

Naruto ran up and grabbed both of them, to their shock, and Naruto said, "Good luck, both of you guys! But Iruka-sensei, don't go crazy on Hinata-chan!"

Iruka nodded, then ran down, but nobody cared what happened next because a Rock Lee impostor just grabbed Tenten and ran off with her!

"Lee-teme! Give her back!" Neji said, before the real Lee said, "I am right behind you, Neji-san. That is a fake."

"Oh..."

* * *

**Sorry if this chapter seemed a bit filler, but the next one is the start of more fighting! And Tenten just got kidnapped by a green-wearing guy! I wonder who he is...3 hints: He's Italian, he eats mushrooms, and he's in my username. All in the next episode! Hinata vs. Iruka and Luigi kidnapping Tenten!**

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(6 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (3 votes)**

**Other (1 vote, involving a bunch of things)  
**


	26. Ch 25:Green 'Stache and Iruka vs Hinata!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but Orochimaru owns Sasuke.**

**Disclaimer 2: Some guy claims that he made the techinque 'Raisengan' before I did, and until he gives me considerable written and/or visual proof, I take full credit for the term 'Raisengan'.**

**Disclaimer 3: Itachi didn't die because of a poison that was already killing him, he died because he lost his virginity to fangirls...way too many times.**

**It would be well-appreciated if you R&R and give thoughts :)**

**Warning: This chap has a short Naruto/Mario crossover. If you don't know much about Mario...read anyway! :P**

* * *

Chapter 25: Green 'Stache! Iruka vs. Hinata

_Last chapter, everything went well and Kurenai's baby turned out okay...but right when Hinata and Iruka were about to face off, some guy looking oddly similar to Rock Lee kidnapped Tenten! What the hell?!_

The green figure that took Tenten was sprinting for his life, and Tenten was asleep and snoring loudly due to a mushroom the green figure made her eat.

Neji was in pursuit, yelling, "Give Tenten-chan back, bastard!" and Lee was close by, ready to use his taijutsu to save his teammate. Maito Gai noticed the boys running and asked, "So why are you boys so youthful this morning? Especially you, Neji?"

Lee replied, "We cannot answer until later, Tenten-san in in danger! Please help us, Gai-sensei!"

Then, Gai activated his sunset and started to dramatically cry, where Lee joined, and the two hugged. Neji fell down from the utter idiocy and thought, 'This will take longer than Destiny expected it to...'

After Lee and Gai were done with...whatever they were doing, Neji started running with them again, determined to save the one person he loves. Naruto, Hinata, Shikamaru, and the Hobo joined the group and they set off, following the green mustachioed person's great speed. After a few more miles into the wilderness, the gang spotted brown mushrooms and the green guy stomped on one, making a flashy symbol of '100' appear. Then, the group saw another red figure enter, also bearing a mustache and overalls.

The red guy punched the green guy in the face, then the shocked green guy responded, "Mario! What-a-do you think you-a doing? It's-a-me, Luigi! Wait...Oops..."

"I'm-a-sorry, Luigi! Let's-a-go!" the Mario person said before the two ran off and Gai saw purple fungi laid out everywhere.

"Poison Mushrooms! Everyone, cover your noses and whatever you do, DON'T EAT THEM...Naruto...too late," Gai said, seeing Naruto munch down the purple mushrooms like there was no tomorrow.

"Mm! These taste like ramen! What did you say, Gai-sensei?" Naruto asked.

"Never...mind," Gai answered. Then, Hinata jumped down and said, "Naruto-kun...D-Do you feel okay? Those...are p-poisonous."

"Poisonous?! I KNEW they weren't ramen!" Naruto yelled as everyone rolled their eyes and went on. After a few minutes, Naruto had the sudden urge to go to the bathroom, but there were no bathrooms in the forest!

At the end of the forest was a horrible smell, whether it was from a skunk or Naruto, and the seven ninja arrived at a strange town and a sign saying 'Mushroom Kingdom'.

"Does anyone know anything about this place?" Lee asked, as everybody shook their heads.

The hobo came up and suggested, "Hey, let's ask those guys in that dark, floating castle with the thunderbolts that looks supposedly evil!", pointing to an indeed dark castle, engraved with the face of a criminal turtle.

"Alright, great idea!" everyone said, oblivious to a crucial fact that may destroy them all. 'Heh, got them whe re I want! Once Bowser's done with them, I'll be paid so much! Mwa ha haa!' the hobo thought evilly.

The group of seven went into Bowser's evil castle to search for help regarding two guys with mustaches. Neji suddenly asked, "Guys, what were their names? Wario and Waluigi?"

"Seems close enough," Naruto said, as they marched on, ignoring a green turtle that was trying to kill them with a spear, only to crash into a turtle made of bones. Then, many security doors and gates shut in front of them, but Gai and Lee easily busted them with simple taijutsu moves, saying, "Do these people not build their doors with youth?"

Everyone ignored them, and continued before they saw a pit of lava, a bridge, and a giant turtle with a sign behind him, that said 'Bowser'. The giant turtle charged forward at the ninjas, but Hinata only had to give one Jyukken strike before the fearsome-looking Koopa King was frozen and in a curled-up position on the ground. The ninjas all jumped over him and Naruto picked up a rusty axe at the end of the room. First, the bridge collapsed and 'Bowser' fell into the lava with a roar, steaming and melting, but Neji watched carefully with his Byakugan and said, "That's no turtle, it is a brown mushroom (A/N: Goomba) in a costume!"

Then, the next room in front of them opened, and a midget-sized person with a mushroom hat said, "Sorry, your princess is in another castle!"

Neji spoke up in a rage, saying, "We aren't looking for a goddamn princess, we're looking for a red and a green bastard who stole Tenten-chan! Do you have any information on them?"

"Oh, really...then I guess I'll have to reveal my true identity, behold!" the mushroom guy said, as he broke out of his flesh and was none other than the fierce-looking turtle they faced two minutes ago.

The hobo jumped up and said, "Bowser-sama! I knew it! How much money do I get for capturing these ninjas?", as the six ninjas started trying to bloodily murder the hobo for his betrayal.

Bowser jumped up, shook the whole ground, and said, "Wait...you're experienced ninjas! I'll make a deal! I'll tell you where Mario and Green 'Stache are...if you capture them and Princess Peach! And as a bonus, I won't kill you!"

Naruto said excitedly, "Gotcha!" and ran out before Neji sweatdropped and said, "We have to know where Red and Green reside, baka."

"Right! I knew that! I was just taking a break!" Naruto defended, while everyone else except Hinata rolled their eyes at the goofball ninja.

Then, Bowser told them, "Mario and Green 'Stache are in Princess Peach's Castle, 'ya know, the large and fancy one over there!" and pointed to the large castle that they just noticed now.

"Right! We shall charge with youth and save Tenten-san! Thank you, Bowser-san! Seishun!" Lee said, springing forward energetically with Gai (and surprisingly, Neji), as the rest of the group struggled to follow. The bloodied hobo that was now under Bowser said, "Um...do I still get a raise, Bowser-sama?"

Bowser answered, "Hell no! I have no need for a minion like you now!" as he breathed fire onto the hobo and burnt him to a crisp. He was presumably killed. Presumably.

Neji was the first to run into the castle, seeing Mario and Luigi, and he yelled, "Put down Tenten-chan and fight, bastards!"

Luigi responded, "We have been-a discovered! Let's a-go!", running into the basement. Neji then said to Mario, "Looks like you'll have to fight for your pathetic friend, Red."

Mario responded, "No, it's-a not my business. I will make-a-love with-a Peach, so see-a-ya!" and ran upstairs into the castle. Neji, remembering the mission priorities, said, "Naruto, you can handle those two, right? Capture them!" as Naruto nodded and headed upstairs also.

Then, Neji and Lee headed down to find Luigi with his overalls down and Tenten waking up. Neji was about to charge, but Lee said, "We must not interfere, Tenten-san can handle it! She has youth!"

Neji answered, "Right," and looked with concern. He activated the Byakugan just in case something would go wrong, and saw Tenten gaining her vitals again.

"Wait...wha? Why am I in a dark room and why is this creepy green guy about to rape me? Wait a minute...Oh, my Kami! DIE!!" Tenten yelled, getting out multiple exploding tags and stuffing them up Luigi's nose, and they all went off, blasting flesh all over the place. However, that turned out to be a fake and the real Luigi had Tenten in a headlock, but she used Substitution to slip out and said, "Shuriken Shadow Clone jutsu!"

Fifty shuriken came out of Tenten's hand. Five hundred hit Luigi with precise accuracy.

Luigi had enough pain and jumped up to use his ultimate technique: His Jump! He was pounding furiously on Tenten's head (no, not that way, perv :P), but to his surprise, Tenten wasn't even flinching.

'Wait-a-minute, I'm-a-hitting her panda buns! That's-a-not gonna work!' Luigi thought, not able to put his feet anywhere other than Tenten's two buns before she started getting angry and jammed her wooden staff up Luigi's...No, that's not what I meant! She jabbed the staff up Luigi's stomach and he started throwing up mushrooms! Neji ran over quickly and tied Luigi up, then said, "Eight Trigrams, Empty Palm!" and sent a fierce wave of chakra, hurtling the tied-up Luigi to a wall.

Neji and Tenten started kissing for minutes while Lee started looking lonely, then, Luigi crawled out of the dark space he was kicked to and said, "Wait, I can-a-explain!"

"Go ahead. I still won't change my decision. Your destiny is sealed," Neji said.

"Okee-dokee! Well-a-Mario already has Peach and Daisy broke-a-up with me, so I-a-needed someone else for my babies!" Luigi explained.

Neji's face contorted and started burning fire red, saying, "Is THAT your pathetic explanation?! You need to RAPE someone to have your kids?! Well, not Tenten-chan, she's too precious to me! But if you insist on being a son-of-a-bitch, try finding...Sakura Haruno."

Tenten, being shocked at how much Neji actually cared, pulled him into a hug before the three teammates and a tied-up went upstairs to meet up with the others. Naruto, Hinata, and Shikamaru successfully captured Mario and Peach, although it was difficult to pry the couple off of their bed. They returned the bounty to Bowser, and since that day, terrible, terrible things happened to the land of Mushroom Kingdom. Thanks to Naruto and his friends.

**-Meanwhile in Japan, with two men angrily speaking Japanese-**

"What the hell, Kishi! You fucked up my storyline!" Shigeru Miyamoto, the creator of Mario, said.

"So? It's not like mine was any better, the last ten chapters in Naruto were about Sasuke! Which every fan except the Sasuke fangirls hated!" Masashi Kishimoto, creator of Naruto, said.

"Still, you really had no right to make Naruto change Mushroom Kingdom and make Peach Bowser's wife!" Miyamoto angrily replied.

"Dude...Miyamoto...This wasn't even my fault! It's because of some fat kid in America writing a fanfic about our characters!" Kishimoto defended.

"Oh, that explains it," Miyamoto said, and the two shook hands after being so hateful toward each other.

**-Back to Naruto-**

Tenten thanked everyone, and the shinobi were now heading back to Konoha so that Hinata could fight Iruka. But before they arrived, a giant toad came in and transformed into Jiraiya. Naruto said, "Here we go again..." and Jiraiya asked, "So, were there any hot chicks in Mushroom Kingdom?"

Shikamaru answered, "There was one you'd potentially like, but right now, they're about to produce turtle-human babies, so don't think about it...Ugh..."

Jiraiya started to cry at the thought, and the eight ninja now saw Konoha Arena in view. Except Naruto, who was much too distracted by Ichiraku's, and he headed there for a few (meaning around 25) more bowls before Hinata's match.

As soon as the seven came back and a fat Naruto stumbled through the other entrance, being filled with ramen, Tsunade asked over the speakers, "Is the retrieval mission successful?"

Jiraiya nodded and Tsunade continued, "Good, I can't bear losing another one of my students. Now, let the match begin! Hinata and Iruka! Come down!"

Hinata got in her fighting stance and Iruka just stood there as Jiraiya yelled, "Fight!"

Iruka went through many hand seals, but nothing supposedly happened. Hinata decided to take this as an advantage and moved in to do a minor attack.

"Eight Trigrams, 32 Palms! Two! Four! Eight! Sixteen! Thirty-two!" (A/N: She was holding back for this part of the match)

Iruka was launched backward, supposedly having all of his chakra points blocked. Supposedly. When Iruka came back up, he said, "Half of _your_ chakra points are now blocked."

Hinata gave him a look of shock, saying, "H-How is that possible?" before realizing that she forgot to turn her Byakugan and did so. In doing so, she saw half of her chakra points were indeed blocked, and then she saw Iruka's body. None of the chakra was blocked, instead, it was charged with negative electrical energy.

"I guess you saw through my trick. I charged my body with static electricity so that your chakra would naturally repel mine and come back to your own body, blocking the chakra points as intensely as you would've done to me," Iruka explained.

'Crap! I guess I'll have to use other techniques!' Hinata thought, and she yelled, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

The stage now had two Hinatas and one of them was enough to charge a ball of concentrated, rotating chakra in her hand. "Rasengan!"

Iruka dodged the first attempt, but a shadow clone came from behind and grabbed him in the hips, and Hinata gave Iruka a light hit, not wanting to permanently hurt anyone. Iruka flew into the back wall, but he disappeared and a log was in his place.

'The Replacement Jutsu...Of course, he uses it all the time! And Naruto-kun can do so many Rasengans, but I barely have enough chakra to do one!' Hinata thought, trying to think of a third tactic. Iruka wouldn't let her think, of course, and ran with an electrically charged kunai, heading for Hinata. When she tried blocking the first one, it disappeared and a second one came from behind. Unfortunately, that too disappeared, and Hinata couldn't find Iruka. But...'He's underground!' she thought.

Iruka's outstretched palm now held a spinning ball of electric chakra, and he yelled, "Rai-sengan!"

Hinata tried jumping, but she still got hit in the left leg and started flying up, until Iruka also jumped up and threw Hinata back to the earth, yelling, "Iruka Lotus!" ("I am getting tired of this..." Lee said)

"Hinata-chan!" Naruto called out, but Iruka thought, 'She'll be okay, Naruto. I gave her minimal injuries, at the least. But, she'll be unconscious and I'll win.'

However, the Hinata with her face in the ground like an ostrich disappeared and Iruka thought, 'Shit! I forgot...she made a shadow clone! Well...I guess it's time to go Tenten!'

"Mass Electric Guitar Destruction Jutsu!" Iruka yelled, as he summoned many, many electrically charged guitars signed by Led Zeppelin, and they all flew down toward Hinata, ready to shock her and to do the classic 'guitar break'.

But Hinata had other plans, she was going to break the guitars herself! "Protection of Sixty-Four Palms!"

Many, many rays of chakra surrounded Hinata and sliced all of the guitars into pieces, leaving her unharmed, except that a guitar amp hit her in the head and she got dizzy, seeing fuzzy images of Naruto. This made it worse...she was about to pass out...'No, wait! I can't give in now! Not in front of Naruto-kun! I must show him that I can be strong too!'

She woke up very quickly, but to her dismay, four electric kunai were flying toward her. 'I must act fast! Godfather?...No. Kill Bill?...Nah? Matrix? Yes, that's it!' she thought, as she started bending backwards and dodged the first three kunai in the same fashion that Neo did in the Matrix, but the fourth kunai skimmed at her side, scratching her metal zipper, an electric conductor, and sending shocking pain throughout her body. Because of the unprepared dodge, Hinata fell on her back, still suffering from the electricity, and she was in so much pain that everyone in the crowd knew that Iruka won. Supposedly.

Then, a faint cry from the crowd came, saying, "Hinata-chan! Don''t give up!"

Could it be anyone other than Naruto?

'Nah!' was the thought from Hinata, as she prepared for one final tactic. It was pretty cheap, but it may be worth it. 'Naruto-kun, this is for you!'

Then, having her regrets, but remembering Naruto, who did this all the time, she yelled, "Sexy no Jutsu!"

After that fateful moment, Iruka was propelled by a nosebleed and hit his head on a wall. Naruto was rumored to have died for twleve minutes after excessive blood loss from his nose and Tsunade had to revive him. Hinata started to turn red as she transformed back into her normal form and mustered enough strength for a second Rasengan.

The sphere of chakra hit Iruka, and he appeared much past depleted and somewhat injured.

"Iruka cannot battle because of the circumstances! Hinata...wait, my nosebleed's coming back...Okay, it's taken care of. Anyway, Hinata wins!" Jiraiya said, as the bloody-nose males all cheered and the females booed, and she had to go into a Kaiten to maneuver around all of the objects thrown at her

Shikamaru ran up to Hinata, now completely red, and said, "Uh...I dunno how to explain this, but Naruto...died."

"N-No!" she said, shoving Shikamaru away, but he saw Naruto getting up again and he said, "Never mind. It's just blood loss. Troublesome...I mean, you out of all people...Sexy no Jutsu...I only like it when Temari-chan does it." as everyone just fell forward at Shikamaru's remark.

Naruto's nose was finally clogged, and no more blood came out, but as soon as he laid his eyes on Hinata, who just came up, he fainted. Again.

"Kids these days..." Tsunade said, sighing.

* * *

**Okay, so Hinata's the least likely to pull off something like that, but I guess she knew Iruka's weakness! And the Mario Bros. got owned...not cool. Next chapter, Naruto will fight Lee...or something like that. Let the battle of Ultimate Youth begin! Wow...longest piece I've written in my life! :P  
**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto vs. (7)Lee**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(6 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (3 votes)**

**Other (1 vote, involving a bunch of things)**


	27. Ch 26: YOUTH! Lee vs Naruto

**Disclaimer: And exactly _what_ makes you think I own Naruto? Eh? 0.o**

**Disclaimer #2: Rafiki20 (i think) gets full credit for presenting the Akatsuki idea, and some because it inspired another idea; that involves Hinata and that you'll see at the end of this chapter.**

**-Character Rants-**

**Sasuke: I'm not actually a gay emo! **

**Sakura: I'm not actually a bitch!**

**Shikamaru: I'm not actually bi!**

**Lee: Yes, someone is messing with our youth! I do not actually believe in Santa Claus!**

**Hinata: Um...I...I don't have perverted thoughts and dreams about Naruto-kun and I don't stare at his body with my Byakugan!...**

**Everyone else: ...**

**Hinata: Oh, crap. (faints)**

**Naruto: Oh, really? Hehehe...**

**Jiraiya: This is gettin' good! It's definitely going into the next Icha Icha!**

* * *

Chapter 26: YOUTH! Naruto vs. Lee

_Last chapter, Luigi kidnapped Tenten and Neji went into Mushroom Kingdom to save her! In doing so, he completely messed up Shigeru Miyamoto's storyline! Right after, Hinata edged out Iruka in the most shocking way possible. See Ch 25 if you really wanna know :P_

So, once upon a time, there was a little boy with the Kyuubi sealed inside of him...wait, too early.

Ok, once upon a time, the Cloud Ninjas' biggest pedophile tried kidnapping a little 3-year old girl to do...wait, still too far back!

Got it now! A lazy boy was watching clouds and a fat boy was eating chips and...nope, still not there yet.

Ok, so we're in Asuma and Kurenai's room, where they were...Oh, God. I didn't need to see that. So _that's _how they make babies!

Not kidding this time, some dude named Deidara ran out of the Akatsuki headquarters, crying, because they all thought he was a girl and tried raping him.

For the love of...Sigh...

The **actual **story:

Naruto was out cold on the hard ground of the arena after Hinata's...unusual display. Hinata, Lee, and Neji took turns poking Naruto with a dead chicken to make him wake up.

'Why...do I smell dead chicken? And why did I even pass out? I think it was...Hinata-chan...' Naruto thought, coming back to the world and turning entirely red. Lee stopped poking him with the dead chicken and said, "Naruto-san, it is time for our match! You must show youth!"

"Yeah, yeah," was the dazed boy's lazy response. Well, it was, before he saw a girl with long, blue hair, who he recognized only as...

"Hinata-chan?! Ack!" the surprised boy said, before he launched himself back and one of his nosebleeds turned back on like a runny faucet. "I'm...really sorry! Honestly...I can't believe I looked at you _that _way, but I did, and..."

"No, It's okay, N-Naruto-kun. You do it all the time!" she responded, blushing back, avoiding Lee and Neji's smirks of glee.

"Yeah, but mine's...a practical joke! But Hina-chan, you...you're just so...so..." Naruto said before everyone started staring at him, as he finished his last word.

"Beautiful."

Hinata saw nothing but black, falling backwards on the floor for what seemed like the millionth time, and Neji moved with quick reflexes to make sure her head didn't break. After hearing a compliment Naruto never gave anyone...not even Sakura, she thought, 'Naruto-kun thinks I'm...beautiful? Me?! ...I'm dreaming. Definitely.'

After that moment, Tsunade called, "Everyone, the next match is between Naruto and Lee! And I placed my bets on you, Naruto! You better win or else! If you lose, I'm broke! By the way...any medic-nin, please locate Hinata and give her Anti-Fainting Medicine...again."

Ino rushed to Hinata's area, and after the medicine was applied, she woke up, still blushing continuously, to see Naruto's match. Naruto was already down with Lee, though, even racing each other downstage to prove that they had more 'youth'.

Lee raised the backside of his bandaged palm and went into his trademark taijutsu stance, saying, "I have always wished to face off with you, Naruto-san. You have defeated both Neji and Sabaku no Gaara...which I could not do! You are a worthy opponent! So may this be an honorable and youthful match!", while Gai called out, "That's the way to go, Lee! YOUTH!"

Naruto nodded with approval, and replied, "Let's see who's ass gets kicked first! I'm not goin' easy on ya, 'Brows!"

Being so excited, they both stampeded toward each other before Jiraiya slammed his hand in both of their faces, saying, "I didn't start the match yet! Geez, settle down, stop being hyper, and read some Icha-Icha for once! Ok, _now_ fight!"

Naruto snorted at Jiraiya, but Lee already took off his two-ton leg weights and landed four kicks on Naruto's face, then dropped a leg weight on him, almost crushing his back under the utter weight. Naruto, unable to move, yelled, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" under the heavy weight, and ten Narutos showed up, picking up the leg weight from Naruto's back. Lee, though, went after all the Narutos with great speed and the nine shadow clones disappeared in an instant flash, as the real Naruto was already flying into the air.

'Damn, this guy's too fast for me! I need something defensive!...Wait, I got it! The perfect jutsu!' Naruto thought, making the ram symbol again and said, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!", summoning 500 Narutos.

"It does not matter how many of you there are, I will kick through all of them!" Lee said boldly, but Naruto had other plans.

"Formation: Dome!" he said, as the shadow clones encased the real Naruto in a dome. "Ultimate Defense; Rasen-Kaiten!"

The many Narutos surrounding Naruto all made spiraling spheres of chakra, then they all spun around Naruto, creating a giant, spinning dome of chakra, both offensive and defensive, this being a result of training with both Hinata and Neji. Lee tried running in, but being a defense that, unlike Gaara's sand, is like an impermeable force field, Lee was spun away and hit his body to another conveniently-placed bag of marshmallows.

Lee was quick to think of another strategy, though, and said, "Front Lotus!"

He ran around Naruto's protective aura in rapid circles, and Naruto saw what he was doing. He was running even faster than normal, and that was slowly blowing away even Naruto's concentrated Rasengan chakra! The dome of protection was slowly being breached, and Naruto couldn't get out of it either, unless he wanted to be hit by his own Rasengans. The trapped Naruto just stood there, and he recalled four of his shadow clones to guard him from all sides. Then, Lee finally ripped open the chakra half-sphere, and ran through it, getting to the Narutos.

Naruto's clones tried to counter with blocks, but Lee just shredded through all four in no time and kicked the real Naruto up, then wrapped him in bandagess and brought him crashing through the earth via the Front Lotus...only to find that instead of Naruto, there was a sign on the ground, saying 'Ha-ha, sucker!'

Naruto used a Substitution just in time, as he stood behind a pole and quietly said, "Henge no Jutsu!" (A/N: I hope this means 'Transformation', I'm not that sure)

Lee was panting on the ground, because yet another person escaped his trademark jutsu, the Lotus. He tried searching the perimeter for Naruto, but he couldn't find him, instead, a green person came out of a pole...

"Gai-sensei! Why are you here? I was just about to demonstrate youth!" Lee said.

"Uh...well, I just came by to give you a...present. Yeah," 'Gai' suspiciously said.

"You mean...the medicine?! Thank you, Gai-sensei!" Lee said, as he hugged 'Gai', who took out his 'present', which wasn't alcohol, but was...

"Rasengan!" yelled Naruto, as this was probably the only way to catch the lightning-fast Lee in any attack. Lee spiraled back, but he quickly regained his stance and sprinted toward Naruto, yelling, "That was not an honorable tactic!"

"And I thought the whole point of a ninja was attacking at whatever chance was possible," Naruto defended, as Lee disappeared in front of him and reappeared behind him, where he said, "Then I will attack at this chance! But first I will gain speed! Second Gate...Open! Third Gate...Open! NOW! Konoha Gust!"

Lee literally disappeared, then sent a quick spinning kick at Naruto's shin, and he could barely keep his balance. Then, Lee jumped back, ran towards him again, and said, "Konoha Whirlwind!" and aimed a faster, more powerful, spinning jump kick at Naruto's chest, and Naruto barely stuck his arm out to block the attack, and even then, he felt a major bruise, or maybe even a broken bone.

"Now! This is youth! Konoha Typhoon!"

Lee aimed his ultimate non-Gate-exclusive attack at Naruto's head, and he ducked, but the wind gusts from the pure speed sent him flying anyway. Naruto clung on to what appeared to be a stripper pole, to slow his flight. Naruto wondered, 'Why the hell is a stripper pole here?', but then, saw a truck that had a picture of a toad on it and it said, 'Jiraiya Ero-Services; Call 1-800-ERO-PERV."

Naruto gave a quick sigh and rubbed his now-dirty hands on the ground, just in case, and ran towards Lee again, ready to try another new combo, this time inspired by Kiba. He said, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" and there were two Narutos. Then, they formed a Rasengan, but instead of pointing it at Lee, he attacked...himself in the feet, causing them and his whole body to start spiraling. Naruto held onto his shadow clone much like how Kiba held on to Akamaru, and said, "Rasen-Drill!"

Naruto missed Lee the first time around, but he bounced off the wall, and missed Lee again. Naruto aimed for the ground and spiraled into it again, confusing Lee and making him look at his feet, only to be drilled from below. Lee's chin got caught in the attack, and he shot upward into the blue sky before falling down and succumbing to Naruto's double midair-drop kick.

Lee's head was stuck in the ground, and he was immobile, so Naruto decided to take advantage and readied his fingers in a hand sign.

But no one was ready for what'd he do next.

"One Thousand Years of Death!"

Lee expected this to be a deadly technique, and it was, in it's own way. Naruto moved on top of the inverted Lee and jabbed his index fingers in...Yeah, let's say Naruto's fingers never smelled the same way again. Lee started to freeze in place, then let out a big scream of "YOUTH!!" and flew in a random direction, propelled by a jet stream of gas from the rear.

"Ugh! What did you eat, Lee?!" Naruto said, revolted by the horrible smell.

Lee also took advantage of Naruto's distracted sense of mind and kicked him up for a Reverse Lotus. Only thing, he dispersed.

'What?! It is just a shadow clone? He must have made some while I could not see in the ground!'

Then, Naruto's fist came up from the ground and attempted to punch Lee again, but Lee dodged swiftly, then yelled out, "Fourth Gate...Open! Fifth Gate...Open!"

Lee kicked Naruto up, then painfully struck at his defenseless body many times before Naruto flew to the ground with much momentum. Lee kicked him again, saying, "Reverse Lotus!"

Naruto made a massive crater on the implosion, and Lee walked up to Naruto to check up on him, but he disappeared! Then, Naruto was standing behind him with a Rasenshuriken, saying, "That's just a shadow clone! Rasenshuriken!!"

Naruto's attack failed miserably as Lee dodged easily and broke every bone in Naruto's wrist with a swift chop, stopping Naruto's attack, then Lee said, "Sixth Gate...Open!"

Lee kicked up Naruto a third time, this time even higher, and gave a succession of attacks so swift, that he set Naruto on fire from the pure speed. Then, Lee gave a downward kick combo, fanning the flames and increasing their severity, and he said, "Evening Peacock of Youth!"

The flaming fireball formerly known as Naruto flew to the ground and landed face-first, still burning, forcing the Anbu to come out and spray him with fire extinguishers.

Lee used all of his strength behind that last attack, and he was barely able to stand, but still determined to not give up. He simply had no more energy or movement left.

An Anbu checked on the flame-blackened Naruto's condition and yelled, "I think he's dead!...Yep, he's dead."

All of Naruto's friends: Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Neji, Tenten, Lee, Kiba, Sasuke, and Sai, plus Iruka, Kakashi, a hobo, Tsunade, and Shizune looked in shock.

Even Shino was shocked, hiding his expression under his infamous sunglasses.

Tears immediately flew out of a certain someone's face, and her blue hair went flying as she yelled, "No, Naruto-kun! It can't be!"

Hinata leaped off of the viewing area and ran toward Naruto, shoving over anyone that got in her way, including a 600-pound sumo wrestler, and she saw her one love, Naruto, blackened to a crisp and his heart stopped beating.

Naruto died.

Died.

The End...

Okay, I'm not **that** evil! So just kidding, Continue Story!

"Naruto-kun...W-Why?!" Hinata said, leaning on Naruto's burnt body, crying on his ashes.

A hand comforted her shoulder, and a voice behind her said, "I'm right here, Hina-chan!"

"Don't you see, Naruto-kun? You're dead...you died and you're still trying to comfort me! Wait...eh?!" Hinata asked, confused as to why Naruto was in front of her and behind her.

"It's pretty obvious, actually, I let Lee hit my shadow clones into oblivion, because he normally has 3 moves before he's pooped out! So I simply let him do them on my shadow clones! The dead Naruto you see on the ground...is nothing more than a kage bunshin," Naruto explained, as Lee gave Naruto a thumbs-up on his sly strategy, and Shikamaru yelled, "THAT amount of strategy...coming from NARUTO?!"

"Lee cannot move and Naruto wins!" Jiraiya announced, and the crowd booed for the most part, except that his friends were cheering out loud.

Hinata let out a sigh of relief as she hugged Naruto into a death grip and never wanted to let go. This created problems, as Naruto had a hard time walking back up the stairs with Hinata clinging onto him, and Lee bowed to Naruto for his victory, but Naruto could only return a smile and a wave, as he also held on to his love. (but not with a death grip)

Shikamaru walked up to Naruto casually, then said, "Naruto...you MUST come to my house tomorrow! We're playing shogi whether you like it or not! Yeah!"

Ino and Naruto were both utterly confused because they never saw the enthusiastic side of this lazy bum in their whole lives. But now they did, and Naruto held his thumb up, indicating a 'yes', and considering how hard it was to get Hinata off after maybe 20 minutes of hugging, Naruto reconsidered her strength, as he had to face her eventually. (And very soon, perhaps.)

-Sakura POV-

Sakura, our favorite pink-haired, bitchy medic-nin, walked into the Akatsuki headquarters, and confronted the gang of S-ranked criminals.

"What the hell are you doing here, girlie?! Explain yourself in 5 seconds or fish boy makes sushi outta you!" a shadowed figure said with an equally creepy voice.

"Uh...I'd like to join your evil organization, and I think _this_ is enough to pay the price!" she said as she undressed and Pain turned the lights on, only to have everyone's face contort with shock and disgust at her naked figure.

Konan started, "I'm straight."

Zetsu continued, "_I only like plant sex!..._" His other self said, "Yeah, I'm not really for human stuff either."

Pain said, "As implied by my name, I only like stuff implied by my name, which is pain. Stuff that includes bondage, painful sex, sadomaschoism, rape, torture, or death sex, if you'd like."

"Eh...no thanks," Sakura said, fearful of Pain and of the pain.

Kisame continued, "Yeah...my dad's a shark and my mom's a human, so I'll have to ask if this is okay and all..."

Tobi finished, "Eh...I'm so old that I'd be labeled as a pedophile, which I am not...although no woman my age even exists. Therefore, I consider myself asexual."

Pain explained, "Uh...bitch-whore, sorry, but you can't go into Akatsuki. Nobody wants your services. You're just lucky you're not dead or anything."

Sakura said, "Wait! You're desperate for members and I need you guys! I'm an experienced, qualified medic-nin and..."

"Don't care. Zetsu's herbal medicine cures everything," Kisame explained.

"Oh, but I have superhuman strength and..."

"And Kisame's sword, with his arm, has the power to split the entire Earth in half. Now, can you do that?" Konan questioned.

"No...but I have information on Hyuga Hinata...you know. The..." Sakura said.

Pain and Konan both knew what Hinata was, but they said, "Go on."

Betraying her village and Hinata's safety, Sakura smugly said, "The...jinchurriki you've been looking for. The Eight-Tailed Falcon."

* * *

**Uh...okay. So I guess they found the last jinchurriki, other than Naruto and Yugito...So what will happen? Heck, even I don't know!**

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(7 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (4 votes)**

**Other (1 vote, involving a bunch of things)**


	28. Ch 27: Chidori vs Rasengan, Part 1

**Disclaimer: And why would I want to own a manga/anime about some ninja dude who wears orange? I thought ninjas wore black or green!**

**Note: Character deaths will start at around Chap. 31, mostly villain deaths, just so you know.**

**Another note: Please give suggestions as to how this story can be improved. Especially the romance aspect, which I feel is the weakest in my writing.**

**(This idea came from somewhere else, but I modified it a bit...)**

**_South Park: The Cosplaying Episode_  
**

**Stan: Hey, let's dress up as Naruto characters for the anime convention!**

**Everyone else: Yeah!**

**Kyle: I wanna be Gaara!**

**Stan: I'll be Sasuke!**

**Kenny: Mmmf! (I'm Naruto!)**

**Cartman: Asshole, I wanna be Naruto!**

**Kyle: Nah, Naruto's too cool for you! You can be Choji!**

**Cartman: But Choji's a FATASS!!**

**Choji: What...did...you...say?!**

**Cartman: You heard me...Fat...Fucking...Ass! Now if you excuse me, I'll be taking your chips.**

**-Choji completely crushes Cartman and he dies-**

**Kyle and Stan: Yay!**

**The End**

* * *

Chapter 27: Chidoris and Rasengans

_Naruto beat Lee's youth and Sakura went to the Akatsuki...where everyone there found out that Hinata, along with Naruto, is a jinchuuriki. Oh, crap...someone's screwed! To read this chapter, it's 26, duh! (27-1)_

Naruto felt a comfortable feeling all over his body...that was crushing him to death, and it's none other than Hinata's hug. Sasuke was right behind the couple, of course, and was completely red, fuming of anger.

'Dobe-teme!...Damn you, taking the only girl that won't make me die of a brain tumor when I'm 28 years old! Shit!...I have no other way. I must find a way of impressing Hinata-chan...showing her that I AM better than Naruto-dobe and that I AM the Last Uchiha...scratch that, second-to last...you won't win this easily, Naruto-dobe! We have friendship, but there's no rules in love!'

With that, Sasuke jealously sprinted off to Tsunade's general direction, and Sasuke was slightly shocked to see that Hanabi was running there too, for a similar reason. They both got closer to Tsunade where she started announcing, "The match between Naruto Uzumaki and Hinata Hyuuga is starting in exactly thirty minutes! Wait...what's that, Sasuke? Hanabi? Okay, alright...Sasuke Uchiha and Hanabi Hyuga would like to enter the tournament also, and they have been unable to before, and normally I would not allow this! But...they are both Jonin-level nin, maybe even higher! Therefore..."

Drops of sweat fell from Naruto's forehead and showered Hinata, who got out an umbrella to stop the rain, only to see Naruto perspiring, and she threw away the umbrella and it accidentally hit Tenten's head. In a quick response, Tenten threw back a dead chicken.

Tsunade continued, "Naruto will now face against Sasuke and Hinata against Hanabi! Any objections?"

"What the hell?! Is this even allowed?!" Naruto yelled in an outburst.

"Hn...Well, it was the Hokage's order, dobe," Sasuke answered. "Besides, if you win, you'll have to hurt Hinata."

"Hurt...Hinata-chan?..._You're_ definitely gonna hurt her more, Sasuke-teme! I love Hinata-chan, and I'd never do anything to harm her! Believe it!" Naruto responded.

"Hn! Who said you're the only one that loves her?...I mean..." Sasuke started, then he thought, 'Shit...I'm such a dumbfuck."

Sasuke sprinted away and sat with Shikamaru, another somewhat quiet guy, and suddenly had a newfound interest in staring at clouds.

"Huh?! What was that about?!" Naruto asked obliviously.

"I think...S-Sasuke...likes me..." Hinata said, continuing, "But I'll never stop loving you, Naruto-kun! Never!"

"But...how?!" Naruto said in shock, as he started developing fury for his friend, and Shino came down to explain,

"Well, it is only logical that Sasuke shows affection toward Hinata. Obviously, up to a week ago, Hinata loved Naruto. But Naruto showed feelings toward Sakura. The treacherous prostitute. Who in turn possessed amorous emotions toward Sasuke. Therefore, by the Postulate of the Love Square, it is only possible that Sasuke loves Hinata, to finish the square. It is like the five chakra-element chain of sorts."

"Uh...okay?" Naruto said, as Shino finished, "Forget it."

Ino, still retaining her fangirl instincts, ran up to Sasuke and said, "Hi, Sasuke-kun! I'm sure you'll beat the crap out of Naruto! Will you go out with me? Am I hot?"

Sasuke, getting annoyed of fangirls, thought of a plan.

"Hn...so, you wanna know if I think you're hot, eh?" Sasuke asked in a demeaning tone.

"Yes! Tell me, Sasuke-kun!" Ino excitedly said.

"Hn...Now you're definitely hot," Sasuke finished as Ino had stars in her ecstatic eyes before she asked, "Wait...now? What about before?!"

"Nope...you're only getting hotter by the second," Sasuke said, as Ino realized...there was fire in her hair!

"Aaa!!" she yelled, letting out a high-pitched scream. "Anbu, get it off me!" she continued as Anbu came and sprayed her with fire extinguishers and Tenten hit her head with another dead chicken to make the fire go out. "Sasuke-kun...why?!" Ino sadly asked.

"Hn...because. And for all of you FANGIRLS out there, LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU! I. DON'T. WANT. YOU. AROUND!" Sasuke yelled at all of his fangirls in the audience, before they all replied,

"Your hate and rejections only make us love you more, Sasuke-kun! Let's get him!" as a swarm of fangirls now chased after Sasuke, the last Uchiha, who by now only had three glaring weaknesses. Fangirls' love, Hinata's apathy, and...ramen.

**-Flashback-**

"Hey Sasuke, wanna grab some ramen?" a twelve-year old Naruto, already on Team 7, asked.

"Hn...why not?" Sasuke said.

Sasuke followed Naruto to Ichiraku's, and Naruto asked, "Heh heh...I kinda ran outta money, and you're rich, so you mind payin'?"

"Whatever ya say, dobe...it's only ten dollars."

Inside, Sasuke apparently finished, then glanced over to Naruto, who finished his fifty-ninth bowl.

"WHAT?! FIFTY-NINE BOWLS?!...AND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?! NOOOO!!" Sasuke yelled, ruining his already emo day. (A/N: Man, I make Sasuke so OOC in this fic)

**-End Flashback-**

Sasuke sprinted away from the crowd of fangirls and dodged their attempts at getting at his lips, yelling at Tsunade to help. She simply smirked at the formerly treacherous missing-nin and thought, 'Well, I guess this is the worst punishment possible for you, Sasuke. I'm letting you off easy, although fangirls are a pain in the ass. Enjoy!'

Thirty minutes after all of the rape attempts, Sasuke got out with many scratches...some between his legs. He winced and performed a Henge no Jutsu on himself and Shikamaru, so that Shikamaru was actually Sasuke.

"What the...Troublesome! I just wanna watch clouds! Stupid fangirls!" Shikamaru said, unaware of his transformation, and ran for his life until he crashed into Naruto, who said, "Hey Sasuke-teme! You think you can look cool by one-upping me in front of Hinata-chan?! Stop trying to harass her, or do any pervy things, because she doesn't love you!"

Shikamaru thought, 'What the hell is he talking about? I love Temari-chan, not Hinata...is Naruto even more deranged than I thought?'

Before he could answer, Naruto threw 'Sasuke' back at the fangirls, and Shikamaru got his body shredded apart...and lost his virginity some time that day, the fangirls still thinking that he's Sasuke. Temari saw this ruckus and said, "Heh...poor Sasuke. Shika-kun's just sitting by the clouds and you have to be raped every day..."

Tsunade called over the microphone, "Next match is Naruto against Sasuke! Competitors, come down!"

'Shikamaru' released his Henge no Jutsu to look like Sasuke again and ran down for his life, while Naruto waved at Hinata, walking down. Temari thought, 'If that was Sasuke, then...Sasuke is...SHIKA-KUN?!'

"Die, slutty fangirls!" Temari said, taking out her fan and waving it, creating a tornado and forcing all of the fangirls to fly away, all landing in awkward positions, and one said, "Let's get away from that scary bitch!", and they all ran away.

"And you...Why were you more submissive than you should've been?! Why didn't you fight back! Do you _like_ getting raped by girls, Shika-kun?!" Temari asked.

"Troublesome...Hell no. I'd rather choose who I'm with..." Shikamaru replied.

Temari answered, "Well, then I guess there's _one_ more person who'll rape you tonight!", as Shikamaru started to blush heavily, thinking of the implied.

Sasuke gave Naruto something between a glare and a smirk, while Naruto stood there expressionless, both in their respective stances.

"So...I guess this is the rematch I've been waiting for!" Sasuke said, as Naruto replied, "Well...Let's do this."

Jiraiya raised his flag and said, "Fight!", but the crowd started getting nosebleeds again, and Jiraiya, Naruto, and Sasuke looked to see what was the commotion. They saw Jiraiya's flag and he realized that someone replaced his white flag with...

A high-quality poster of Hinata in her Sexy no Jutsu!

And Konoha's true nature is about to be revealed...

Naruto, Sasuke, and Jiraiya toppled over with nosebleeds, then flew all over the stage, as Tsunade sighed loudly. Hinata came out of the bathroom, and she started wondering, 'Why's Naruto-kun and everyone else so bloody? Wait a minute...' before seeing the giant poster in Jiraiya's hand and she started to fume like a teapot. "I. Will. Murder. The. Dumbass. That. Did. This!" she said ever so loudly, before Tenten saw Neji with a nosebleed, and said, "I'll gladly help ya."

Neji couldn't control himself for some reason and thought, 'Hm...something seems to be wrong when I look at that poster...Byakugan!...My nose is internally bleeding and...MY PANTS!! But...this is my cousin! What kind of twisted shithead am I?! Wait...Hinata's right behind me...and I have my Byakugan on! Hehehe...No! Must...resist...urge...to look!'

Neji couldn't look anyway, as Tenten whacked Neji in the temple, first with yet another dead chicken, then a bag of marshmallows, and finally, the 2nd Hokage's head carved in stone.

"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOUR COUSIN LIKE THAT, NEJI-KUN?!" Tenten screamed, as Neji said back,

"B-But...it was a complete misunderstanding! I didn't mean to!...I was destined to be a pervert, right?"

Tsunade kept slamming her head on her desk, knocking herself out, and the madness continued for another hour before Shino walked down an aisle, refraining himself to lust after his own teammate, then saw a digital camera that said 'Ebisu's property. Don't look! I warned you!'

'Hmm...considering this guy's a pervert, logically, he would be the most likely candidate of the creation of that poster,' Shino thought, looking through the camera's files, which contained so many images of naked women that Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Glenn Quagmire _combined _wouldn't be able to look at all of them! Shino, keeping his self-control, found an image of Hinata! And another! And another...And one when she was twelve!

'I thought so...dirty pedophile. I will obliterate you for thinking of my teammate as a sex object...weirdo.' Shino thought, before heading to Tsunade, reporting all of the evils done.

Tsunade woke up and listened to Shino's report, and she called out, "Ebisu and Hinata...report here NOW!"

Hinata nervously ran to Tsunade and Ebisu had one of his hands behind his head, giving a false smile, and Tsunade yelled, "What the HELL is the meaning of this?!"

"I-I'm sorry, T-Tsunade-sama!" Hinata said nervously before Tsunade said darkly, "Not you. That guy."

Ebisu stood there, frozen, before Hinata turned toward him, and she fit the pieces together, and started clenching her fists at an absolutely startled Ebisu.

"May I?" Hinata asked, activating her dojutsu, her eyes turning red.

Shino nodded and Tsunade gave a thumbs-up, and Hinata, with a fiery expression, put on two latex gloves she got out of thin air and she said angrily, "Y-You! You will never LOOK at another dirty picture! Two palms!", as she utterly destroyed Ebisu's tenketsu and his chakra coils going to his eyes, blinding him.

"You will never HEAR another dirty word! Four palms!", as Hinata disabled Ebisu's hearing, hitting the chakra coil in his ears. But he had enough hearing to hear the next statements.

"You will NEVER be able to feel yourself! Eight palms!" as she aimed between Ebisu's legs, permanently disabling the feeling there, which is the reason she put on the gloves.

"And you will NEVER be able to feel others! Sixteen palms!" she finally said, aiming for Ebisu's arm tenketsu, permanently shutting them down and disabling his ability to move.

"Wow. Just wow. And I would have previously just 'bugged' him, if you get my entendre...But it was logically justified," Shino remarked, as Tsunade responded,

"Well, I guess that's enough punishment for him...Wait, here's Naruto. Never mind," Tsunade said.

Naruto said, "Hey, guys! Wait, why is Closet-Perv in so much pain?"

Tsunade explained the whole story to Naruto, who decided to hit him in the stomach with a Rasenshuriken, almost ripping his internal organs out.

Then, Tenten and Neji heard the news and finally, they smacked Ebisu with a dead chicken. (This is becoming a habit for Tenten and Neji lately.)

After everyone stopped their nosebleeds and Hinata went to anger management classes, however understandable her actions were, and Naruto, plus Sasuke, stood ready to fight again.

"Start!" Jiraiya said, this time raising a flag of a naked Ebisu, giving him some comeuppance.

"Wow, his penis is even smaller than mine!" Sai commented, as everyone gave him stares and he said, "But...mine's big! Yeah!"...'Oh, shit.'

Sasuke immediately made hand signs, then charged at Naruto with a Chidori, and Naruto thought of a quick strategy.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! Henge no Jutsu!" he said, turning into 300 Narutos. Then, the real Naruto turned into Hinata _with her clothes on._

Still, even knowing that 'Hinata' was Naruto, Sasuke refused to attack her and deliberately avoided her, jabbing around fifteen Narutos with the Chidori instead, until it ran out.

Before Naruto could even make a decent attack, Sasuke's eyes turned into a pinwheel-shape and he said, "While I might not be able to hurt you physically...because you're Hinata-chan of course, I can still use the Tsukyomi."

"What?! But you haven't killed me...Unless you had a new best friend..." Naruto reacted.

"True, but Itachi nii-san...it's tragic actually. He was never trying to hurt anyone. The Uchiha clan was corrupt and he had orders...to kill all of them, but decided to let his unworthy little brother live. Itachi wanted to keep me safe until the end...He gave me his powers in death. And I can't fully control them, so it won't be anywhere near the torture he can do. But enough of that! Tsukyomi!"

Naruto was transferred into an alternate universe, expecting to be physically tortured, but instead, he saw images of himself and all of his friends talking.

"Hn...I can't make full use of this, but I will still torment you! You and your friends...are in some kind of reality show called 'Nature', and in this world...the creator messed up your names and dialogues!"

**-In the Alternate World Naruto's forced to watch- (This was originally going to be in script-style, so it might not look too clean.)  
**

_Nature Episode 1_

(You can place a good guess on the characters' names, I presume.)

A black-haired orphan boy with the demon, Cubby, Seasick, exclaimed, "Yeah! I'm gonna be the next Hoekage! Believe it!"

A yellow-haired boy, whose clan was murdered years ago, the prodigy of the class, Nature, came up and said, "Not happening. Loser. Hn.."

A chubby, blonde girl and fangirl, Ion, said in excitement, "Nature-kun! I wanna be your boyfriend!"

Another girl, Ninenine, with two hair buns, defended, "Hell no, Ion-pig! Nature-kun's mine!"

Ion said back, "No way, Four Heads!"

Seasick then asked, "Ion...wanna go out with me?"

Ion screamed, "NO! BAKA!"

Seasick sat there, depressed, and Sacker, a shy pink-haired girl, poked her fingertips nervously and thought, "U-um...I wish I could say ' I love you' to S-Seasick-kun...sigh..."

A confident girl, the weapons mistress, A Hint, had short, blue hair and large eyes, inherited by the Huge Clan. She asked, "Will you girls stop fawning over boys already and throw weapons?! Neigh-kun and I are already training!"

Seasick then angrily remarked, "You girls all only like Nature and Neigh! What's so good about them?!"

Neigh, being in the Main House of the Huge Clan, confidently answered, "Because...I am a loser and it's your _destiny_ to be a genius. You can't change destiny. DESTINY!!"

Then, a lazy boy with a bowlcut and in a green spandex suit and an amazingly hard-working boy with a pineapple-haircut walked toward the group.

Lee, the lazy boy, said, " Yeah...my name must've been too troublesome to change...I just wanna watch clouds."

Sick Mario, the hard-working pineapple-head, the respectful expert at taijutsu, said, "You cannot betray the code of youth! How is your youthful morning, everyone?!"

Then, the Academy sensei, Erika, walks in and motions the students to sit down.

Erika, a cruel man, says, "Okay...you have all passed the Academy exam...You dickheads all suck and I'll never take anyone out to ramen! Especially not you, Nature! You troublemaker.."

Nature replied with, "Hn..."

Erika said again, "Alright then...here's your teams. Team 7 is...Seasick Utah,...Ion YamNacho..."

Ion retorted, "NOO!! I'm stuck with Seasick-baka?!"

Seasick screamed, "YES!!", glad to be with his love interest.

Erika continued, "And...Nature Uzi Mack!"

Nature commented, "Hn...not with a fangirl..."

"YEAH!! CHA!" both Inner Ion and Ion screamed.

NineNine, Nature's other fangirl, replied, "Ah, what?! That's unfair!"

Erika said cruelly, "Now, now! Stop acting like stupid little bitches! Moving on...Team 8 is...Chibi In-Nuke-a, Sacker Hardno, and Shiny Aburame." (At least I kept that one 0.o)

Sacker said quietly, "S-Seasick-kun...I c-can't be with you..."

Erika finished, "And Team 10 is...Sick Mario Nerda, A Hint Huge, and Cloggy a Kimchi!"

Then, an anorexic, thin kid came in the door, very late, and he was reading the latest diet book. Sick Mario and him were sworn enemies! He was Cloggy a Kimchi!

Cloggy, thin as bones, said weakly, "Damn...I'm still too fat. I probably weigh a good 32 pounds by now..."

Erika angrily said, "Now meet with your damn senseis and go die!"

* * *

**Wow, Sasuke's Tsukyomi's really screwed-up! Next time: Episode 2 of Sasuke's Tsukyomi and the end of Sasuke and Naruto's fight! This chapter was a bit random and sorry to Ebisu fans, but I hope you liked it! And Akatsuki will strike back soon...just don't know when.**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...Sasuke (unranked) vs. (15)Naruto / Hanabi (unranked) vs. (18)Hinata**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(7 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (1 vote)**

**Everything (4 votes)**

**Other (1 vote, involving a bunch of things)**


	29. Ch 28: Chidori vs Rasengan, Part 2

**Disclaimer: Why do I need to keep saying I don't own Naruto...troublesome...**

**(Keep in mind, these short stories have no relation to the main story whatsoever.)  
**

**Chris Hansen: This is Dateline NBC and we're catching child predators! Our first guest is Orochimaru!**

**Orochimaru: Eh...I'm not a child predator.**

**Hansen: Please, take a seat.**

**Orochimaru: But...but...**

**Hansen: Please, _take a seat!_**

**Orochimaru: Fine, fine...but I didn't do anything to Sasuke!**

**Hansen: Then why does this chat log have you saying to Sasuke that 'you want his body', 'I'm going to make you lose something', and 'I'm going into you'?**

**Orochimaru: They're double meanings and meant to be the innocent kind!**

**Hansen: Okay...then why did you send the 15-year old boy a picture of your genitals?**

**Orochimaru: Um...I wanted him to know my parameters so he could get used to the feel!**

**Hansen: Right, right. Cops, send him away.**

**Orochimaru: NOOO!! I have to be in the same prison cell as Ebisu and that Cloud Ninja who Hiashi actually didn't kill! Damn you all!**

* * *

Chapter 28: Chidori and Rasengan; Part 2

_Okay...so last chapter, Shikamaru got raped, Ebisu got heavy punishment for taking pictures of Hinata and making them into posters, and Sasuke trapped Naruto in the weirdest Tsukyomi, in which the Naruto characters act out of character and have messed-up names!_

After passing the Academy exams and announcing teams, Erika yelled, "Now meet with your damn senseis and go die!"

The students angrily filed out of the academy and Seasick Utah, the black-haired container of Cubby the demon, ran to Ion and asked, "Now that we're on the same team, we gotta know each other better! Let's go to Itchy Rack-oo's and stick chopsticks up our noses!"

"Forget it, baka. I'm meeting Nature-kun and having sex with him!" Ion answered, as Seasick said, "Sex? I dunno what that is, but it sounds kinda sick. Mind if I join? We're a team after all."

"Stop it with your 'team' crap, it's only gonna be ME AND NATURE-KUN! Stay out of it, douche!" Ion said, as Seasick started to cry, and Sacker, the pink-haired, shy girl, blushed at Seasick and felt guilty that she couldn't help him in his time of need.

Then, as Seasick went to meet his new sensei, Cock a-she, he saw Hint a Huge and Neigh Huge kissing each other passionately and he asked, "Um...aren't you two cousins?"

Hint a answered, "What of it...mind your own business! Besides, we live in the same place, so it's easier to do what we do in...wait, that came out wrong," as Neigh started blushing and said, "Our love was only destiny, nothing more."

'Well, Neji didn't change much in this world, did he?' the real Naruto thought, forced to stare at this realm.

Then, Nature Uzi Mack, an arrogant, quiet, emo boy with blond hair, Ion YamNacho, who was Seasick's love interest, and the jailer of Cubby, Seasick himself, met where they were supposed to meet and Cock a-she wasn't there!

Seasick got angry, then an idea flashed in his head!

"Hey, I'm gonna put this random tube and put it on top of the door so it lands on Cock-a-she sensei for being so late!" Seasick exclaimed.

Nature replied, "Hn...he won't fall for that, loser! He's a Genin-leveled ninja and we're Jonin! He knows we're better than him and he'll avoid all traps!"

Seasick asked, "If we're better than him, why is he our sensei?"

The other two answered, "He's old!"

Just then, Cock-a-she came through the door and the tube landed on his head. He read the tube label and it said 'Night Lubricant.'

Then, Cock-a-she said, "My first opinion of you guys is that...you're awesome! Thanks for the lube! Yay!"

The three sweatdropped, then followed Cock-a-she to the training ground, where he said, "Now...you must pass another test! You gotta get these...two testicles that I stole from Michael Jackson!"

Seasick asked, "Yeah, about that...what's a Michael Jackson?"

Kakashi answered, "Ya don't wanna know. But steal these testicles from me, anyway. You have one hour. Go."

Seasick charged forward, thinking, 'I'll show Ion that I'm cool!'

"Human Cloning Jutsu!" Seasick said, then, he took out many of his own stem cells and waited until they turned into 10 Seasicks.

The ten Seasicks grabbed Cock-a-she, but he slapped him in the butt and flew away. "Are you gay or something?!" Seasick asked, falling into a tree.

Then, Nature came out of the bushes with a 140-proof alcoholic drink and a lighter. First, he opened the cap and got drunk, then he said, "Drunken Fist!" and tried to punch Cock-a-she, but Cock-a-she said, "Sharing gone!" and activated his Sharing gone, which made his eyes turn blue. In this state, he was too fast for Nature and also slapped him in the behind.

Nature reacted to this and yelled, "Fire thingy Jutsu!" and lit the lighter, sprayed his alcohol on Cock-a-she, and threw the lighter in with it, burning him to a crisp. Cock-a-she came out of the fire, and he was burnt on some parts of the body.

"You seem better than the black-hair guy...but you're all failures!" Cock-a-she said, while he took out a completely non-perverted book.

"But you...you were the worst! You didn't even do anything! So I'll tie you up as punishment!" Cock-a-she said to Ion, who was talking to her friends on her cellphone.

"Tie me up?! Ew, you sick pedophile!" Ion said, as Cock-a-she replied, "That's not what I meant..."

So Ion was tied up to a post in the training ground and Cock-a-she gave hamburgers to Nature and Seasick.

"Oh, and if you give ANY of the hamburgers to Ion, you all fail!" Cock-a-she said, leaving the training ground.

Ion started complaining about how hungry she was, and Seasick refused to eat anything other than ramen, so Seasick said, "Here, Ion-chan...have my burger!"

Nature said, "No, you imbecile! He'll fail us all!", and Ion said, "What-ever! It's not like you deserve food anyway, you non-Nature. So gimme!"

As Ion took her first bite, Cock-a-she appeared in a poof of smoke and started looking VERY, VERY angry.

"What did I say?! Someone who disobeys orders is trash! But...someone who betrays their comrades...should be held above all praise because that's what gives success! Being a selfish son-of-a-bitch! What, you think I became a Genin by doing nothing?!" Cock-a-she started.

"YOU ALL FAIL! FO' REALZ, FOO!" Cock-a-she finished.

"See, told ya, you little prick!" Nature said, and Ion continued, "Yeah! The food didn't even taste good! Listen to Nature-kun next time, prick!"

And so, Seasick gave up his dream of being the Hoekage and became a taxi driver.

The End.

In the Tsukyomi dimension, Naruto was forced to see repeated clips of this around a hundred times before Sasuke let him go, and he said, "It was quite amusing, huh?"

"No, it was freaking confusing! I was you, you were me, Ino was Sakura, Hinata-chan was Tenten, Sakura was Hinata-chan, Tenten was Ino, Shika was Lee, Lee was Shika, and CHOJI WASN'T FAT!! That was SO MESSED UP!" Naruto responded.

"Good, I intended it that way," Sasuke said before the two warped back into the normal dimensions of Konoha.

Then, Naruto grabbed his head, starting to get a massive headache and Hinata said, "Naruto-kun! Are you okay?!"

Naruto sat there like a sitting duck and Sasuke ran over, then punched his face and sent him flying, where he took out his sword and cut him to five pieces.

But he disappeared.

"Damn...with all of these shadow clones, I'll have to call upon a massive attack!...Kirin!"

Then, from the outside of the stage, Karin ran at Sasuke and started hugging him and said, "I missed you too, Sasuke-kun!"

"NOOO! Damn you, fangirl! I didn't say Karin! I meant **KIRIN**!" Sasuke yelled, pushing Karin away, and a bolt of natural lightning came down from the sky, frying two ducks that was flying. A fat man in the crowd happened to drop some Peking Duck sauce at the same time, smothering the fried ducks, and one fell into the real Naruto's mouth, while the other fell in Sasuke's mouth. Before Naruto finished indulging, Sasuke said, "By the way you eat...you're definitely the real Naruto! Kirin!"

Then, the Naruto with the duck in his mouth got out the green rubber-spandex suit that Gai gave him three years ago, and he quickly put it on, making the lightning go through him and to somewhere else.

"Damn it...rubber...But rubber can still be heated! Amaterasu!" Sasuke said, straining and forcing a black fire out of his Mangekyo eye, and Naruto blocked it with...a bowl of Ichiraku's ramen! Then, Naruto took out a pair of chopsticks, broke them in two, and ate the ramen, saying, "Thanks! The fire makes it extra-hot!"

Sasuke sweatdropped, his best techniques being rendered useless by some idiotic pranks.

Naruto and his 270 shadow clones all said, "It's our turn! Henge no Jutsu!", and the real Naruto turned into Hinata, while the shadow clones turned into Sakuras.

"Fangirls! Must...kill...all! I AM AN AVENGER AND I WILL AVENGE MY VIRGINITY!!" Sasuke yelled insanely, saying, "Chidori Current!", and charging a barrier of electric chakra around him, stunning and damaging anyone who got close to him. Sasuke naturally aimed for all of the Sakuras, and yet there were so many that he was distracted long enough for 'Hinata' to get behind Sasuke, where 'she' said, "I h-hope you like the feel of this...One Thousand Deaths!"

Hinata stabbed Sasuke...you know where. And he started smiling smugly, even knowing that it was Naruto and not Hinata, and he said, "Yes, I love the feel of this!!", while flying in the air.

"Ok, so by the looks of it, he's either gay or extremely perverted for Hinata. Troublesome," a certain guy in the crowd said before the attention shifted back to the fighters and Tenten threw a dead chicken at Sasuke.

Sasuke started going into a hissy fit, wanting to destroy everything he saw. He charged up another ball of lightning, bigger than the first, and said, "Odama Chidori! Ten Thousand Birds!"

Naruto, in response, performed a Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to the dead chicken and ten thousand of them appeared. Then, Naruto used those for a shield and said, "Ten Thousand Birds Defense! Dead Chickens!"

The two masses collided, and Sasuke's Odama Chidori burned through the first bunch of dead chickens, but after that, the incinerating stopped and Sasuke could only slow-cook them. Then, as Sasuke reached the end, Naruto grabbed one of the fried chickens and dropped it in his Amaterasu ramen, saying, "Yum!"

Sasuke realized it now: Why Naruto was using all of these silly defenses. He was mocking Sasuke! 'That dobe! I can't take it anymore! I am the best Uchiha! The Avenger! Even my best friend cannot mock me! Prepare to be shocked!' Sasuke thought, charging a fourth Chidori and jabbing it into his sword, making the lightning-fused sword and Chidori one.

Naruto, in response, ordered three of his Sakura-clones to make a Futon: Rasen-katana, and they did so, making a sword of pure wind chakra.

The Naruto-Sakuras and Sasuke charged forward for the immense blow, and Sasuke tried dodging over the Naruto-Sakuras to get to the real Naruto. But, as Sasuke jumped, the Naruto-Sakura slashed Sasuke in the foot with the Rasen-katana, immobilizing him for a while, and Sasuke threw his sword to destroy the Naruto-Sakuras.

'Hn!! He can injure me without even a scratch to himself?! I must prove my self! MORE POWER!!' Sasuke angrily thought, activating his Curse Seal to Level 2, gaining access to more speed, physical strength, and chakra.

Sasuke charged forward and said, "Katon: Odama Raika! Great Thunder Flame!", launching a spear of lightning from his hand and missing on purpose. Then, the ground crackled with electricity, and it hit blades of grass, lighting them all on fire and dispersing many of Naruto's shadow clones. The real Naruto was forced to jump up and down until the attack ended, then, charged forward with another Rasengan, aiming for Sasuke's legs. Sasuke stood in a more defensive stance and said, "Super Emo Attack!"

With that, Sasuke cut himself with his sword. But not without purpose. Dodging Naruto's Rasengan, he then stabbed the sword shallowly into Naruto's forearm, not enough for him to get permanent effects, but enough for their blood to mix.

"What, are you trying to give me the AIDS that Orochimaru gave you?!" Naruto asked, as Sasuke scowled and answered, "You'll see."

Then, Sasuke put his palm on Naruto's wounded forearm and said, "Summoning: Chakra Leeches!"

Unknown to Naruto yet, the Chakra Leeches, which need Sasuke's blood to be summoned, were summoned directly inside his body! Within mere seconds, even Naruto's massive chakra reserves seemed weak and Naruto collapsed.

"Hn...looks like I win, dobe!" Sasuke said, and Hinata looked in shock. Naruto couldn't lose! He never gives up!

"Hey, Hinata, mind looking to see what's wrong?" Kiba asked, as she nodded and said, "Byakugan!"

Indeed, she could see the mini-leeches in Naruto's bloodstream, invading his chakra coils, and Naruto's chakra already looked almost depleted. While this was happening, Hinata thought, 'Must...resist...urge...to...look...down!'

"Um...g-guys, Sasuke summoned chakra-sucking l-leeches into Naruto-kun's chakra network!" Hinata said.

Shino responded, "Just as I thought...Sasuke is attempting to decrease Naruto's vast chakra reserves, as Naruto's chakra is the reason he is victorious in all of his matches."

Then, down in the arena, Naruto thought, 'Come out here, you damn fox!'

**"Yay! Teletubbies! Wait...what?! Oh, right! I'll give you my chakra, fool, but win this thing so we take over Konoha! Mwa ha ha!!" **

"Uh...dude...we're not taking it over, I'm gonna LEAD it. And stay out of trying to destroying it, alright?" Naruto asked.

**"No way! I'm destroying it and it's final!"**

"Sigh...let's settle this later, just give me your damn chakra."

**"Fine, fine. Just leave me alone, I might miss Dora the Explorer."**

"Psh..." Naruto finished, as he emerged from Kyuubi's lair and faced Sasuke, his chakra coils overpowered with flaming chakra, killing the leeches that were residing.

Sasuke saw this with his Sharingan and said, "What the hell?! You...got rid of the leeches?!...No matter, I will still win!"

"I said I'll be Hokage and I never go back on my word!" Naruto exclaimed, as they both charged a last attack, aiming to maim, but not kill.

Naruto dispersed all of his shadow clones, getting back the majority of his chakra, then said, "Rasenshuriken!", making a giant shuriken of dark-green chakra, while his shadow clone said, "Rasengan!", producing a ball of purple chakra.

Sasuke, with his Level 2 curse seal, said, "Black Chidori!"

The two both nodded to each other, meaning that they would both only aim for the legs (for safety), and Sasuke yelled, "For Hinata-chan! And power!"

Both the real Naruto and his shadow clone started running and said, "For Hinata-chan! And free ramen!"

Sasuke ran at a breakneck pace, approaching Naruto with the fierce attack, and just as Sasuke would connect, the shadow clone Naruto said, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! Wall Formation!"

The 200 summoned Narutos stacked on top of each other, each with a Rasengan in hand, to form a wall and stop Sasuke. Unfortunately, Sasuke had enough speed to drill through them and be left intact, but he went much slower and his Chidori looked weaker, while Naruto's Rasenshuriken was at full strength.

_**"Chidori!"**_

_**"Rasenshuriken!"**_

Once again, cautious of each other, Naruto and Sasuke jabbed each other in the left thigh, and a rip in space-time happened, and some idiot decided to go in, and everyone else ignored it.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata said.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino said.

"Hmm..." Shino said.

"MALE GENITALIA!...What? I didn't say penis! Penis!" Sai ended, while two dead chickens hit his head, and he was starting to get used to this.

As the dense smoke cleared, Sasuke had a large gash in his leg, but Naruto's was larger and he was unconscious, needing medical attention.

"No! Naruto-kun!" Hinata yelled, but as she was about to jump down again, Neji, with veins bulging from his eyes, grabbed her shoulder and said, "No. Wait. Watch what happens."

'This is the same thing Naruto did to me in the Chunin Exams...he sure isn't too original anymore.' Neji thought.

'Is my cousin trying to torment me again?' Hinata thought, worriedly looking, as Naruto looked defeated.

Jiraiya said, "Naruto is..."

BAM! No, wait...KA-PLASH! Maybe even WHOOSHIE!!

Naruto's hand came from the ground and his Rasenshuriken (once again, not 100 percent strength, so he doesn't kill) attacked Sasuke in the other leg, sending him swirling and knocking him out.

Shocked looks came from the crowd everywhere and Jiraiya said, "Never mind, Naruto is the victor!"

Hinata smiled at her cousin, Ino started bawling, and Tenten couldn't care less, because she was also smiling at Hinata's cousin.

Naruto dragged Sasuke by the collar and his head hitting the stairs woke him up.

"How...how did you win, dobe? I had more power..." Sasuke faintly said, and Naruto replied, "I'll tell ya soon. Soon enough. But honestly, great fight!"

* * *

**So, Naruto won, Hinata will face off with Hanabi soon and Hiashi will show up again, trying to make everyone look pathetic! See what happens next chapter!**

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / Hanabi (unranked) vs. (18)Hinata**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(7 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (3 vote)**

**Everything (6 votes)**

**Other (1 vote, involving a bunch of things)**


	30. Ch 29: Truth of the Hyuga Clan: Part 1

**Disclaimer: Reports have been confirmed that Masashi Kishimoto has been dragging Naruto on a leash. Therefore, he must own Naruto.**

**(Pre-timeskip; keep in mind that these short stories have no relation to the main story.)**

**Hinata: N-Naruto-kun!**

**Naruto: Hiya, Hinata!**

**Hinata: Naruto-kun...I h-h-have to tell you s-something!**

**Naruto: Sure, go ahead! And why are you shivering, is it too cold?**

**Hinata: N-No...but N-Naruto-kun...I...L-L-L...**

**Naruto: Um...I gotta get my mission quick, can you say it any faster?**

**Hinata: NARUTO-KUN, I LOVE YOU!**

**Naruto: ...Aw, you got me there, Hinata-chan! Good one! Hehehe...You're pretty funny!  
**

**Hinata: W-what?!**

**Naruto: It's April 1st, silly! So I know that's definitely a joke! Ha! That's a really good joke though, I gotta try it on Sasuke-teme! See ya!**

**Hinata:...Shit!**

**Heh...and thanks for all those hits and reviews, now I'm up to 20,000/157! :)**

**Keep reviewing and letting me know how I'm doing!**

* * *

Chapter 29: Truth of the Hyuga Clan Part 1

_Last chapter, Naruto barely escaped with a victory, doing another one of his fake-outs and nailing Sasuke with a Rasenshuriken! Now, Hinata has to fight with Hanabi, and something's bound to go wrong!_

Naruto, walking up the stairs while dragging Sasuke along, was slapped in the face by Ino, who couldn't stand Sasuke losing, even if it was to Naruto. Sasuke, losing control of his emotions after wrecking his reputation, went into a fetal position while sucking his thumb and said, "Power...power...power..."

"C'mon, Sasuke-teme! Stop bein' a baby, you fought well!" Naruto said.

He replied, "But I lost to the dead last...Need...more...power..." Sasuke replied, continuing to suck his thumb and clawing at the ground.

Kiba defended, "Yeah, sure he used to be dead last, but that was three whole years ago! Right now, I bet he could kick anyone's ass!"

Naruto then gave a thumbs-up with a goofy smile, tripped over a dead chicken, and Kiba replied, "Well...maybe I overestimated him."

"Join the club..." Neji said, standing next to Gaara and Kiba, holding a sign that said, "We got our ass kicked by an Orange Idiot Club"

Sasuke gave a quick scowl and joined Neji and Gaara, as Tsunade called, "Okay...the next match is Hinata versus Hanabi...this might bring some trouble..."

Hanabi gave a confident, serious look as she walked down, while Hinata wasn't as confident, literally shaking and holding on to Naruto.

"C'mon, you can beat her! She's only 11 and stuff!" Naruto said cheerfully, as Hinata replied, "That's n-not the only problem..."

"Whadd'ya mean?!" Naruto asked, but Hinata quickly got away from him and ran down, seemingly hiding something.

Neither of the sisters said a word before Jiraiya said, "Fight!", and Neji started to bite his fingers.

"Byakugan!" both of them said, and Hanabi disappeared, even from the Byakugan's range of view!

Hinata felt that the tenketsu in her left arm already shut down, and she wondered if Hanabi was fast enough to do that.

Before she even moved, Hanabi reappeared right in front of her, and while Hinata jabbbed her palm forward, she disappeared again.

Hanabi appeared, and her hand was already on Hinata's right shoulder, disabling any movement there, also.

"Just give up...you have nothing to prove to Father anymore, he was considered a disgrace to the clan and was disowned, remember?" Hanabi said.

"I...I'm n-not doing it for Father! I'm doing it for...Naruto-kun!" Hinata replied with a stutter, but Hanabi just gave a smirk and replied,

"Tsk tsk...such trivial matters such as males," Hanabi said, as Konohamaru yelled angrily, "Hey!"

"I love h-him...you will also understand love soon...And I won't give up! Never! B-Because that is my ninja way also!" she said, as Hanabi just shook her head, looking disappointed.

"Well...I won't say I warned you, but I have had some special training, and I'm even stronger than Neji nii-san now," she said.

"I second that!" Neji said darkly, remembering his sparring bout with Hanabi, where he, the genius of the Hyuga, simply got crushed.

"Well, Hinata-chan's stronger than both of you! I mean c'mon, you gotta believe it!" Naruto said loudly, bringing a more confident smile to Hinata's cheeks, and Hanabi glared at the orange-clad boy.

"Alright then...but I'm honestly worried about you. Sixty-Four Palms!" Hanabi said, disappearing again in her Jyukken stance and out of nowhere, all of Hinata's tenketsu were blocked off and there was no way she'd release enough chakra for anything more than the simplest jutsu.

'How did she get so fast?' Hinata thought, running towards Hanabi, and saying, "Sixty-Four Palms!" and with Hanabi's speed, only around 40 of the attacks hit, and none of them even damaged a tenketsu, considering she couldn't release chakra anymore.

"And this battle's just about over," Hanabi thought, running in a flash for the finishing blow, aiming for Hinata's gut.

Then, Hinata did the unthinkable...no, not the Sexy no Jutsu! Get that dirty thought out of your head!

She reached for her legs and pulled off the 600-pound weights that Lee gave her!

They hit the ground, causing craters to form, and Hanabi looked startled for once in her life.

"I went to one of Lee and Gai's workouts this morning," Hinata said, with a confident smirk (for once), and Hanabi thought, 'So...that was only a quarter of her potential!'

Hinata flashed forward, attempting to hit Hanabi, as she also flashed her arms in defense. The fight looked like a fast-forward video of her fight with Neji, the only difference being, only Hanabi could inflict any real damage. Hinata saw this with her Byakugan and took different measures.

'I have to damage her bones like Lee and Gai taught me...not her chakra system!' Hinata took a different fighting stance, standing more upright, and held her hand out, the back of her hand facing Hanabi. "Gouken!" (A/N: Lee/Gai's fighting style)

'What?' Hanabi thought, but Hinata also disappeared in an instant and all she could feel was a strong kick to her side...and another...and she barely blocked the third and fourth. She jumped over a sweep kick, but was hit in the face with a palm, and Hanabi was sent flying, but Hinata went after her in a sprint. Hanabi tried spinning to activate a Kaiten in midair, but failed as Hinata kicked her up and wrapped her in toilet paper, and Hinata yelled, "Primary Lotus!"

While her technique was wobbly, it was executed well-enough that Hanabi slammed against the ground...or almost. She blocked with a large, thick shield of chakra and Hanabi thought, 'Damn...that technique made me lose over half of my chakra!...but it also strained her body and now she'll be slower!'

"Second Gate...Open!" Hinata said, as Rock Lee screamed, "That is the way to go, Hinata-chan! Show your springtime of youth!"

'Never mind...' was the last enduring thought in Hanabi's head before even she, the fastest person in the Hyuga clan, got hit in the chin...arm...leg...chest...pretty much everywhere before Hinata ended with a drop kick. 'I can swear I have some broken bones...but this might be Hinata's limit also! This is my chance!'

"100-sided dice Summoning Jutsu!" Hanabi said, slamming her palm on the ground, and Shikamaru said, "And I thought I was the only nerd..."

"Eight Trigrams: Random Palms!"

Hanabi threw the 100-sided dice and it landed on...92! Hanabi thrust her palms 92 times into Hinata's chakra system, and her blows hit at least half the time, further damaging Hinata's movement.

"I...I g-guess I have no choice," Hinata said, as her eyes turned bloodshot-red, looking like a Sharingan again, and this time, Neji and Hanabi saw light purple chakra flowing out of her! They were popping out of the clogged tenketsu, making her chakra system active again.

"What?! That's...not possible! Hinata..." Neji said, before Naruto asked, "Hinata what? I gotta know!"

"She will have to tell you herself...it is not my business," he replied distantly, before he thought, 'So...Hinata-sama has a tailed demon also. Interesting.'

"What the hell?! What's that strange chakra?!" Hanabi asked, but Hinata refused to answer. Then, seconds later, they both charged forward, readying a powerful blow. But neither connected. They were both swept by a powerful force and they flew right into the belly of a fat guy. It was a Kaiten! As the rotation started to slow, the attacker was identified as...Hiashi!

"Stop this match immediately! Hanabi should obviously win the match, as her performance was by far superior!" Hiashi intervened cruelly.

Tsunade responded, "And who are you to decide anything? You're not even the head of the Hyuga clan anymore!"

"Like it was even my doing...my treacherous wench of a daughter...it was her fault!" Hiashi responded angrily.

"It was your _own _fault your ass got kicked out of your clan! Hinata-chan did nothing! And after treating her like shit...how can you call yourself a father?!" Naruto yelled with fury, as Hanabi and Neji nodded in agreement.

"Psh...I would expect no better from a filthy demon. And I really didn't want to say this...but there is something I must tell you all about my eldest daughter," Hiashi said with a grim smirk.

"No! F-Father! Please stop!" Hinata said, appearing as if she was hiding something important.

Hiashi glared at Hinata, and yelled, "Shut up, you useless little...well, here's the story."

**-Flashback-**

Hajime Hyuga, a pregnant woman with pale eyes and sky-blue hair, escaped from being beaten by her husband again, and ran to her daughter's room quickly. She slammed open the door, panting, and a young girl was startled to see someone barge into her room this late.

But after seeing her mother, she was comforted. Her mother, aside from Naruto, was the only person who really brought comfort to her young heart. The five-year old girl in bed was none other than (obviously) Hinata.

"Mommy...a-are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Hai...I just got chased by another dog, that's all," Hajime responded, still sweating.

"Oh...I was worried," Hinata responded.

She responded while giggling, "Don't be. I'll always be there for you, you know that!"

"Okay..." she said, as Hajime now reached over to hug Hinata, but then, she fell over her and started groaning loudly.

"Mom!...I-I'll get the medics!" Hinata yelled, clearly sensing something wrong, as she ran down the hall. After a few minutes, Hinata and the medics could see that Hajime was on the floor, unconscious, and Hinata started crying uncontrollably, as the medics took her off to Konoha Hospital.

Hours later, Hajime started waking up, and she could see a blurry image of medics and Hinata by her side, in a hospital, and she thought, 'What...happened?! Why does my body hurt so much?!'

"I see you have woken up," one of the medics said.

"Mom! You're alright!" Hinata said, relieved, as she reached over to hug her.

"Hai..." Hajime said, trying to smile, and overcome the great pain in her body, just for her daughter.

"Uh...we have a new patient," one of the medics said, and he continued, "Apparently, this one got hit in the head by a pink-haired girl."

The medic carted Naruto in, who, other than a bump on his head, was completely fine and ready to go in a few minutes.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata said, rushing to his bed and checking if he was in good condition also.

"Oh, hi...what was your name?...Oh yeah! Hinata!" Naruto replied, as Hinata started blushing heavily. 'He remembered my name!'

"That's convenient. He should keep her distracted for awhile..." one of the medics said, as he started whispering, "Here's the real problem...Your husband beat you too much and...it appears as if you are critically injured..."

The conversation continued, until a large rumbling and some crashes could be heard outside the hospital.

"You heard me, GIVE ME MY LETTUCES, BITCH!" a high-pitched female voice said. But as Naruto and Hinata looked outside of a window, it wasn't a person...They could see a figure that looked like a giant falcon! It streamed light purple chakra out of itself and had eight feathered tails coming from its behind.

"I...don't have any lettuces! I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!" a woman said, before Naruto and Hinata saw her die, the falcon tearing her organs entirely.

"Hm...my anger hasn't vented yet! Maybe I should attack that hospital!" the falcon said, reducing its size and crashing through the front door.

Then, Sandaime Hokage crashed through the window and picked up Naruto and Hinata, and carried them off to the most guarded room in the hospital, for their safety, but Hinata cried out, "Mom! No! C-Come with us too!"

Sandaime explained, "There are reasons your mother must stay where she is...it will be explained soon enough."

Hinata started crying again, but Naruto grabbed her hand and said, "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine!"

'Is...Naruto-kun..._touching me?_' she thought, and fainted. Sandaime Hokage set the two down and rushed back to Hajime Hyuga's hospital room.

When he got there, one of the doctors said, "She's going into labor!"

Another said, "Bad news, Hokage-sama...in her state, no matter what happens...she will not live."

Sandaime nodded, feeling terrible for the little girl he met a few minutes ago, and Hajime started giving birth! A few minutes, a head popped out, and the baby was born! At that moment, the eight-tailed falcon rammed in their door and Sandaime said, "Summoning Jutsu!" and Enma, a large primate, was summoned. He turned into a staff, and Sandaime started attacking him with the staff, but the falcon whipped its tail around and killed all the medics there. Then, it grabbed Sandaime with one of its talons and threw him out of the window, giving her time to attack the rest of the hospital.

'Hinata!' Hajime thought, carrying Hanabi to a nearby medic and she said, "Take care of her...and protect her."

The medic nodded, and she knew she was going to die soon, but she still had to protect the life of the person she loved the most. The falcon, meanwhile, barged into the maximum-security room, and it took Naruto in one of its talons and forcefully clawed into him, then threw him out of a wall, and Naruto, now bearing somewhat-serious scars, said, "Hinata! Run away now!" as he flew out of view.

"Naruto-kun!" the now awoken Hinata said, facing the horrible creature, not ready to experience what death was like. Then, she saw a figure at the door.

"Mom!"

"You! Get away from my daughter now!" Hajime yelled, but the demon started snickering, and threw a claw at her. She managed to dodge and said, "Byakugan!"

The two fought, and Hajime tried to deflect away the falcon's talons with her Jyukken strikes, but even being an Anbu-level ninja, she quickly fell victim at her current state. She knew she was going to die.

Hajime ran over to Hinata and said, "I...won't be with you much longer. I am sorry...Hinata," while starting to cry.

"B-But...mom, why?" she answered, also having tears in her eyes.

"Either way, this would've happened...but I know I would rather die protecting you than to die while not doing anything at all..."

"No! M-Mom...don't say that! You won't die...you said you'll always be with me!"

"I'm afraid...that I've made some mistakes, Hinata. But don't forget that I'll always love you...even after I'm gone. And my power will always stay with you...after what I do now, but please...be strong for me. Be strong and don't let anything hold you down!"

"...You c-can't die..."

"I must protect you. Eight Trigrams Sealing Style! Four Symbols Seal! Shiki Fujin!" Hajime said after some hand seals and placing her hands on Hinata.

"What?! No...You cannot defeat me, mortal!" the demon falcon said while being forced into Hinata's body...

* * *

**The flashback will continue and the battle will end next chapter; and the finals will finally be decided! But what will be of Hiashi or Hinata when they come out of the flashback? Will people start treating her as they did Naruto, or what? And will Sakura do anything bitchy in her time at the Akatsuki? It's all next chapter!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / Hanabi (unranked) vs. (18)Hinata**

* * *

**Votes for who wins: (NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)  
**

**Hinata or Naruto? (New Poll! Because it was pretty obvious that both would win, and I'm actually giving a choice for this! lol)**

**(8 to 3; Naruto), and the funny thing is, I actually wanted Hinata to win, because it would be interesting to write. Oh, well, this is less complicated :)**

**I got a suggestion from Mr. Psycho that Hinata and Naruto's match should be in the finals, instead of the semifinals.**

**When do you want to see them fight? Semis or Finals?  
**

**(5 to 1; Finals)**

* * *

**(NOTE: One vote per person per poll. That means you can't vote for the same category again next chapter.)**

**POLL: Sakura's Death:**

**Sakura will die thanks to your votes, so how do you want her fatality?**

**Also, she will go into other plot twists, such as Akatsuki, because I want her to die dramatically :)**

**Guillotine (1 vote)**

**Tickle torture (6 votes) (I got so many anonymous votes for this one that I'm not counting anonymous votes for this category anymore. It might be one person voting multiple times 0.o)  
**

**Disembowelment (3 votes)**

**Ramen force-feed (2 votes)**

**Sex change/suicide (1 vote)**

**Penis no Jutsu (3 vote)**

**Everything (6 votes)**

**Other (1 vote, involving a bunch of things)**


	31. Ch 30: Truth of the Hyuga Clan: Part 2

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, the plot would've tangled itself up by now, but there would be couples already and less Sasuke action :)**

**Note: I want reviews, reviews, even more reviews, and if I haven't mentioned it yet, reviews! And also, can you guys tell me if you want this story to be more romance-oriented? I try to go for more humor with the occasional romance/tragedy, but I'm afraid I'll fail at it. Thing is, lots of readers love romance in general, so I was just wondering what you think :P**

* * *

**(Note: These short stories have no relation to the actual story :P)**

**Konoha's Pedophile Rehab Room/Rants**** (lol, I make so many of these pedophile jokes)**

* * *

**Tsunade: Ok, ya dirty bastards! I wanna know your life stories, and how you're a pedophile, even if it completely sickens me!  
**

**Orochimaru: Um...well, I like boys ages 12-15 with heads that look like duck butts. Preferably Uchihas. They are to said to have the best sex drives in Konoha, y'know? And...well, I just wanted to take the kid's body, you know? I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean, Konoha adopted women's rights, clan equality, and gay rights, so why not pedophile rights? We're people too!**

**Kabuto: Don't ask...I'm just with this nutcase because he's filthy rich and knows a hella lot of jutsu.**

**Cloud Ninja that kidnapped Hinata: Eh...But just look at her eyes! They're so cute! KAWAIII!! Wait...did I just sound like some fangirl?**

**Maito Gai: What?! I'm no pedophile! I love Lee like a son! And about the youth thing...I just feel like a teenager myself and it brings spiritual energy! Now let me out! Dynamic Entry...I mean Dynamic Exit! -CRASH-**

**Michael Jackson: ...Wait, wrong country. I must've gotten high on bleach again...**

**Ebisu: Did you really arrest me just because of all the images on my computer?! They're not racy images of naked 10-year olds, it's meant to be art!...Seriously! Wait...can I go to the bathroom? I gotta clog up this nosebleed.**

**Jiraiya: How the hell did I end up here?! I just got caught peeking at a 17-year old girl in the hot springs by accident, it's not like I knew she was 17! And it was her birthday tomorrow also...Damn it, if only I peeked at her a day later!**

**Neji: No, I do NOT look at my cousin with my Byakugan and do things to myself that I shouldn't do while she showers! Wait...that came out wrong. It is my destiny to be awkward, after all.**

**Hinata: Y-Yes, Neji DOES look at m-me while I shower and I d-do NOT look at p-pictures of N-Naruto-kun from when he was only a t-toddler! So cute...N-No! Why do I keep saying the w-wrong things?!**

**Tsunade: I don't touch Naruto inappropriately while we're alone!...Okay, meeting adjourned!**

* * *

Chapter 30: Truth of the Hyuga Clan, Part 2

_Last chapter, Hanabi had somewhat of an edge on Hinata, but she overcame it until Hiashi knocked them both back and sent everyone in a really long flashback! Which was about his wife and Hinata's mother, and her fate. At that night, the Eight-Tailed Falcon demon attacked Konoha Hospital and ended up killing many people...and Hinata just had the demon sealed into her! What?! For more details, see Chapter 29_

"Eight Trigrams Sealing Style! Four Symbols Seal! Shiki Fujin!" Hajime Hyuga said after some hand seals and placing her hands on Hinata.

**"What?! No...You cannot defeat me, mortal!"** the demon falcon said while being forced into Hinata's body...

Hinata started screaming while trying to take everything in her mind...The demon was invading her body...her mother was about to die...Naruto was attacked and injured outside, and might also be dying...

"Hinata...Be strong...try to change your father for who he is...and most importantly...don't be too nervous in front of yellow-haired boys who wear orange jumpsuits," Hajime said weakly, lying on the ground, with a faint chuckle.

"But mom...why?" Hinata said, losing control of her tears and also being weak because of the recent sealing.

"It's love...you'll find out..."

"No, why do you have to...die? You're too young...and you're a strong, kind person...and I love you. Why?..."

"Hinata...I love you too. More than anything in the world...and if you want to know why, it had something to do with...Hiashi-teme..."

"Otou-san?! Father hurt you?!" Hinata said, in a mix of anger and sorrow.

"But...don't do anything about it for the time being, he will hurt you also if you do...and one more thing...tell the elders my final wish: That my newborn baby be named...Hanabi."

Hajime's body and soul didn't stay with each other for long...They split, and a lifeless Hajime collaped on the floor, her once radiant lavender eyes now having a dull shade of gray.

Hinata sobbed on her mother's body for minutes before the Third and two Anbu members finally made it back inside. When he saw the wrecked room, he said, "We must've been too late..."

But, they looked inside for any sign of the falcon, and saw Hajime's dead body, and Hinata was just on top of her with the seal now on her abdomen, who was saying, "Mom! You're not dead! You're still alive! S-Stop it...stop joking around with me...please..."

When Sandaime said to Hinata, "I'm sorry...there's nothing we can do now. Your mother was a skillful and honorable shinobi...And she chose to protect you."

Then, unexpectedly, Hinata got up and started attacking Sandaime with her palms, trying to take him down. "You...you didn't care about her at all! Why weren't you here to protect her?! WHY DID YOU JUST LET HER DIE?!"

The Third, felt the blame, feeling as if he deserved those hits, even if Hajime would've died anyway...He didn't move as Hinata kept hitting him, and one of the Anbu members said, "Do you want us to stop her?"

"No...I should be stronger for my people, she is right in that. I will explain everything to her later. And also, do not tell any villagers anything about this incident...It will be an S-class secret and punishment will be death if you release the information," the Third said.

"SHE...MEANT...EVERYTHING...TO ME!" Hinata yelled, unable to control her emotions, as her tearful eyes turned red, burning up the tears, and a new light-purple chakra now started emitting from her. Then, she actually slammed Sandaime with her left palm with considerable force, knocking him back, then charged at him, and fainted because she hit her head to his knee.

**-Three Hours Later at the Hyuga Residence-**

"Hiashi-sama! We just received word that your wife has passed away!" a Main Branch elder said.

"I may have possibly hit her too hard in the heart a few times...It's a trivial matter, anyway. Like I care. Just get me some wench from the Branch of the clan and make her take care of those two runts..." Hiashi replied.

"But...the Eight-Tailed demon...it has been sealed in..."

**-End Flashback-**

"And that's what happened, people! My useless daughter...is another one of those damned jinchuuriki! I care not what you do with her, just make sure she dies in pain!" Hiashi finally said, ending his story,

Tears were flowing down Hinata's cheek again, and for the first time in five years, both Hanabi and Neji, who jumped down, were crying also, and the three were patting each other's backs, trying to make each other feel comfortable, even though they themselves were crying.

Naruto apparently couldn't take it any longer, and jumped out of the stands, yelling, "You bastard!"

Naruto aimed a punch at Hiashi, running at full speed, but Hiashi simply used a Kaiten and swept him away, making him hit the ground.

Some of the people took Hiashi's word and a few in the audience uttered curses at Hinata while throwing kunai, shuriken, rotten tomatoes, and marshmallows at her, while she barely dodged each of them, still clouded by tears. They kept doing so before Naruto yelled, "STOP!"

Murmurs of confusion came from the crowd before Naruto said, "Haven't you village idiots ever ONCE thought of what you were doing?! Why do you all belittle her now, after you all know Hinata-chan for the wonderful person she is?!"

The crowd was murmuring confusedly even more, while Hinata said, "But Naruto-kun...I'm a demon..."

"No you're not! You're Hinata Hyuga, and you're the jailer of the demon, not the demon itself! And to tell you and everyone else the truth, you're _protecting_ this village from the Eight-Tailed Falcon, not endangering it!"

"B-But...the village would've been better off if I just died...I'm just...worthless..."

"Stop saying that! You're one of the best kunoichi in this damn village! You're not worthless and I couldn't stand living without you! I love you and so do a bunch of other people!" Naruto replied confidently, before Neji walked toward the two, and said,

"You're not worthless to me, either. You, in a way, taught me that my belief of destiny...is basically a load of crap! Also, Naruto is right, you are even stronger than me now. You're my cousin and...I love you! I cannot stand to see you degrade yourself like this!"

Tenten ran down and said, "Yeah, you're one of the best friends I could ever have, other than Neji-kun!"

Shino also walked to Hinata and said, "You're a comrade, a worthy ninja...and a friend. I could not ask any more from you."

"Yeah! To hell with all the bullshit your dad talks about! If you weren't here, me and Akamaru would've died by now!" Kiba also said.

"It does not matter whether you possess a demon, you still burn with the flames of youth!" Lee said, reassuringly.

"Hn...I...I respect you, I will give you that," Sasuke said, and even that's a compliment coming from the Avenger, even though he's actually madly in love with Hinata.

Then, Hanabi walked up to her sister and said, "Hinata nii-san...You have always been a failure. To the Hyuga and to everybody. But...you were a genius of hard work, maybe even more than Lee-san, and became one of the best Hyuga that ever lived! Also, you are my sister...and you've taken good care of me, even after all I've done to you...after I've been a...a complete bitch to you! I still can't repay you enough for that."

"Guys...all of you...Naruto-kun...thank you. You're all right! I an _not_ worthless and I _will _be the next H-Hokage!" Hinata said somewhat confidently, as Naruto cut in, "Hey Hinata-chan, that's my line!"

"What are you people talking about?! Hinata, you are a useless, treacherous, filthy piece of trash like I've been letting you know, and you're a damned demon! You're just lucky I haven't killed you yet! You are a disgrace to the Hyuga clan!," Hiashi said cruelly, while Hinata lost the little bit of confidence her friends gave her, and Naruto started clenching his fists again.

"And you're a penis-less baka, but we didn't say anything! Hell, how did you even get your kids without a penis?! You're no man! Penis!" Sai said, as Hinata stood there at the spot, looking ready to cry. Or something similar to that.

"Sai! You insensitive...you're only making things worse for Hinata-chan!" Naruto yelled, as Hinata finally cracked.

Tears came out of Hinata's eyes, but...she was smiling! "...HAHAHA!! Whew! Sorry for being s-so informal, but PENIS?! Sai...that was _awesome_!" Hinata yelled, as she manically kept laughing and everyone gave shocked stares.

'And normally, she's so quiet...' a befuddled Kiba thought, and seconds later, the audience started laughing with Hinata.

"HA! Oh, my Kami! A penisless...WHAT?! Man, that Sai's hilarious! Okay, okay, I give up! We acknowledge that Hinata's in fact the protector and not the demon, but Hiashi...what a LOSER! Get him outta here! HAHAHA!!" a few audience members said, while everyone else complied, still laughing their asses off.

"Heh...sorry, Sai! My bad, you did it! Your penis joke solved everything! Believe it!" Naruto said, as both he and Sai ended up with dead chickens thrown on their heads by a laughing Tenten and Neji, who was also cracking up.

After Neji's laughs started slowing down, he said, "Hyuga...ha...Hiashi...As head of the Hyuga Clan, in addition..ha...to your original...ha...punishment, you will also be given the Caged Bird...ha...Seal, and it will be activated and it will melt your brains...heh...if you attempt to harm Hinata or anyone else."

"What?! That is a _fucking _outrage!" Hiashi said angrily, giving emphasis on the F-bomb.

"The Hokage decrees it as well," Tsunade said. "Now get 'yer ass out of here!"

Hiashi hung his head low, walking out of Konoha Arena, thinking, 'Hmm...I am not alone. I hear a little bitch named Haruno Sakura also hates my whore of a daughter...Maybe I should also join the Akatsuki...'

"Okay, now that the laughing is at a stop, the match will continue! Go!" Jiraiya and Tsunade announced, as Hinata and Hanabi charged at each other again and all the other ninja jumped back to their seats.

The two clashed palms, as they jokingly yelled,

"I'm not gonna lose to an 11-year old!"

"I won't lose to the girlfriend of a dumb blonde!"

"Hey, watch it!" Naruto yelled.

**-Meanwhile, at the Akatsuki hideout-**

"_Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei Ken Tama!" _(Summoning: Impure Resurrection; With Spirit)

Pain slammed his hand to the ground, and two coffins appeared. What came out of the coffins were...

"Deidara-sempai! Hiya! Tobi has missed you!" Tobi said, before a figure with long, blond hair and mouths on his hands, Deidara replied, "Shut the hell up, Madara, hmm. Your idiot act isn't fooling anyone anymore, hmm."

The second coffin slammed open, and in it was an Uchiha with two lines running across his face.

"Uchiha Madara...I should kill you right now. However, we _will _accomplish our mission first, everyone for their own purposes, me to protect someone that I love. Until then, if you even think about poisoning me again, _I will fuck you up so horribly that Hell would seem like a child's playground._ Capiche?" Itachi said with rising anger.

"Looks like the experiment worked...my members now have their own power and their complete souls..." Pain said, looking satisfied at his recent work.

"Hey guys, I made tea! Now let's go kill Hinata-teme...wait, is that...SASUKE'S OLDER BROTHER! SO...KAWAII!! I LOVE YOU! Go out with me NOW!!" a certain pink-haired girl squealed.

"I do not tolerate fangirls, Strawberry Shortcake. And if you act as one after this, you will suffer a rather painful death," Itachi replied without emotion.

"Sorry..." Sakura said, before everyone took their tea, and Kisame yelled from the kitchen, "Guys, I made sushi!"

"...You're emo?" Zetsu asked, as Zetsu replied, "_What kind of dumbass question is that, Zetsu?!"_

"Well, he did cut himself to make the sushi, right? But...I don't see any marks!" Zetsu told Zetsu and Kisame.

"Trust me, you don't wanna know _where_ I cut myself," Kisame replied, as everyone grimaced and Sakura swallowed all of the sushi as fast as possible.

**Knock, Knock.**

"Who's there?" Pain asked.

"Hiashi," the person answered.

"He a she who?" Pain answered.

"Obviously, the guy and/or girl is a transvestite, because he said "He a she." Hmmm." Deidara answered.

"I'm not a transvestite, I'm here to join your damn mission!" Hiashi answered from outside.

"Which one?" Pain said.

"The one where you kill Hinata," Hiashi said, as Pain replied, "Oh, sorry, we aren't intending to kill her, now that we bought the DEMON EXTRACTOR 3000!"

Advertiser: DEMON EXTRACTOR 3000! It can extinguish any demon without killing the host! Only three easy payments of 400 dollars! Call (444)-444-4444! _Warning: Do not use on small children. Flammable. May cause hypothermia, diarrhea, or urge to say "Penis" every three seconds. Does not work on Kyuubi. Results may vary. Batteries sold separately. _

"WHAT?!" Sakura and Hiashi both yelled, outraged that the new contraption won't kill Hinata.

"But...I wanna kill her!" Sakura whined to Pain.

"Actually, we would, but she has potential to be a quality Akatsuki member...unlike you, who will be either kicked out or killed within the next two months," Pain answered.

The next sound from Sakura was even louder than a nuclear explosion. "**...FUCK!!**"

* * *

**See what happens to Hiashi and the Akatsuki next chapter, and the old family rivalry will also be settled then. The battle for the title of Hokage only gets closer! Wow, Sai really does overuse 'penis'...**

* * *

**All past polls are now closed, new ones will come now and soon. **

**Poll Results:**

**Hinata vs. Naruto outcome: Naruto, 7 to 3**

**Sakura's death: Tie, 6-6 between tickle torture and everything. However, I'll go w/ everything, as it involves both. :P**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / (18)Hinata vs. ****Hanabi (unranked) **

* * *

**NEW POLL:**

**Who should be the next to (be forced to) join the Akatsuki? (For this, you may take up to TWO votes, no more.)  
**

**Naruto and Hinata**

**Sasuke**

**Lee (lol)**

**Sai**

**Neji**

**Shikamaru**

**Kakashi**

**Resurrected Asuma**

**Resurrected 3rd Hokage**

**Resurrected Yondaime**

**Resurrected Sasori**

**Haku (female) and Zabuza's long-lost son**

**Somebody Else**

**Nobody**


	32. Ch 31: Shugo Hacker Fo Sho!

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own a ramen addict named Naruto.**

**Please read n' review, people :)**

**(Note: These short stories have nothing to do with the plot.)**

**Gai and Lee's Unyouthful Day!**

Tsunade: Alright, guys, I made this D-ranked mission especially for you! Gai and Lee!

Gai: Yes! Finally, my youthful student and I can have a mission alone!

Lee: I am so glad, Gai-sensei!

Gai: Let's go to this most youthful mission!

...5 minutes later...

Gai: A RETIREMENT HOME?!

Lee: Most unyouthful!

Gai: Uh...Kakashi, why are you here?

Kakashi: Oh, everyone referred me here because I have gray hair. Also, it gives me more time to read Icha-Icha!

Lee: Gai-sensei, what is this Icha-Icha that he speaks of?

Gai: Erm...we shall discuss this topic at a later time, my youthful student!

Lee: Yes, Gai-sensei! Wait...Tenten-chan, why are you here?

Tenten: One of these morons thought that I was a cuddly panda bear and wanted me as a pet...

Gai:...That sounded wrong on so many levels. Ok, Tsunade-sama asked for it! I will spar her for revenge! Seishun!!

-5 more minutes later-

Gai: Ow...Too many bloody noses...That felt so hard...

Neji: And that also sounded wrong on so many levels!

* * *

Chapter 31: ShugoHacker Fo Sho!

_Last chapter, Hiashi was supposed to be branded with the Caged Bird Seal after he told the flashback and revealed how he abused his wife and Hinata...but he joins the S-class madmen, the Akatsuki, instead. Also, Hinata and Hanabi are just about ready to end their fight, but who will win?_

"**FUCK! **But why _can't_ I kill Hinata-teme?!" Sakura asked.

"Pain-sama never said you couldn't, little girlie," Kisame replied.

"Well, then why the hell are you dimwits all holding me back?!" Sakura yelled.

"Watch it, mini-whore. We can all kill you one-on-one, so calling all of us insults isn't a good idea...And we are only holding you back because this Hinata you speak of is an A or B-class ninja, high chunin level, possibly jonin-level. You, on the other hand, were a low chunin, maybe even deserving of genin if it weren't for Tsunade before you left that damn Konoha, and you're listed in the bingo book as a C-rank with a bounty of 5,644 measly ryo. (Otherwise known as maybe 6 US dollars)" Konan said coldly to Sakura.

Sakura flamed, "WHAT?! C-RANK?! SIX DOLLARS?! I CAN BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HINATA-TEME!!"

"Right, and I _definitely_ saw you beating the living shit out of Hinata. More like the opposite. Shut up before we have to fire you and fire you," Konan said back.

"You said 'fire you' twice," Sakura remarked.

Itachi stepped up and said, "She means that we will first remove you from our organization, then, little fangirl, do you know what the Amaterasu is?"

"N...no," Sakura replied nervously, as a slight hair of black flame started dissolving her skin on her left pinky finger. "AGH!! HOT!! Suiton!" Sakura said, attempting to release water chakra, but she failed, and the fire spread, engulfing her whole hand.

Itachi finally said, "Alright, Kisame, stop it."

"Fine, fine. Suiton: Great Ice Tsunami!" Kisame said, as he concentrated a whole tsunami's worth of ice-cold water on Sakura's hand, putting out the great black flame, and Sakura started activating her healing chakra and sucking her thumb.

"That hurt, didn't it, fangirl? Make any mistake and I will do that to your whole body, understand?"

"Y-Yes...Itachi-s-san..." a crying Sakura muttered, taking on the tone of an evil version of Hinata.

Meanwhile, Pain was negotiating with Hiashi elsewhere.

"So, what reason would you have that you would kill your own daughter?" Pain asked.

"Well, to start, that traitorous bitch just..." Hiashi started, telling the entire flashback again.

After Pain was done hearing the flashback, he was blowing into a tissue in fetal position and sobbing rather loudly. "Poor Hinata-chan...and Hajime...Neither of them deserved anything like that! Cruel fate! Waaahh!!"

"What?! Are you seriously on their side, and are you really crying like a baby?!" Hiashi asked.

"Well...you're a bastard, you know that?! Too much of a bastard for us! If you want to join the _evilest_ criminal organization, go next door. There should be a giant neon sign right next to our giant neon sign that says 'Seihaku.' ("Retarded")" Pain replied.

"Hmm...I never noticed that giant neon sign next to yours...Alright, but are you two allies or enemies?" Hiashi asked again.

"Eh...we don't really care about each other, as long as no one gets in the way," Pain answered, and Hiashi ran off into the other cave, with the other secret organization.

"Hello?" Pain asked.

"_Step in_," an eerie, booming voice said to Hiashi. "_What do you want?"_

After Hiashi told his story a third time, the figure sounded like he was weeping again.

"Are you nuts?! What, am **I **the cruelest person in the entire world?! Why am I the only person who isn't emotionally affected by the story?!"

Then, Hiashi saw a bowl of raw onions next to the mysterious figure.

"Never mind..."

**-Back at the Akatsuki-**

Deidara approached Sakura, then grabbed her shoulder and asked, "Hey, sweetie, you're a work of art. You should be a bang! Wanna go out with me? Hmm..."

"EW! Hell no! You look like some kind of freaking girl and you have yellow hair! I hate you!" Sakura said harshly, as Inner Sakura thought, 'Time to go into fangirl mode, I don't care if it kills me! CHA!'

Deidara started running away, crying, and from that day on, dyed his hair black and turned emo. Although his personality is pretty much the same.

"Hi, Itachi-kun...do you mind..." Sakura asked before another black flame was burning her hair and she yelled, "GET IT AWAY FROM ME, IT HURTS!! WAA!!"

"Tobi thinks that Itachi hasn't been a good boy!" Tobi blurted, and Itachi replied, "Shut it, Madara."

Konan then thought, 'Sigh...how the hell do I put up with these bakas every day? I just wish it were me and Pain-kun alone again...'

Pain then announced to the members, "We invade again tomorrow!"

"Invade...what?" Zetsu said.

"We invade Hinata's pants! I mean...her virginit...I mean Konoha where Hinata happens to live!...Kami-fucking dammit." Pain said, thinking, '...Geez, I think I've also fallen in love with Hina-chan...and I barely know her!'

Konan and Sakura started turning bright red, steaming like pots and screamed, "What the hell?!"

Pain answered, "Well, you know...I just want to comfort Hinata...I mean put our evil organization in a seat of comfort and make it invincible! Just ignore everything I say about Hinata-chan...like the fact that I want to kiss her for hours on end. Yeah, ignore that one, also."

"No, not that! I meant that I...I love you, Pain-kun!" Konan admitted, as Pain answered, "...But we are merely associates."

Konan crashed into a heap of crying paper, and Sakura said, "See how the evil influence of Hinata-teme is spreading everywhere?"

Konan answered nervously, "Affirmative... We must kill her so that I can get laid...I mean Lay's from Pain-kun. Yeah...those Lay's chips taste great...yep."

**-Back at Konoha-**

"Yeah, go Hinata-chan!" Naruto shouted.

"Yeah, go, Hanabi-chan!" Konohamaru yelled out.

"Yeah, go Cloud Number 34! Engulf Cloud Number 26 strategically!" Shikamaru screamed, staring at the clouds.

"...I can't believe _that's _my boyfriend...but he is sweet, I'll give him that," Temari said quietly, sighing.

"Eight Trigrams, Sixty-Four Palms!" Hanabi said, pummeling her palms at Hinata, again only hitting half of the time. This time, because of the demon's chakra, she couldn't close her chakra system completely, but depleted it somewhat.

Hinata charged forward, again using her new Gouken style, and kicked Hanabi up right before she could do a Kaiten, and Hinata was spinning freely in midair, slamming most of Hanabi's tenketsu points after having her wrapped up, then, Hanabi got slammed to the ground a second time.

As the smoke cleared, Naruto asked, "What happened there?"

Shino clarified, "Apparently, because of Hanabi's chakra shield, Hinata tried a Lotus again, this time while disabling her chakra, so that nothing could protect her while impacting the ground."

"Oh..."

What Shino said was indeed true, and Hanabi slowly crawled back up into an awkward standing position with stars in her eyes, and she said, "I'm not going down that easily...Eight Trigrams, Wide Empty Palm!"

With her Byakugan, Hinata could see walls of chakra coming from every possible direction, and even if they were weakened, they were a threat. "Kaiten!"

Hinata started spinning, but she couldn't hold it up for that long, and every time she took a break, she would be pummeled with waves of chakra. And Hanabi didn't seem to tire, either.

'I need something that can defend and not require that much spinning...I'm getting dizzy and nauseous...I got it!'

"Shugohakke Rokujyuu Yonshou!" (Protection of 64 Palms)

Hinaata stood still, curing her dizziness ailment, and at the same time, she moved her arms to the point of them being invisible, and they sent a matrix of chakra beams everywhere, destroying the chakra walls all the same. Then, she charged toward Hanabi, continuing the technique, and aimed the majority of the beams right at her, but she managed to deflect all of them.

Hinata apparently reached her limit, but then, she raised her left hand, performing single-handed signs, while attacking with the other, and said, "Byakugan Disability!"

"What the..." Hanabi said aloud, as all she could see now in her Byakugan were pressed flowers, Naruto, cinnamon buns, Naruto, fuzzy bunnies, Naruto, squirrels, and Naruto, instead of Hinata and her beams of chakra. Hanabi started feeling slicing, hot tinges of chakra shutting down her network further. She eventually stopped her Byakugan and raised her hand.

"Too many yellow-headed idiots...I forefit...I cannot go on with the level of chakra I am at now," she said to Jiraiya, and he raised a giant white flag. Only thing being, it had a picture of him picking his nose!

"Eww! Now, we'll never go out with you!" a curvaceous lady said in the audience, and all the other figurely ladies agreed. Jiraiya yelled,

"NOOOOO!! Who the hell did this?! Now I'll have to go out with those fat fangirls that cosplay at anime conventions! Oh, yeah, and Hinata wins!"

"How did you do that?" a bewildered Hanabi asked Hinata, who replied, "Um...it's k-kind of a secret, really, but it has something to do with both my Mangekyo Byakugan (the name she gives to her red-eyed dojutsu) and the Yamanakas' M-Mind-body Replacement Jutsu."

"Hm, I see where you're going...And that was a pretty smart move, also," Hanabi replied.

"Thank you," Hinata said, before Naruto, with his sparkling blue eyes and his goofy smile, ran up to her and said, "That was just awesome, Hina-chan! And now I'm up next again! And it's gonna be against...Wait, I gotta check."

Then, Naruto quickly grabbed Hinata's hand and ran to the standings, and Hinata, suddenly remembering who she had to face, was dreading the moment.

"Wait a minute...I have to face you?!" Naruto said in shock, as Hinata looked down and nodded.

"But...But..." Naruto said in protest, as Tsunade called, "Okay, Naruto and Hinata...you're up! This is for the finals! Shikamaru, do your thing!"

"This is gonna be so troublesome..." Shikamaru finished for Tsunade.

Naruto and Hinata, still holding hands, slowly walked down the stairs, and Naruto surprisingly said, "I can't do this."

"What?"

"I can't do this, Hinata-chan. I don't want to hurt you," Naruto finished, as the two separated and Hinata also felt a twinge of guilt at Naruto's statement, and she suggested, "Let's go see Hokage-sama."

Naruto and Hinata approached Tsunade, and Naruto asked, "Um...baa-chan, it's not like being a Hokage isn't my life dream or anything like that, but I really can't hurt Hina-chan or anything, so can she be Hokage instead?"

"Naruto-kun?! W-What are you talking about, I was going to say that you should be Hokage!"

"Heh, yeah right. Being a Hokage means that you should be able to deal with anything and passing the best decisions, even things involving complications of people you love. Now that you know about your father, how else do you think Minato was able to seal the Nine-Tailed Fox in his own son? He loved you, and knew it would hurt you very much, both physically and emotionally, but he also knew that it would make you a better person in the long run. In a nutshell, even love shouldn't make you act like a nutcase. Got it, brats? Now go down there and fight! Oh, and good luck to both of you!" Tsunade explained.

"Uh...will do, baa-chan," Naruto said nervously, thinking about how the hell he'd make a Rasengan that didn't cause pain.

Hinata started twiddling her fingers instead of getting into a fighting stance, and the audience's screams of excitement only made her twitch more.

"Naruto all the way!" Choji yelled, munching on his chips, as Kiba replied, "Nah, Hinata's got my vote on this one!"

Ayame yelled, "Half-price bowls of ramen to everyone if Naruto wins!" while Teuchi readied his ramen spoon, behind all the ramen connoisseurs who were now cheering for Naruto.

Another person in a food cart yelled, "Free cinnamon buns if Hinata wins!", and Naruto asked, "Wait, you like cinnamon buns?"

Hinata nodded shyly, and the owner cheerfully said, "Yup, she comes here so often that it's a miracle she's not built up yet!" earning a slight glare and a blush from Hinata.

"Free penis if Sai wins!" Sai said behind a third cart, and Ino asked, "What the hell?! Sai, are those REAL penises?!"

He answered, "Nah, they wouldn't let me. These are penis-shaped burritoes," Sai answered, as Ino took one and left the money, and she earned some fox-whistles from onlookers.

Jiraiya said in an announcer's voice, "Alright, it's time to play...The Wheel of Fortune! The winner gets to spend a day with me, the Legendary Toad Sage! But Naruto, you have to use your Sexy no Jutsu the whole day!", as Tsunade threw Tonton at him, who bit Jiraiya in the nose, and he said, "OW! Sorry, folks...Fine, fine. The next match is Naruto against Hinata, and this will be for the title of Hokage! Fight!"

**-Sorry for this Interruption, But we must show this channel at another time. For the time being, please enjoy the Mario Bros. Super Show!-**

Mario managed to use his fireballs to untie himself, Luigi, and Peach from Bowser's grasp, and they slowly crawled out of their cage, before the guard said, "Who are you and what are you doing?"

"We're...We're-a-pizza deliverers and we-a have to go back to-a-car!" Mario said.

The guard answered, "Give me proof."

Luigi stated, "We are-a-Italianos, so we-a-pizza makers." with a very Italian accent.

"Okay, you may pass," the guard said, and right out of earshot, Peach, the blonde princess, said, "Man, he's an idiot!"

The guard started talking and Bowser said, "WHAT?!"

The three could see fire seeping out of the hole they were escaping out of and they had to crawl quick! Right when they were about to escape and Mario held out Luigi to attract the fire, and he kept screaming, being tortured by the flames.

"Ow-wow-wow! Mario!" Luigi angrily yelled.

"I'm-a-sorry, Luigi! But now, we must get-a-revenge on Naruto!" Mario yelled.

"Yeah, and Hinata! I really have no reason to hate her, but everyone thinks she's prettier than me! She's NOT! She is NOT blonde, and therefore, I reign supreme!"

"And I must-a-get revenge on Neji, his kisses on-a-Tenten made me maaaad!" Luigi finally exclaimed.

"Let's-a-go!" Mario finished, as the three Mushroom Kingdom heroes jumped on a Yoshi, who started crying, and they rode off into the night.

Meanwhile, the hobo, burnt to a crisp, and barely alive, was also plotting his revenge on the Naruto heroes, but he couldn't move, so instead, he opened a random bottle he found with his mouth and read it. It was labeled, "_Hinata's Medical Lotion: Cures Everything (Even Death)! ONLY use on Naruto-kun because I love him! (And if someone else has this, if you use this on anyone OTHER than Naruto-kun, I will personally come to your house and rip your spleen out!)_" with hearts drawn around 'Naruto-kun'.

The hobo gave an evil smile, thinking, 'Yes! My fortune is good today after all! Horoscopes rule! And I don't even have a house! Loopholes for the win!' and lathered the medical lotion that was meant ONLY for Naruto. Which worked like a charm. Within the next minute, he recovered from his crippled state and escaped Bowser's castle, also.

"YEAH!! Now, the economically disadvantaged will have their revenge! HOBO TIME!!" the Hobo yelled madly, running off into Konoha.

* * *

**Whoa, so much randomness. Who will try for their revenge first, the Mario Bros. or the Akatsuki? Or the Hobo? And will Naruto and Hinata even attack each other or will it be some kind of sissy fight that three-year-olds do on playgrounds? We'll see next chapter!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / (18)Hinata def. ****Hanabi (unranked) **

* * *

**NEW POLL:**

**Who should be the next to (be forced to) join the Akatsuki? (For this, you may take up to _TWO_ votes, no more.)**

**(And Naruto/Hinata counts as 1 vote, so if you voted for that, you get another vote.)**

**Naruto and Hinata (2 votes)  
**

**Sasuke (1 vote)  
**

**Lee (lol, 1 vote)  
**

**Sai (2 votes)  
**

**Neji**

**Shikamaru**

**Kakashi (1 vote)**

**The Hobo (1 vote)**

**Resurrected Asuma**

**Resurrected 3rd Hokage**

**Resurrected Yondaime**

**Resurrected Sasori**

**Haku (female) and Zabuza's long-lost son (1 vote)  
**

**Somebody Else**

**Nobody**


	33. Ch 32: Fighting the One You Love: Part 1

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sakura would've been replaced with a character named Chuck Norris.**

**Please R&R and maybe post constructive criticism, feedback, or ideas :)**

**Sorry I haven't posted at the usual rate, but I had projects :(...Oh, and the plot will get harder to develop now, so expect 3 days between each chappie :P**

**(Note: These short stories really don't have anything to do with the main plot.)**

A Team 8 Drabble

Kiba: So this one time, Choji and I went into this convenience store and we were about to do this HILARIOUS prank...

Akamaru: Woof woof!

Hinata: ...

Shino: ...

Kiba: And we were ready to make it happen, and I swear it was gonna be SO funny!...

Akamaru: Woof!

Hinata: ...

Shino: ...

Kiba: And then Naruto came in and he fell for it! I mean, he fell in the ditch, and he got his head stuck in that hole for hours!

Hinata: WHAT?! You h-hurt Naruto-kun?! I'll kill you!!

Kiba: Whoa, whoa, settle down! He's still alive! Wait, what are you doi...OW, MY PANTS!! MOMMY!!

Shino: You guys are weird. I'm outta here. This is bugging me...

Kiba: Oh, so NOW you talk! Wait...OW!! And I thought you were the shy one...Thanks a lot, now I can't have any fun with Ino for a whole week...

End

* * *

Chapter 32: Fighting the One You Love; Part 1

_Last chapter, Mario, Luigi, Peach, and the Hobo all escaped Bowser's Castle, and the Akatsuki are about to start their journey, also! Who will be the first to reach and raid Konoha? And will Naruto and Hinata even fight, or will they end up forfeiting? _

Jiraiya yelled in an announcer's voice, "Alright, it's time to play...The Wheel of Fortune! The winner gets to spend a day with me, the Legendary Toad Sage! But Naruto, you have to use your Sexy no Jutsu the whole day!", as Tsunade threw Tonton at him, who bit Jiraiya in the nose, and he said, "OW! Sorry, folks...Fine, fine. The next match is Naruto against Hinata, and this will be for the title of Hokage! Fight!"

Naruto instantly scrambled towards Hinata, running at full speed, yelling, "Konoha's Super-Secret Jutsu!"

Then, as Naruto was just about to 'hit' Hinata, he pulled her into a hug, and yelled, "The Love Jutsu!", before earning a snort from Sasuke, who was furious, and Shikamaru, who just wanted to go home and sleep again.

Hinata couldn't think, just dazed under Naruto's warmth and trying to figure out why he wasn't fighting her. "Naruto-kun..."

"Yeah, I know. But I think I have a plan for this," he said, as he struggled out of Hinata's warm, fluffy death-grip and said, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Meanwhile, Neji already had his Byakugan activated and could see that Naruto transferred almost every drop of his chakra into the clone, allowing it to survive multiple blows.

"Hinata-chan, instead of hitting each other, we should make shadow clones, but this time, with all of our strength and chakra, and see who wins!" Naruto finished, relieved that he thought of an idea.

"Great idea, Naruto-kun! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Hinata said, and the clone hit the real Naruto in the nose with a Jyukken strike without warning.

"Ow! You hit the real me!" Naruto yelled, as Hinata's shadow clone managed to mutter, "Sorry."

Naruto's clone made another shadow clone and went after Hinata's clone with a Rasengan, but she managed to dodge all of Naruto's attempts at an attack until his Rasengan ran out, even without her Byakugan on.

Hinata's clone stepped closer to Naruto's clone and said, "Eight Trigrams, Sixty-Four Palms!", blasting Naruto's shadow clone with many palm strikes, blocking off his chakra. But that was of no use, Naruto's clone already called on Kyuubi, and his red chakra slowly flowed out of him. He ran forward, then yelled, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" again, where 500 more Naruto clones formed, and they all randomly shuffled toward Hinata's clone and tried dogpiling her.

"Kaiten!"...A couple of clones fell off, and that was final. Hinata's clone was pretty much pummeled from all of Naruto's attacks, until a light purple chakra radiated out of her also.

"Two demon chakras...This will be bad...very bad," a random fat guy said, while Hinata yelled, "Kaiten!" once more, this time shredding every Naruto in the vicinity with the purple chakra. The rest of the Narutos regrouped, and started forming a circle. Then, they spun their hands rapidly, kneading the red chakra, forming a red ball the size of a small house.

The many Narutos screamed, "Odama Rasengan: Apocalypse!" and ran towards Hinata again, ready to swarm with the ultimate offense.

The only problem was, she had an ultimate defense.

"Protection of 128 Palms; Kaiten Style!" the clone Hinata said, and she started to spin at high revolutions and block with beams of concentrated chakra at the same time. This slowed the Narutos down slightly and dissipated them, leaving only the original clone to strike with the attack. Hinata's rotations became more intense, finally completely fusing with the light purple chakra, and Naruto slowed down even more, but got far enough to strike with his enormous Rasengan.

BOOM. CRASH. PPH-TANG!

Hinata's clone flew toward the ground, spinning endlessly because of the Rasengan, but Naruto's clone also flew, this time toward Tsunade, and he also spun because of the Kaiten.

Hinata's clone hit the ground head-first, finally dispersing it, and Naruto fell right on Tsunade's...let's just say it was a cushy landing.

Naruto's clone looked up to see what he landed on, then gave a nervous blush, and said, "Hi. Uh...Thanks for breaking my fall, baa-chan, with those humongous bo...never mind. I'll go now. Kay, thanks, bye!" Naruto's clone said as fast as he could muster, trying to run away, but Tsunade, looking annoyed, yelling, "They're not big, I'm just fat! Wait...you just made me call myself fat! NARUTO!!"

Right after, Jiraiya conveniently fox-whistled at Naruto and Tsunade, fueling her anger even more. Tsunade picked up Naruto by the feet and pointed him at Jiraiya, aiming for his face.

Then, Tsunade punched Naruto's clone with one of her trademark earth-shattering blows, sending him flying, enough to have him disperse, also. But right before he did, Naruto hit Jiraiya, giving him a nasty bump in the head. All he could say was, "Ow! What the hell..." before the epic battle started to continue or continued to start. Something like that.

The real Naruto stood there, still panting from the chakra loss and remaining at half of his normal chakra. "Hinata-chan...we can't go on like this, we'll have to actually fight eventually..."

"Naruto-kun..." she said worriedly, before he replied, "It's alright, I'd never do anything to hurt you. Badly, that is," putting his hand behind his head and giving a slight smile.

"No, I'm just w-worried...about you."

"Ha, there's nothing to worry about, you know me! Even if I get knocked down, I always get up eventually! Trust me, I'll be fine! See, I'm tough! Right? Right?" Naruto pleaded, showing Hinata his biceps before she started cracking up.

"What? You don't think my muscles look good?" Naruto asked, looking slightly offended, staring at an unusually amused Hinata, still bursting in laughter.

"No, it's not that, it's just the way you said it that made me laugh! I know you're t-tough, I still don't want to hurt you, Naruto-kun!" Hinata replied, as Shikamaru lazily called out, "This conversation will go on forever."

-15 Minutes Later-

"Yep, they're still at it," Shikamaru called weakly, as Tsunade called, "Let's get this on already!"

"Hai!" both of the ninjas replied, still refusing to hit each other. They ran toward each other, attempting to land negligible blows, but neither succeeded until Naruto finally managed to get down a horribly weak kick on Hinata's hair, making it curve.

"What is this, a fight or a makeover?!" Temari asked, impatient, as Shikamaru answered, "I told you this fight would be troublesome..."

"They obviously can't hit each other...which is kinda weird because I physically abuse Neji-kun every chance I get! He's so _cute_ when he's curled up in fear," Tenten said innocently, while Neji started curling up in fear again, trying to avoid physical torture.

Then, a dead chicken hit him. Hard. Right between the legs!

But it wasn't from Tenten.

"What the hell...It's you!" Neji spat darkly, looking at none other than...

"Well, well, what a surprise. Neji-teme. You got me FIRED, BURNT, and ALMOST KILLED! I'm lucky your weird-looking sister saved me with her medical cream, so I'll go easy on you," the new guest said. Then, he uncovered his burglar mask and he had an overgrown beard and dead flies and lice on his head! He was none other than...

_The Hobo!_

"You _did _try to betray us to that fat turtle-thing, and Hinata's my cousin, not my sister. Everyone takes us for granted because we have these weird eyes...sigh..." Neji replied.

Then, Hinata flared up the stairs, running towards the hobo with a deadly look suddenly etched on her normally shy face. She grabbed the Hobo's collar and yelled furiously, "You WHAT?! Did you use my m-medical cream for Naruto-kun?! Did you?! ANSWER ME!!"

"Uh...yeah. What's the big deal? We hobos have a right to steal or use anything we want because we're too lazy to earn any for ourselves, like Shikamaru there," the Hobo replied matter-of-factly, pointing at Shikamaru, who said, "Oi."

"That medical cream took eleven years to make! ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS!! I made it so Naruto-kun could never die, not because some random hobo got burnt too badly by an oversized turtle! Jyukken!" Hinata screamed in fury, hitting the Hobo square in the chest, making him fly at a random wall at such a speed that he burst out of the other side and went halfway across the whole Fire Country.

Right after that ordeal, Naruto also ran up to check on Hinata and asked, "Did Hinata-chan just drop the F-bomb?"

"Wow...she must've been really pissed off, normally, she even lectures me for saying 'darn'!" Kiba answered.

"Ha! I win! She can swear! Now give me my pay," Tenten excitedly blurted to Ino, who muttered angrily and gave Tenten five dead chickens.

"Wait, is that where you get all of your dead chickens from? I thought Ino was a florist!" a mesmerized Neji asked Tenten, who answered, "Nah, she got tired from the motionless of flowers, so she had a chicken farm. Everything went fine until Naruto came over after an overdose of ramen and farted on the whole farm. After that, it was called the 'Dead Chicken Farm.' "

"That...was weird," Neji replied, and Sasuke butted in, going into 'Rabid Fanboy Mode' (Hypocrite!) and asked Hinata, "Hn...Would you really stay with a dobe who smells so much that he killed an entire farm?"

Hinata answered, "I don't c-care _how_ Naruto-kun smells, I still love him because he's my 'foxy boy'. I know that you want him badly, but...he's mine! Back off!"

Sasuke awkwardly ranted, "Eh, w-what?! I'M NOT GAY!! Don't listen to those yaoi fanfics that everyone makes about me, Hinata-chan! I mean...Hinata! They're all lies! LIES!! I only love one person! And that's you...I mean you...r mom! Wait...that didn't come out right, did it? I'm sorry...about your mom."

Hinata looked utterly confused and depressed at the same time, while Naruto started to blow his fuse. "Are you trying to hit on Hinata-chan, Sasuke-teme?! And you know better than to talk about...that. It's okay, Hinata-chan, it's okay," Naruto said, rubbing her shoulder, trying to comfort her. And it was obviously working, and Hinata had a bright, true smile on her face.

"What's wrong with you people?! Eh?!" Sasuke yelled insanely, as Tsunade said, "Take him away."

"NOOO!! I will be back and no one will make fun of my gayness in fanfics any longer! I'm straight! See?! I'm wearing a straight-jacket!" Sasuke fumed madly again, as the Anbu started to dress him in a straitjacket and carry him off. (Don't worry, we'll see him in an epic battle soon)

After the pandemonium, Shikamaru asked, "What's a fanfic?"

Everyone shrugged their shoulders, thinking that 'fanfic' is merely gibberish made up by Sasuke while he was insane and high on the scent of Hinata's old jacket. Tsunade finally tried to get everything in motion again, saying, "The match between Naruto and Hinata will continue in 1 minute, competitors please come down!"

Naruto was the first to walk nervously, and Hinata followed, thinking, 'I have to hit Naruto-kun...That's so horrible...What have I done to deserve this?'

Jiraiya said, "Continue!" and started to stare at someone's double-D sized chest with his Perverted Binoculars of Doom! And Tsunade didn't notice! 'Yay, happy me!' Jiraiya thought, coming up with the most dirty ideas anyone could imagine, which is what he planned to do when he met 'her'. Too bad he didn't see a lump in an odd place in the 'woman's' pants. Yup, Jiraiya was being seduced by a transsexual.

Naruto stood there nervously, thinking, 'Pretend I have a green spandex suit and overgrown eyebrows...c'mon..."

Hinata also stood cautiously, thinking, 'I can hit him...Picture him as Rock Lee, not Naruto-kun!"

Naruto ran forward, thinking the same thoughts, and saying, "YOUTH!!", and Hinata also managed to stumble forward, saying, "You are within the range of my Divination, Rock Lee! Two Palms!"

As Hinata was delivering her blows, Rock Lee complained, "But I am Rock Lee! Not them! I will show Naruto-san who the real Rock Lee is! YOUTH!!" before he earned smacks to the head from Neji and Tenten.

**-Meanwhile, 171 miles from Konoha-**

Eight or nine people dressed in dark suits with red clouds jumped trees repetitively, heading for Konoha, before seeing a body on the ground.

"Hey look, a dead body!" a talking Venus Flytrap said, before another chilly voice within it replied, _"No, it isn't dead, baka!"_

"Zetsu and Zetsu, stop arguing and let's make this a human target for my long sword of doom!" Kisame said, earning confused looks. "What?! It's deadly! It pierces women pretty deeply and if they make it out alive, they moan and gasp and...wait, did I just make a bunch of perverted-sounding comments?" he asked.

"Knock it off and let me take a look," Pain commanded, turning over the collapsed body.

"Oh, look, it's a hobo! Let's eat it since Tobi has been a good boy!" Tobi squealed.

"No...it is alive. And with the right modifications...it will be a perfect vessel for...Shukaku!" Pein roared, close to unleashing his evilest plan yet.

The person woke up and said, "Hey, where am I? What are you doing? And guy with the red eyes, your fly's undone."

Itachi started blushing, re-doing his zipper on his pants, and Pein replied, "We will deal with Itachi and his vile zipper later...But your name is..."

_"The Hobo."_

* * *

**Wow, that was random. Once Naruto and Hinata finish their battle, the Akatsuki will come and eat everybody! Hehehe...nah, not really. They couldn't possibly down Choji, even with eight or nine people. Stay tuned and R&R :P**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / (18)Hinata def. ****Hanabi (unranked) **

* * *

**NEW POLL:**

**Who should be the next to (be forced to) join the Akatsuki? (For this, you may take up to _TWO_ votes, no more.)**

**(And Naruto/Hinata counts as 1 vote, so if you voted for that, you get another vote.)**

**Oh, and the Hobo already won, but one more member will be added, so keep voting :)**

**Naruto and Hinata (3 votes)  
**

**Sasuke (2 vote)  
**

**Lee (lol, 1 vote)  
**

**Sai (3 votes)  
**

**Neji**

**Shikamaru**

**Kakashi (1 vote)**

**The Hobo (won Spot #1, 4 votes i think.)  
**

**Resurrected Asuma (1 vote)  
**

**Resurrected 3rd Hokage**

**Resurrected Yondaime**

**Resurrected Sasori (1 vote)  
**

**Haku (female) and Zabuza's long-lost son (1 vote)  
**

**Somebody Else**

**Nobody**


	34. Ch 33: Fighting the One You Love: Part 2

**First off, the Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hinata-chan, do you mind saying the disclaimer?**

**Naruto: What the hell? Only I can call her Hinata-chan! Rasengan!**

**Me: ...Ow...Can't feel...my whole body! Dude!**

**Hinata: L-Luigifreak doesn't own Naruto, but Naruto-kun sure owned Luigifreak!**

**Me and Naruto: True dat.**

**Be sure to read, review, and all that, I want to know how I'm doing :)...and I'm also working with a crappy keyboard, so there may be (many) spelling errors.**

(These short stories have no relation to the main plot)

Tsunade: Hello, everyone, I am hosting a contest for the kunoichi in Konoha, and the winner gets 10 million ryo! This time, the theme is...Who has the largest breasts!...Jiraiya, stop drooling, you baka!

Orochimaru: What the hell, Tsunade?! This is a rip-off, you'll win no matter what! How about a 'Biggest penis' contest?

Sai: Hell yeah! Penis!

Tsunade: No, because you'll stare at all the little boys and you'd lose anyway.

Orochimaru: Psh, whatever. Last place is...Haruno Sakura! And Fourth place is Choji!

Choji: Sweet, I beat a girl! Man boob power!!...

_-Chirping Crickets-..._

Sakura: I know this is another deliberate plot to make me look bad!

Orochimaru: ...Then maybe you should've signed up for the Largest Forehead contest instead! Tied for third is...Tenten and Ino!

Ino: Bullshit, mine are SO bigger than hers! Right, Sasuke-kun? Right? Right?

Sasuke: ...

Orochimaru: And second place...is Hinata!...Who just fainted.

Neji: So THIS is how the Main House earns their money! You know what?! BRANCH POWER!! Sexy no Jutsu!

Orochimaru: Well, well, looks like we have a new second place...Neji!

Lee:...No. Just no.

Orochimaru: And first place is Tsunade!

Tsunade: GIVE ME THE MONEY!! Yay, time to gamble and lose all of my money!

And on that fateful day, Jiraiya died of nosebleeds. The End.

* * *

Chapter 33: Fighting the One You Love: Part 2

_Last chapter, Naruto and Hinata tried fighting each other with only shadow clones, which didn't work in the long run. The Hobo invaded and got pulverized by Hinata, and he flew away 171 miles. Sasuke got sent to the asylum and the Akatsuki found the Hobo, who would be the next vessel and member._

_Naruto stood there nervously, thinking, 'Pretend I have a green spandex suit and overgrown eyebrows...c'mon..."_

_Hinata also stood cautiously, thinking, 'I can hit him...Picture him as Rock Lee, not Naruto-kun!"_

_Naruto ran forward, thinking the same thoughts, and saying, "YOUTH!!", and Hinata also managed to stumble forward, saying, "You are within the range of my Divination, Rock Lee! Two Palms!"_

_As Hinata was delivering her blows, Rock Lee complained, "But I am Rock Lee! Not them! I will show Naruto-san who the real Rock Lee is! YOUTH!!" before he earned smacks to the head from Neji and Tenten._

Naruto stood in place, swatting away Hinata's moves, trying to visualize her as Neji. 'C'mon...brown hair...pretty ugly...kinda gay-looking...Got it!' Naruto thought, as he now ran back, then charged toward 'Neji' once more.

"Front Lotus!" Naruto yelled out, kicking 'Neji' in the air and grabbing 'him' around the midsection. As Naruto started to rotate, he thought, 'Why does Neji feel so warm? He feels like...Hinata-chan! Wait, my imagination went too far! I'm not gonna Lotus Hinata-chan, and if you think otherwise, don't Believe it!' and stopped rotating in panic, setting Hinata on the ground very quickly.

"Naruto-kun...I mean Naruto, w-what are you doing? I am N-Neji and you are destined to be a failu...below average! Yeah! Something like that!" Hinata said with a fake deep voice, trying to convince Naruto to start fighting her again. However, she didn't believe in the whole 'failure' idea.

"What the hell? I never say 'below average'!...Except for two seconds ago. I don't even know what's going on! Hinata-sama is me and Naruto is Lee? This is too hard..." Neji commented.

"That's what she said! Penis!" Sai yelled inappropriately.

Neji took out a refrigerator with frozen dead chickens in it and hit Sai in the head with one.

Sai moaned, "Oh, yeah! Hit me with your hard cock! This organism feels wonderful!" before Neji managed to run all the way to Alaska and throw up within two seconds. (A/N: sorry, i HAD to do that! lol...Credit goes to loki09.)

"Uh...Only I get to use sexual terms with Neji-kun," a disgruntled Tenten said, hitting Sai with another frozen chicken.

"Can we please just watch the battle?! You're all so troublesome! And Sai...Neji hit you with his hard cock, so I'm afraid I'll have to break up with you."

Neji came back as quickly and yelled, "It's a FROZEN CHICKEN, not a hard cock, you dimwits! You guys are trying to make me into a failure!"

Meanwhile, Naruto ran toward Hinata with a Rasengan, trying to scratch her with the edge, causing minimum damage. However, Hinata had other plans, poking Naruto in the wrist, effectively stopping his chakra flow and therefore, Rasengan. Naruto and Hinata both slid on the ground, tightening their muscles, and said, "Second Gate...Open! Third Gate...Open!"

"Wait, how did Naruto-san learn the Eight Gates?!" Lee asked, outraged.

Neji replied, "We Hyugas are good teachers...Except Hiashi, he's a ripoff!"

The yellow-haired boy with an orange jumpsuit and the lavender-eyed girl who faints 21 times a day charged at each other, unable to be seen by the audience. They both kicked each other up and simultaneously grabbed each other in what seemed like something between a grapple and a hug, and kicked each other down, screaming, "Reverse Lotus!"

The result? The clouds cleared, revealing that the two caught the other, cushioning both Naruto and Hinata from certain death...Or at least a major headache, one which a person could only obtain by listening to Lee and Gai's conversations for 10 hours.

**-Flashback-**

_"I will do 500 sit-ups, then 1000 push-ups, then 2000 laps around Konoha!"_

_"That's my Lee, so filled with the springtime of YOUTH!"_

_"Yes, Gai-sensei! YOUTH!"  
_

_"YOUTH!"_

_"YOUTH!_

_"YOUTH!"_

_"YOUTH!"_

_"LEE!"_

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"I LOVE YOU!" the both screamed in unison, revealing a bright sunset._

_"I change my mind, this is __worse than the Tsukyomi...I'll probably be stuck in an asylum soon," Sasuke said, having to endure this nonsense for 9 more hours._

**-End Flashback-**

Naruto stood up slowly, and with the attack, realized that hurting Hinata once is worse than being hit with 500 of Sakura's earth-crushing punches. He slowly raised his hand with a sad smile, looking at Hinata, then at Tsunade, and said, "I am sorry, but I must fore..."

"Naruto-kun, no!" Hinata quickly interjected, and ran up to Naruto, covering his mouth.

"fit." he finished with a muffled voice.

"And aren't I the one to be quitting early all the time...What the hell was-?!" Shikamaru started, being cut short with a booming sound.

A mocking voice came from the shadow, saying, "Well, lookie what we have here. Fucking Hinata-teme, with Naruto-baka, and...where the hell is Sasuke-kun?! You didn't kill him, did you?! Regardless, DIE!"

The crushed wall revealed pink hair, a gloved fist, and an Akatsuki robe, and it was reaching straight for Tenten who wasn't paying attention. The hand grabbed Tenten in the neck, choking her rather quickly, and the figure said, "And you...The stupid, little panda girl. You always had to be on Hinata-teme's side, and DEAD CHICKENS AIN'T FUNNY!"

Tenten swiftly took out a senbon with her free hand and attempted to stab Saku...the bitch, but she suddenly created a chakra shield around her whole body, breaking the metal weapon in half. The hand was continuously at Tenten's neck, and her eyes started rolling to the top of her head, losing consciousness, when Neji yelled,

"Put Tenten-chan down NOW, or you will be endlessly tortured with dead chicken jokes until the end of time! Eight Trigrams, 128 Palms!"

The pink-haired figure, still shadowed, moved Tenten around, using her as a shield, when she saw a shadow under her. Shikamaru walked up, arms crossed, and said, "Shadow Possession...Success."

Shikamaru quickly made a releasing motion with the arm that the figure was grabbing Tenten with, and Neji quickly caught her, before performing some CPR, blushing majorly, but also worried. Then, Shikamaru stepped to the right two steps, forcing the figure to step out of the darkness as well, and it revealed itself to be...

"Sakura!" Naruto yelled, utterly taken by surprise.

"Let...me...go, you gay, lazy prick!" Sakura insulted, and Shikamaru slapped himself in the face. Hard. Sakura could only follow, and she cried out in pain, while Shikamaru stood there, seemingly unaffected.

"Let's just say my mother is...violent." Shikamaru explained, continuing to smack himself in the cheek, and Sakura was forced to copy the actions, leaving many red bruises on her face. Shikamaru was amused enough, motioning Ino to take over.

"Mind-Body Transfer!" she yelled, letting her soul seep into Sakura's brain, and she knew that this would only work for a minute or so because of Inner Sakura. Before Ino did anything, Sakura's mind started a conversation.

"Ino...are you with them or me?" Sakura asked.

"Sakura...You were always a pain, but now you're going too far! Snap out of it! Why do you hate Hinata and Konoha so much? They haven't done anything to you."

"Yeah they have! She always acts all nice and shit in front of N-N-Naruto-kun!" Sakura replied, mocking Hinata's rather high-pitched and stuttering voice again.

"So? What, do you like Naruto or something?"

"The fact that I liked Sasuke and Sai...were lies! I only pretended to do so because I wanted to stay in the Fangirl Club!...And get laid! But in fact, I actually do like...Naruto."

"And...you were mean to him this whole time WHY? First, you're all punchin' him all the time, and Hinata was only nice to him! Now that she's dating Naruto, you're trying to kill her for a boy that you were always a total ass to? That's pretty filthy low, if you ask me."

"Well...I DIDN'T ask you! If you're supporting Hinata-teme, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Sakura managed to yell.

"Forehead...Hinata already has a hard time with her abusive dad...you don't need to go around making it worse. And Naruto...Why didn't you ever give him a chance?"

"Because he was a dead-last dobe back then! Now he's all cool and hot and strong! He's better than Sasuke! And how can a rich little whore be sad?!"

Ino thought for a moment and said, "I always thought you could be a better person...But I guess there's nothing more I can say now. Except for these three words. Fuck you, bitch."

Ino aimed Sakura's body at the ground, and fell off the ledge, head-first, dispelling her jutsu. The actual Ino got her soul back and started weeping, feeling useless that she was finally unable to help her childhood friend. She just went too far. Sakura, meanwhile, realized that she would hit the ground a split second later and have her head cracked open.

'Naruto...' she thought, waiting for death, as her reflexes would not be enough, but then she felt a pair of hands. Sakura looked up, eyeing her savior, and it was none other than Itachi...'Fangirl Mode!' she thought, and started making what she thought was a 'cute face'. Itachi looked in disgust and dropped her to the ground, walking back, next to Kisame and the other Akatsuki.

"Great, how many intruders do we have this time?" Tsunade asked sarcastically, preparing herself for an epic battle. Hinata could only keep herself in shock and Naruto looked more furious each time Sakura moved, remembering that she tried to kill Hinata and recently, Tenten. He wouldn't stand for this. 'A Hokage's job is to protect his loved ones, after all', Naruto thought, running after Sakura.

But Neji noticed a crucial detail while still tending for Tenten. "The Hobo...is alive?! After the magnitude of damage that Hinata caused?! He's...weird."

That's when a guy with a chicken butt on his head jumped in, stuck in a straitjacket. He charged a Chidori around his back, releasing the bonds of the jacket, and swiveled his chicken-butt head around so that everyone could see that he was...

"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled.

"Hn...Naruto...Itachi, you are alive," Sasuke replied without emotion. Then, Pain stepped up, saying, "All your Hinata are belong to us."

"Never! Not to someone whose grammar is worse than my gramma's grammar!" Sasuke yelled, charging another Chidori.

Pain started, "Lemme explain...We need Hinata to seal her demon...And so I can do **it** with her..."

"It? What do you mean?" Naruto questioned with a look of suspicion on his eyes.

"Uh...I meant **it** as in...the Cha-cha! Yeah..." Pain quickly defended.

"Never!" Naruto yelled, and the biggest clash in Konoha since the Kyuubi began!

* * *

**So Naruto and Hinata's 'fight' came to an abrupt stop, as a certain bitch and Akatsuki infiltrated Konoha! And I hope Pain really doesn't do ****it to Hinata, and by that, I mean the Cha-cha!**

**-Inaudible whispers in my ear-**

**So THAT'S what ****it was?!...Dude! She's supposed to do ****it with Naruto...but a lemon should be sprayed in everyone's eyes first so there's no peeking! But Pain...Man, I gotta do something to stop this! I'm powerless though! The only thing I can do is to write and change the plot and dialogue entirely! There's nothing useful I can do with that!**

* * *

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / (18)Hinata def. ****Hanabi (unranked) **

* * *

**NEW POLL:**

**Who should be the next to (be forced to) join the Akatsuki? (For this, you may take up to _TWO_ votes, no more.)**

**(And Naruto/Hinata counts as 1 vote, so if you voted for that, you get another vote.)**

**Oh, and the Hobo already won, but one more member will be added, so keep voting :)**

**Naruto and Hinata (4 votes)  
**

**Sasuke (2 vote)  
**

**Lee (lol, 1 vote)  
**

**Sai (3 votes)  
**

**Neji**

**Shikamaru**

**Kakashi (1 vote)**

**Tenten (1 vote)  
**

**Bowser (1 vote)**

**The Hobo (won Spot #1, 4 votes i think.)  
**

**Resurrected Asuma (1 vote)  
**

**Resurrected 3rd Hokage**

**Resurrected Yondaime**

**Resurrected Sasori (1 vote)  
**

**Haku (female) and Zabuza's long-lost son (1 vote)  
**

**Somebody Else**

**Nobody**


	35. Ch 34: Who Gets Kidnapped?

**Alright, to start off, I know that some people have been waiting for this chapter for a long time. Thing is, I have 2 projects, a brand new fanfic, and writer's block at the same time, but I finally finished this chapter! Also, I proudly present the first four chapters of my new fic, _Konoha Invades Fanfiction!_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, Kurenai, Hidan, Kakuzu, Pain, Konan,...WHOA! -Gets pulled off the stage-**

**My apologies, I couldn't do a short story today, but here's the actual story!**

* * *

Chapter 34: Who Gets Kidnapped?

_Last Chapter: Ino and Shikamaru gave Sakura what's coming to her and Naruto and Hinata's "fight" comes to a close as the Akatsuki finally showed their faces, and Pain is trying to kidnap Hinata, along with the newly reincarnated Hobo! Will they succeed?_

"Naruto-kun!" a worried Hinata said, running up to Naruto and getting ready to duel.

"Don't worry, Hinata-chan, as long as I'm here, you'll NEVER get taken away! Believe...it?!" Naruto yelled confidently, as Hinata was _already_ kidnapped, in the arms of a snickering Tobi. She was rendered unconscious, and for once, it _wasn't_ because of Naruto.

"Okay, never mind..." Naruto said, and Tobi yelled, "Yay! I stole Hinata for you, Pain-sama! Wheee! Am I a good boy now? Am I? Am I? Am I?"

"Yes, you're a good boy," Pain grumbled sarcastically and resentfully.

"Yay! I'm a good boy! A GOOD BOY! Yay! Yay! Wheee!" Tobi cheerfully said.

"Alright, that's enough..." Pain answered, putting on his earplugs.

"GOOD BOY! GOOD BOY! GOOD BOY LIKE SOME LOSER MAMA'S BOIEEE!!"

"SHUT THE CHUCK UP!!" Pain yelled, and Kisame hit Tobi in the head with his giant sword.

"Ow...I'll stop being a good boy now," Tobi answered, but a new figure appeared in the shadows! But wait...could it be?!

"It's Chuck Norris! Yay!" Lee announced, and everyone gave him the "What the hell are you talking about?" look.

"Uh...you guys do not know of the almighty Chuck Norris? He is the greatest taijutsu fighter, only outmatched by Gai-sensei and Bruce Lee! He is my greatest hero after Gai-sensei! HUG!" Lee answered, bawling and laughing manically, running into Chuck Norris's arms, which knocked him away, and he said in third person, "Chuck Norris doesn't give hugs. He gives roundhouse kicks!" and knocked Lee away with one, who was spiraling and still smiling.

"You are the greatest, Mr. Norris! Other than Gai-sensei!" Lee yelled, crashing into the ground.

Tenten and Neji both sweatdropped, and Neji said, "That...was..."

"Typical Lee," Tenten finished, shaking her head and smirking, and they readied their dead chickens for battle! But Tobi and Hinata were already gone from the scene!

"**Hinata-chan**!" Naruto screamed in panic and anger.

"**Lee!**" Ino yelled, worried for his safety.

"**Penis!**" Sai screamed in joy, after he saw the Hobo drop his boxers for some reason.

"How the hell does that orange swirly face guy move so fast?" Chuck thought out loud. "No matter, I will destroy you all! Nothing can defeat me!" he screamed, charging and already knocking Kisame and Zetsu out with two simple roundhouse kicks. Konan was the next to be struck, the kick rendering her helpless.

"As my internet fanbase loves to say...You are all n00bs," Chuck announced, thinking the battle would be a piece of cake.

"Oh no, you don't! I am god! GOD!! I hax0r!" Pain screamed, releasing all six Pains by hax0ring, and they all charged toward Chuck Norris, who merely said, "Tornado Kick: Kaiten Style!" and jumped up, sweeping his leg around into a giant, spinning roundhouse kick and rotating chakra rapidly around him, diverting all six Pains into different directions and knocking each one out.

"We're not done yet! Taste my art!" Deidara yelled, taking out some explosive clay and molding it into birds with his hand-mouths. He dropped two on Chuck Norris...but they were duds!

"Ever hear of Play-Doh?" Chuck asked the blond Akatsuki.

"NOOOOOOO!!" Deidara yelled, thinking of all the nightmares he had trying to mold the ineffective Play-Doh. He also fainted, without any physical attack.

"Heh...I guess it's down to you, Emo-Weasel," Chuck triumphantly said, ducking into a pose. He charged toward Itachi, who then started activating his Mangekyo Sharingan.

"Close your damn eyes!" Kakashi yelled, but he was too late...Chuck was being swirled into a world of endless torture.

**-At the Tsukyomi-land-**

"I already told you, nothing can defeat me, so surrender and I won't have to roundhouse you!" Chuck said in an arrogant manner, and Itachi replied,

"Well...I logically thought about this and you claim that nothing can beat you."

"Yes. So?" Chuck Norris stated.

"Welcome to the world of Nothing," Itachi murmured, walking off into the distance and everything was transforming into...nothing!

"Crap! He found my one weakness!" Chuck yelled, defeated.

**-Back in the real world-**

Chuck Norris crawled into fetal position, squirming, and Itachi seemed unaffected and detached from all of these happenings, even though he was the cause. He had only one care, and was staring at only one person right now. Sasuke.

What surprised him was, that after Chuck came out of the Tsukyomi, Sasuke ran up to Itachi and got him in a giant death-hug.

"Itachi nii-san! I...I'm s-s-...sorry! Wait, how are you still alive?" Sasuke said emotionally.

"The forbidden revival technique..." Itachi replied, not yet returning the hug.

"I...Itachi..." Sasuke cried, sobbing slightly into Itachi's clothes.

"Yes, I love you, too," Itachi answered warmly, patting Sasuke's back now.

"Aww..." the crowd said, affectionate, until someone yelled, "Hey! That's the bastard who killed the Uchihas!"

"Yeah! Let's destroy him!" another civilian screamed, and they would've charged, but Tsunade intervened just in time.

"Wait! All of you! Itachi is not an enemy of Konoha! He is...a double agent!"

Confused murmurs went all around, and even Kakashi opened his eyes wide at this statement. That was when Itachi's body started disappearing along with the other Akatsukis'.

"I'm sorry...I must take my leave, little brother. Kill me later if you must, but I must continue my own mission, so this...is farewell," Itachi said to Sasuke, a tear dropping out of his eyes for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

"No...Wait! Wait! Itachi!" Sasuke screamed, Itachi now blowing in the wind as dust, and the other Akatsuki also disappeared and were transported back in some kind of genjutsu.

"Wait! Give Hinata-chan back!" Naruto yelled into the air at the nonexistent Akatsuki members. Itachi's voice rang up again, saying, "We cannot do that yet...and I must adhere to this mission. However, you may see Hinata again...but we must perform...experiments on you."

"What, do you mean that gay stuff that Orochimaru used to do to little boys?" Naruto asked.

"Ew, no, that's why we kicked that little snake pedophile motherfucker out! We are simply performing experiments on both of you because of your bijuu, or tailed demons!" Itachi answered.

"Well...I'd normally beat the shit outta you, but Hinata-chan's life is at stake, so I go in peace."

"Okay," was Itachi's simple reply before Naruto also disappeared, and his last words were, "Take care of yourself, Sasuke."

"Hinata-chan, Itachi, _and _Naruto-dobe?! NOOOO!! Go to hell, Akatsuki!" Sasuke bursted, already charging a Chidori and running off into some random place that probably wasn't the Akatsuki HQ.

"Whoa, stop being so reckless! We will send a team of seven to retrieve the spy, Itachi, and also Naruto and Hinata, but if you go by yourself, you'll meet certain death!" Tsunade said, worried about both Naruto and Sasuke.

"Hn...these teams better be good!" Sasuke blurted, and Tsunade nodded, saying,

"This is Naruto we're talking about! He's like a son to me! I will send a random ANBU member, you, Neji, Tenten, Choji, myself, and the team leader will be...Shikamaru."

"Why is it always me?! Troublesome woman!" Shikamaru yelled at Tsunade, who threw a rock in his face and said in a rage, "So, ya got a problem with troublesome women?! Then try fighting one!"

"Erm...no thanks. I'll think of something strategic...This is for Naruto, after all..._and_ Hinata...troublesome women," Shikamaru answered lazily, seeing Tenten glare at him.

"Can't you think of another stupid catchphrase other than that sexist gloating of yours?!" Temari yelled, smacking her boyfriend hard across the head with her closed fan.

"Ow...and can't you think of a better way of saying goodbye?...Troublesome wo...I mean see ya, Temari-chan!" he said, seeing her also getting worked up in fury.

"Well then, can we go? As head of the Hyugas, I decree that..." Neji started, before Tenten said, "We get it, you want Hinata-san back! Just shut up and start running!", smacking Neji with a dead chicken, as the couple ran out of town.

"Er...okay, wanna follow them?" the random ANBU suggested.

Tsunade said, "Yeah, why not?...Oh, shit, I forgot to tell them that the Akatsuki has a giant neon sign with their name on the front! Let's charge!", running for Tenten and Neji, and the search for Naruto and Hinata began.

"The future Hokage...already screwed over. How troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, taking the potato chip that Choji handed to him.

* * *

_Well, sorry this chapter probably wasn't as funny as the normal ones, but this one was needed for plot, so I had to make it somewhat serious. The Akatsuki lair is where 'da laughs at! Also, next chapter: What happens to Naruto and Hinata? And is Pain really going to do **it **with Hinata? Find out later!_

* * *

**(All polls so far finished)**

**Match results so far:**

**(18)Hinata def. (1) Kakashi**

**(17)Sakura def. (2)Gai; **

**Quarterfinal match: (18)Hinata def. (17)Sakura **

**(15)Naruto def. (16)Konohamaru def. (3)Neji**

**(4)Kurenai def. (14)Choji; **

**Quarterfinal match: (15)Naruto def. (4)Kurenai**

**(10)Sai def. (5)Ibiki def. (13)Kiba**

**(6)Iruka def. (12)Ino**

**Quarterfinal match: (6)Iruka def. (10)Sai**

**(7)Lee def. (11) Shikamaru**

**(9)Tenten def. (8)Shino**

**Quarterfinal match: (7)Lee def. (9)Tenten**

* * *

**Semifinal Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata def. (6)Iruka**

**(15)Naruto def. (7)Lee**

**Finals Matchups:**

**(18)Hinata vs. (15)Naruto (duh)**

**But first...(15)Naruto def. Sasuke (unranked) / (18)Hinata def. ****Hanabi (unranked) **


	36. Author's Note: Hiatus

**The Important and Urgent Author's Note that Nobody Cares About**

-ON HIATUS- (Or short break)

Hello, people, and I haven't permanently stopped updating this fanfiction, in fact, I already have a plot set up for it, as you can see in my profile. While I hold my dearest apologies for not updating this fanfic for over two weeks and not being able to update for another week, there is a good reason. For the most part, the idiot School Council decided to place me in the only two classes with hella-long projects, which I've procrastinated on, so I'll have to spend every available minute on those for the next week.

Also, starting at this part, the fanfic will be divided into three parts: The actual tournament (1-35), Naruto and Hinata's time with the Akatsuki (Yay, awkward humor time! Tobi's a good boy!)(36-??), and whatever chaos happens as a certain someone becomes the Hokage.

Of course, I'd like to think that I improved my writing somewhat, and that I'll bring you guys even better-quality and humor chapters in the future. Until then, you can always read my other fanfic (Konoha Invades Fanfiction) to pass the time or read some other good fanfics...

If anything, the next update, and the start of Part 2, will be next Thursday. As soon as that happens, this author's note will most likely be taken off or replaced.

And thanks for reading!

By the way, feel free to post suggestions on what should happen later, or otherwise leave some constructive criticism.


	37. Pt 2, Ch 1: Zetsu's on Weed!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke couldn't crush Konoha because he doesn't have a giant blender! Oh, and I don't own Harry Potter either.

Hey, folks, I'm able to write again! Sorry, working on two projects and reading two books at once is quite the pain in the ass. However, I might be on another short 1-week hiatus because finals are showing up and I want my B+'s! Thanks for reading, though, and don't forget to give me any constructive criticism, comments, suggestions, or ideas that you may have.

Part 1 finished...

* * *

**Part 2, Chapter 1: Akatsuki on Crack, Zetsu on Weed**

**-Akatsuki's Hidden Cave-**

Naruto was sleeping on the cold, barren floor of the cave, where a stalactite bonked him on the head, forcing him to wake up.

"Yay! Ramen! Ramen!...Huh?! Where am I?" Naruto yelled, off into the empty cave, and realized that he was tied to a machine, and that his red chakra was flowing out! Naruto suddenly started to shiver, fearful of his new surroundings and started yelling, "Hinata-chan! Hinata-chan! Where are you?!"

Then, a shadowed figure walked in and said, "Uh...She's been taken into some "interrogation" with Pain-sama if you catch my drift. But...Meanwhile, he told me to torture you, Naruto-senpai, and I'm a good boy, so I will listen!"

"You! Orange-face! You can't possibly torture me!" Naruto spat, while Tobi slowly shook his head sideways.

"Just watch...GOOD BOY! GOOD BOY! GOOD BOY!" Tobi screamed at the top of his lungs for the next two hours, where Naruto's ears started to explode.

Meanwhile, sounds coming from some people could be heard in the nearest cave, and a male said, "Heh...I finally get to be naughty with you...Hinata-chan."

"Uh...d-does mean slashing my throat and killing me-kind of n-naughty?" a female voice answered nervously.

"No," the male voice replied, and the female voice started to scream, "EVEN WORSE!"

Another female voice was heard softly saying, "What does Pain-kun have against me anyway?"

A third female said, "I don't know...But truce in the fact that we both hate Hinata's guts right now."

"Deal," the second said, and charging footsteps, followed by a man screaming, was heard by Naruto along with Tobi's "Good boy" rant.

The man yelled, "NO! I don't want you, I want Hinata-chan! Stop raping me, Konan...Oh, crap, it got big. Really big."

"That's quite disturbing..." Zetsu mumbled while setting himself on fire and inhaling the smoke. "I smell purple," Zetsu said, looking at nowhere in particular with his now red eyes. Zetsu then walked up to Konan and Sakura, who were currently raping Pain, and said, "Hey guys, do you have any toilet paper? I need to eat some fruit!"

Pain shoved the two girls away and said, "Are you high, man?!"

"Hai! I mean Hi! I mean no..." Zetsu mumbled, his eyes rolling over.

"Okay, then," Pain said, walking back to Hinata and thinking of the most disturbing thoughts possible. (Un)fortunately, Sakura and Konan tackled Pain to the ground, where he said, "Wow, I'm being raped by girls...How embarrassing. And I'm God."

**Meanwhile in Konoha**

Shikamaru was in one of his usual groaning rants, where he complained, "Why is it that whenever someone needs rescuing, I'm the leader?...Troublesome big-breasted women..."

Tsunade heard this and a vein popped in her head, as she yelled, "GAH! I'll get you, lazy boy!"

Shikamaru then ran for his dear life, while Tenten and Neji were sharing a discussion about which type of dead chicken is most effective in battle.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was brooding and being emo over Naruto and Hinata, when Choji suddenly asked him, "...Does this shirt make me look fat?" Even Sasuke had to stop himself from laughing his guts out.

The lonely Anbu member got bored, so he asked Tsunade, "Uh...What are these Akatsuki like?"

"Well...There's a hardcore punk with piercings, an emo girl who gives herself paper cuts, a shark, a weasel, a Venus Flytrap, a good boy, Haruno Sakura, and some random hobo..." Tsunade responded with very little interest, as she was still smacking Shikamaru on the head with a toilet seat. Wait, where did that come from?!

"Aw, shit..." Shikamaru commented on the toilet seat that was whacking his brains out of commission, as the small group headed toward the evil organization. But something was lurking in the bushes, much to the ignorance of the seven ninja. They were about to meet a dire fate...

"BOO!" a voice said, and another replied, "You idiot, we could've just killed them!"

"Sorry," the first said, and five ninja, plus a tied-up blonde woman, sprinted toward the seven ninja with kunais in their hands. The foremost ninja threw a kunai weakly at the Anbu, who died. Then, the other ninjas threw weak kunai at Shikamaru, Choji, Sasuke, Tenten, and Neji, who all died.

"What?! Character death?! And in such an anticlimactic matter? I won't allow it! Revival Jutsu!" Tsunade said in a fury, transferring her chakra into every ninja except for the Anbu because no one cares about him.

"Whoa...did we seriously die because of _that_?!" Neji yelled, and the enemy replied, "Yeah, you cheap-asses! Character revival is even worse than character death!"

"Not as bad as poorly written yaoi...Wanna hear some?" Tsunade asked.

"Hell, no!" the enemy said, but Tsunade proceeded anyway, saying, "Neji and Sasuke were naked in a room and they said, "I love you, and..."

"AHHHH!" screamed the five male ninja, who picked that opportune moment to run for their lives, leaving the blonde woman behind. Tsunade saw this and ran to the blonde woman, taking out her purse and flashing out her badge with the letters "DBZ" on it.

"I am Tsunade, Godaime Hokage and the leader of DBZ. What is your name and do you belong to DBZ?" she asked.

The blonde woman started to wake up and weakly replied, "What's DBZ?"

Tsunade answered proudly, "It's the Dumb Blonde Z'embly!"

"Don't you mean the Dumb Blonde _assembly_, troublesome woman?" Shikamaru asked, which resulted in him earning a random smack to the head with a toilet seat again.

The rescued blonde said, "Wow, you people are quite unusual...But as a token of appreciation for saving me, I will lend you my powers...or whatever powers I have left. I am Yugito Nii...the former holder of the Nibi.

"Wait, I thought you were dead!" Choji said, holding up a manga book that was titled "Naruto".

"No, the Akatsuki made a new machine that can extract bijuu without killing the host...but that's not important. Where are you headed?" she said.

"Same place you mentioned, to save a couple of our ninja..." Tsunade muttered with a slight look of sorrow, and also searching for the cave that the Akatsuki resided in.

"Uh, Tsunade-sama?" Tenten intervened, while Tsunade was still being emo about Naruto.

"Not now, I'm cutting myself..." Tsunade answered, while Sasuke said, "Hey, that's my job!"

"Yeah, but neither of you are hurting yourselves as much as I am because I eat so much," Choji said.

"Hell, emo, fat, lazy, who gives a damn?" Shikamaru said.

"Yes, it is our destinies," Neji answered.

As the ruckus got louder, Tenten had to scream, "SHUT UP!...Now that I have your attention, _that_ is the Akatsuki cave."

"How do you know that it's the Akatsuki cave? It could be any cave," Tsunade asked.

"...There's a giant neon sign that says "Akatsuki"..." Tenten answered.

Shikamaru blankly looked over and said, "Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the smart one!"

"Yeah, but nobody gave me any storyline, so this is who I am, I guess..." Tenten replied, still staring at the cave.

"So...is anyone going in?" Sasuke asked the others, who all frantically shook their heads "no", so Sasuke had to venture in by himself. As the cave darkened, Sasuke was more frightened by the second, partially because he's a sissy mama's boy.

"What's this...A bat?! Eep! LUMOS!" Sasuke yelled, casting off a light, and Ron Weasley suddenly flew in on his broomstick and smacked Sasuke on the head with a dead chicken.

"Blimey, those are our lines! You have no bloody right to steal our copyrights, Malfoy!...I mean Emo Boy!" Ron complained, jumping back on his broomstick and flying away.

Sasuke then stood still and thought, 'Something tells me this won't be fun. And I don't mean the Orochimaru type of fun, either.'

* * *

Yup, another chapter purely for building plot, but I'll try to get more humor in there! Meanwhile, please give me any constructive criticism or any other comments you may have. Thanks!


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